How to move on from someone who left you for someone else?

[Anonymous]

Sorry for a long post! My boyfriend broke up with me after one time when I tried to explain myself about my concerns in a relationship. He gave me silent treatment because he didn’t want to discuss it and went out.

It all started when one of his Chinese female friends invited him to a birthday picnic, I don’t know if it was just two of them or someone else was there too. He said this “my friend invited me to a picnic for her birthday” and nothing else. I asked about the details and he dodged the question and just said “do you think that’s a date?”. However, he remained romantic with me after that and everything was fine. Around 2 weeks later, he said it again “my friend invited me to a Chinese restaurant” and no details again. I tried to ask and confront him about it but he got mad and gave me silent treatment for 24 hours. My fault, sometimes I was a jealous girlfriend, and I could worry too much about his friends , especially girls. He never hung out with girls before. Only those 2 times.

So he went out with some friend (he didn’t say who, but I thought it’s the same girl, was afraid to ask). He got mad at me and ignored me and after that I gave him a call crying and begging for forgiveness and trying to explain my anxious attachment. Unfortunately there were several things he said that made me completely numb and unable to feel anything or be romantic with him. I couldn’t let go of the hurt and couldn’t go back to normal conversations we had and I got a bit cold and bitter. He got mad at me and broke up with me , saying that his feelings aren’t coming back and he would stay away from romantic relationships because it’s painful etc.

It’s been over 6 months since the break up and back then I didn’t even think of someone else, but now the pain got more intense and I started assuming he left me for someone. Even though he said he’s gonna “get a girlfriend years after”. How to get over this? I still love him and it’s killing me. Can’t think of anything else.

[SueShe]

If you don't give yourself a kick in the rear end, you are going to start falling into a deep depression which will be difficult to come out again without professional help.

Best is to join a club, take a hobby where you can meet people with similar interests.

If you are good at one specific occupation, then see if you can find a club or place where others meet and share that passion. With time, you are going to start to forget that past that is preoccupying you so much.

But you have to work on yourself first. Get rid of all memories like photos, trinkets and other objects that will remind you of your boyfriend. Get yourself a new look. Good luck.

[Asker]

I’m trying to do that. But it seems I actually fell into that depression thing already because it’s been affecting my daily life for a half a year already. Somehow I got stuck on the idea of knowing the truth - whether he cheated and left me for her or I was too jealous/bitter and he was too hurt. Was this a narcissistic relationship or was this a normal relationship where I just lack self respect and it made my partner treat me bad all of a sudden. I just wanna know the truth, but I don’t know why

[SueShe]

If you want to know the truth, then you have to ask your ex-boyfriend for reasons and tell him that you want closure on that relationship as it is eating you alive not to know the reasons.

However, don't expect him to be honest with you or he may also put the blame on you, in which case, it may make the entire situation even worse for you.

[Asker]

He did put the blame on me and blocked me everywhere and even closed his friends list (why?) so he acts like I don’t exist in this world at all

[Anonymous]

Try a variety of methods to find the one that works personally for you

[In_Trance]

Find someone new

[Asker]

Seems like I just can’t look at anyone else as a partner. I see other men as friends only and I just don’t believe that I can be loved by someone because the person I loved the most dumped me with a relief. That means there’s something so disgusting in me that makes me undateable

[In_Trance]

For that, there's therapy

[Asker]

Hopefully it helps. I really don’t trust anyone and I feel like my future romantic partner can easily replace me with a Chinese girl if she starts talking to him. She will steal him easily

[Anonymous]

Date others