If he found someone else, why can't we be friends? Why did he throw me away?

[Anonymous]

I'm confused and hurt. Please someone advise...
We have been friends for a while but since he moved away, he expressed wanting to be together (sort of- like in a roundabout way) and I agreed. But that we live too far apart since he moved, so nothing came of it.

We ALWAYS talked and texted! Little time would pass without communication.

At one point I felt like we were in too much contact, and he wasn't my boyfriend. Like he took up a lot of my time. So I took a step back. Then he took a step back. And we both kept doing it.

Now he's flat out ignoring me. Entirely. Then he'd message me, and I would wonder why now? I let his last one go, and after a few days gave him a call. He texted me he was busy, and sorry. Then a couple days later he asked me how I was. I answered and returned the question, but he never answered me. Then said "Sorry, been busy." I told him hope all is going ok?

No response ever since. It's been a week. Now what? I'm so upset, I feel like I won't ever hear from him again. I feel like the ball is in his court.

I have no clue what he is thinking but I am all for talking it out. He's been online really late at night on our messenger, and I can only assume he's chatting with another gal... which is fine, whatever. But if that's what happened, why did he forget me? We were friends above all.

Updates

+1 y

I can't help but still feel like I was used or something. The way he would do this, like he's no use for me...

[heyheyheyjustlisten]

Okay well don't get mad at me but did you ever think about your friend in the romantic sense because I mean it's rare to find that kind of boy girl best friend type of relationship without any feelings attached. It honestly sounds like you want to be more than just friends... just from this personal statement. But I mean if that's the case and if he has feelings for you too then you guys taking steps away from each other hurt him just as much as you're hurting now, maybe more considering you took the initiative. But when a guy says he's busy he usually isn't bullshitting like a lot of girls do when we play our little "games" you know? I think it's best to maybe give it another week and in that time text him and see what's going on.

[Barbie_doll07]

My advice is to talk him and tell him you miss him and your friendship. Say something short like, "I know you're busy, but we were really close friends and I miss having that," or along those lines, whatever you feel appropriate. Just don't get too emotional or send him a long message, and then see how he responds. If he seems like he cares then continue to make an effort, but if he doesn't seem like it's that important to him then you may just have to let him go :( if there is another girl that may be why he stopped talking to you. It's nothing personal, but when a guy gets involved with a girl I feel like he drops any other girl, even if they're just friends, to focus on her.

[Asker]

Thank you for this suggestion, I have been trying to think of what to say. It's just so awkward he way he has left me hanging :-( feel like it's really all done.

[Chiii]

He was probably very hurt that you pulled back to begin with and then he started to pull away too. If two people are meant for each other, distance shouldn't matter. Relationships are about emotional connections, not physical. The only thing you can do is shoot him a text and make it long and thorough how you feel. If he still doesn't respond, it's time to move on. It's tough, but it will be worth it in the end. If he can't put in time for you, he's not worth your time.

[Asker]

Thank you, I'm considering what to say, I'd like to let him know how I feel. Even if he again doesn't respond I will know I've said my peace.

[ForReal]

I hate to say this but it was never going to last, LDR's are almost impossible anyway but it doesn't sound like you were officially together to start with. The commitment to start and hold a relationship together is daunting if you're living in the same area much less apart. As soon as you took a step back-game over. I don't understand blowing you off or at least explaining why he is winding down you're friendship, out of sight out of mind, I guess.
It's a dishonor to your friendship to treat you this way, but people can be surprisingly thoughtless. But like I said, sadly it stood very little chance of working.

[Asker]

I can't stand that he's just blown me off like this. I really had to pull back a bit (couple months ago by now). I figured in a relationship there'd be difficulty but never expected our friendship to end. :-(

[ForReal]

I hope I say this right, because it doesn't compare exactly. A while back I moved to Texas from Iowa where i had lived my whole life, it's in the neighborhood of a 1000 miles away. It wasn't really all that long before I started to lose touch with people I'd known my whole life, now to be sure nobody was ignoring anyone and I absolutely know they are my friends for life but my point is life goes on, people get busy, people lose touch. This could be a little of what's going on but certainly not all. I am a straight, white male but sometimes I am astounded how insensitive men can be, I don't know why you guys even put up with us, lol

[Editor]

I think he's starting to realize that a long-distance relationship for the two of you is not going to work. Since you've been friends for a long time, he's not just blowing you off, but he knows it just can't be the same as it was before. If he has met someone he wants as a girlfriend, he might have a hard time convincing her that you're not romantically involved.

The sad part is that the distance between you will probably end your relationship, but at least he's not being cruel, just confused. Best wishes to you.

[Bob5555]

Like other people said, you stepped back so he did it as well. Now it's a power struggle to see which one of you cares less than the other one. Stupid games.

[Asker]

As silly as it is I hope it's just this. I really had to step back though, it was too much a pseudo relationship. Still haven't heard from him though.

[Cleveland]

I think you hurt him by wanting to take a step back and now he is mirroring you. You may have been friends first, but if he developed feelings, it may be easier for him to get over you by staying busy and keeping his distance.

[Blueeyes81]

I would say that when you backed off, he felt hurt and tried to move on. Things can back fire on you sometimes.