Search Results: i like her but am hung up on ex girlfriend

Hey everyone, I’m looking for your input and advice. ****not complaining, I just need help understanding bc I’m a dumb cis straight white male****

Am I leading these women on somehow?

I went through a breakup in September, with 0 bad terms between us, she was way out of my league both physically and as a human. I was and still am deeply in love with her, and I never shut the fuck up about her to people while I was with her (almost 2 years). We’re still super close.

about me (just trust that my self assessment is true for this exercise): I’m a lot of fun, around 30 years old, attractive but not active, so I have a dad bod but I’m really fucking funny and charismatic. I have a lot of beautiful platonic and meaningful female friendships that are strictly friendships. I’m a sweet heart and people are generally protective of me, because I’m depressed and having a hard time and they all love me more than I do. Aka, women see that and feel safe around me.

at the same time, I have a dad bod, my life is a mess right now, I’m openly still in love with my girlfriend, I communicate that “I’m not ready to date anyone right now.” I’m about to start attending both NA and AA meetings. I feel like somehow, me being at the lowest point in my life, is somehow attracting all these beautiful women who are initiating conversations with me and asking me to hang out.

I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex because I’m not ready for that, it would make me too sad. But, I’m a total flirt.
Anyway, one of my gal pals said that my behavior is confusing, because I’m vulnerable and texting with them, and still flirty. But I’m just thinking like, “surely my life is so shitty right now that no woman wants any part of the mess that I am right now.”

so why do you think I’m getting this new attention?

Women are notorious for sending mixed messages and “shit testing” men. They say something is okay when it really isn’t. They want to see if the guy is self controlled and wise enough to pass the test.

However there are a few scenarios men are guilty of this as well. I can think of only two scenarios where men unfairly “shit test” women.

Shit Test #1: He pressures her to have sex early. She gives it up and he then later loses respect for her.

A lot of men judge women for being promiscuous/easy. If she initiating random sex with lots of guys that’s one thing. But if a guy pressures her to do it and she gives in (and enjoys it) then he really has no right to judge her. It was all his idea.

Yet there are some men who do this and frankly it’s a double standard bs. I actually stayed in long term relationships with all three of my past gfs despite having sex with all on them within 3 dates. One ex girlfriend said she would of done it on our first date (we did on the second) if I initiated. But I am actually glad I didn’t.

Shit Test #2: Telling her you don’t mind if she hangs out and talks (a lot) with other guys including exes. However when she does the man gets angry/jealous.

Jealousy is a tricky bastard. On one end a very controlling man is extremely insecure. He gets pissed off if another guy looks to long at his girlfriend or tries to chat with her (often the other guy doesn’t know she’s taken). It can actually be a compliment when other guys check out your girlfriend/wife JUST as long they are respectful about it. But when they cross a line it deserves an ass kicking.

On the flip side some guys seemingly don’t mind at all of their girlfriend/wife hang out with other guys and even do more with them. It’s like they are somehow demonstrating they aren’t controlled by jealousy.

But the truth is some guys “say” it’s alright when deep down they are not at all okay with it. It’s there way of “testing” their girlfriend/wife to make sure they really love them.