Why do I hurt myself like this?

When I feel very depressed and stressed out I take it out on myself by f*cking myself vigorously with a dildo I sometimes imagine a bunch of guys are taking turns with me then k! ll me afterwards, at times I get really tight and it makes it feel more good in a type of way like a force but somehow I can’t seem to get enough of it and don’t stop till I’m sore which sometimes cause light bleeding. I hate it and I want to stop. Literally no one does that!! Ugh
Why do I hurt myself like this?
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