I asked him to be mine. How long to let him think?

[Anonymous]

Short story:

I've been "seeing' my coworker for months now. I like him quite a bit and I assume he feels the same. I asked him to be mine and said he could think about it. How long do I wait?

Long story:

My coworker and I have been flirting and going on dates for a few months now. We went out on a double date with a friend of ours and his boyfriend. I looked stunning (his words, accompanied by a visible jaw drop). While the night didn't go exactly as planned we still had a good time and my intentions remained the same, ask him to be mine. He almost always stays the night after we go out. No sex, just cuddles, kisses, and some touching. That night we talked a bit and he said some things that led me to believe the timing was right. I unfortunately chickened out in asking him. He's a bit in the shy side (at least when it comes to me) so I've always felt like I'd be the one asking anyways.

We did end up having sex that night and he made sure I finished. I replayed all the events in my head the next day. And even experienced an Aftershock (total green flag). I texted him after work asking him to call me. I knew he was busy that night so I waited. When he called I have him the lines about him making me feel good and wanted and cared for and asked if he wanted to be mine. I could tell in his voice, the stutter l, he wasn't expecting that. He said I caught him off guard and I said I'd give him time to think. Honestly I've never been the asker and I have no idea how long I should wait for a response. I almost regret saying anything because I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I can see us being and doing more.

Thanks for reading. Please no b. s. answers. And please don't down talk him either. Regardless of what his answer might be I do care for him.

Updates

1 y

Update if you care. I gave him a week. Then told him that I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. He agreed that we needed to actually talk. I went to his place. He cooked for me. I spent 3 days with him. The 1st night he admitted that he was scared of me hurting him, scared he'd hurt me, scared of what a label might do. The 2nd night he said he was scared that I was too good for him. The 3rd night he said he'd me mine until I got sick of his bullshit and see himself out. So...

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, girl, that's a pretty big step you took there! Asking someone to be yours is a big deal, especially when it's a coworker you've been flirting with. I can totally understand why he might have been caught off guard by that.

Since you said he's a bit shy, especially when it comes to you, it makes sense that he might need some time to process it all. Rushing him for an answer right away could potentially scare him off.

I'd say give him at least a week or two to think it over. That should give him enough time to really consider your offer without feeling too much pressure. In the meantime, try not to bring it up again unless he does first. Just keep things casual and friendly between you two.

The fact that you care about him and don't want to lose him as a friend is a good sign. It shows you're not just in it for the romantic/sexual stuff. Maintain that caring attitude, and hopefully he'll come around.

If after a couple weeks he still hasn't given you an answer, you could try gently bringing it up again. But don't be too pushy - let him know you're happy to wait however long he needs. Rushing into this could ruin everything, so take it slow and see where it goes.

You got this, girl! Just believe in yourself and in whatever's meant to be. Whatever his answer is, you'll be alright. Just focus on being the awesome person he obviously sees in you. Good luck!

[Summeroflove]

Seeing someone can mean a lot of things if you mean hooking up then that’s probably all he was after you’re silly to think that’s going anywhere other then all the wrong parts of town. Which I do see that you say no sex so that’s a good sign that you’re both after the right thing. But then…. You decided to hook up before you’re even in a relationship.

If you just mean dating then that’s another story it does take time to get to know someone. I will say relationships should move at a reasonable pace not too fast and not too slow.

I would say if you’re showing him effort and he’s showing effort back then that’s a green flag I would say. It does take time to want to know if you’re wanting to take that next step. I would say keep talking about it but don’t be pushy. Communication is key between both people.

If you feel at some point you start loosing interest just be honest with him about it. That it was fun but you think it’s best for both of you to move on.

[Asker]

Consistent dates as our schedules allow. Once a week if we can (for at least half the day, so 12+ hour). Every other week if we've prior commitments. On our first date he said he wants to do it "the right way" meaning a genuine courtship. I initiated the sex because I knew he wouldn't (and honestly 5 months is a long time for me, 8 for him). He's been 98% green flags from the moment I met him and the other 2% I can see him working on daily. I'd like to think I'm visibly working on any flaws he's found in me as well.

[Summeroflove]

Well if you’re both putting effort into one another. But just know someone waiting for sex initiating sex can END it immediately.

I would say a relationship should move naturally not too fast and not too slow as I said. So keep dating either you’ll eventually get married. Or one or both of you will start loosing interest and move on.

[Summeroflove]

But what is good is that I do see you’re both putting the same effort into one another. I see a lot of one sided people who demand everything but give little to none in return

[WhitneySnow]

Give him like a week. That’s enough time.

[Danny_dan92]

2 days

[Anonymous]

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