Is being in a interracial relationship different or harder than dating within your race?

[menina]

I've never dated outside my race, in fact I have no experience in dating/relationships but I would date a guy who isn't black.
Due to racism I think interracial couples face more problems than those of the same race. What's your opinion on this? If you have any experience with this topic feel free to share it. :)

[Wintergrace]

Sometimes it is, my boyfriend is Latino raised by a black father and I am white. I’ve never experienced racism over our relationship (it has happened to my interracial couple friends tho, so I’ve just been lucky).
However, there are some large cultural gaps at times. There are a lot of movies I haven’t seen or shows because I didn’t watch BET, but he did. He knows every rap song, and I grew up a devote Christian (and still am) so I don’t listen to music with curses and slurs.
On holidays, he expects Hispanic foods whereas, I expect the more traditional American/English fair.
These aren’t things people discuss about interracial dating, but they are obstacles in my personal relationship. So you may want to prepare for more compromises and respecting others’ cultures and traditions before entering a relationship. Along with preparing for backlash from racist people.

[menina]

You have an interesting perspective, I've never thought about these things.
I'm more than ready to prepare for more compromises and to respect his culture and I do expect him to respect mine.

[Agape93]

It can be a bit harder. My biggest issue was his sister. She wasn’t very nice but oh well

[menina]

I see. It sucks to deal with family members who act like that.

[Agape93]

Yeap. Thankfully her opinion didn’t really matter. Still a great guy. Saw him on Saturday:)

[menina]

I'm glad it didn't. It's good to see that you have no problems with him.

[Agape93]

Not at all :) he’s a fantastic guy. Only reason we aren’t together is he started getting feelings for someone who wanted exclusivity. I’d rather him be happy, you know? No regrets :)

[menina]

I know what you mean. I guess you made the right decision. :)

[magiusX26]

can be more difficult due to racism depending on who in each family feels some type of way about dating outside of that family's race and majority of locals who feel some way about it. where i am, many from most races care a lot less about it being intetacial, at least publicly. at least going by the amount of staring/under breathe remarks. now when i got engaged to my EX, my grandmother had something to say against it to which i immediately squashed with "either you accept her as you would me or you can stop having me around" roughly, she shut that shit up then and there and never bothered about it again.

[menina]

She was afraid of losing you.

[magiusX26]

i was the one doing most of the stuff for her such as driving her around for shopping and dr appmnts, because so many in my family could not be relied on who were not already super busy besides myself nor could many be trusted to drive her safely. she was in her 70s by the way. i come from a family where everyone is used to and expected to speak their minds though so that type of disaggreement and even level of resolution has been common throughout my life. at the end of the day we all came together when things came about that required family support etc.

[magiusX26]

kinda ironic that even after that and me and that EX splitting later on, i wound up owning my grandmother's house through enheritance.

[menina]

I see. In that environment I can see why your relationship was controversial. I guess you ended up owning it because you guys weren't together anymore. If you were, you probably wouldn't inherit it.

[Andres77]

Why does no one get this?
If date ANYONE with a different background than you... there's differences

For example: rich, poor, black, White, Asian, Latino, Indian, Russian, Canadian, rural, urban, divorced parents, together parents, fit, athletic, nerd, well sheltered, abused, differing religions, differering education levels...

If you and your s. o. are not the same in every category above... there are going to be issues.
If you love each other you'll work it out.

Yes, it is different.

[menina]

I'm more likely to date someone from a different background.

[Andres77]

That's fine, I've done that all my life.
Just as long as you know that there will be differences.
I hope it works out for you.

[menina]

Thank you. Yeah I really need to date someone different, otherwise I'll be doomed.

[Andres77]

We also have patterns, like a template of what we're naturally attracted to. For me it was a disaster, girlfriend and two marriages. Once I broke free of what I was naturally drawn to...18 years of a solid relationship.

[menina]

That's true. I see, in your case it was a good change. Unfortunately I think I'll never break free of my patterns...

[Andres77]

You have free will, kiddo.
Don't go over the cliff just because that's what you've always done.
You'll get it...😉

[menina]

I wish I could say you're right, but I'm not sure 😕

[Andres77]

Hold on to hope.
Always.
I wish you the very best.

[menina]

I will try. Thank you.

[ADFSDF1996]

Not really as long as the cultural background is the same.

[TurboKid]

I never felt like racism was a serious problem when I dated women of all sorts of ethnicities. Occasionally I'd get some rude guys openly disapproving or something like that, but no big deal. Differences in culture and outlook can be a challenge though although I found it interesting. I don't mean in blatant ways like wholly different values or traditions or anything like that. More the little and subtle ways like our interests, little differences in what we consider rude vs. polite, humor, dialect, things of this nature.

[TurboKid]

In my case, I am biracial and also somewhat "tricultural" (I grew up in three separate cultures), so every relationship I had always seemed somewhat interracial.

[menina]

I see. That's interesting! May I ask you what cultures are you talking about?

[TurboKid]

I'm from Japan originally and went to kindergarten and primary school here, then lived in Singapore for middle school, then the US for high school and university. I'm a white/Asian mix (white on my mother's side, Asian on my father's). Then in terms of language, I started with Japanese in Japan, then British English and Mandarin in Singapore (Mandarin mainly because my father remarried into a large Singaporean family who I lived with, although I've forgotten most of it), then American English in the US. I've been culture-shocked quite a bit as a result.

[menina]

Wow! That's a lot to learn and to process. It's nice to have all of this experience but I can see why it was shocking, especially when you were a kid.

[TurboKid]

It was quite a lot for me and I didn't start out shy at all as a boy but I turned extremely shy by the time I reached high school. I remember on the first day that people would pass by me and say things like, "Sup," and I had no idea what that meant. :-D I started to get reasonably comfortable once more during my university years to open up and interact with people.

Then I met my first girlfriend in university who was black. She was really nice and I became smitten and even wanted to marry her although some of that might have been biased with her being my first. We only split up because after graduating, we ended up moving to completely opposite sides of the country for our careers and the relationship became an LDR that sort of fizzled out. Yet there was a bit of a cultural discrepancy there as well. For example, on our first date, she asked me over dinner what I thought about "players" and I thought she was talking about video games. :-D She was thankfully quite patient though and ended up teaching me a lot about American culture and maybe some aspects considered black culture.

[menina]

I can relate to some of your experiences. It's nice to see that you learned something from your first relationship and that you dated someone from another culture.
It's a shame that you guys broke up. I can tell that you really liked her.

[TurboKid]

She was definitely the greatest of my exes. After that, I ended up dating a variety and had a bit of a difficult time maintaining LTRs since a number of them also turned into LDRs (I moved around a lot for my work, including eventually coming back here to Japan).

In one of the most extreme cases, I dated a Chinese woman when I came back to Japan who spoke very little Japanese, no English, and was fluent in Mandarin but I had forgotten most of it. She worked at a Chinese restaurant in my neighborhood and somehow I managed to get a date with her even though we could barely understand each other. We ended up using our cell phones a lot to translate what we wanted to say into each other's language (her from Mandarin to Japanese, and me from Japanese to Mandarin) as well as doodling pictures in a notepad. To streamline communication, I got a dedicated pocket translator from an electronics store.

That was sweet and there was a charming quality in how we liked each other so much but could only communicate at a painfully slow pace to each other. It started to become difficult though and we eventually both started getting frustrated... like she would get upset sometimes and speak Mandarin very fast and then we'd have to painfully translate our way through it.

[menina]

Awww that was sweet, but I can see why it was frustrating. Sometimes we want the relationship to work but it doesn't because of these small differences.
I'm pretty sure I'll end up with someone who doesn't speak my language but that's exactly what I want.

[Leavesbound]

It can be a lot harder depending on various factors. For example, will your family like your partner and will theirs like you? I dated a woman of color once and her family broke us up. Her Dad's nickname for me was "blue eyed devil." My eyes aren't even blue.

[menina]

I'm sorry to hear that. If you're white, maybe he said that because he believes that all white people have blue eyes.

[Leavesbound]

I'm about as white as they come but my eyes are hazel which is greenish brown.

[menina]

Ok, then maybe he only said that because you're white.

[Leavesbound]

Yes well I figured that when he said "blue eyed devil."

[menina]

Ok, at least you understood.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Good question, thank you for asking it.
My first girlfriend was a Georgian immigrant - Georgia as in the Caucasian country bordering with Russia, not the US state - and ironically the biggest prejudices and opposition came from my mother - an immigrant herself - and some friends who were Ukrainian.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

And uglily enough, my mother completely adores my wife, who's an immigrant too - only that she's Austrian, blonde and with blue eyes, so I guess that kind of immigrant is alright in her book...

[menina]

Thank you, you're welcome.

I wouldn't say you were in a interracial relationship because you guys are all white. However, I get your idea and your mother was being xenophobic. Maybe she loves your wife because she has the typical Ukrainian looks.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Maybe?
Although I have to say that my girlfriend from Georgia was middle-easterner and not white - dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin. Some Georgians are white, but she came from the southern region where they have more commonly Turkish/Azerbaijani blood.

[menina]

I see. Maybe that counts, even though I consider middle easterners white.

[MLGbreezy]

I mean some people will hate to hear this but yes. Even in just dating before you get to the point of a relationship it's gonna be hard. And in some cases it is just sad to watch especially in the black community. I think more then any other race the intermingle between whites and blacks has just had such a bad effect on the community it's literally pitted the men and women against each and themselves. I heard this quote once that is unfortunately true to a degree. It was that blacks have an unhealthy obsession with whites and vice versa. It's not to say that you can't find yourself a nice white counterpart to be your other half it's just the pick of the bunch either isn't that great or is very ignorant.

[RedThread]

My last girlfriend was black. We didn't have any issues besides some people staring at us in public like we were an exhibit. Both my family and her family didn't have any issues with it.

We broke up over something completely unrelated to racial issues. I hope she finds happiness whatever she's doing in the world today.

[menina]

"We didn't have any issues besides some people staring at us in public like we were an exhibit." - Yes, I've heard some people who were in interracial relationships mentioning that. It's sad and it shouldn't happen. But it's nice to hear that your family and her family didn't have any issues with your relationship. That doesn't happen often.

[nonratracereality]

Just think of the word pure. It's ok. But it's not. Because when you add another aspect, degree or ingredient you change the product. In modern times either way it's no bargain as it's good or bad depending on whose true or fake opinion you accept. Less than half the population can be construed as racist towards the rest of the population deemed as not making the grade. I am all 3 races so I get it from all ends. Same way ignorance is in the dictionary it's in real life in the form of non acceptance with the negative majority going to the Caucasian specie. If you're not a realist and accept truth then you will have obstacles all the way until you actually figure things out.

[dudeinohio]

Really, in my city, I've never encountered the slightest bit of hostility towards myself or SO in this situation.. I'd say 23 years of my dating/married life were with black women. Never the slightest problem. Ever. So. I'd say my interracial relationships have not been at all different or harder

[menina]

You're lucky! :)

[menina]

I'm glad to hear that.

[BCA6010]

Not unless your cultural values differ. That might cause some problems down the road.

Oh and if one of y'all simps out to race-baiting journalists and throw the other under the bus like that idiot from the bachelor did, that would definitely cause problems.

[midnightmoon05]

I have only dared interracial. It has been my choice and been great.

[menina]

Good! May I ask you what is your race?

[midnightmoon05]

I am Chinese American. Been here since 10. So this is my country and my people as being very very diverse.

[menina]

That's not really what I asked but ok...

Thanks for answering.

[Avicenna]

I've had a number of them, and sometimes it's more difficult and sometimes it isn't. In my experience, when there are problems, it's mainly disapproval from her family. When the family approved, it was pretty problem-free.

[OddBeMe]

It’s certainly an issue. Small or large. My wife’s traditionally conservative Catholic family had a bit of trouble accepting me- the white atheist liberal.

[menina]

Is she white?

[OddBeMe]

Oh I forgot the most important signifier: Latina.

[OddBeMe]

They really didn’t like me…

[menina]

Oh I see why they didn't like you. Which is unfortunate.

[OddBeMe]

They do now. Had to win them over.

[menina]

That's great!

[COMMODOREII]

I agree that people will persecute those people who choose to be with someone they want to be with and just want live a prosperous life.

[menina]

You're absolutely right.

[iboobs]

I was never willing to date someone who’s not anglo American or even some other ethnicity with a similar culture to mine. Of course it would be very hard for me to force myself to date someone outside my race.

[BIG-BLACK-Robinson]

I only datewhite women. Haven’t experienced racism but it’s easier for me to date white women because I like them more and they treat me better

[menina]

Yeah I know you don't like black women.

[BIG-BLACK-Robinson]

How u know?

[menina]

Because you said it on a comment.

[lanadelrey25]

Well I've experienced racism online bc of my interracial relationship. Not racism towards my race though.

[888theGreat]

Yes, because family members on both sides won't like it

[menina]

True.

[888theGreat]

I have an Aunt that I will probably inherit $100,000 from that would take me out of her Will if I married a black woman.

[menina]

That's horrible! That's more than being racist, she's being cruel.

[XimenaV]

I think mainly because of implicit bias and not people trying to be horrible.

[JesseJayNeak]

Maybe in the 60s. A lot less today (since I'm used to date outside of the race)

[menina]

Some places are still stuck in the 60's, like the country where I live.

[karaspara]

In my experience no but i'm sure it is for other couples depends on so many factors

[Bean2thousand]

I find myself needing a lot of space but also prefer long-term relatinoships so I avoid interstitial.

[FunkyMonkee]

Nope! No different at all, from my experience.

[anylolone]

Nah. Not in my experience.

[princeofromance]

Yes, but it hasn't stop me.

[EaterPeter]

Yes. More obstacles.

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!

[menina]

You're welcome.