Why Do Partners Claim Depression When They Are Upset?

[Anonymous]

A few years ago, I got really close to taking my own life. I was numb, both physically and mentally, and had been so for years. My sister also overdosed and nearly died in the hospital around the same time... I guess it's a hereditary depression. Im not on pills because I refused them. I rather meditate and deal with it on my own which I've learned to do so successfully, now my depressive episodes come rarely and don't last nearly as long !

Now, my last few girlfriends tend to use the word depression when they are upset over something. One girl lost her job so she says she is depressed, casually jokes about kiling herself etc, and it bothers me since I deal with that in a real way. Hearing that they feel depressed has started triggering my own depression and I find I have to work extra hard not to slip into that state again.

Sorry of the long explanation, but Id like an outside perspective as to how to approach this without dismissing what my girlfriends might be feeling...
With one of my exs I tried to explain this and she constantly fought me over it... eventually I had to walk away from her abuse

[Dinklex3]

I mean.. just because you've had a different experience doesn't mean others are not depressed as well.

Seems like you're comparing. You can't do that. People are entitled to feel sad, depressed, anxious. Even if it doesn't seem like a big deal to you, doesn't mean its the same for them. And people deal with that depression in different ways which may include making jokes.

You can BE depressed. Feeling depressed does not automatically mean you meet criteria for a depressive disorder though. So although they may not necessarily meet criteria for diagnosis doesn't mean they are not depressed.

[Asker]

You're right, I found that if I'm in a depressive state to begin with, the jokes hit harder... and I'm not depressed all the time so these jokes have become normalized... I talked to my girlfriend about it, and let her know to reduce the jokes when I'm down and she was actually very receptive and supportive... thanks a lot

[Midgetmcwidget]

Wow you have been on a journey, amazing how strong you are. People trivialise things they don’t fully understand. Maybe until they experience it they don’t know how their words cut

[AndrésC64]

Try not to take it too personally. I've dealt with situations similar to yours. People are just using the word depressed, very casually. Which I don't have a problem with. Nor do I have a problem with joking about killing yourself. So long as everyone is aware that it's a joke. Like if you said that if the Detroit Lions didn't win the super bowl this year that you would kill yourself. Everyone knows what you meant.

[Guy13]

No one likes to lose and that’s (Depression) is the last stand