Search Results: when to let go

This last week I took off 3 days of work & we went to visit his best friend and his wife. I had made plans for a happy hour with a friend last night & Wed afternoon he told me I needed to go to a client dinner with him so I cancelled my original plans. We are hosting the duo we just went & visited this last weekend since they are coming into town for a wedding. Last night on our way to dinner he lets me know he’s going to a guys night tonight & so I reach out to one of my girlfriends to hang out. Today he asks if there’s any way I can leave work early & I do. I let him know I can & that i’m running 2 quick errands first. I get home & he’s playing xbox and asks me to blow him. I the comment & start doing chores. After I have been home for 45 minutes he comes to me and starts undoing his pants &gesturing to give him a bj, I just stare. He mouths how I never want to “take care of him” and walks off. I tell him the reason I am not is because he is going to be gone all night with the boys &when I come home he’s playing games with the boys for 45 min so I don’t feel obligated to serve him when he’s not considering the time with me. He states he isn’t going to fight with me and I told him I’m not fighting just telling you why I’m not giving you a bj. He goes to lay in bed &I go lay beside him while he scrolls social for about 20 min before turning away from me &acting like he is going to sleep. I get up to feed the dogs and go to sit by the pool and within 5 min he is leaving the house, not saying a word to me, then texts noticeably annoyed that he will be gone until boys night starts. This is somewhat a common occurrence when he doesn’t get his way, he’ll ignore me even if I try to talk to him he won’t respond. I just don’t see why he doesn’t get we have &are about to spend a lot of time with his people &I’d like to think he’d take advantage of our alone time, not use it to continue to spend with others and only give me attention if intimacy is involved. General thoughts?

I have two friends: both are 40, have chosen the single life for years. One is a guy, he was friends with a girl in her early 30’s for a year and dated her casually for a year before he finally decided she was the one and asked her to be his girlfriend. After one year of seriously dating, he proposed marriage at Christmas. They married two months later. He’s a guy, we’ll call him Ryan. Him taking his time is fine.

The other friend is a woman (we’ll call her Tara), she’s been “seeing” a guy (also 40) for at least 9 months. They haven’t labeled it yet, every time I ask her when she’s labeling the relationship she always says “we’re taking our time with it, keeping it casual and just being friends first”. I love Tara, but she’s out of her freakin mind. I demanded my boyfriend to define the relationship after 5 months. Tara does want this guy, but she just lives in her own little shell and won’t demand what she wants. She just sits back lets things happen and says she wants him to define it in his own time (I told her drop his ass if he doesn’t define it at the end of this month).

It’s fine that Ryan took his time. He’s a guy and it’s more socially accepted for him to put off relationships and marriage. For women I don’t understand it though. I feel like when we go that route, we get used, we get our time wasted and we get hurt. I think Tara is making a huge mistake, but my boyfriend says she’s not. What if she defines the relationship and then decides she doesn’t like him after all (that’s his logic). Maybe because I’m also dying to matchmake her and there’s a friend of my bf’s who I want her to meet (because he’s dying to date her and I think they’re perfect for each other).

So my boyfriend has recently started leaving his phone around me while he goes out for a smoke. He even sometimes ask me to hold his phone for him. Now I’ve been cheated on before and usually guys who are being shady would never let their phones out of their sight. Although I also had a guy leave his phone with me even when he was cheating on me. I know I’m probably overthinking but do you think this is a good sign?