Search Results: i feel depressed

Hey everyone so my boyfriend left me 2 weeks ago for personal problems. He was tired, sad, and felt bored. He swore I was not the issue and has made an effort to stay friends. the first week of being friends we hung out, held hands, kissed etc. It was like we were dating with no label and we both agreed it needed to stop. So we did. He didn't know what he wanted, he said he felt numb and depressed. A few nights ago he said leaving me made him feel even worse and that I was not the issue at all but that he knew he couldn't get into a relationship with me until he figured out his issue. He said he wanted to prioritize his mental health. I was super upset but also really understanding. I have gone minimal contact with him for about 2 days now and have done my best to give him space and distance to figure out his life. Today he invited me to dinner, said he had an extremely hard day and wanted a hug and to see me. I understand we broke up but we have love for each other and he has stayed loyal completely anyways. Do I go and risk getting my hopes up? Do I go and remind myself its just a friend and not expect anything. Or, do I say no and risk him being upset or thinking i've moved on.

Background

A few people in my closer relative are diagnosed with personality disorders that are connected to lack of empathy. So now keep that in mind.

My morals:

I strongly believe hurting others is wrong. And I am for punnishing people who do that. I do not believe people change. And I have no empathy for people who do evil actions even if they are trying to change. That's why I'm afraid if I have kids I'd murder them or something if they did something really wrong..

With that being said I only judge people for their actions the same I would judge cancer. I see no difference in a grown person raping a child being killed and someone killing cancer.. they are both alive stuff that do harm.

My traits:

I never felt like I was human.. I mean I feel more like I'm just taking space in a room.. like a gas. I never felt the need to have a partner because I can always hire a cleaner/chef etc.. I believe human kind are evil as a base and everyone are secretly out to get me in the end.

I tend to laugh if someone dies.. in joyful way. Although I cognitivly understand it's horrible and I cognitivly feel bad for that person and their family I never expeience it emotionally. Same way I can be cognitivly stressed but not emotionally..

I can turn on and off my empathy however I want.. and whenever I want. If I focus on my cognitive empathy enough my emotional empathy can grow..

Also one of my parents told me as a toddler I would never cry when they left for work... I don't know if that means anything.

I think I have a very strong cognitive empathy (more than the avarage person) but almost no emotional empathy.. unless I turn it on.

Disclaimer!

I do want to meet the one for me and have kids in the future (problaby). I dont really see the point of life other than success and proving people wrong. That's why I think I be the type to end it all once I reach what I want. But I'm not depressed I just see everything neutral..