Why do girls always want to be friends after crushing a guys heart?

[Anonymous]

I've never heard of a guy asking to be friends after a break up. The large majority of my guy friends leave a relationship cold turkey no contact. Sometimes they try to get her back but very rarely will they try to be friends after. I know I can't throw everyone into the same boat on this but it just seems like asking to be friends after a break up is a girl thing. My ex broke up with me then broke down into tears when I said we couldn't be friends and made it look like I was doing something wrong because I couldn't handle staying friends with someone who had just crushed my heart. Yet somehow I'm still her friend and I'm miserable. And that's just my most recent relationship every girl I know who's ever ended a relationship with me or rejected me has tried this can we still be friends thing why? Why is it a reasonable thing to ask from someone that you just rejected to be friends with you. I've never once asked a girl who I've rejected to be friends with me. There have been girls who continued trying but they still no very well I have no intentions of dating them again and most of them move on and find someone who wants to date them. If I decide to leave a relationship I'm leaving the entire relationship. I'm not begging them to stick around. The girls I try to get to stick around are the ones I want to date. So what is it? Why are girls always trying to keep a guy even though they don't want to date him. Yet always lying about wanting there SO to be there best friends. It's just my opinion but I think women are just hiding the truth that they really like having a guy around but afraid of being considered shallow and dude like for only chasing the attractive guys. Or should I say the guys that they find attractive. So they keep one guy around for comfort while chasing the hot ones just like dudes. Am I right? If not please explain what's wrong? I apologize if I come of jaded and misogynistic I didn't try to be but I'm upset right now and may not be thinking clearly

[emmabee11]

Girls can be friends with guys but guys think this a lot like were going to get emotionally attached and guys they don't think we can do so but as a girl who likes music and gaming i get on more with guys than females but because guys feel we can't be a guys friend without gaining some sort of emotional attachment they start freaking out over it, i haven't had a proper guy friend in ages now since i'm older and more guys are showing interest in me, but the fact is when we don't like a guy we MEAN we don't like them but it doesn't mean we can't be friends with them and we will NEVER gain an emotional attachment from it ether because we simply don't connect in that way. Guys these days think "Well we are a male and a female and we're bound to fall in love no matter what you say, so there is no way we can be friends", no... i'm sorry but just because were two different sex's doesn't mean we will fall in love. Why is it so wrong for people to think it's not ok to be friends after a break-up? or are most guys not man enough to handle the fact she was hurt? i feel the majority of guys run away because they feel guilty about the hurt he caused by breaking up with her and it's not unusual that guys regularly run away from their guilty conscious in many different situations, it's just cowardice. A real man would be a girls friend and still be there no matter what, it just shows how much the guy really cared for the girl in the first place. I can understand it when they always fight and can't stand each other but when they broke up on good terms there is no need to run out of fear, us women are fair when it comes to relationships, a lot fairer than men can be that's for sure.

[Asker]

I can't speak about all cases but in my case this girl dumped me then beg me to be her friend while she went on and dated other guys. I didn't want to break up it was all one sided and her decision but when I said I couldn't hang around she treated me like I was a villain for leaving. Yes I was hurt and I couldn't take watching her date other guys. Is it wrong for men to have feelings or do we just have to endure all forms of pain for the sake of women

[emmabee11]

Well... you could of told her you need some time to get over the break up until you both can be friends but to us women we don't feel it's worth leaving altogether if we broke up on good enough terms, why waste what you have both built?, we don't believing in throwing it away like most guys do, guys can be really cold in that sense. We of course never want to see guys again IF we hate each other and do nothing but argue but if you both don't argue like bitches why throw it away?

[emmabee11]

Just be honest with a girl, tell her how you feel, you will find us women can be a lot more adaptable and understanding than you think, it's why girls are able to keep ex bfs as friends. Of course you need to make it clear there are boundaries now and that it's non of your business who she dates so just tell her you don't want to know who or if she is, i'm sure you would be fine then.

[xweetgrl08]

Because girls can be friends with a guy without being sexually attracted to him. At that point, you're pretty much like a woman in a man's body. Except with a male brain. So you have give her many advantages as a friend; in particular, a fresh perspective and slice of life that is separate from her female friends.

It's like this: Imagine one of your male friends, especially the way you feel towards him (totally unromantic, right), and whatnot. Now put those feelings on a girl you have no sexual interest in. You could bring up the same topics of conversations as you would with your male friend, but she'll give you different responses, because she's a woman and estrogen through her body.

That's how a girl feels about her guy friends-- At least, that's how I feel about MY guy friends. Which I don't have any of... And the few I do, are married. :(

[Asker]

I have many very close platonic female friends but none of them are my ex. I can hang out with them sleep in there beds and I've even seen a few naked but All of them understood from the start that we wouldn't be dating. I'm only talking about women who hang on to guys after they've rejected him.

[BayHarborButcher]

I don't stay in contact with ex's. I see no point in it. I mean if I run into an ex, I'm cordial but that's it. As far as I'm concerned when a relationship ends, it ends.

[Red_Arrow]

Many guys, apparently you also, see an ex as a past sexual partner, but not someone that you had a deeper relationship with. Once broken up, you see no more sex and feel no more friendship. Many women have a deeper emotional feeling about most relationships. Once she realizes the romantic, sexual part is over, she still remembers the emotional attachment and wants to keep that guy as a special, but not romantic, friend. She has been close, trusting, and intimate with him, and casting that aside would be denying that it was true feelings.

[26ukdude]

So they want their cake and to eat it too, if they were so emotionally tuned in then maybe they would realise that this is doing the guy more harm than good surely?

[Asker]

Oh so wrong I completely acknowledge the deep friendships I have with my ex's and it hurts greatly to walk away from a relationship but I also have been in several friendships with women that I know are not willing to be anything more. It's difficult and something I just can't handle. I've tried. I definitely have deeper emotional feeling but I suck it up and realize sometimes you loose people and life goes on. I've only had sex with one of my ex's so I don't think it's entirely sexual.

[Red_Arrow]

You say you "acknowledge the deep friendships I have with my ex's and it hurts greatly to walk away from a relationship", yet you do walk away rather that enjoy that special friendship. It sounds like you are just fooling yourself about how you care. You say that you have deeper emotional feeling, but drop them and call it sucking it up. Sucking it up would be to continue the friendship and being there for them (as a friend).

[Asker]

I guess I made a mistake on how I was handling my past relationships but I honestly fealt like leaving was the right thing to do. It fealt dishonest to stay and act like I didn't see her sexually. I have plenty of female friends and I'm very close to them. I guess staying with an ex was just something I couldn't take emotionally

[EdensFruit]

Because most of us are sweet. We love to be around people, we cherish our friends. And it started with a friendship, why not end it in a good way? Good or bad break up, it doesn't mean the girl didn't love you. Loosen up, you'll get over it. :) If you don't want to be friends with her just tell her and block her or whatsoever

[makenziemeg]

Sounds like you're really frustrated. I know, girls are messed up. Including me. I think what girls look for in relationships is a friend first and then someone to be with romantically. So I guess they still want their exes to be friends with them even though it won't work out romantically...? Idk. You kinda stumped me too.

[Anonymous]

The reason we ask to be friends is because at some point in the relationship, we get attached and we want you close by if we end up realising our mistake and want you back (only if you want to). It also eases our minds knowing that you're still around. I don't know why, it just does. And it also makes it so that it doesn't just end with a bang. It allows it so that you guys steadily stop talking, not all at once

[AnonymousGirlyGirl1]

Mostly girls want to stay friends because they still love you and don't want to hurt your feelings but it was just maybe better that way.

[Anonymous]

I have never done this myself, but I think it's our genders lame attempt at trying to make things okay, and end on a good note.

[Bloodfaith]

I never remain friends with an ex.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

It's a lie we tell people so they feel better

[Anonymous]

Cus you love them so much that you don't want them to leave you

[Eugene]

TL;DR

They need an emotional tampon.

[Anonymous]

So he could still do stuff for me.

[Asker]

Wow that's pretty cruel. I really hope this is a joke

[Opinion Owner]

It kind of is but I sadly know girls like that ^

[9mm_nina]

We don't

[Asker]

I literally posted this years ago.