My boyfriend is controlling and ungrateful, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is very bossy. He sees his bossiness as being helpful not annoying. I mean he tells me when to put gas in my car, what I should spend my money on, etc. He got so used to me doing things for him now he just expects it. We live together but are not married but he expects me to do all the cleaning, make his lunch for work, run errands for him to get him stuff. Yesterday when I didn't get one thing he asked me to get for him because the store didn't have it the next morning he said I should get dressed real quick and go get that item. I mean I did so much for him the night before and he acted like it wasn't good enough. I cooked two separate dinners, cleaned, did his errands for him. I am slowly beginning to feel more like his maid than his girlfriend. My mom says to bite my tongue because that's what she does with my dad when he doesn't lift a finger in the house but it is becoming so hard to do that. I asked him if he appreciated me, he gave me a kiss and told me of course he does but he doesn't act like it.

Updates

+1 y

Should I stop doing things for him and see what happens? If I say no to doing things for him he seems to get irritated like I don't care or something. When we first moved in together he helped with the cleaning, cooking, etc. Now he don't do sh*t.

Updates

+1 y

Other than this our relationship is really good, he is very sweet and caring, and always wants to spend time with me. On his days off he always wants me by his side because he says he likes spending time with me.

[Anonymous]

Ughh, if I was you, I'd dump his ass. You should be appreciated for all the things you do because that's A LOT of work you've listed there. You need time for yourself - and he should do some of that stuff for you too! This is the 21st century where men and women are equal - and women don't tend to all male needs (I'm sounding so feminist right now - but it's true!). You have to take care of yourself - remember to put yourself above him when you need to. You are his girlfriend, not his maid and for that you should be treated better! If you were to get married I see him as the type to get very possessive and controlling.

But as you are living together - there is some sort of commitment there - but don't think "this is it" because if you're unhappy I'd advise you to get out of there ASAP because you'll be even more attached to the place and to him and it'll be harder to move on. You need to be taken cared of before you can take care of others so do what you think will make you happier :)

[Asker]

Thankyou. He does make me happy that's why I do these things for him. I don't want to leave him because he does make me happy but I don't want to be maid either. should I stop doing things for him and see where things go

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with what ilyurbella said - have you brought up the issue with him before? I can understand that he's busy working but he also has to understand you have a life needing to be lived for yourself - not spent doing everything for him.

[ilyurbella]

If you know that he's ungrateful and controlling, why are you even with him? If you know that he's not being thankful and appreciated for the things that you do, you can find someone who does. If he's controlling you, than that should be a major sign it's an abusive relationship.

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[Asker]

Thankyou for your response. I see where it sounds like a abusive relationship but he's not really abusive just expects me to do a lot of things for him. He acts as if he has no time to do it himself because he works a lot. This morning while we were laying in bed he asked me if I could do him a favor. Naturally I said yes because I will do anything for him because I love him. So he asked me if I would go make him some coffee...so I got up made him coffee and brought it to him in bed....

[ilyurbella]

Honestly, I would just say the next time he asks for something that you're too busy and he can get it himself. If he than believes you don't care, than bring up the point that you do a lot of things for him the majority of the time, you just don't feel like it now.

[authentic]

"When we first moved in together he helped with the cleaning, cooking, etc. Now he don't do sh*t. "

That probably means he was like that all along; not used to doing these things before he met you. He put on a show for you initially, but can't sustain it.

Next time he command you to do such things, tell him "you are old enough to do that on your own", or "you are old enough to take your share of household responsibility", if he argues, say, "instead of growing old only, grow up too".

[TC123]

Tell him that he has to contribute. Put your foot down, don't go out and get him sh*t all the time, make his lunch, whatever. If he still won't then dump his ass.

Sweet and caring? There are ~140 million guys in this country, I'm pretty sure you can find one that is sweet and caring while not treating you like a slave.

You are WAY too nice to this guy...