My Girlfriend (25F) Of ~2 Years Just Broke Up With Me (30M) And I'm Really Confused? Need Female Perspective?

[pastathief7]

TLDR; Girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with me yesterday out of the blue, said she's confused, thinks she's in love with her childhood best friend, and then an hour after breaking up removed me from all her socials and created a Tinder account and started adding guys to her socials. What? Advice please.

Hi all,

My girlfriend just recently broke up with me seemingly (to me) out of the blue yesterday and i'm confused and devastated. for most of the relationship she had been the one chasing me since the beginning, and then had been pushing for marriage and kids.. We had our ups and downs like most relationships but nothing crazy. Last week she had been acting a bit off and moody towards me and was just not quite as available to talk and she said she had been a bit down/depressed, she did admit at some point things felt like they were moving too quick with the marriage and kids thing so i assumed she was getting cold feet and told her we don't need to rush anything etc and then things went back to normal.

But then then Tuesday morning out of the blue she texts me "I think i'm falling out of love, it doesn't feel the same as it used to. I don't know what it is but its there. I look at pictures of us and its like you're a stranger to me. And I think i'm falling for someone else. Everything is so confusing to me right now and i just don't know"

WHAT? we talked on the phone immediately, and she admitted she's in love with her childhood best friend, which is bizarre as she mentioned before he was like a brother (he's the typical super nice guy, shy etc so i never got jealous or tripped). I then notice an hour later she opened up a tinder account (i created a fake one and set the location just to see if she would do that. Huh? If she loves her friend, why start hooking up?)

What just happened? i immediately unfollowed her on everything after my amicable response. she then went through and removed ALL her likes on every post, and made her insta private. Huh?

Updates

1 y

Just a quick thing to update/clarify: she didn't unfollow me or anything until I decided to unfollow her that night. She must have woke up the next morning, checked and saw that I unfollowed her, and then decided to unfollow me back on social media. Then the next day, she went through and removed month's worth of her likes on my facebook (its public).

not sure why she'd go through the effort of removing her presence on my facebook. Oh well.

Updates

1 y

The breakup call was also very amicable on my part, no anger/yelling/begging/pleading or anything. I just tried to gain understanding, then wished her the best.

[AmandaYVR]

"I already let it go -- I unfollowed her on everything. I created that fake tinder account to confirm my suspicions, sometimes it's better to learn what someone is really capable of rather than keep a false image of them in your mind. While it didn't answer any questions about her behavior, it did help me understand that she's pretty capable of doing anything if it's convenient in case she ever reaches out.

she's already hooking up with someone she met from Tinder... but the fact she's hooking up/staying the night at some guy's house she matched with the day she broke up with me (2 days ago) is beyond insane. Oh well, helps me move on easier. I've no idea why she would do that especially if she is in love with her childhood friend. What a rollercoaster."

I have no idea what's going on with this woman. I totally understand you needing insight, but I don't think us strangers can provide much here. But reading these two things you said, I think will be key to you moving on. Two years is not a meaningless amount of time, but you're right that it is better to know what she is really capable of (and doing) than to have a false (better) image of her. I'm sorry she did all this to you, and she's not a great person, but I personally support your little bit of sleuthing, and think it will give you closure, eventually. You've spent enough time on her.

[Missgingles]

Well she's crazy. Honestly like she's 25 years old (full developed adult) and she breaks it off without trying to solve it? I'm just 21 and I know relationships have their issues. You work them out.

She is problaby gonna fail with her best friend and then try to come back. Try to find a real woman and forget about her. Someone who is ready to commit and build onto having children and marrige without running away as soon as somehing small happens. If I were you I'd ask my friends if they know anyone they can set you up with.

[pastathief7]

Well the whole best friend thing is completely out of left field. I was never threatened by him, and she made it very clear in the beginning he was like a brother to her. Before I met her when she was younger he kissed her (they were like 18 or something) and she said it felt like she was kissing her brother and she was grossed out -- So she's not making any sense. I've never sensed that they had chemistry, and he's a very shy/quiet/meek guy that is younger than her. But what can I say to that? Tell her she's confused? Nothing I can but let her pursue whatever she's going to pursue or do.

[Missgingles]

Yeah maybe she lied to you ahout that or she started to have feelings for him later on. Thats really weird and horrible wrong ofcorse!

I think you are better of alone than with her to be honest.

[pastathief7]

Yeah, she's already hooking up with someone she met from Tinder. We had each other added on apple's "FindMy" for a long time now. I checked and sure enough she hadn't removed me for some reason, and her location popped up and it was in the location where the tinder match she just added on instagram/facebook is in. I immediately just removed her from my FindMy so i can't see her location anymore, but the fact she's hooking up/staying the night at some guy's house she matched with the day she broke up with me (2 days ago) is beyond insane. Oh well, helps me move on easier. I've no idea why she would do that especially if she is in love with her childhood friend. What a rollercoaster.

[Missgingles]

Yeah its really weird.. sounds narcisstic actually. You are better of moving on

[ChiTown33]

Listen to @missgingles don't take her back. I think this girl is thrill seeking. At she MAY find what she's looking for. But odds are she isn't and since you're not listing anything definite for breaking up with you (I realize I'm only getting your side of the story). Then she'll probably come back. DON'T TAKD HER BACK. At least not until she's matured a bit.

[Missgingles]

@ChiTown33 thanks for MHO!

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Sorry, dude. I think she just cut and ran and was too chicken to be honest with you in any way.

Honestly, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Take time to heal, focus on what makes you happy, and stop stalking her. Cut all contact and work on yourself for a bit to clear your head.

Then get back on the horse when you feel ready.

[dustybiker]

“had been pushing for marriage and kids..”

Sounds like this was more important to her than you assumed. By pushing this off you were wasting her time. She fell out of love with you and starting looking elsewhere. in my opinion

[pastathief7]

Not really - when I say "pushing" i mean she was the one that brought it up and whatnot, I wasn't saying no to her or anything. The moment things started going in that direction she got cold feet, and i reminded her that she really wanted it and she said she thought it was better to wait longer, to which i was completely understanding and said that's fine. At no point did I reject it, or push her, or anything. It all came from a position of understanding. So it's not that.

[dustybiker]

Then I am guessing it was a number of other things all together for her to make that decision. You might never know.

[RedStiletto88]

The relationship you both had lost its spark and she needs something more instead of feeling bored and trapped.

[Anonymous]

I think she gave you a lot more reasons than we can, other than you're boring as hell, so that might have been one of the reasons too.

[Anonymous]

So she breaks up with you and you immediately start tracing her movements online?

You need to let it go.

[pastathief7]

I already let it go -- I unfollowed her on everything. I created that fake tinder account to confirm my suspicions, sometimes it's better to learn what someone is really capable of rather than keep a false image of them in your mind. While it didn't answer any questions about her behavior, it did help me understand that she's pretty capable of doing anything if it's convenient in case she ever reaches out.

[Iron_Man]

Call her up and try to work it out

[pastathief7]

Why would I do that? she told me she thinks she's falling out of love and thinks she falling in love with someone else. What am I supposed to say? She needs to make the decision on her own at this point, i'm just trying to gain a little more perspective at this point not necessarily advice on what to do. I can't do anything else.

[Iron_Man]

If you didn’t care about her you would be making this question fight for her

[pastathief7]

I do care about her, a lot actually, i'm posting this to gain more perspective and understanding of what happened since it's confusing, if that makes sense.

[Iron_Man]

The best thing to do is call her up and try to work it out. Woman like that can come back around and she may not be falling out of love with you

[pastathief7]

Maybe, but she's already met a new guy on Tinder - she created it the day of the breakup and is already seeing him and hooking up, there's no doubt about it. We had each other added on apple's "FindMy" -- I just checked and she is in the city where this guy lives, when she added him yesterday on insta before I unfollowed her he had his location in his bio, So it's pretty obvious. I just removed her from my "FindMy" account, im surprised she didn't remove me herself.

Maybe reaching out works on girls that wait a couple of weeks before staying over at a guy's place for sex, but i don't think it works on a girl who is staying the night at a guy's place a day after a breakup and a day after meeting him online.

[Iron_Man]

Then let her go because that’s a sex site tinder and she’s already met somebody than she’s not for you.

[Anonymous]

I assume you had to ask her out