Search Results: getting a girlfriend

Hey everyone, I’m looking for your input and advice. ****not complaining, I just need help understanding bc I’m a dumb cis straight white male****

Am I leading these women on somehow?

I went through a breakup in September, with 0 bad terms between us, she was way out of my league both physically and as a human. I was and still am deeply in love with her, and I never shut the fuck up about her to people while I was with her (almost 2 years). We’re still super close.

about me (just trust that my self assessment is true for this exercise): I’m a lot of fun, around 30 years old, attractive but not active, so I have a dad bod but I’m really fucking funny and charismatic. I have a lot of beautiful platonic and meaningful female friendships that are strictly friendships. I’m a sweet heart and people are generally protective of me, because I’m depressed and having a hard time and they all love me more than I do. Aka, women see that and feel safe around me.

at the same time, I have a dad bod, my life is a mess right now, I’m openly still in love with my girlfriend, I communicate that “I’m not ready to date anyone right now.” I’m about to start attending both NA and AA meetings. I feel like somehow, me being at the lowest point in my life, is somehow attracting all these beautiful women who are initiating conversations with me and asking me to hang out.

I haven’t slept with anyone since my ex because I’m not ready for that, it would make me too sad. But, I’m a total flirt.
Anyway, one of my gal pals said that my behavior is confusing, because I’m vulnerable and texting with them, and still flirty. But I’m just thinking like, “surely my life is so shitty right now that no woman wants any part of the mess that I am right now.”

so why do you think I’m getting this new attention?

I’ve tried to take lessons from bad past experiences and not do the same to someone else.

For example I had one ex girlfriend ghosted me after dating for 9 months after a minor argument. A few years later I found myself in the reverse position (wanting to break up). Even though I didn’t want to see my soon to be ex face to face (because I knew she would go ballistic) I gave her the respect of doing it anyway.

She went nuclear and it lasted for an agonizing 2 hours. Culminated with her threatening to kill herself (she didn’t do it thank God). But I left knowing I did the right thing. I let her get everything off her chest. Gave her closure. Also her behavior sadly confirmed I made the right choice.

But I find that usually women use bad past experiences with men as an excuse to screw over innocent (ish) men they meet in the future. Like they are “evening the score” by getting back at an ex by screwing over an unrelated man.

Reason I say this my experience grown women in their 30s with emotional baggage actually get worse then older men who have similar bad experiences.