Should I stay friends with my best friend, after rejection?

[Anonymous]

As we all knows, girls like to say "lets just be friends" to let you down... few however DO want to be friends. I'm gonna keep this short and concise :D

Long story short: Became best friends with this girl that rejected me when I FIRST MET her. She DOES genuinely care for me, listen to me, etc etc over our friendship of 8 months. Basically, she IS a true friend. She does however keep rejecting my romantic advances, and yes I did tell her I loved her down the road... which leads to my next point

Because I talked to her JUST TO DATE HER... and I can't and REFUSE to rid myself of my own feelings for her... I keep "breaking up" our friendship over and over... and today it happened for the final time I'm sure

I'm still torn though.. I can either "Settle" and be her friend, and she gets what she wants(my friendship) while I get nothing, or walk away from the friendship. The reason why I'm torn is that she IS a true friend... but at the same time I have my own needs too, I'm a guy too that's standing up for he wants by walking away

Stay friends

Walk away from the friendship

Other (post what)

[Anonymous]

man its almost as if your describing my life. except I'm u. I've contenplated walking away too. but, I was scared of how much I would miss him. I ALSO, understood Iwas fustrated angry cause he started to tell me his feelings ... then , nothing . he went cold on me and left me hanging kinda. well in regards to a relationship.. I guess. I've been tryuing so hard to act like its ok.. and I've been trying to not sound needy or be too clingy. with the hope he know how much I care for him. but he doesn't acknowledge me that way .. obviously, anyway I would have walked away because I don't want to just be friends.. but your right I'm guilty of saying over and over in my head because I don't wanna get hurt by him anymore.. its a struggle every single day and when I see him to not state my case..it sucks trying to maintain a frienship with someone you know you would be so happy with being there love..anyway, I haven't walked away yet.. hoping he will come around. but I myself isn't this strong to keep up a front...im thinking of before I walk away for good I owe it to my self to find out why?... why we came so close for him to leave me standing still feeling dumb.so I say all this to say if you don't want any regrets talk to her first and decide from there. ...

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

You should move on to. And just find something else to preoccupy your mind. Gaming, Sports, School, Work, Working out, some other hobby, etc. Whatever it is for you that you enjoy. Just focus on it and not the guy.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Though, if you haven't been assertive, open, and taken the initiative to tell him how you feel, than that's the bigger problem. Gotta do that first and foremost. It doesn't make you clingy to be honest about your attraction. It doesn't make you look desperate to us guys. No guy is gonna think that of a girl. So ya, if yo haven't taken the initiative, do it, otherwise you're gonna continue to suffer. And if you have already, then move on.

[allyjane11]

Wow, I was in a similar situation with a guy friend, except we did hook up and ''dated'' for 5 months, but he never officially said we were. Anyways, in the end he wanted to go back to being friends, and I know what you mean when you say friendship is not enough. I had to break it off with him, even tho we worked well as just friends for years.

even though it's easy to say ''walk away'' I think if you're in love with her you will always be thinking about her and wondering what if. and staying friends is not a good solution either, but I think as long as you're always open and honest with her about your feelings, she will have to respond somehow sooner or later: Either you will realize there is no chance for you two or she will come around and be your girlfriend... It's a time waster but do what feels right at the moment.

[kia58]

It's very simple. She may be a true friend to you, but you are not a true friend to her and you never have been. The only reason why you are around her is because you are attracted to her. And every time your hope and your heart break, you walk away. Friends don't do things like this to friends.

Once your hope of ever dating her truly dies, you won't come back. And if she cares about you like you say she does, you are hurting her both by pretending to be her friend, and by walking away. Just stop it.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

While it's selfish of him to want more and keep pushing when she's rejected, it's selfish of her to want to remain friends (as it seems she does) with someone who's already confessed he thinks of her as more than that and wishes for more. It's basically going "I know that was hard to show your interest, but just bury your feelings for me and let's be friends like before!" and that's not good either. He's gotta leave and get over her. And later they can be real friends.

[kia58]

They can never be real friends. He won't really want to. And his future girlfriend certainly won't want him to as well.

Also you point out she is to blame. I agree, she is using his desperation. But that is all. She hasn't lied to him, stalled him, or played dumb. She flat out rejected him. She has part of the blame, but this is 80% his doing. If you go to a bad neighborhood and leave your car there with the doors open and keys in the ignition, it's really your fault people took it.

[Asker]

My Honest POV: We're both fair, neither of us are selfish. Don't feel like getting into details, but I feel both me and her are 50/50 fair each

[martyfellow]

Exactly..

[nvestan]

I am in exactly the same position as you are, I have been asking her out, or to meet for lunch and then I asked that question and she told me that she sees me as a friend, and I am puzzled now, as you are. Also, I have the experience, where I have known a girl who is a friend to me, at first I was interested in her but she did a good thing by telling me that she had a boyfriend, thus we could be friends only. We have kept in touch for like 3 years now. and she told me lately that her relationships do not work, and did ask me about mine and told me that she had better find somebody new then staying with that guy. I guess pointing on me, if we could be in the relationship. But so far I have known her for a while and know her really good, and possibly what her Boyfriend doesn't know. We are kind of best friends. But I don't think of her as a potential girlfriend, possibly that I am afraid of loosing the friendship.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

walk away for now until you're over her, once you are and found someone new/better for you, then you can possibly rekindle the friendship if you want to be friends. And you are making a mistake by trying to keep hope of being with her when she's rejected you already more than once. Move on.

[martyfellow]

It's silly to give up a friendship just because she won't have sex with you. Most women meet won't have sex with you, so you will have few women friends with that attitude.

[Asker]

Thats fine.

[Seraphine]

Walk away. It'll be better for you in the long run. If you stay within reach, you'll always want her, and since she's already aware of your feelings, it may put a strain on your friendship.

[Koldhearted]

walk away. a man doesn't need female friends. Plus when you'd actually get a Girlfriend she'd see her as competition and you'd have to walk away anyway.

[Anonymous]

well in stead of sending romantic advances, why don't you state your business clear.. tell her if you hadn't already you want more then a friendship...

[dudeman]

just walk away, she likes your attention but she will not give you more, you are only hurting yourself

[martyfellow]

Seems sophomoric, but if you're s sophomore, maybe this is good advice!

[dudeman]

not sophomoric at all, if this is causing him distress then its a mature thing to do. staying and hoping is sophomoric

[Anonymous]

It's better to walk away. If you try to stay friends with her, you're living a lie by pretending that you're fine with it.

[martyfellow]

He really ought to be fine with it! The girl really likes him..

[Anonymous]

stay friends if you enjoy her friendship, if not then just move on.

[Asker]

I do enjoy it, but at the same time I'm "Settling" ya know?

[Anonymous]

You should just walk away from the friendship. You'll just live a living hell if this continue.

[chI0e]

seriously, grow up and stay friends.

[Asker]

Someone's selfish and a feminist

[martyfellow]

Smeone's telling you like it is, don't put her down! Learn from her!