Please talk sense into me?

[anonbrunette99]

So. Rejection.

a guy I really liked rejected me bc I changed my mind about being intimate w/ him he even asked me to leave his place when I explained to him the next day why it was he told me he was put off. Now someone else also rejected me that week for drunkingly hitting on a guy with a girlfriend who said I made him uncomfortable and I asked to kiss him but she didn’t even wanna be my friend bc apparently that was “iffy”..

the rejection hurt so much I stayed in bed stopped going gym stopped tracking my calories (big deal to me as I lost 60lbs and in the process of losing more) didn’t answer any of my friends and all in all I feel like shit. Because I had also been used for sex / friendzoned / rejected by two other guys this year it just feels like I’m not good enough no matter how hard I try so why should I even try if I’m still not enough even when I’ve been putting all my effort to be better. Rejection sucks and it hurts I physically don’t want to do anything but dwell on it. Pathetic right?

[TonyV]

So you got drunk and sexual harrassed some random guy and you feel rejected cause he wasn't into that?
You just sexualized that guy, similar to how yhe other guy sexualized you, you didn't like it so why did you do it to this other guy?
This guy wanted nothing to do with you just like you didn't want anything to do with the guy that sexualized you.
And again this story involved you drinking. First you got drunk and sexted the other guy (a huge mixed signal), then you got drunk and went to his place where he tried to sleep with you. And now you got drunk and sexually harrased this new guy.

Just an outside perspective, not meant to be mean but in my opinion I don't think alcohol is a good fit for you, I think you should drink less, you've told us about 3 bad events and they all included you being drunk and making decisions you regretted later.

Rejection sucks too, but twice in a year... sounds like your doing just fine, 2 times a year ain't nothing compared to guys dating, most dudes, any dude under 6' for sure that's on tinder gets rejected at least twice a week.

So
1 Don't give up just cause you got rejected twice, rejection sucks but you can't let fear of it stop you.
2 cut back on the drinking, it dosent seem to be working well for you.
3 Good job loosing the weight, loosing weight is hard, it involves a lot of changes and effort, I know I'm doing it too. Exercise makes you feel better and is a great way to improve yourself so keep up that good work.

[anonbrunette99]

Before I read the rest can I let you know I don’t feel rejected by him I feel rejected by my friend who couldn’t see past that

[anonbrunette99]

The guy genuinely did have a girlfriend and I feel embarrassed for hitting on him I felt rejected because my friend couldn’t see past that. PS I asked to kiss him nothing sexual but I understand your point. In terms of the alcohol thing, we all make mistakes whilst drunk I don’t want to just cut it out as there’s plenty of times I’ve had a lot of fun when I was drunk of course a handful of times it has went side ways I’ve probably had 50 fun drunk experiences over the years and perhaps 5 bad experiences. Would you really quit over 5 bad times? And thank you for congratulating me on the weight loss I plan to keep it up at least to have a healthy hobby if anything and tone up

[TonyV]

Oh I see a friend not the guy, my mistake.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not acting like I'm perfect with alcohol either, made my mistakes too. Maybe dropping it cold turkey is a bit drastic but I've had to take breaks from it or dial it back too.
And I'm not accusing you of only being able to have fun drunk but I've heard a saying before "if the activity is only fun when drunk, then maybe you should find a new hobby/activity.

I appreciate your rational reply, seems to many people on here ask for advice and when they get constructive criticism, or just don't hear what they want they have a meltdown and start name-calling.

So you explaining why you don't 100% agree with my take was a refreshing change of pace.
You seem like a nice girl, I'm sure you'll find a good guy before to long, keep your chin up, keep doing the weight loss cause it seems to make you happy and feel pride in yourself, don't hit on guys in relationships, try to avoid the badboys/fuckboys/players and I think you'll do fine

[IAteTwoFullHams]

This is just what dating is. It sucks until it doesn't. You have months and months of ludicrously, comically bad dates, and then suddenly you meet someone special and your whole life changes.

And it *especially* sucks in your early twenties, when no one really knows what they're doing or what they want.

You just have to keep getting thrown off the horse and climbing back on. There's no other way.

[anonbrunette99]

So you think if a guy meets me and doesn’t think we have chemistry but still wants to text me every now and then or sleep with me it’s not so much about me not being enough it’s about them not knowing what they want? Unless I have presented myself in an unserious way or did something that would create red flag?

[Bang5luts]

Listen, you can't concern yourself with that guy, you said no he through a fit. Right now your life and self image should be number one. You need to go and do something you normally wouldn't do that could be considered a treat, maybe get your best friend and go trying on outfits, and pick some that are a size too small or a size you can set an achievable goal and reach. Then but an outfit, start taking better care of yourself, stand up straight, and emulate sexy things women do. Then work out and let the thought of the outfit fitting you be your motivator and think of the guys that are going to chase you once you can wear it. I am sure there are lots of other Tibbs that you can do that probably would necessarily be appropriate for me to suggest. I truly hope this helps and hold your head high you set a boundary and didn't feel comfortable letting it down and probably for good reason. Now reward yourself!!

[RealMarek]

Write this on the blackboard 100 times:

”Don’t hit on guys with girlfriends. If you can’t avoid it when drunk, don’t drink.”

Rejection is difficult but you need to move on. There are other men. Keep looking.

[anonbrunette99]

Can I just let you know I am not mad that guy rejected me it restored my faith in men. I am hurt my friend couldn’t see past that and wanted nothing to do with me.

[RealMarek]

I see. That is too bad.

[Anonymous]

What's funny about your rejection story with the guy you didn't want to be intimate with is that right now, he's sitting around a group of his friends talking about how he was just rejected by this girl.

[anonbrunette99]

But for him to just be completely put off because I didn’t want to sleep with him anymore is crazy

[Opinion Owner]

Why would it be crazy for him to be put off? And what do you mean by "didn't want to sleep with him ANYMORE?" Does that mean you HAD slept him previously?

[Curiouslad123]

Your picking the wrong guys also don’t have sex with them wait. Pick a gentleman not a bad boy.

[anonbrunette99]

A lot of guys just don’t want to wait :/

[Curiouslad123]

The right guy would wait for the right guy don’t settle

[xiaolian]

Stop, let them chase and put yourself first