when it race my philosophy has always been if you're unattractive non-black or black and not interested in black guys honestly keep up the good work I appreciate all you've done, I wish you well and mad respect but if you're cute and non-blackyou too cute to be racistAnd if you are black, you're a f. cking traitor and I hope everyone you love dies immediatelyor at least before you doI've never understood the whole preferences thing it just doesn't work that way. I have too many white friends for comfort and when I'm around them I forget they're white and I'm black so whenever they bring they're girls around and we talk about sex for some f. cking reason one of them goes "I wouldn't... a black guy" which immediately reminds me "oh, yeah I forgot, I'm a nigga" I'm not gonna lie this sh. t be f. ckin wit ma self esteem, yo. It's not the first time it happens and it won't be the last but when it normally happens a little flirting here some passive aggressive sex there makes me feel better about myself allowing me to confidently say "I knew she was lying... blah blah blah I don't... black guys... I knew she was lying. She was lying, right?" This has been a great way to win this argument but when it's your homie's girlnot the best strategySo yeah I need new bullet points so if you have any I could use some.
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+1 y
Could I get some racists in here or at the very least people who have preferences I'm not learning much here
Why would you not date outside your race or are you unattracted to people outside (mostly interested in black guys but do you) your race?
I have never had a preference. Can't say I've dated women of other races but it wasn't for a lack of trying on my part (just bad luck I guess, never worked out). As for why they have preferences, well one, every one has a preference so their is nothing you can do with that (I am probably one of the few people with minimal preferences and even I have them). However as for the not dating black guys, well their could be plenty of reasons, probably cultural. The fact is their are certain behaviors that are more common in black men (from the US anyway) and that could be the part that they don't like i. e. I've seen them be very aggressive with their "flirting"(kind of off putting in my opinion) and that is something that white women are probably turned off by. It could be the gender dynamics are different etc.(they probably won't know exactly why because most haven't really thought about it enough to put into words).
So I would say ask them, maybe you can figure out at least the baseline reason for it. In my experience I find that its usually due to familiarity or rather a lack of familiarity and negative experiences. So the quickest way to change their mind is create familiarity, which should help create a comfortable enviroment (one they feel like they are not going to be at risk in (obviously physically but specifically socially (if she says x, will she be accused of racism? will their be a fight etc. No one wants to have to watch every single thing they say because their afraid it will offend (and if they are not familiar with you they will probably have that feeling at first)).
Second is to create positive experiences. My friend said he would never date a black girl. . . he is currently engaged to a black girl. The reason was that he worked with her for awhile, she laughed at his jokes, they got along and he started to build a rappor with her, started getting those positive associations with her and as a result has found that he now finds black women attractive now when he didn't before. So that would be what I would suggest doing.
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https://i.gifer.com/4KgN.gif This is good but I'ma need you to expand on a few things specifically cultural reason, those common behaviors, aggressive flirtation and contrasts of gender dynamics, I get the familiarity I've noticed that and I'm able to cover it in this context but not with my friends' girlfriends
Well it might not be applicable for you (according to your profile your from south africa and my experiences are from the north American black culture). That said in the US their is rampant fatherlessness within the black community (about 72% of blacks will be born out of wedlock). This has some serious impacts on the black community as a whole as well as individuals, one being rampant promiscuity. Fatherlessness increases promiscuity, as a result in the US blacks have the highest rates of infidelity of any group. The men are also being raised by single mothers and as a result tend to be babied so a lot of them (not all of course) have those kinds of issues i. e. they are more inclined to be babied and taken care of rather then taking care of their SO. Their is also an issue of abandonment issues and sense of needing to prove one's worth as they where effectively abandoned by their fathers (this by the way is all applicable to any group that has fatherlessness issues, its just in the US due to several factors, has hit the black community almost exclusively (for reference whites have a fatherlessness rate of I believe its 27% or so vs. the 72% in black community (currently, this started in the 60s due to multiple factors and its resulted in a huge deterioration within the black community that has an obvious solution but for what ever reason, we are not allowed to talk about it), hence me singling them out (though again, this is a generalization and is not applicable to all by any means). So as a result of these insecurities they tend to be much more aggressive with their approach to women and angrier when rebuffed due to that inborn insecurities compared to those with out it.
So if your from south africa I don't think these will be applicable. However their might be some that are, for example their does tend to be a big thing in the black community in the US where they tend to "glam up" i. e. by flashy jewelery and expensive shoes. To most other cultures this is a sign of being poor and impulsive because if your trying to show that you have wealth, chances are you don't have it (look at the billionaires in the world, Steve Jobs wore turtlenecks and jeans, Mark Zuckerberg Tshirts and jeans, Bill gates wears sweatervests etc.). So that can be off putting (obviously the exact opposite route of not dressing well is of course bad, but to much and it seems like your trying to hard and to little and your not trying hard enough). Not sure if that is a thing in south africa or not however.
I'd say the probably major reason is due to apartheid in south africa, namely that it ended fairly recently and so they may be afraid of social stigma (this was a thing in the US during segregation and right after its end so this is likely the main reason, they are not really against dating black guys so much as afraid to be SEEN dating black guys because of what their parents or others would say). In my experience most people are not racist, its that most people are just to afraid to go against the group so they basically wait for some one else to do something to see if its safe (like penguins, they crowd up near the water until one falls in, if that one survives they all know its safe. People do pretty much the same thing as far as social interactiosn are concerned. These women may be afraid to date a black guy because of what others say not necessarily what they feel about it). So that could be it as well.
The other possibility is that because of what is happening in south africa right now with the violence against whites in rural areas, they may be paranoid about dating a black guy, though I would guess the fear of social back lash is probably the more likely culprit. So again, I'd say ask them see what arguments they give you, if its ill defined or something that is applicable to a lot of other groups, its probably social backlash that they are afraid of.
It's always parents said not to but more often it comes from afrikaans girls it's not a problem with British or Portuguese descendents but I feel like it's not genuine it feels like a scapegoat because I don't confront it when it happens only once they're comfortable with me so the malice is already gone and when that's the case people tend to just be cautious of what they say so I just try to find out but I don't press it incase it gets uncomfortable or weird
well, like I said, I think social stigma is one of the biggest motivators for people (its never bothered me personally because I've always been an outsider (and gladly so), but I see this behavior in a lot of people (you will see it when people change their profile pics to flags and rainbows and what ever to follow the trend of "supporting" this cause or another. Most people don't care but they like the social brownie points that come with pretending to care or going with the crowd).
Well I would say don't take it as malice but just be curious and ask why. I mean at that point its not like your losing out, they said they would never be with a black guy so at that point its not like your losing out on a potential girl, so I'd just ask why without being particularly emotional about it and they will probably give you an answer (it may be the wrong answer (them rationalizing their decisions) but it will be something. Then from their if its something concrete either its something true in which case hey, its their preference, or its something not (i. e. all black guys are x) in which case you can point out that its not the case. Either way never take it personally because most people are honestly far to self absorbed to do anything as a personal slight against you.
Or you can go the other route and antaganize them i. e. they say they don't date black guys and you agree that its a good idea they don't heavily implying that black guys don't want them. Now they are on the defensive trying to figure out whats wrong with them that black men wouldn't want to date them and that will get them more inclined to think about the issue. Probably not going to win you over with them unless your very good with your social interactions and can walk that line between friendly and asshole, but it may get them to change their mind.
Yeah Dutch descendants, as for pretending to not be interested it's not my style I prefer to make it clear I'm attracted to someone regardless of whether or not they'll admit they're attracted to me (did I mention I was humble yet) but I'll see if I can sum up enough charm to avoid it being weird and as for missing out on a potential girl I'm definitely missing out especially considering the ones I want to ask
Well you can't miss out if she isn't interested, if she is but hesitating because they are afraid of social stigma then you will miss out by not pressing the issue. Just be casual about asking it.
Choosing a partner is probably the most personal choice any person has. I like to think of myself as a polite and cultured person and for that reason I can't get myself to interfer with such life changing decisions.
Also unless you are my own child or a member of my family, I absolutely don't want the responsibility that comes with interfering in your decisions.
So? I'm not even going to bother knowing why someone doesn't "..." black men or white men or myself. It's their own business.
And for the self esteem issue, I just tend to surround myself with people who like me including a few who are sexually and romantically into the type of woman I am. Problem solved.
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+1 y
You ain't slick Neo. I'm not looking for you to interfere with any decisions I'm just looking to understand the perspective of someone with these beliefs and see how to append them to my own so far the biggest reason I've personally experienced is lack of experience with race group but at the same time I my self am unfamiliar with some women from some race groups but don't share the same ideas so there's a possibility I might be wrong and answer the question Neo.
With what "beliefs" exactly? Preferences are quite complex and most people don't bother thinking about "why" they like something, they simply do and go for it.
It's the same for me. I tend not to bother myself with those questions because I know for sure the reason behind at least some of my desires are too complex to understand with simple introspection. Even academic study of these issues are quite limited and is always full of assumptions. So I just refuse to overthink them on my own.
But hey, I don't stop you if you like thinking in circles with almost no valid information.
The belief that they have racially related sexual or romantic preferences, I understand that you've never bothered to think about it but for my sake, your homie Joey, please I'm begging you for just 2 seconds bother
I just don't feel very comfortable being around other people especially since my country was pretty homogeneous before the refugee Influx and now crime and rape is rampant, also the fact the government is trying to disarm us poorly equipped people just so these people feel "safe." To be honest I don't consider my choices as prejudice or racist, I love how I look and love how my community is like and don't want to leave them just because of personal preferences, my ancestors have made me this way because it's been the same way for 1000s of years and I don't want to ruin it, since I'm a global minority and why wouldn't I like my own people? I'm not pressured into saying that other people are attractive just because so they don't feel bad. That thing might happen in America but this is my land and it always has been and I'll not let anyone tell me that I have to give up my land and my heritage for others. For being the main part I love my girlfriend and we have a baby boy together so it's not on my agenda to go anywhere else anytime soon. I believe a person who doesn't like his own kind is a shame on himself and his people.
You're 16 and you've got a kid maybe spreading your wings wouldn't be too bad an idea (not tryna be a dick just saying) and I'm pretty sure I've been trying to motivate people to not be nice but to rather be honest more accurately to be prejudice no disrespect congrats on the kid and girl but to be perfectly clear you don't find women outside your race or community attractive.
Yes, even in my own country and even women who aren't from my religion. My ancestors fought in the snow, fought in the sun and in the moonlight too they fought with their guns and they fought with their knives till their blood ran through just so their children would never have to live under foreign rule ever again, I will do anything to defend my history, my culture and won't bow down anyone who tries to ruin my great land. I don't like my shitty government and we all sing our grievances together in front of them
"we cannot stand idly by and let our families die so we joined the nordiska resistance, so stuff your fucking crown we patriots won't lie down and give away our land to foreigners, not Semtex not our guns will you ever get from us so stick your Disarmament up your ass".
It's my duty to protect my culture and my people from extinction and be grateful to my forefathers for defending our lands.
I admire your pride can't really relate they already took ours you know how the British do but communal devotion and girlfriend aside you genuinely don't find any other women outside your community at the very least sexually appealing at all
I've lived in a different nation for 3 years and it wasn't a good experience, my father works in private security contracting so we had to move to a little suburb called Orania just to be a little bit safe, I don't understand the desperation a lot of these immigrants have about us, the moment a person is nice to them they start to act like they are the love of their life. It's my nations culture to not be upfront about dating. I do like Serbian people even though some of them are very different than me. Yes, I'm being truly honest I just never found other women very appealing I guess that would be because I started to love my culture at a very young age, I have dated a Boer girl and she was my first ever girlfriend back when I was 11 and she indeed was very beautiful even though she was protestant and I was orthodox, I've never had a good experience with people who aren't similar to me both in their mental and physical characteristics.
I see my choices in both a scientific and religious way. This is my native land that I live on and my ancestors have been on this same little piece of land before the time of Christ so I won't fight against nature but go with it, this is the way God intended I look like and I'm not pleased with it but still I don't envy others and just accept the fact that I look like myself and there's a female counterpart of me. Out here we hunt a lot even when I was in South Africa we used to go hunting a lot and even though animals like deer are similar but if you bred a Barbary stag with a Arctic moose you'd be able to reproduce but the offspring wouldn't be someone who has its own identity and would be denied acceptance into their herd. We are all born in sin and we die in sin it's the actions we do to minimise and try to repent for our sins is what matters, our lord sacrificed himself for us and if he made me the way I am, an animal who has a similar female counterpart then I shall not betray his creation and just follow along.
Your judging of all racists is wrong, which in turn makes you a bad person. There is nothing wrong with racism, it is in fact 100% normal to prefer your own racial group
Racism is in no way a good thing and as for preferences I do prefer to marry and commit to women from my cultural background or at the very least my skin tone but that's because I don't have to deal with weird questions or looks when it comes to attraction as long as a chick is attractive I'm attracted to her regardless of race which is why I can't believe you when you say you don't it's not how we're built
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