Guys take breakups/ losing a girl harder then the opposite

[Anonymous]

Guys are truly alone in their suffering

Something I've been thinking about recently, after my most recent breakup, is that not only do guys feel emotions as acutely as women (especially negative ones, like sadness and depression), but the loss of a romantic love arguably hurts us more- and I'll explain why.

Clearly, for both men and women alike, the loss of someone you (romantically) love is hard- manifesting itself oftentimes in physical agony. Depression, mental illness, and even suicide often result from a breakup. However, I believe that it is harder on guys for three reasons: (1) guys have a possessive characteristic that makes the idea of their former-lover having sex with another guy extremely troubling, (2) nobody but a guy's mother cares about the sadness they're going through, while girls can find armies of sympathetic ears, and (3) women have an easier time getting attention from the opposite sex afterward, which numbs the pain slightly.

I've had two significant breakups in my life; one was my first love (a girl named Angelie), who I met before my first tour in Iraq- and left me shortly thereafter, and a girl (name withheld), who I was with for four years, following a toxic relationship, which ended when a former fling destroyed my reputation to my ex's friends, and I was caught cheating. Clearly the second one I deserved, but the first was a wake-up call that no matter how well you treat someone, or how much you love somebody it doesn't mean they won't leave you.

Years later I still think of Angelie- and I still love her. I found her online today, knowing enough about her to find out her (now) married name, and when I saw her with her husband, two kids as well, it still hurt. I haven't seen this girl in over 15 years. What affected me the most was not the pang of hurt I felt (admittedly mixed with happiness that she has a beautiful family), but the realization that in another 10 years I could be seeing the same thing for my recent ex- someone I loved (discovering how deeply only after we broke up) with their family, a future that should have been ours.

Thoughts?

[Finchie40]

I agree with you brother , I was married to a girl for 14 years of my life thinking she was going to be with me until i died she was my best friend , my partner in crime the mother of our beautiful children and we had are ups and downs but I stayed true to our marriage because she was my world , Her selfishness eventually took the better of her and she ended up having an affair with a married co worker and started treating me like I meant nothing to her , my gut instincts knew something was off so for my sanity I played investigator and my gut instincts were right, I busted her meeting him at a hotel and that was my final straw , after my divorce I didn’t want another relationship , because of all the negativity I heard and witnessed with relationships and how people are cheating on each other and choosing their selfish over making their relationship work , We are all faced with temptations, but if you can’t remove those temptations for your partner you have no right being on a relationship what so ever , you are a selfish piece of shit if you get off on playing with someone’s heart , I know I am not perfect and nobody is , but I don’t commit to be single , Most girls today are very selfish and only really think about themselves , when I started dating again I experienced even more crazier shit with girls to the point I don’t know if I can ever be in a relationship again , You can’t remove selfishness for someone that doesn’t remove selfishness for you , so the thing is yes I believe love exists and there is someone out there that will treat us the way we deserve to be treated and love is the way we want , but with all the people in the world , it is hard to find , Love will never grow between 2 people if you can’t remove selfishness for each other

[Vegasrunner]

The reason guys take breakups harder are pretty obvious.

1. Most guys have less options - When a girl goes through her breakup she know in the back of her head that anytime she wants to she can get back out there and there will be several guys waiting for her. Men have to spend time going out to find the next one. This is why in my opinion it's insane for a guy to limited himself to one woman.

2. Relationships are the equivalent to sports for females. - One reason the WNBA will never work is because woman dont support it and they dont support it because relationships are sports for women. Something like 90% of all relationships books are consumed by women. Guys dont usually have any education regarding how to deal w/ breakups or even understanding why they occur.

3. SOI - Much like in part 2 when a women goes through a breakup she immediately receives support from her sphere of influence. In fact I know women who have breakup parties to help the girl get over it. When a man has a breakup he is on his own. Most men dpnt have the time, energy or concern to focus on another mans female problems.

[CA4444]

Yeah it’s really hard to ‘move on’, and I do have this impression that men (or some men?) never really move on for some reason while women do? It took me like five years to move on from my last heart break and we weren’t even dating, we didn’t even spend a night together… but now I don’t find him attractive anymore, finally. I can’t imagine what it would be like to break a marriage honestly… no wonder dating is hard and takes time… protecting your heart is no joke…

[Tina19]

By my experience i can say guys take bit longer to move on from their ex emotionally and mentally they might be looking for a new match on jump in the dating game immediately again however back of there mind they will be still thinking of their ex

[Guy13]

Women are more sensitive to this and have better support networks...

[hahahmm]

Let me go back to what I say all the time... a man is willing to give his life for his woman. A woman is willing to take his life insurance. Men and women are NOT the same in 99% of cases. When you really understand the real nature of male-female relationships there's nothing to be upset about tho. It's like knowing the rules to football, you're more likely to win at that sport than if you're clueless.

What makes a man stronger is to be more like his ancestors & less like the image you see of men in modern western media. Don't assume that the media (songs, movies. articles written by women) or even your parents prepared you for the modern world in this area. A lot of what is taught is designed to benefit the woman at your expense.

[exitseven]

I have known girls who have been devastated by breakups. Mostly it depends on the individuals involved and how important the relationship was. I was dating a girl and in a very short time I managed to fall deeply in love with her. It was very intense. We dated for about 4 or 5 months and one night she dumped me and went back with her old boyfriend from high school. I was devastated. I was going through a really bad time in my life and she was like this big ray of sunshine in a really miserable existence, And now it was gone. It was hard to deal with and really made me distrustful of relationships.

[bamesjond0069]

I think it's easier for men. We are somewhat timeless in a relationship sense. Breakup, wait a few years and then check on Facebook and watch your ex having a shitty ass life. Lol. Women, with the exception of those in very good relationships, go downhill fast.

Many girls I dated now 5 10 15 years later are fat with 3 kids with 3 fathers, druggie or married to super low value men ie 5"2" and fat and not well off (no joke there is one like this and another almost as bad). I mean women lose value fast. Where in the same time my networth rose substantially and noticeably. I moved to a house on the water. I've gotten even better physical shape from excersing. So I mean... they look so shit now to me. Why feel bad? I hit it when they were hot, now they are disgusting and undatable. Nothing to feel bad about, dodged a bullet.

[SleepG0D]

as a boy i totally agree with you, like you said, when we broke up we can only rely on ourselves to survive through sadness and loss, but for women it's easier for them to find support, even that support comes naturally without being asked, for example my ex has been with me for 5 years but when we broke up not even a month she already got a man and loves him like she used to love me, like 5 years with me means nothing to her, I don't know this is because of ego or what but I as a man is very difficult to tell about our love problems with other people except they are very close people, and i don't have anyone i can really call close friends

[misogynistic_pig]

Yes, I'm going to explain why: In primitive times, men killed other men, and after killing them, they killed that man's children and reproduced with that man's wife; The woman of the deceased man, immediately became the woman of the murderer man, that is why the woman evolved to overcome ruptures easily.

[TroyDT2]

Good insight. My experience is that I don't lament a breakup, likely because I view the relationship as a mutual choice and if it is no longer mutual we are better off apart. I am also somewhat dispassionate, some might say emotionally defective, because I rarely let my emotions overrule my logic.

[art84]

My brother and his wife broke up for the third time and it's been hard on his girls for sure. My mom doesn't seem sad at all by the breakup but I remember the second time they did break up, he was sad and missed his girls so he got back together.

[KrakenAttackin]

Bro, you have no idea how this girls marriage is. When only 14% of women identify as "happy" in their marriage, there is an excellent chance she is not only not happy, but is making her husband's life miserable.

I completely understand where you are coming from, but realize you are looking back and imaging a "perfect" relationship that would actually never exist.

[ThinkFitness23]

Those who haven’t moved on simply haven’t found something better yet.


If this is the case and the break up is recent then that’s normal but if you still feel like this 3-4 years on then it’s as I mentioned above.

[FunkyMonkee]

Probably because girls can walk in an out of a relationship like a revolving door! If she drops a guy, she KNOWS where she can find and pick from 20 or 30 others to replace him!! But guys have to really bust ass to get just ONE girl!!

[Anonymous]

Not so much. Guys generally take breakups easier than girls.

But men take divorce harder than women because the legal system screws them and incentivizes women to divorce and leave men with nothing. Everything they have worked for during their adult lives is taken from them, so of course they take it harder.

[Bethany22]

I hope my first boyfriend feels that way. I will take him back if he does.

[Anonymous]

Because women never have to worry about finding someone, being alone is often a personal choice for them. It is also assumed males don't need sympathy or feelings so there's no support group for them, hence why almost every homeless is male. Men are sent to war because they are disposable and we don't need as many of them to avoid extinction

[DesiUwU]

really depends on the people

my ex dumped me and didn't shed a single tear over it, while i was devastated in the state he left me in

[Avicenna]

Women have better support systems- that has a lot to do with it. What you are experiencing, though, is not normal or healthy.

[midnightmoon05]

Both have feelings.
you are taking it hard…doesn’t mean all guys feel the same.

[ManHater]

Men who cry like this are weak. They are the men who would hang on to their women's leg because they have nothing else.

[Pleaznhim4me]

And we know this how…?

[RangerBlue22]

www.sciencedaily.com/.../211101094832.htm