Search Results: losing a guy friend

The story is quite big but I'll try my best to sum it up in just a few lines. Hope you guys can understand.
So there's this woman (let's name her Lilly) who is actually my next door neighbor. She's actually 7 years older than me, lol and she also got a brother who's the same age as me. So talking about Lilly. She's a beautiful woman with a killer smile and a fantastic personality. But like everyone else, she also got her own demons and fair share of past traumas. Even though she struggles with anxiety, adhd and other issues, she's the most resilient and determined woman I've ever seen. A true fighter! She's ambitious, driven and passionate about her work and... Yea... I could actually go on and on but... let's just get to the story.
So around this time last year, we started talking through insta. I mean... I always saw as a sister only tbh. So whenever I'd find some funny reels, I'd send it to her along with my own sister who is actually 10 years older than and also a really good friend of Lilly. Time passed by... sending reels and good night messages kinda became a tradition between us. We bonded really quickly and like she'd say... We vibed! I told myself that I think I got a best friend with whom I can share anything. And she also shared some of her biggest secrets with me too. I was slowly falling for her without even realizing that myself cos in my head I've always limited our relationship to just "friends". Long story short, we both fell in love with each other. We did go through an on and off phase in between cos we didn't want anyone to know about us especially our family members cos we come from different religious and cultural backgrounds plus, the age gap. I know it's 21st century and we should have an open mind and all but we r just afraid of losing our loved ones. So we mutually decided to end it cos it was hurting both of us and now after she's gone, there's not a single day I don't miss her and cry. And it's slowly killing me from inside. I can't...