Search Results: good intentions

I like I’m sure most of you see gimmicks constantly about how to get a partner keep a partner make a partner happy make sure they don’t stop loving you, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah blah. I think it’s all really overcomplicated.

in my opinion, If you’re good to yourself and good to your partner (something you can’t exactly prepare for or no until you get to know that person, specifically) and things still don’t work out it’s just not right.

A Partner like a friendship, fits into your life and when it doesn’t work despite your best intentions, it’s not the right fit. It’s strange to me to make sure they can make something work with the person they’ve never met. Because you can’t really know how to work things out with someone that doesn’t exist in your life yet.

I don’t think there’s a magic recipe. I don’t think there are truisms that span over billions of people exactly the same way. not beyond kindness…

And I’ve seen tons of relationships, where people went to all kinds of links to maintain a good relationship, and they followed all these rules and at the end of the day some worked some didn’t.

Trying to make something or lose yourself and that can cause the relationship to break apart if you came together because of who you are and who the other person is, and then one of you gets lost, that’s problematic.

Anyhow, I think the way that each person needs to be treated is Definitely context in case & person dependent. There’s no magic bullet. Except Kindness. But that’s true for any relation, not just partners.

I especially dislike people acting fake trying to impress the person And then you end up with someone that you’re not expecting at all. A disillusionment That is totally unnecessary and avoidable.

So, I'm quite sensitive when it comes to touch & my boyfriend of more than 2 years is more on the other end of the spectrum. When he's sober, we arrange this well & are both happy, except for the occasional reminder for him to not break my neck when bear hugging me.

I want to clarify, he is a very kind soul, just clumsy, so it's always good intentions from him! But sometimes he accidently hurts me, which annoys me if it's too frequent & that's case when he's drunk. The more drunk/drugged, the worse it gets, as you simply loose control over your body. He tries super hard to give me my space & be veeery careful touching me then, but it's just not working. I'm kind of conditioned at this point that when he comes close to me drunk, he'll likely step on my foot/squeeze me too hard/poke his nose in my eye/get his fingers stuck in my hair, so I tense up as soon as he comes near me in that state. The worst part is that he's especially vulnerable & affectionate when drunk, but I just have to defend my space & tell him off & he can tell I'm not fond of him, which hurts him a lot.

I tried to avoid his drunk/drugged persona (he knows all of this, we communicate about it), but I also don't wanna miss all fun evenings with our friends. Moreover, it's a part of him (which he does not want to give up in this part of his life) and so I sometimes want to be with him in that state too. But it often ends in him being hurt & in a bad mood the next day, trying to recover from the rejections of the previous night and then he's the one needing his space, so I can't hug or kiss him to show him affection then, or to say sorry.

I know the most obvious solution is for me to avoid him in that state. But I wonder if anyone else made such experiences & whether you think this makes us a bad match/myself kind of a bad girlfriend, at least for him, that I can't deal with this? It hurts me a lot to hurt him and I hate myself in those moments for being so mean, I just don't know another way.