Search Results: what do the kisses mean

2021: Me (31) has romantic interest in somebody I work with (21). She also had romantic interest in me. We started flirting and hanging out. One night she comes over and we have a couple of drink (measured 3oz of liqour in mixed drink with ice). I get up courage to ask to kiss her and she says yes. Night progresses and we end up in bed together and she spends the night with me. In the morning I intimate intimacy again, shortly after she leaves. I messaged her about how special I thought the night was and how happy I was to spend the night holding her (I was head over heels for her for MONTHS before but she had a boyfriend), she tells me that I raped her. I tell her to tell the cops and get a rape kit done, that I'd plead guilty in a second if she pressed charges (as a guy it's not my place to define rape). She says no, we end up dating for about 9 months. During that time she makes a few subtle comments about me what happened, and after talking to her for a bit and realizing she's been unhappy for a while and reccomend therapy. She's goes to therapy and a few months ago left for finishing up school overseas and broke up with me. At this point I had already told her I loved her (felt like I had for a very very long time, since before she even messaged me I couldn't stop thinking about her). While she's been gone I have sent her a message here and there, ar first she responded normally seemingly wanting to have a conversation and even wished me a happy birthday unprovoked. I sent her a video about a month ago that was funny, no message, just trying to give her some laughs; she told me "please stop messaging me". So I have since then until yesterday, which I only said congratulations for graduating college, no response though I'm sure she has me blocked. Anyways to the point. I am still head over heels in love with her. She's been gone for months but is always prevalent on my mind and I know starts working again in a few weeks. . . Can she ever forgive me?