Search Results: how hard is it for you to make friends

I don't know if I can take anymore. I cook; I clean; I work cybersecurity; I bodybuild; and the worst part of it all has been her. But. The best part of it all has also been her.

I am angry. She consistently says she'll help me out around the house, but words are just words, and she rarely if ever follows through.

Her gifts to me are only things she wants. She got me steak knives for my birthday, because she wanted new steak knives. She mocked me feeling sad over the death of my mother, 7 months into the relationship. Fought with me at my graduation. Every important moment of my life has been sundered by her.

Even her sister has warned me that she just gaslights constantly.

But, I get angry at her, too, insult her, mock her, raise my voice when we fight. And that's relationships, right? I have many faults, too, so is it fair of me to judge hers and say I can't bear them?

She also taught me so many things and we've shared so many wonderful moments together.

I have a great career, great body, and I'm working harder and harder on myself to become a better version of me, spiritually, mentally, physically. Everything. But she uses that against me and exploits my willingness to olive branch. She exploits my willingness to sit down and talk about what I'm doing wrong, never admitting to anything, and making the whole relationship a defect in me that I must always make up for but never can fully. My faults are mine, and also her faults are also mine. It's such a heavy burden.

But. I'm looking at these pictures and videos of our happy moments. And I can't help but think that I am thinking about throwing away 3 years of blood sweat and tears. Not to mention I'm 1,100 miles from my home now, with no friends here, and only her, so I'm utterly alone aside from the fact that we still live together.

Thankfully I make enough money now to pay double rent for a couple months if I decide to break the lease.

Anyway. Is there ever hope with a covert narcissist?

This woman that I used to work with is close to my age (we're both of legal age), I'd make memes about her name (only first name) because it was sincerely my favorite name to use to joke around with. We used to chit chat and go to the same school. I'm having a really rough year. I've ALREADY been into a LOT of trouble over the last 5-6 years, high school and college included. I've said a LOT of stupid ******* things I wish I could take back.

Anyway she never added me back on social media except once on Snapchat two years ago and she unfriended me the week after. I commented an emoji (nothing gross or racy, just a single laughter emoji without any words) on a funny video she made, and she literally had the audacity to block me on all social platforms she knows I use.

Now she has AT LEAST THREE of my profiles blocked even though I'd not engaged in her content this year. I deleted my old TikTok profile which was also the one she blocked. I still jokingly brought her up in stuff like groupchats and (just her name in) videos. I used her name like people use "Karen", "Kevin", or "Jezebel" as an insult—except it is a more edgy way of saying those names to insult the trolls, and sometimes I would use her name in place of the "red" pill (the so-called "alpha-male" tactic).

I had her number but didn't call her for the first 3 years. When I did, she basically said hello and got pissed at me when she found out a Snapchat friend of mine snitched on me for using her pictures. Her profiles were public, now all of them that I know of are set to private.

I am highly influenced by the people I am around with, especially as far as dudes are concerned. Andrew Tate and his followers taught me that men are dominant, that they must learn that women like to play hard-to-get.

I feel bad for whoever blocked me. I didn't rant about her in groupchats til' AFTER she blocked me.