WHY Is there a stigma against quiet people?

[Anonymous]

I am not a bad person. In my past, when I used to talk to people... they used to treat me like shit, ignored my ideas, or acted as if everything I said didn't really matter... so I learned to talk to only when spoken to or when the opportunity presented itself.

For the record, I am not that shy, I assert myself when I need to and I do get what I want.

So, I got this job in January. My first job out of college, and it's a great job and the pay and benefits are equally great. At my job, we have maybe... 8 employees total. Once a week, we will have a social gathering for an hour during work hours... where we just talk about our lives, work, projects we are working on, etc. I talk once in a while... but I am not really big on talking that much... especially when I barely know these people. Anyway... I got my peer review today from my other co-workers and this is what they said:

-He seems like he a great attitude... but I can't tell because he is too quiet.

-He is extremely quiet and it makes him seem nervous. I am not sure if he is happy being here.

-He seems like a thoughtful guy... but it is offset by his quietness.

-He does not seem like a team player because he is very quiet and doesn't contribute during team gatherings.

Before the review, I have spoken to these people everyday, asking them how their weekends are, saying hi to them when I pass them in the hallway... asking for assitance when I need it. But... since I am not big on talking in a group setting... I am labelled too quiet and as a result I may not be a good worker? How does that work?

Why are people so afraid of quiet people? Why are quiet people hated by society?

I go into work early, get things done, make sure my team has an easy time during the day... stay late to help sometimes... and I am a bad guy because I am quiet?

Updates

+1 y

It just sucks that they already seem to hate me... especially since there are only 8 employees at me job -_-

[Anonymous]

Omg I feel you so much. My science teacher would always put stuff like "quiet, needs more confidence" on my report card and it would male me so mad. Just because I'm not yapping away all the time does NOT mean I have low confidence. I think quiet people make some people uncomfortable because they dread an "awkward silence". Pffft, yeah, because small talk about such interesting things like the weather is so much better. I mean, its not like the average person has anything that profound to say anyway. Words are cheap. Another reason for people being uncomfortable around quiet people is that being quiet may be seen as antisocial behaviour... And perhaps it is. I don't even have a problem if people don't like quiet people. They can feel how they feel, but I just dislike how some people equate quietness with arrogance, low confidence etc. And then demand that quiet people should "talk more!" Anyway, rant over. Sorry about that :/

[Asker]

I agree. It totally pisses me off. I just hope they don't try to use this "quiet" thing as a way to try to fire me. I like my job and I am happy where I am at (for the moment), but I have never been much of a talker.

[SakuraChii]

Because society is more extroverted, People constantly think that I dislike them or snobby so I kinda get what your saying

[Asker]

Well, if they keep assuming stuff... I'll give them a real snobby asshole -_-

[COCOCHANEL]

it's a cultural thing. quiet is the ideal personality type here in the orient.

[steveguitar]

Wow that's terrible. I always had the feeling that people hated me for bing quiet. But I also believe that it was not just me being quiet, it was being forced by others to be quiet, by getting made fun of or whatever.

I can't believe that people are so niaeve about a quiet person. They really have no clue what is going on inside, really we are being quiet because we don't have anything to say about the topic or what we agree with has already been said.

If you get your work done, and it is good then those people will back off and learn that you are good. Society and its standards are not made for people who aren't as social

[Asker]

It's just so stupid. Here is my day:

-Come into work and sit in a room with 2 other co workers.

-We work and TALK in this room. Yes I TALK to them if a majority of my work is done.

-I may pass my other coworkers (who work in other rooms in the hallway) and I say hi.

-After 8 hours are up, I say goodbye to my 2 coworkers who work in the same room as me and I leave.

1 day out of the week, we have team gatherings with everyone in our office (8 people total). They usually talk about things I am not interested in or have no real knowledge about. I used to try to communicate, but they seemed to kinda *ignore* me... so I stopped talking all together.

-The teammates who wrote good reviews about me are the ones who work in my room and 1 guy I see every once in a while in the team dining room sometimes.

Everyone else wrote shitty reviews about my quietness... and now I feel like they hate me.

[steveguitar]

i don't think they hate you, they don't know you very well yet. same as me I started in November at this job I have now, I am nice, but quiet. and I don't have a lot of social experience or social environemnts or stories to go on and on about.

I used to sit in the lunch room, thought everybody has a different lunch or just takes it whenever, but then I got tired of sitting up there feeling out of place. I don't have much to talk about, I don't care about sports too much, I don't seem to know things that others know and I don't hold conversation well or invite it. I will talk abouit work stuff and ask questions about things I don't know, but I don't have much to say. so nowadays, unlike the first few weeks i worked there, I leave and go to the car, and read or drive around. if there is something I need to microwave I microwave it and go to the car, or eat in the lunch room and gtfo as soon as I can and go to the car. I listen to music and read about stuff I want to know.

[atomique]

Not sure. Its how my sister and I operate. We both are hard workings, dedicated, and do a great job but be still bitch about this. I will talk when I have something to say or wanta talk. I was lucky my last two boss were cool with my silence. Finding a new place ok with people like me after graduation had been tough. Going to have to conform; putting on a fake smile and to people I don't want to talk about nothing to find decent work.

[Celq532]

We live in a stupid culture where quietness automatically means shy/lack of confidence/negative. I'm same as you, naturally quiet but observant and am assertive when I need to be. I've given up on trying to get people to accept "quietness". It's genuinely a waste of time. Tell your senior that in meeting you have nothing to say or nothing to add to the meeting. As long as your senior or manager understand, you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

no. Your not including your plans or how you feel about a subject. Get yourself out there more speak up people want to get to know you. They think quiet people are evil like they are hiding something.

[Anonymous]

Because you're an American?

You have my sympathies.

[ManuelMarquez]

I feel you man.