I rejected him, why can't we still be best friends?

[goofygirl34949]

OK so my best friend that I have known forever and liked forever (and he has liked me forever) asked me out and I have always dreamed of him doing that but when he asked me out I started getting thoughts of what we could lose if we did go out and so I said no. Now the problem is in the past year he found a new girlfriend then they broke up and I can still tell he likes me and I still like him but he hasn't spoken to me since he asked me out and I miss him! What should I do? Should I start to talk to him? Should I ignore him? I'm to scared to ask him out again so what should I do?

[heatherlu]

He likes you - it's out in the open now. There's no going back - so the thought of you two being just friends again and going back to how it was, for him, I'm guessing is pretty impossible. He put himself out there, and you shot him down. It's hard to get over that. And if he still has those feelings he's going to be very aware of that whenever he's around you - and won't be able to act the same.

If you want something to happen - it has to be by your doing now.

If you want to be with him - as more than a friend - then it has to be you who does the asking. Tell him that back then you were too unsure of how it would play out, and didn't want to risk losing what the two of you had; but seen as that's happened anyway - in hindsight that fear seemed silly. Tell him you have feelings, and if he still has his, you'd very much like it if you could try a relationship.

If you just want to be his friend ... it's probably not a great idea. If you still have feelings, and you assume he does too - it'll probably get messy and complicated again. If you like him as more - then go for it. If you don't - accept that if he can't have you in the capacity that he wanted, he very possibly doesn't want you at all (because it's too painful, or embarrassing, or uncomfortable or whatever).

[hmblmr]

You've hurt him big time and he's trying o get over you, if you think you defo like him ask him out.

[Phoenix52]

I'm going to tell you from my perspective...

If there's a girl I like, for more than friendship, there's absolutely NO WAY I can handle the thought of her being just a 'friend' and nothing more. It's torture for us guys who have girls as friends that we want to sleep with, or have a relationship with. We could be friends, but we'll always want more than that. Whether it's a f*ck buddy or relationship.

--This applies to sensitive-type guys. They haven't had much success with relationships.

The insensitive-type of guys who don't give a sh*t what the outcome is - they could keep you as a friend and not worry or dwell on it. These types of guys are successful players who've had variable success with previous girls and experience with them. So they won't mind if you want to stay friends - they'll just find new girls. But the thought of sleeping with you, aka FWB, will cross their mind off and on.

So anyway, this guy doesn't want to be your friend. It's obvious through his actions.Although you're happy with the friendship you had, he wasn't. And the friendship I had with an old female friend of mine is no more because I wanted more out of it while she didn't.

[oldguysrule]

If you're really friends, then you should be able to communicate openly, with each other. I'm sure you guys have spoken, about everything under the sun, including personal things. If you really want to take your friendship to next level, then I think you need to step up, and speak from the HEART, let him know you still want to be friends, and yet take that friendship to the next level. It can really be, a beautiful relationship. When your best friend asks you out, and is turned down, then the ball is in your court.I think, he thinks you don't like him, because you didn't want to go out. You know your friend, so keep that in mind, and good luck. My wife and I had the same type of relationship, and we have been married now for 27 years.

[MrOracle]

If one person has romantic feelings, and the other doesn't, then it's usually too painful for the person with feelings to remain friends. Either that, or they'll never stop pushing for more.

In any case, it's a rare exception where people can still be friends. The overwhelming majority of the time, it doesn't work.

Have you ever been in love? If so, you know that you always want to be near that person, to hold them and be close to them and tell them how you feel. Being around that person, and having them be close and nice to you, but not being able to be THAT KIND of close with them or talk about your feelings for them is maddening. It's like being starving to death and being locked in a bakery and having to smell bread and cookies baking, but never getting to eat. It's a tease and it's torture. That's what it is like for him to be around you, but not allowed to have you. Understand?

[Raiden]

Have you never been rejected?

He moved on. But if you ask him out, it could go 4 ways:

1) If he is stil interested then he will take you on a date but it will be weird because you already hurt the guy.

2) He would keep you interested until he finds another girl then reject you

3) He might accept, then shagg you and then reject you

4) Complete rejection/ignore you

[kambo_trick3y]

I don't understand your logic.

You have two choices on how to start a relationship based off of attraction.

1 - Be attracted to a COMPLETE stranger, with no pre-established intimate or spiritual connection, and just wing it from there.

2 - Be attracted to a friend, WITH proven and established intimate and spiritual connection, and build from there.

Apparently, you do not like number 2, which is the superior of the two, so you must only go after number 1.

This.

does.

not.

make.

sense.

[Frunkiss]

Ahaha yeah

[kheserthorpe]

You can't be friends.

Your idea that you could avoid dating and be besties for life was a dream.

If you like him, ask him out, but he may turn you down. But go for it.

[goofygirl34949]

but I don't get it! why can't we be friends?

[kheserthorpe]

Because its torture for the person who wants more.

Because the closeness was driven by a desire for more. It wasn't fake, but he felt strongly for reasons beyond friendship.

Because to really be just friends, he'd date others, and become bonded to them, and not have the same time/interest in you.

[goofygirl34949]

But when he is close to me he doesn't seem like he is being tortured...

[Anonymous]

Yet another pice of evidence in the LONG list of evidence that the whole, "what we could lose if we DID go out!" line of reasoning is COMPLETE crap. Anything you THINK you have is going to go bye-bye the second one of you starts screwing your new love interest like a bunny on meth. So either take your relationship to the next level (sex) or watch it fade away. It will not last as it is.

[CheshireLokiison]

Get with him and see how it goes!