Why do girls insist on being friends with the guy they rejected?

[MikeyTheRebel]

Just recently ended this friendship I had with this girl that I really liked, I asked her out initially and she rejected me and insisted we remain friends, this was my first time being friendzoned so it was hard for me to say no to the friendship. So months pass by and she starts talking about how bad she wants a relationship and how guys are all broken or it must be her that's broken. I tell her she's not broken and neither are all guys. I decided to shoot one more shot, the reason I did this was because she got drunk one night and texted me telling me I was different and nor like the other guys. So I took my shot and asked her out this one last time and she said the feelings weren't reciprocated and she wanted to be really good friends. This time I declined the offer because I couldn't keep doing this to myself, it hurt too much to stay friends. So I told her I didn't want to he friends anymore. She of course seemed sad but I did what was best for me, for once in my life. My question is why try to be friends? Why not just let it go. Do girls know how much it hurts to try to be friends with someone you like? I don't understand why girls do this.

[btbc92]

Well, what are your intentions with her in the first the place? Girls don't want to rush into things so quickly because we need to 'feel you out' for what you're really after. We all know guys only wants to get into relationships with girls they want to have sex with, and that is not always something that girls wants initially in that way. I can't be with somebody who doesn't share the same or similar values. You have the right to reject friendship, but understand you hurt her as well. She made it clear that she wasn't attracted to you in that way. But you are still a valuable friend. All you did basically is reaffirm her belief that no guy really loves or wants her. For her. If she said that she is not having sex with you until marriage, let's say. Do you like her that much you will actually wait that long for that?

I'm sorry, but she told you no the first time. Don't use her inability to stay coherent to change her mind. That was wrong.

[MikeyTheRebel]

I didn't ask her while she was drunk. I think you read it a bit wrong. She told me she thought I was different while she was drunk. When I asked her out, this was a completely different day and situation. She was completely sober. I ended the friendship because it hurt too much. I told her from the beginning I liked her so there wasn't a misunderstanding. She in fact told me that she thought I stopped liking her.

[btbc92]

Yeah, because you continued to talk to her and be her friend. Now she isn't going to want anything to do with you now for good. Is what you want with her worth losing a good friend?

[btbc92]

I had that done to me multiple times by guys who are complete strangers. They want a relationship yet I don't know who the heck they are. Now I screen every guy who wants to talk to me because I don't know what they really want.

[MikeyTheRebel]

I think you're misunderstanding this. I'm the one who told her I don't want to be friends anymore. I mean why would I want to stay friends? I admit I was wrong for accepting the friendship but I was naive, it was my first time being in a situation like that. If she got hurt, I'm honestly sorry. But I can't stay friends with her, just like she has no obligation to be in a relationship with me. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Plus we were friends for months, this isn't something that happened over the course of days or weeks.

[btbc92]

And like I said. I understand EXACTLY what you are saying. I am overall asking you was it worth it? What were your intentions for dating her in the first place? I know you don't want to be friends with her, but you should have told her that before you became friends with her. Not in the middle of a close friendship. This whole thing could have been avoided.

[btbc92]

She got emotionally invested to somebody who doesn't want to be around her because she can't give him something that he wants.

[MikeyTheRebel]

I did tell her in the beginning, I probably should've been more clear but she knew nonetheless. I mean honestly no the friendship wasn't worth it. I'm not making that mistake again in the future.

[btbc92]

Then that was her issue for not making her stance clear. However, many good healthy relationships start's with friendships. But if you're not clear about what you expect out from the friendship, then you have to take some of that responsibility. Since you said you did, all you can do is move on. But asking this question is not something to be confused over. Many girls just want's a guy friend who isn't only with her because he wants to date her or have sex with her. Some will hope you will not be that kind of guy, and others will just drop you because they don't need a male friend whose jealous over other guys. Just remember that being a friend is part of the criteria for some people like myself. If you make it clear that you only want to date and nothing else, you are giving that person the ability to say yes or no.

[MikeyTheRebel]

That's understandable.

[momomu]

It seems to me like you went into the friendship in hopes of trying to date her, which can make a girl feel really betrayed. It makes it like you don't care for her, like you were just waiting for the right opportunity to strike. And I never understand what's wrong with being friends with a girl, even one who you have or had feelings for. Once you accept that they're not returned, you can continue the friendship with a sense of relief at least you have an answer. I've experienced a friend not liking me back, from both genders, and it does hurt. But l'd rather appreciate the connection that we shared platonically over simply severing a good friendship over some a temporary crush.

[MikeyTheRebel]

I wasn't really a temporary crush if I still liked her. I liked her the whole time, I honestly didn't want to be friends. It was my fault for saying yes to the friendship in the first place. My question was why try to be friends with someone you reject, I myself can not see myself doing that to a girl I'm not interested in. I wouldn't ask her to be my friend in the first place. I mean yea I had hopes of dating her but it's not like she didn't know that from the beginning.

[momomu]

She enjoyed your company as a friend, she thought you'd be able to move past this in your own time, AND you put on an act like you were ok with being friends to begin with. Heterosexual men and women can be great friends, my best friend is a guy. Even if there were once feelings at some point, you can be mature and realize that there's more to male and female interactions outside of relationships. It seems like she likes you as a person while you're just infatuated with her, what a shame.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Was I supposed to force myself to be friends? I don't understand how it was bad to let the friendship go.

[momomu]

No, that's not what I'm saying, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't be confused when you approach someone like a friend, act like a friend, then get rejected when you try to be a lover. You should also try to understand her side of things you're trying to make her seem selfish for enjoying your company and talking you.

[bbb10]

You think guys actually want to be friends with girls? Hahahahaha

[blubblubblub]

tbh, i find it very selfish when girls do this. she just wants a guy friend for her to be able to talk about her feelings to and have a guy opinion, but she isn't taking into account your feelings and how badly it would hurt you to stand around and take in all this while you still have feelings for her. it's being inconsiderate by just dismissing your feelings like that. It's okay for your to end the friendship, don't feel bad for it. she had a right to decline your offer to go out, just like that you have the right to decline her offer to stay friends.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Thank you, finally someone put into words what I was feeling. I don't see why some people can't understand why I had to end the friendship.

[brocklee]

Let me just say, I am proud of you. You slipped up the first time, but you figured it out by the second time. You learned, adjusted, grew. That is all you can do. Just keep plugging away. You will get where you want to go.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Thanks man. I actually feel relieved about this whole situation. I can finally let go and go back out there.

[brocklee]

Yes.

I feel you were clear from the start. She had just hoped you adapted to what she wanted you to become. And fuck the responses "You lost a good friend".. A good friend would want what is best for you. Not what pleases them most. You took back your power, stood up for yourself (she wasn't interested in what was in your best interest), and walked. Well done.

[jakeofalltrades]

I think they do that to have a back up. if they get truly desperate they could always go out with the love sick puppy that has been following them around for years

[MikeyTheRebel]

Well thank God it wasn't years. I would never allow myself to be strung along for that long. Tbh the couple months that I stayed her friend was far too long.

[alwaysmakingmistakes]

I wouldn’t continue to be friends with her. She doesn’t feel the same way, but wants someone to talk about her feelings with. She should talk to her girlfriends. That isn’t fair to you especially since she knows you like her.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Thank you for saying this, I kept asking myself why she kept talking to me about other guys and how lonely she was. It really wasn't fair to me. If you're going to reject me, just let me be.

[outsidecurve]

What's wrong with being friends? You just can't smash. Big deal lol

[Onix764]

Yeah fuck that. The only reason I was friends with you in the first place is because I wanted a relationship. No. We are not going to continue to be friends

[CT_CD]

They're dumb. Nobody wants to be friends with someone they've been rejected by

[popular]

If someone friend zones you cut them off

[Wwwyzzerdd]

They want to feel better about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Because they're evil manipulative cunts