Ladies, if your boyfriend is a photographer for models, would you get jealous?

[Munki]

Ok, so I have a hobby of photography. I shoot events, scenery, cars, and the occasional model. If you were dating a photographer who you were pretty sure or 100% sure was faithful and wouldn't try to pull anything with the models, would you still get jealous? What if you were at the photo shoot? What if you knew the model?

Elaborating on what kind of shoots... They are all kinds with the models. Some are fashion, swim suit, couples, regular clothes, and the very very very occasional implied nudes (where the model is part or fully naked, but has something covering those parts), but no full nudes.

What is your take on this ladies? What would you think about this? Would you be jealous? Would you give him an ultimatum and tell him to stop? Post it up!

[girlwhodances]

Ok, so I'm hoping I can give some balanced perspective on this because I am an international model with 12 years experience in the industry and I have NEVER been in a serious relationship with a fashion photographer and always vowed that I would never date one.

As a model, you often have to do a lot of free shoots to build your portfolio, it's the same for makeup artists and photographers etc, and most of the photographers who are willing to shoot models portfolios for free aren't very well known working photographers, they are just guys who know their way around an SLR and like to take pictures of hot women and often like to try and convince us to remove as much clothing as we will agree to. Of course, they're not all THAT creepy but there is certainly an element of misogyny to any photographer who chooses to make it his career shooting women in various states of undress. Not only would I not date one, I also cannot fathom how their partners (or even daughters, some of whom are the same age as the models their fathers shoot) are ok with young girls coming to their house while they are not at home to take their clothes off so their boyfriends/husbands can take photos of them, often alone. I always try and take a makeup artist with me, or have the photographer arrange one, not only because you usually get more professional results but also for safety and comfort if I'm going to be undressing down to lingerie but it has happened before where a photographer has invited me to his house or studio to shoot some lingerie pictures (i mainly do lingerie, swimwear, commercial, so a lot of my pictures are lingerie, unless I get the opportunity to work with a really good stylist who can get amazing clothes), and he will not have arranged a makeup artist and not told me either.

Now I'm not saying they're ALL like this, some photographers seem really nice and gentlemanly and not creepy and seem loyal to their partners but I know that models often want to have sexy photos taken and it has to be a mutual collaboration so I'd never be ok with dating a fashion photographer because I don't want him to be put in that position.

My current partner who I've been with for 6 months is the first photographer I've ever been in a relationship with, he's not pro yet, he's still building his book and getting his name out there and he not only shares these views of mine, he actually goes even further, he told me he would be super uncomfortable with me shooting lingerie with ctd...

[girlwhodances]

which at first I thought was a bit controlling, as its my job, but then I realised I would feel EXACTLY the same way if the situation was reversed. We now have an agreement- NO lingerie or sexy shoots with anyone else, unless it's for a paid assignment or there is a stylist on set (in which case, we don't dictate the outfits) and it's for a magazine or sth. But he has said he's not really interested in shooting models anyway, he's more interested in travel, portraiture and motorbikes, so I told him to really hone his niche as 'fashion' photography is a market completely oversaturated by pervy guys and is hard to make money in these days anymore. Most of the fashion photographers I know aren't booking many paid jobs unless it's corporate portraiture or weddings, where there is more money. Also baby photography is super lucrative. My boyfriend is the least misogynistic man I have ever met, which is why I fell in love with him as after 12 years of being objectified he's a real breath

[girlwhodances]

of fresh air.

To all the girls on this thread- is your yardstick of relationship fulfilment going to be whether or not he CHEATS on you? If my boyfriend started getting naked chicks over to our apartment to shoot I would dump him- and I AM a model! It's not about insecurity, it's about respect, or lack of it. and the fact that he doesn't respect that this is OBVIOUSLY going to make ANY woman, even a supermodel feel insecure or disrespected. Lying about shoots is obviously going to be a complete dealbreaker. Pls girls have some more self respect, you can do WAY better than being w a guy who's job makes you feel like shit. Take this word of advice from a fashion model to a 'real woman' (whatever that means!): ditch the fashion photographers, leave them to the porn stars and glamour models and find yourself a real man who'll make you feel like the Queens that you are.

[ncki990]

my boyfriends a photographer and has recently started shooting models. I've been with him a year and even though I believe he loves me, I fear his idea of "beauty" will be warped as what he sees everyday as "beautiful" is stick thin and I'm curvy. I worry about him seeing the girls naked also, especially as I know he'll probs do nudes soon. he gets jealous if a guy flirts with me in a bar yet he doesn't understand why I get upset at him photographing gorgeous women! the things is, I'm REALLY insecure about my body.. and I've been feeling really horrible about myself lately, as a result of him photographing hot women. he says thin girls are better to take photos of because their bones pertrude.. but its the fashion industry which reinforces these negative body images which taunt us girls everyday. furthermore, his studio is in his house.. which means that they go in his room, and he does their makeup as he doesn't have a makeup artist.. and even asks me to do their hair and makeup while he dissappears for hours.. and I'm not a makeup artist! there's no seperation between home and work, and having beautiful photos of photogenic women on his computer makes me really depressed! I can't even be around when he's taking these photos becuase I start to cry. to answer your questions, my boyfriend has shot friends of ours who are GORGEOUS and I've even been jealous of them :( being at the photoshoot makes it worse, but not being there I constantly worry about his interaction with the model. everyone says I should get over it but it just hurts so bad.. I feel like my boyfriend is cheating on me every time he takes a photo of another woman... which I know is irrational but I can't help. he thinks I'm being unssupportive of his work but he doesn't understand how much it hurts.

can anyone help?

nic

[Love2smile]

I feel exactly the same way. He doesn't mean anything against me by it but it constantly makes me feel bad. I feel like I need to accept it or I will just get fed up and have to give an ultimatum for my own sake. I hope in the meantime we can find a compromise, I'll keep you posted!

[Jacky77]

Hey, I'm not sure how long ago this thread was active, but did you guys find a way to talk to them about it? My husband says to me "you have nothing to worry about" "they're just models, it's just part of the job" and insists he still finds me attractive. But it's impossible not to compare myself to them and I hate it so much. He also likes a lot of photos of models on instagram. I'm completely miserable but I feel like bringing it up again will push him further away because he's getting mad at me 'cos I cry all about it all the time. I don't think he would sleep with anyone else but I genuinely cannot see how I can be attractive to him and I'm terrified one day he will realise.

[charizzle]

no not really. my ex is a designer/photog and there really wasn't any cause for jealousy. plus I worked with models and saw them naked and had to dress them up etc so you can say it was fair. lol. anyway all was well because he made it a point to show me that I'm the only woman in his life, and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

I am a photographer in most happy relationship in the world. I read carefully all post trying to understand the pain of insecurity but honestly I can't. Photographers are blessed with enhanced perception of beauty. They are also exposed on it more often then average Joe. By being constantly exposed on models beauty we become immune to it. But beauty is so much more then nice body - its your smile, attitude, elegance, grace, way you talk.. And moreover beauty is not all we fall in love with. Photograhper's girl it's not easy job to and she always deserve special treatment as no one is free from insecurities (btw models are most insecure of all girls on the planet). So just help your guy to make you feel loved, sexy and appreciated (just talk with him about it instead of posting problem on internet). After all he chose you over all this models and believe me - he does not compare you to them as you do. He probably loves you the way you are and see the beauty within you that you are not even aware of. After all he chose you over all this girls - why that does not make you feel even more beautiful?

[MagicGirl123456]

I like this response. It sums up thjngs very well.

There are many professions where nudity plays a part.

I love my boyfriend and I love your words aboutvthe fact he chose me. But I also chose him. Some of the stories are less about the beauty of photographing a beautiful model and ore about deceit (where boyfriend has said one thing then done another). Photography is acceptable but hiding or deceit is unacceptable.

[Jlo91]

Hello, I am currently In a relationship with a photographer and he shoots all the above that you mentioned. I am only insecure when it is either a really attractive woman, nude, or half naked shoots. Anything other then that I am fine with. I am finding it hard to over come my insecurity because of my background history. I feel threatened in a sense. Even if he is the most trusting guy ever, I do not feel comfortable with it. I would never give them an ultimatum but I would tell them I am very uncomfortable with that situation and prefer if they would think twice about it. Then again, it really depends on the girl. Some women are completely fine with it and some aren't. Just make sure there is good communication about the nature of the shoot or even you have shoot in general. Never let your significant other find out through social media.

For example; my boyfriend told me he had a shoot and it would be head shots and stuff of that sort. I ended up finding out through social media that it was a little more then that. She was top less and holding her boobs without a bra. Head shots to me is just head. Not head and boobs.

Hope this helped a little.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness, a lot of this sums up my life right now! I've been with this guy 15+ years, he has a regular job but has taken up photography as a hobby recently and shoots clothed and nude models. Infidelity is not a concern at all but every time be has a shoot or when I see the photos, I feel a churning in my stomach. I'm not present for the shoot but often get to meet the model at some point briefly.
Wouldn't be so bad if they were all divas or bitchy but the vast majority are really nice, sweet and friendly, and I know my husband is nice and friendly to them so that they enjoy the experience which then gives good photos and means they'll want to work with him again. This also means good testimonials to attract other models to work with him.
Of course they're all gorgeous and sexy, and they have a lot of fun together and it really upsets me to think of this. Of top of that, he's actually a pretty good photographer so they act like adoring fans and of course this is a real boost to him.
I've come to the horrid realisation that a lot of my upset stems from my own insecurities and low self esteem. On days when I'm feeling good about myself, this all becomes much less of an issue. I just have to work on feeling good about myself on ALL days. I have started a sort of avoidance tactic as such and not go looking for info that might upset me, as I think I have a better chance of recovery as such without these triggers. So this is what I'm gonna try for now. Hope you all get some success in lessening the upset as it feels really rubbish doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

before I have started to date with a photographer (who happens to be my boyfriend now) first thing that I considered was if I can handle the thought that he sees different beautiful ladies and take photos of them. At first I thought I can, especially when he said to me that I'm the one he loves and they are just models, but then now, I'm starting to overthink, I really get jealous, I know I'm overreacting but I just can't help it. He even asked me several times to come with him during their shoots, and I constantly refuse cause I know being there, seeing him taking photos of those gorgeous ladies would just make me feel sick but being not there makes me worried that he may flirt with his models or the other way around. I even get paranoid when I found out that he had a shoot with her ex-gf without even informing me. well, he used to inform me about his photo shoots, but that time, he didn't and it was only last month that I found out that she was his ex. I'm even having a low self-esteem, since he never asked me to be his model, given the fact that there are some photographers who had asked me before. The thought that he prefers to take photos of other girls than me makes me upset, I feel like he thinks I'm ugly. :( Please, can someone give me an advice about this? By the way, I never told him about this because I'm afraid he'll get irritated with me.

[Gigi90]

I actually prefer to be there when he does the photoshoot! For me its terrible imaging him staring models for hours the whole day , better to see what he is actually doing ( he is staring them anyway ) but he looks at me and smile and I see he just like his job. Dont misundertang me, i hate it, but I love him. :)

[Jlo91]

I completely feel for you. I went in knowing he was photographer and didn't have a problem with it at first, but then something completely changed. I rather not be there because it makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I would just let him know how I feel about and ask him to take that into consideration. That's all you can really do. That's the situation I'm in.

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a photographer for about 7-8 months and even though we're very close and he'd never hurt me, I get jealous constantly of his photoshoots. He's always posting statuses like "I need new models" or is asking the most gorgeous girls to model for him ... and I just feel left in the dark. I'm not stick thin so compared to these other girls I always feel like I'm not good enough in comparison. He asks me to model but I just feel so insecure about it and one time after I deleted all the pictures because I was just so embarrassed and felt so ugly in comparison to the other girls he's shot. He always offers for me to go to the shoot with him, but I know that'd make me feel 1000 times worse so I just bail but then worry the whole time how it's going. It's something I know I'll never fully get over but I want to be supportive of his work and know that it's his passion and career choice. We're in love and happy, and it's not like I think he'd cheat, but it's always in the back of my mind. So it's totally normal! We're girls and we'll always find reasons to be jealous or worry unfortunately. And reading all of the other posts help me realize I'm not as alone on this or crazy as I felt!

[Anonymous]

I can relate to this. I've only been dating this photographer for 6 weeks, so jealousy is yet to take shape, though I have my own insecurities. We're having a long distant relationship, i.e. I'm in one town and he's in another, but we try and meet up every weekend or once every 2 weekends. But I do have 2 concerns. Ladies & guys out there, please do what you can to help, it's scary going through this!

1 - I'd love some good photos as a singer. He's REALLY good. He said, "I'm not shooting you for free, you can't get away with free stuff in life." Which kinda hurt. Why?

2 - He has way too much patience. Never chases, but really is a very nice person when we're together and I'm onto him! He jokes a lot and makes cold jokes on me, which I've accepted as general humour as I do the same (obviously he's better with the jokes), but sometimes I want to hear some emotional talk, you know? I want to hear him be nice and cuddle talk with me, you know? He just won't do it, and if I say (I act as tho it's a joke too) that I'll try the cold on him, he says to me, "Sure go ahead! You think you've got patience? Try me! Haha!"

Ohh, I just want to have a good warm relationship with this guy. I really like him, he suggested we wait about a month at least to do it. We haven't even had sex yet but are this comfortable with each other. Hopefully it'll get better, but I don't know what'd happen to me if he doesn't learn to soften down after we have sex. I personally need that side of him to make me feel complete, at least momentarily. Not just in bed.

I'm scared, kinda hurt and am hoping for a miracle. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to find out later on that he's just a guy after his own mind and doesn't want to open up and show his feelings like normal people do, even though it's 'too easy' as he says.

Please help me. What do I do?

[seaweedpenny]

I am currently dating a photographer who shoots occasional nudes. I may get jealous but not enough to give him an ultimatum. I would really have no reason to because I should know from the start of dating that a photographer is a photographer no matter what kind of photos he is taking-- it's his job, he's making money. I would not expect him to stop making money for that reason. He has actually told me that he has a couple upcoming sexy photoshoots. He said he's telling me so I don't worry that anything is going on, and if I ever find them on the internet or something, I knew about it. I think him telling me was also an intention in asking me if I was all right with it. Heh. But that's my answer.

Ladies, if your boyfriend is a photographer, keep your jealousy to a minimum level. Be understanding and supportive. Photography is a beautiful thing and capturing the human flesh in a photo is also quite beautiful, I think. =)

[nae20243]

I've been dating a photographer for almost 2 years. His profession really kicked in about a year ago when he got an offering at a night club. I go to the club with him and on private photo sessions. It makes us both feel comfortable and I'm also learning to do photography. I do get jealous a lot especially when I hear him say they are beautiful/gorgeous/etc because when he does mine he critizes me ALOT. My first encounter with a nude photo session I did not know about it I found out over the internet so like any other girlfriend I got extremely jealous and upset. Would of been different if he told me. Its a constant battle with this profession epsecially when I have a low self esteem. But I do try to understand.

[Gigi90]

I do try as well, but naked no way !! T.T I would not handle that , too much.. Too soon maybe in some years xD

[Jrsygrl42]

Im presently going through this. Went in the relationship knowing he was a photographer but he told me he would stop Boudoir photography because he knew I didn't like it. 15 months later, he did a shoot, I found out online. He never said a word. I trusted him till he did it behind my back. Now he said I either support him or we are done. He said this is where the money is. He said I can go on shoots. And he said he will never do nude or bare breast. But he also said he would never do this type of shoots again. The trust is broke, but I do love him. I will go to a shoot and see if I can handle it. I dont look like these models either. And Im older then these models.

[ChooChooHaha]

Yes of course I'd hate it.
I'd hate it if I knew the model even more.

If I was there, not helping either. I'd tell that person no. How would you feel/ what'd you think if your girlfriend was the same/ was a nude model only or barely clothed model all the time?

[foolishgirl]

ive dated photographers. I am dating a photographer. and I love it.

because I love being a model :]]

i would only get jealous if I was never pampered about my beauty and told how much he wants to capture it in a photo

good thing he does c:

[findingdreamland]

I would be :) Imagine Kate Upton is photographed by my bf? Hell no :P But i will not say him to stop. That is nonsense too. It is his profession.
I would not date him that is the solution :D hahahahah

[MagicGirl123456]

In a serious relationship with a photographer. To me it is his profession and I accept that is what he does. He tells me about the shoots. I am confident in myself ans him to know he loves me ans only me. I am proud of him. He does great photographs and I will be his model at some point too :)

[Gigi90]

But its a hobby then or its your profession? Do you mean part of your hobby is to photograph nude models?
MY boyfriend is a photographer, he makes fashion shoots sometimes and If one day he tells me he want to photograph naked women just for fun... No way! Hahaha

[shortie]

A little-mainly because I'm 4 foot 10 and hate tall people (joking)...X-D xxx

[loveBrowneyes]

i won't like it certenly that , y bf is shooting a girl but it's OK because i know it's his job and that he is fathful !