Search Results: not feel so hurt

My cousin is transgender, and I suspect the guy I was talking to had a sexual interest in transgender women based on things I noticed about him. I opened up to her about how his actions, along with other things he did, left me feeling hurt, unattractive, and not good enough. He ghosted me, and on top of that, I realized he had other sexual preferences that I wasn’t aware of.

I shared my feelings with my cousin, but I still have conflicting emotions about it all. At one point, I even asked her to look at his social media to see if I had missed anything, but then I told her to forget it because I didn’t fully trust her. I worried she might talk about me behind my back, and the thought of that triggered a breakdown because, despite everything, I still have strong feelings for him and just want to feel like I’m enough for him.

However, she went ahead and looked anyway. I found out through my mother that my cousin had not only checked his social media but even attempted to reach out to him. When I confronted my mother, she dismissed my feelings and defended my cousin, saying she would never do anything like that—despite her actions proving otherwise. My mother then tried to gaslight me, saying things like, “I’m sure you’ve done things too,” which was incredibly hurtful.

It broke my heart because I would never betray a family member like that or try to interfere with someone they had been involved with.

I’m 40, she’s 39 and both of us spent way too much time navigating the dating world. We’ve both been told since turning 30 to date men 10 to 20 years older. I’ve been more open to it than she was. She’s still not open to it. She’s really pretty so her looks aren’t an issue, but she gets passed over and dumped CONSTANTLY by men our age for younger women and the last time really hurt her.

I started dating a man age 54 last year and have never been happier, and dating him taught me two things: 1.) it’s really true that men like to be a little bit older than their women and 2.) men need to feel lucky to have a woman in order for a relationship to work (my boyfriend and I both know how lucky we are to have each other, but he courted and pursued me like no man my own age ever did). My friend has not accepted this yet, and it’s such a shame because my boyfriend has a friend who is perfect for her. The guy met her one time and has been begging me ever since to set him up with her and he’s been pursuing her nonstop but she won’t give him a chance just because he’s 60. She says the age gap is too big and she won’t date him because he’s 20 years older even though he treats women really well, can give her the life and love she deserves and can also respect all of the wonderful qualities that she has to offer.

That man has outright told me that he wants someone our age. How can I make her see that women our age are better off with men that age?

She said the oldest she’ll date is 50.

Am I right when I say middle aged women in their late 30’s should be dating men in their late 50’s/early 60’s? Is she right that the age gap is too big?