Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

This is a topic that’s been talked about on GaG more than once over the years and many people seem to agree that men hurt hardest from or after a break-up. I’ve wanted to give my 2 cents on it in full for a long time now and after answering someone’s new question about it recently, I will do that now.

Break-ups do tend to impact me…

I personally will admit with no reservations about it at all that break-ups in my past have definitely impacted me pretty emotionally, though I’m not sure if it’s because I’m a guy or because I just took those relationships very seriously. I’ve never done the breaking up with any women I knew. I’ve broken friendships before when I felt like they weren’t good anymore, but never a relationship. When I really, really like a woman, I enjoy her company, her voice, her texts, everything. Even if she’s not perfect and does do some things or have some habits I may not really like. Because I feel like her good outweighs the bad. I guess I know how to be happy with a woman when I’m really, really into her, despite moments of arguing or not talking for awhile.

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

But when they decide to end it, that has usually brought me down pretty low. I’ve had times of little or no appetite because of it - for days or weeks at a time, sleeping poorly, and even giving me low-level depression before. And I think a large part of it is that I usually know the signs before it happens: she gets quieter with me, she seems less thrilled when we’re together, she answers my texts less and less. Almost always signs that there’s someone else she’s more interested in now.


I think that’s what creates the hurt of a breakup the most.


Who hurts more from breakups?...

To be honest, I don’t really know. I know how it makes this guy feel, but not sure about others. I’ve known both men and women who were pretty broken by a relationship that ended. I’ve known men who seemed pretty sad about it, and also women who were pretty open about their pain. It’s hard to tell.

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

Though if there’s one thing I notice is that women have more of a tendency to later on pretend that they’re “over it” or “moved on,” especially if they’re declaring it to the world and posting it all over Facebook. When you’re really over something and not affected by it, you’re usually not that proud and vocal about it. With guys though, I don’t often see them carrying around a bravado like that when a breakup bothered him even though women are claiming that this is what men do. If you ask them how things are/were going with the girl he was with, they usually are more modest with resigned answers like, “Well, ya know, it is what it is,” or “Nothing I can do but just let it go and move on. That’s life.”


I do feel like in these times that females want to believe that guys hurt more from an ended relationship because they like the idea of it bothering guys and like an idea of guys being emotionally inferior or something. Back when I was growing up in the 90s, the burned or heartbroken woman was an extremely common thing, even in entertainment, but now we live in times where things are influenced to be reversed where men are supposed to be the weak ones, and supposed to be discovered and researched as such.


If guys really do hurt more…

I think it’s because the relationship really meant a hell of a lot to him. He really, really liked the girl all over, more than just physically. He liked her being around. He liked how comfortable he was with her and how they could spend time together, and how she brought him some level of happiness.

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

As a guy speaking from a guy’s perspective, I think it actually is very hard for a man to find a woman he really, really likes to that degree of enjoying her so much. Guys can fuck women they don’t really love all the time. But to actually like a woman in a real, deep way beyond fucking her is maybe a little more rare I think, and especially if he actually found one who really does care about him emotionally as well. So when that happens and eventually the relationship is over, I believe that is going to affect him, yeah.

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

People - especially women - keep using the tired logic that men hurt more from break ups because they “bottle it up” and don’t talk about it. I feel like this is too often people’s excuse for just not wanting to listen to men. Men are talking and pouring themselves out more than people really care to acknowledge, and when men do they often get the tough love advice, quick slap on the shoulder to just keep moving on, or people even think they’re being babies or so sensitive for caring so much. I know I’ve certainly experienced all this from people in the past, and it leaves you feeling foolish for ever saying anything to anyone, and you regret it.


And if women really do get over breakups sooner...

I do tend to believe that relationships for women really aren’t quite as big a deal to them as they may proclaim, and maybe not even as much as they realize themselves. I think for a lot of women a relationship with a man is based more on feeling good that they’re not single, that they have a man they can talk about, are getting sex that they want, or getting things from him period. I definitely do think there are women who enjoy the emotional connection with a guy, but I honestly think most women are just happy that a man is being mentally and emotionally satisfying for her.

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

Women also get their situation taken more seriously by others when she talks about it. There is the difference in reception between genders as I explained earlier. People will more often and more carefully take the time to hear a woman talk about her breakup and how it bothered her than they do for men.

Although they may not say it, and may not openly recognize it, I do believe that deep down women do tend to see men as expendable or replaceable, which is why breakups may not really hurt them as much. I think women do see men and sex as something they think they can always get and always change up, so they may not see ending a relationship as a big deal.

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

Though at the same time women are emptier and more restless than men. They are more prone to ADHD feelings with guys and relationships where they either can’t be content for very long or lose interest after awhile and blame it on the guy being boring or not being interesting. It's why 70% of relationships and marriages are ended by women and it’s the same reason why women want “change” more often than men, which researchers want to call a good thing when in reality it’s not because a woman’s constant need for change is rooted in her own inner emptiness, unhappiness, and restlessness. What person who is really happy and content with life or themselves needs change all that often? Do any of us ever want or need a change now and then? Of course. But true change is not something most people actually pursue on a constant basis. So they’ll keep going through this cycle until they finally realize that they have to work on changing what’s inside themselves.


So if women really do hurt less from a breakup that could explain it.

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?

And that’s all my 2 cents on it. What I’ve thought about it for some years now.

#PainOfBreakingUp

Do Men Or Women Hurt the Hardest After A Break-Up?
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Pinay_ako

    I think whoever loved the most, hurts the most. Because they're the ones who invested more in the relationship. If you give the person you love your everything, when they leave, they'll take it all with them.

    Is this still revelant?
    • This is an excellent observation.

    • Pinay_ako

      Thank you for that :)

    • ready_4

      Have you ever visited restaurant toilet to pee

    • Show All

What Girls & Guys Said

2939
  • Whoever cared the most always loses in the end. It is very hard to find a relationship today where both people have the same level of investment and love for one another.

  • Breakups hurt anyone who has feelings. Some guys try to submerge their feelings and the effects of a breakup may not be apparent on the surface. That means it will take them longer to process what has happened.

    Breakups hurt anyone who has feelings. It is an awful experience.

    There is no value in comparing how hurt I feel to how hurt my ex feels. Why does it matter who hurts worse?

  • Lance1965

    Women become more emotional over it but they move on so much quicker. I have known so many guys that are still grieving over a relationship that ended years ago while their exes found someone new with days or weeks after the break-up. In a lot of cases women already have a new guy lined up and often that is why the break-up occurred in the first place.

    • I was about to say that, that if they found a new guy within days or weeks of the breakup it was probably because she was already fooling around with them while she was with the other guy, and then just decided to end it. That's what hurts, that the woman was into someone else.

    • Lance1965

      Yes, often women love opportunistically. They see the chance of what they see as a upgrade so they wait for the right moment and then go for it. My ex did it to me and had no problem admitting to it. The same thing happened to a guy that lives down the road from me.

    • YES! That is exactly how I'm trying to explain it, you said it perfectly. Women love opportunisticly. They get short-lived feelings for a man and then later they're "getting feelings" for someone else. That's why I believe that women don't really know how to be content with a relationship.

    • Show All
  • HOAAH

    Did you just break up with your Asian gf? If yes, sorry for your pain.

    Honestly, i have never really broken up with a guy but my sister breaks up and moves on super quick because she already fell out of love for a while before the breakup.

    I think it depends on the person, if they truly had hope that was crushed or not.

    • We almost did break up recently. We're still not exactly what we were before though. I love her and care about her but I don't think she's seeing it right now. I think she has inner problems she needs to work out.

  • RussianNestingDoll

    From what I can tell, it’s guys. They always come back and seem lost. After I break up or get broken up with. I simply move on with my life, even if it’s hard. #survivalgoals

    • I think a good connection with the opposite sex means more to men than it does for women at the end of the day.

    • The actual truth is that modern western women simply tend to be more emotionally shallow, selfish, insincere and spoiled. Since it is far easier to find someone new who is willing to be their lover than it is for most men. Most western women just use men like toys and tools while always keeping an eye out for a "bigger better deal".

      If women actually were forced to be alone for years after every breakup, they would have to mature a bit and learn to compromise more and be more considerate and empathetic, but as it is, most women don't stop being disloyal little narcissists until well into menopause. So this prideful posing as if you are emotionally "tougher" or more pragmatic than the guys you dumped, that's just an illusion afforded you by the absurdly gynocentric society here in the west.

    • Mailo

      @Timelesswisdom your comment is absurdly filled with bitterness and hate. You should see a psychiatric

    • Show All
  • md_tilley

    I guess it's more dependent on who's "fault" it was sometimes, but usually not then not i see guys hurt much worse than girls do but on the emotional scale girls hurt worse but not for prolonged periods of time, guys usually mask the feelings but hurt for a lot longer

    • I think a good connection with the opposite sex means more to men than it does to women.

  • MaverickAngel

    I dont understand why this question is gendered? Both sexes are capable of hurting equal although they may show it differently. It just depends on the individual (are they emotionally disconnected... broken?) and whether they had feelings in the first place...

  • lightbulb27

    I think we hurt differently. I think men feel it in the heart more and women feel it more in the head... that's theory. which is more, I don't know.

    It hurts, and takes time to heal. I see both sexes run to mask the pain with drugs depeding upon the person.

  • ThisIsMyOpinion

    Depends. The one who gets hurt the most is the one who didn't wanted to end the relationship or the one that was still happy in it.
    I think that after a big break up I learned that all it takes is some time to heal and get back on your feet. No matter the situation or who broke up with who. What matters is walking away with your head up. It hurts, of course it does, so much even if you did the dumping. Still people need to be strong and believe that another love will come.

  • VIVANT

    I think anyone can hurt a lot from a break up and knowing their chromosomes won’t lend much if any insight as to their specific situation.

    I do think people who :

    -have no support system
    -are obsessive
    -prone to drugs or self medicating
    have depression or nothing to look forward to in life in general
    -experiences self hatred
    -bottles their feelings or has outbursts of hatred or violence to deal with feelings
    -never learnt to self soothe or process emotions rationally
    - experiences abuse esp when young
    - was raped
    - has ptsd for other reasons
    - has been traumatized in relationships before
    - has been dealt a rough life overall

    And really many other things , will fall harder if they were emotionally invested and hurt, than those who are emotionally balanced and with support...

    But who the fuck knows in advance who that will be or what gender that’s going to be in any given situation 🤷‍♀️

    • VIVANT

      Starry starry night 😊😊

    • Snakeyes7

      Yeah. I have been through a ton of abuse as a kid physically and psychologically by my mother. My father was there but he was too scared to do anything about it and tbh I don't blame him. She seems to be the type of person who would initiate divorce and take my little sister and me from him and make him pay child support.

      So as a result, I thought women only existed to make men miserable. I thought women were always scrutinizing my every move and look down on me and my future was just to be married to some horrible woman and would be her slave for the rest of my life. I have been in a few relationships that proved that but my last one I had two years ago was not that way at all.

      She was really sweet, had a perfect family, same religion and she was exactly my type. After meeting her at her parents for the first time, I couldn't stop crying tears of joy because their existence went against everything I have been taught since day 1 and I could not have been happier to be wrong. I eventually told her everything and she promised she would never treat me like my mother did. After a year though, she dumped me out of nowhere saying that God told her to. She probably found another man who wasn't so fucked up in the head.

      Now I was depressed before (the relationship mostly killed it off), but now it is the worst it has ever been. I am on month 9 of the breakup and I still don't feel any better. My view of women is better but it still sucks. I have been thinking of suicide especially within the first five months. I cannot trust anyone enough to make new friends (I have friends but they live 2+ hours from me). I am seeing a therapist but barely any progress has been made that hasn't been made on my own.

      Sorry for the long comment but my point is, due to my past I completely agree because I relate to about half of your list.

    • @Snakeyes7 Try EMDR therapy. Works like a charm in a very short time. Read the book on it by Francine Shapiro Ph. D. "Getting past your past".
      It is really necessary thst before any kind of therapy you take "Mindfulness Meditation" classes for a few months, not necessarily for feeling calm, but mainly for gathering certain kinds of information about yourself, accessing very valuable processing tools, and actually learning the ABCs of therapy. Make sure you have a really good instructor with a degree not just some fun yoga instructor. It's very different from yoga.
      Group therapy also usually works really fast.

    • Show All
  • inmensus

    It depends on who was more invested in the relationship. And if they were both equally into it, then either way, men and women process pain in different ways so you can't choose which one is worse than the other.

  • I feel that women always want to make you feel as bad as possible in case of a break up no matter if you break up with her, or she breaks up with you. I feel that therefore men hurt more.

  • Tracy__

    Women hurt the most. Men are easy to just move on to the next like nothing ever happened. After being with my ex fiancé for almost 5 years after the coward lived a double life and lied to me over and over. He would fuck around and hook up with women not caring the age or what they looked like.

    • Gavyn

      Well if he could do that clearly he never cared. You should see what breakups do to men who care. You wouldn't say that afterwards.

    • Tracy__

      Really? How is that? Because I know for a fact my ex never gave a single fact about me or what he did to me if he kept cheating over and over.

    • Malik00

      If a man cared about a relationship and you just cut him off because you got bored, he's more likely to kill himself.

  • coffeelover1999

    I have heard that Guys hurt the most after a breakup. Because girls tend to cry more and talk about how they are feeling so they tend to get over it quicker. But most guys don't like showing their emotions. They hold how they are feeling inside of them so long that the hurt festers there and shows up in other ways if that makes sense. While there are some guys that this doesn't impact at all I think for the most part it hurts guys more. It hurts a mans pride that they weren't enough for their partner. Men hold on to the pain of that heart break way longer than a woman does and I think that's why a lot of men have commitment issues.
    I hope how I said that makes sense...

    • Did you read the whole Take? Cuz if you did you would've come to where I said:
      "People - especially women - keep using the tired logic that men hurt more from break ups because they “bottle it up” and don’t talk about it. I feel like this is too often people’s excuse for just not wanting to listen to men. Men are talking and pouring themselves out more than people really care to acknowledge, and when men do they often get the tough love advice, quick slap on the shoulder to just keep moving on, or people even think they’re being babies or so sensitive for caring so much. I know I’ve certainly experienced all this from people in the past, and it leaves you feeling foolish for ever saying anything to anyone, and you regret it."

    • Nah, men just tend to be more sincere and have more actual love.

    • I sorta know what you mean... It's like a have a deep sadness inside that I never show or let out... But how do I let it out?
      I never feel like crying or anything.. if I did that it would be forced... But the sadness is still inside of me

    • Show All
  • TheSikuu

    Men. There's been studies on this. They said men take longer to fall in love but fall hard once they do and women fall quick but not as hard. Then when we break up women tend to get over the man fairly quick and the man never gets 100% over the woman.
    This has been true for me every time, the girl always gets over me first and I'm still thinking about her here and there years later.

  • Dalisay

    I think women take it harder at first, but men take a long time to get over it.

  • smg99

    I don’t know many men who sincerely grieve it , shortly before giving in to a new temptation just as women do.
    Rationality is the governing center in males, whilst emotion is to women.

  • MyExperience

    grief, loss, or sorrow are not gender specific traits.

  • dy8alexUk

    Both men and women hurt. some guys take it in there stride. It hurt me I was with wife 30 years it took me 2 years to heal I was glad I had my little York dog candy she helpt ease the pain

  • Logorithim

    Good thoughts here. I've always thought it was men.

  • Nikkismith

    whoever was more emotionally invested in the relationship

  • Pejtu

    the one who loved more definetly - it hurts this person much much more then u can think even

  • Browneye57

    Too much drivel. But yeah, guys do. Women are biologically programmed to move on, it's part of their solipsistic nature. It's built in.

    • smg99

      It’s not part of our nature it’s groomed by society to not speak out, move on and understand that a mans’ choice is out of their control.
      Now please don’t say we crave control, other functions of life need attention to so that life doesn’t come to a halt.

      Such as a break up with children involved or a high paying career that expects a lot from the women.

      We are multi taskers however the short grieving process is not a luxury most can afford.

    • Browneye57

      @smg99 - "We are multi taskers however the short grieving process is not a luxury most can afford."

      WTF? What does this even mean? Do you know what convuluted means?

      Women are programmed to move on - it's part of their survival nature, their self preservation, it benefits them and their offspring. It comes from a bazillion years of biological programming - for every war the men were killed and the women and children taken into the new society. Women had to let go and move on to survive and to protect their children.

      Men love idealistically. It kills them when it fails.
      Women love opportunistically. They're plugged in as long as it suits and satisfies their needs and wants. When it quits doing that they shut down sexually, cheat bail or any combination. It's just reality.

      75% of divorces are initiated by women. This proves it. They move on easier than men. If you don't believe it then you're just not well connected to what is real and what is fantasy.

    • smg99

      You just can’t see past it’s deeper meaning in essence it’s summarized view of your rambling.

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  • Timelesswisdom

    It's usually men who hurt the worst, they tend to have a deeper attachment and don't feel their partner is as expendable or easily replaceable as most modern women do.

  • mr_mxy

    I thought the section talking about women not caring as much was particularly interesting and certainly agree for the most part its true.

  • Robbey

    Whoever was the most emotionally invested will hurt the most.

  • PinkMichae

    I don't think one sex takes it harder than the other. I think it depend on the Individual.

  • Lizalogan

    Both depending on who it is and also why it has happened.

  • I think it depends on the person, although, I believe women can get over it easier since they can easily find someone after to help them forget.

  • OvershareGamer

    Well according to the national suicide rate. Men are far more beaten from it. Also women tend to get over it quicker.

  • Shera63

    Honestly, both parties hurt. It's just men and woman process break-ups differently.

  • JudgmentDay

    No idea, but it probably hurts much more compared to somebody that's never been in a relationship before and never had to deal with any break ups their entire life. Sure looks and seems more painful. It all comes down to how emotionally attached and invested they are into the other person. They're never would have realized that it's all but an illusion. There is no "together forever" nor "happily ever after". It is what it is, things change constantly, and it was only as "good" or "fun", or whatever while it lasted.

    So if one wants to gamble with their emotions, take their chances, they might be fine or they set themselves up for more pain and miseries in comparison to those that refuse to gamble or bother to get involved with anybody else.

  • Cherrylicious

    Women because most men are heartless, inconsiderate, and selfish.

    • True, and after reading this comment on going to try and become more heartless and selfish to females

    • @UglyestGuyEver Triggered by honesty😂😂😂

    • Not really... Jus triggered by the simple fact your trying to insult us and belittle us strictly for the purpose of trying to upset us... That what pisses me off... Not the fact were heartless unloving beings... I have no problems admitting that

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  • melekarduc

    I think women hurt the MOST. We tend to hurt the most because we’re vulnerable, caring, we love hard, we can’t let go easily. Sure there are women who let go easily and go don’t hurt as much after a break up, but majority of women do. WE HURT SO FUCKING MUCH. Men have no damn feelings! They can be with one women today and break their heart and go onto the next one by next week. Yes they might miss some moments they had together with their partner but they’re so freaking easy and good at letting go. Again, MEN HAVE NO DAMN FEELING!!!

    • Wow, calm the hell down. Of course we have feelings, if we really love a girl, we never truly get over her
      Even if we meet someone new, we will never be as happy as were before.
      You seriously have no idea how guys think or feel.

    • Tracy__

      I strongly agree. My ex fiancé now of almost 5years took me for granted over and over. Read my story on my page. He cheated from left to right and I continue staying hoping he will see the good women that I am. Shit got worst so now I had to literally walk away for good. As bad as it sounds I still miss him and care for him even though he never did for me. It’s only been a week of our break up and it hurts so bad.

    • melekarduc

      Aw that’s very heart breaking, I’m going through something similar to your situation so I feel you. But hopefully everything will be good for you soon :)

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  • genericname85

    obviously the one who got rejected or broken up with.

  • l would say its the guy as its very easy for a girl to get a new guy

  • valualty

    Men and women are both human. And both can suffer the same way

  • Lightning8

    I think the male suicide rates post breakup are telling

  • joyce69

    We both get hurt but I think we get hurt more than guys

  • Dchrls78104

    In my country, the women seem to implode after a breakup.
    The men seem to explode.

  • yogosloth

    From what i see i think its women who are hurr more. Of course its can vary.

  • America1st

    In general, I think more women do.

  • boulshyte

    depends who got fucked over more.

  • NEOTUNIA2U

    I think both, it depends on who.

  • asde1

    men do
    that's why they kill women the most

    • asde1

      women do not care about anything but themselves

      men actually care about his fellow man
      most of them anyway

  • sasukeuchiha7

    It depends on the person and on the breakup

  • Millesa80

    Who thinks rationally hurt less

  • HereIbe

    Not that easy.

  • CoffeeWC

    I think it depends on the individual

  • queenrxse

    Depends on the person

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