My fiancé had a hidden file in his phone with pictures of his ex’s and girls we knew (including on of my very close friends) what should I do?

[Anonymous]

My fiancé and I got engaged in February and it was great, on the beach in Mexico. After we got home from Mexico I had a candid conversation with him about him deleting any nudes he as of his ex girlfriends as I was uncomfortable with it. I assumed he deleted them and moved on. July comes and I’m looking at his phone and all of his recently deleted photos are of girls. Girls we knew, his exes, etc. I called him in and asked what was going on and found out he had a hidden file called “taxes” on his phone filled with photos. I was so hurt that not only had I been lied to but he went and did something I was uncomfortable with. I have been super upset and feel like he is still hiding stuff from me but claims he doesn’t do that stuff anymore. He has made a big change and makes me dinner and buys me flowers, but I am still struggling. I love him so much and we have been together for almost 4 years and are getting married in May. I just want to know if I am making a mistake or if this is normal? Help 😭

[hahahmm]

You are not married. He has that stuff because he doesn't trust 100% that you two will work out... and/or he just likes looking at the pictures. I wouldn't worry about it unless he is actually contacting those women.

You can't really dictate to someone how much they trust you. Yes, you can dictate your boundaries but they always have the option of rejecting that and then it is on you to decide if them crossing that line is worth ending the relationship over. Or they can lie and pretend to agree with you & later you find out that they lied. Ideally, you settle this stuff before being engaged and you have enough time to figure this out.

If you think this boundary is an 'end of the world' level boundary then you say you will leave them over it and see the reaction. You could be forced to actually leave too. If you're not willing to take it to that level then you lost the battle and it's out of your hands for now.

My observation in life is when a woman does everything a guy told her makes a woman attractive to him & is trustworthy & loyal, he will forget every other woman on earth. I'm not saying he'd ***never*** look at a picture but there would be zero risk of him cheating. Lot of women are too lazy to do this tho.

[Summeroflove]

Cheating is a low blow. Sometimes people also act really really good for a while just to keep you around.

If you can’t get over this. Maybe it isn’t meant to be and last thing you want is to marry a cheater. If you think you can work through things (even though this is major)

Are these nude photos he’s been sent? Are they just random photos he downloaded off their social media?

If your close friends are sending him photos. You need new friends.

Maybe you should break this off….. Somekne who does something like that is garbage.

[Asker]

He has never cheated or messaged any girls he was finding pictures on instagram and using Reddit to get only fans pictures.
I really do believe he’s been faithful, I just feel so shitty about myself.

[Summeroflove]

It’s still emotionally cheating. As long as he won’t do it anymore. Maybe you should see a couples counselor.

It would make me upset if a girl did this to me

[Summeroflove]

You need to tell him how you feel

[Asker]

We’ve talked about it a bunch and want to go to therapy together

[Asker]

That’s what I kept telling him, like put yourself in my shoes. Wouldn’t feel good if I had a hidden folder of my exes and sexy guys off of instagram

[Summeroflove]

Okay well that’s definitely good. Hopefully you get things worked out

[Summeroflove]

For sure. It wouldn’t. I assume open relationships are totally off the table.

It’s really a shitty thing to do. As long as he’s apologized and you know he’s faithful. It’s still odd behavior though

[Asker]

Yeah… opens off the table. I want to work it out, but am terrified of being lied to or cheated on. Thank you for you help, I really appreciate it

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome and it would be reasonable to be worried about that if he’s emotionally cheating or displays that creepy behavior.

But I suppose nobody is perfect and everyone had problems at some point too

[bubblegunnn]

Its normal if u r feeling sad and hurt because you and him r gonna married and got engaged already.. u want his honest and trust, found ex's and other girls's pics on his phone and even keep it secret so u dont find it out is really hurt tho, if he doesn't love or like them anymore then why still keep the pics as if its a memory and dont want to delete it, its like he's not move on yet..

[Guy13]

Maybe he’s different than most people. Usually what he is doing now he will do later. Things do not get better.. they get worse. You are seeing the tip of the iceberg. Sounds like he loves the game and chase…

[boggboss]

Nobody can tell u if your making a mistake or not only u can decide that would u class what he did as cheating

[Wise4myage]

Yeah, that's not cool, because nudes are involved. I would wonder what he is hiding.

[es20490446e]

If you asked me to delete nudes, I would simply not do it.

[Noahzaid]

Are they prettier?

[Asker]

Maybe one or two of them but I’m honestly a pretty good looking girl

[KrakenAttackin]

Perhaps you should be more interesting to him.

[abc3643]

Dump him.