Why did my Girlfriend tell me she met a guy friend at work and told me not to be insecure about it?

[Finchie40]

My girlfriend knows my ex wife cheated on me with her male co worker and I told her everything that happened , so she knows I have a hard time accepting friends of the opposite sex when I am in a relationship , out of respect for my relationship with her , I don’t go hang out with other girls and would never hang out with other girls without her present she agreed to this when we started dating out of respect for each other, now recently she started a new job that she doesn’t really care for , She was telling me all about her day on how everyone was an asshole but she is going to stick it out because the money is good , I tried making love to her and she denied my advances toward her and said she wasn’t in the mood , then she continues to tell me , I don’t want you to be mad but I met a friend at work , I said ok that’s cool and she said but it’s a male , he was the only one that really talked to me and understood my frustrations, I said ok that’s cool and you are telling me this why? And she said because I know you have a hard time with opposite sex friends , I said only if you plan on hanging out with this guy outside of work , I was kind of dumbfounded as to why she said this to me as I was trying to be intimate with her and her denying me? How would you feel if your partner said this to you and denying you affection and intimacy? Is she hinting to me that she likes this guy and probably going to end up hooking up with him or trying to make me jealous? What was her real reason of telling me about this guy?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure but based on your follow up response to @bklynbadboy12 and her response to you. It seems like it was a test to see your reaction. This is why guys have a hard time trusting women because so many times they do that silly s*** just because they want to see your reaction. I'm happy about your ending response to her as well. I think this world would be a much better place if guys demanded women the same expectations that women place on us. Too many guys allow women to act foul and not hold them to accountability and it hurts us ALL.

[Bklynbadboy12]

It's strange to me I think that was an inappropriate time for how to bring that up. Secondly why are you allowing her to deny you intimacy. See this is where things got wrong your giving her to many options. No woman wants a man that's weak they want a man that will take charge. If you don't become a take charge man you're always gonna be that man that's cheated on

[Finchie40]

No I had words with her and told her that I am not going to be in a one sided relationship , I told her it’s ok for you to initiate sex with me but not ok for me to initiate with you and I don’t tolerate that shit , If you want to go fuck that co worker go right ahead cuz I will go find someone else as well and kept it at that and fell asleep , when we woke up this morning getting ready for work she was being all loving and sweet to me she came over to kiss me before she went to work and said I love you , I said I love you to but this one sided shit isn’t going to work for me , she said she is just stressed out from the job , so I said so the job makes you throw another guy in my face , How would you feel if I threw another girl in yours , she admitted she was wrong , I just think Girl’s in general are just selfish people that only really think of themselves when it comes to relationships , Or they just like playing games

[Bklynbadboy12]

Bro I'm proud of you. Your handled that perfectly you will be surprised at the amount of guys that won't speak up for themselves

[Subarugirl]

Wtf…. She’s a person, not a blow up doll. If she’s not in the mood she doesn’t have to have sex.

[Bklynbadboy12]

@Subarugirl I swear I know you would respond to this and im ready for you to cutie. Did you want me to answer that or him

[Subarugirl]

You do realize that intimacy and sex are not synonymous right? If he’s upset then he’s not concerned about intimacy he’s upset that she won’t let him use her like a blow up doll.

[Bklynbadboy12]

But see that's not it did you read his story

[Subarugirl]

I certainly did

[Bklynbadboy12]

So you don't think nothing was inappropriate about what she did and and if that was me I definitely wouldn't stood for it

[Bklynbadboy12]

And that definitely was the wrong time for her to tell him that knowing what he went through

[Subarugirl]

She talked about her day, the good and bad and told her boyfriend about a new friend she made at work. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that

[Bklynbadboy12]

Everything's wrong with that he was trying to make love with her and she told him about some guy she met knowing it would have upset him. You can't be on here advocating for women and not be 100% neutral you gotta know there's something wrong with that picture you just don't want to admit it

[Subarugirl]

She was talking to him about her job and how much she doesn't like it and in the middle of it he tries to innate sex... when she's obviously having a bad day... so she's not in a good mood and then he interrupts her attempt to be emotionally intimate with him by trying to initiating intercourse... and some how she is in the wrong?

[Bklynbadboy12]

Listen you obviously have your opinion on it and I have my opinion on it but in a relationship you definitely should never deprive your boyfriend or husband or husband of intimacy

[Finchie40]

What most girls don’t realize is men have feelings to , yes we express our love for her through intimacy and affection that’s how we were made , yes, Girl’s are wired different , we realize that , , but when a girl has a man that values her , she pushes it away , she feels she deserves better emotionally , Guys aren’t that way our brains out wired different , so that’s where the conflict comes into play , if you can figure out a way where you both agree , Good luck with that shit

[Bklynbadboy12]

@Finchie40 Well said I agree. @Subarugirl is really a sweetheart she's just passionate about what she believes in but she's cool asf

[Subarugirl]

What most men don’t realize is that you can be intimate with out having sex….

[Bklynbadboy12]

@Subarugirl we know that who told you we don't know that. Every guy isn't a bad guy you can't just stereo type every guy because of the actions of a few

[Finchie40]

Hey girl no wonder why are miserable in your marriage

[Finchie40]

Truth hurts but Cheers Happy Friday

[Subarugirl]

Actually we are very happy in our marriage… especially since I’m not married to an asshole who thinks that just because I’m occasionally not in the mood to have my orifices repeatedly penetrated especially after a rough day or make a friend at work that im not into him…. And at least I’m not so insecure that I freak out over my husband having friends at work…. But yeah happy Friday to you too hon, let your girlfriend she can do better than an insecure boy that thinks intimacy and intercourse are synonymous.

[Finchie40]

You Girl’s always assume a guy is insecure and that isn’t the case at all , It’s called Respect , example , change my story around , Say she was trying to initiate sex with me and I wasn’t in the mood I had a bad day at work and told her to stop touching me , then all of a sudden I say Oh by the way I made a friend at work today , and just want you to know that it’s a girl and I am telling
You because I don’t want you getting insecure , cuz I know you don’t like when I become friends with Girl’s , but her and I enjoyed each other’s conversation, and her and I talked all day , What would be my reason to say that to her? While she was trying to initiate intimacy with me? With my experiences with Girl’s through the years is that Girl’s do not wear her man’s shoes like she expects him to wear her’s , It’s ok for her to do things that she tells her man not to do and that’s how girl’s brains are wired and they wonder why Men dump them or cheat on them , It has nothing to do with insecurity it comes down to respect for each other , Girl’s I have been in relationships with have told me to stop talking to certain girls that I was friends with even though I knew I wasn’t going to do anything with those girls they were just friends but out of respect for our relationship I would distance my friendship with them , because I put myself in her shoes and thought how would I feel if she was friends with all these other guys,? But Girl’s don’t do that for her man , She automatically assumes that he should trust me and how dare him to try to stop me from being friends with other men , He doesn’t own me , I can be friends with whoever I want , he needs to stop being insecure , but she never thinks about how she was insecure when she stopped me from being friends with other
Girls , So Double Standard’s do not work in a relationship , if you tell your partner to stop doing something then you need to stop doing it as well , But Girl’s do not do that for their men, No Respect

[Finchie40]

You should always prioritize your partner over anyone else , if your partner is telling you they don’t want you hanging with a certain someone then stop hanging with that person , if you respect your relationship you will end that connection , if not you are only thinking of yourself , us guys know what other guys are thinking just like
You girl’s know what other girl’s are thinking , Save your relationship before picking selfishness

[Subarugirl]

Well I would never be with someone who freaks out, and feels like they needed to control over me having a coworker friend…, that’s toxic as fuck. She works with him…. And she told you about someone she gets along with at her job…. It’s not like they are going out and having drinks alone..

[Finchie40]

Just the timing was bad , like what was her intentions of telling me this while I was trying to be intimate with her? To me it was just rude and disrespectful like she was trying to make me jealous and implying that she finds this co worker attractive and for me not to get bent out of shape over it , like she was putting icing on a cake to cover up what her real intentions are , what pissed me off was the fact that she had me distance friendships with girl’s I knew but all of a sudden I am supposed to accept her friendship with this guy , so again it’s ok for her but not ok for me , So I told her be friends with him I don’t give a fuck but if this friendship leads to you going out with him then plan on not coming back here , You can’t expect me to respect you if you can’t respect me

[Subarugirl]

Dude… if she wanted to hide it she wouldn’t have even brought it up

[Finchie40]

I honestly come to a conclusion that my girlfriend gets off on trying to make me jealous and making me feel like I’m a bad guy and at times makes me feel like I am not good enough for her but then all of a sudden she becomes submissive to me, so my guess is she holds walls up as well , I think she is scared of truly showing her love to me , I know it sounds crazy but that’s what I am experiencing with her because we had an amazing weekend

[Subarugirl]

Because she doesn’t always want to have sex?

[Finchie40]

No , because of things she says to me , Like she is a flip of a switch with her emotions , She is so back and fourth , one minute she is head over heels for me then the next she hates my guts and treats me like I am this bad person , Like she needs to push me away to come chasing me back , it’s like being with Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde , leaving me with a constant question mark over my head on whether she loves me or she just likes the convenience of me , it’s hard to explain , She suffers anxiety and depression as well and I know that plays a big part of it , so I just have to learn to just let it go and not let it effect me that much , she is good at pushing my buttons

[Subarugirl]

Then y’all should address that. Either talk about it yourselves or see a counselor if you can’t.

[Subarugirl]

Sounds like she is trying to be respectful by communicating with you. She had a rough day, told you about the bad and good parts of her day and wasn’t in the mood for sex, I wouldn’t psych my self out about it.

[HighValue]

Anyone making NEW opposite gender friends while in a relationship almost always has intentions of cheating or "trading up/seeing what their options are."

I wouldn't trust her.

[Subarugirl]

Sounds like you’re really insecure

[HighValue]

@Subarugirl Sounds like you support cheating.

[Subarugirl]

Making a friend at your job isn’t cheating….

[HighValue]

@Subarugirl It often leads to cheating. They will spend lots of time together since they work together. Then any time there is a disagreement in her relationship she will discuss it with her "friend" that will conveniently be on her side for everything no matter who is in the wrong until she cheats or the relationship ends.

I think people should discuss what is and what is not acceptable in a relationship early on though before anything like that has a chance to happen. That way they already know if their actions are going to lead to ending the relationship or not.

[Subarugirl]

If you can’t trust the person you are dating them you shouldn’t be with them

[Anonymous]

Because she wants you to believe she won't be a cheater, and she didn't hide it from you.

[In_Trance]

Because she wanted you to know she met a guy from work and that you shouldn't be insecure about it