I've hear this several times this month including from people I know in person, so thought I'd explore how many feel this way, and why.
What do you think is the source of these feelings and have you found a viable solution to feel... love towards yourself?
For women, do you associate the hatred towards hormonal changes and mood cycles? You got it coming... selfieHate is such a bitter word, and no-one is born hating themselves. Something went awry in life... that's what that emotion is telling us. It feels bad even to type "hate". Blech...
May you find and nurture that loving human inside again and live life to the fullest.
Thank you Jesus, for any and all help.
I hate myself most of the time
I hate myself sometimes
Never
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
If you had asked me this like 4 or 5 years ago I would probably have said "yes". I was also going through a tough time though after a brutal rejection. After a lot of time of soul searching and talking to loved ones I came to a few revelations that fuel me to this day. Perception is half the battle. We view ourselves through other people's eyes. The problem with that is if you're doing through the wrong people's eyes you get a very distorted view. I am not highly sought after by women. Why? I know I have many things that work against me. 1. I'm honest, 2. I'm largely introverted, 3. I'm marginally attractive. To be one of these is bad but I'm all 3 lol. I don't hate myself! Rather I hate the fact that I have to pretend to be someone I'm not to satisfy the world. I'm expected to lie to stroke a woman's ego. I'm supposed to suck up to people to make them like me (which they don't they pretend to because they want me to continue to suck up to them). And how unattractive I am vs. How attractive they are is what determines how fake you have to be. I don't hate myself! I hate how fake and shallow the rest of the world is. I don't need fixed. It does! Sorry if this comes off as negative. I'm actually not a negative. But I don't have a problem calling a spade a spade.
Very hard to respond without knowing you, if the "attractive" is accurage, honest, and the introversion. My personal experience with such challenge is, most of the issues were my own... women can only respond to what we give them, but there are for sure... two sides. You don't have to be fake, but you do have to be your best self made avaialble... emotionally. I had to work on my introversion and until I did, it was a stumbling block. When you project your emotional self, I find women respond really well regardless of many factors (videos to prove that). When you hide behind a shy mask, they generally withdraw. I was your age plus until I figured how myself and how things work. you have to ask yourself if the "you" being projected is the little boy whose heart was broken a 100 times, or the healed version. The healthier you are emotionally, the better success you'll have. my 2 cents. In short, I hear you, maybe... but I don't buy it because of my personal experience in life and being lonely a long time. I'm married now.
Opinion Owner
+1 y
I do project my best self. But like most introverts I can only sustain that fake me for so long. And since guys are EXPECTED to not only tolerate but understand all her eccentricities while she will judge all of his. You can understand why I'll only do it for so long anyways. Basically I'm saying I treat every woman, every person and a blank canvas until they start exhibiting familiar flakey patterns.
I'm incapable of hating people including me as odd as that sounds. I'm very capable of getting frustrated and angry with them, including myself, but not hating or wishing ill in the end.
I don't know why. I seem to have been like that even as a boy. I think it's because I see myself and other people as moving targets, not fixed targets. Like if there's something I really dislike about them or me today, we might be able to change it tomorrow. Can't hate a moving target.
I might also deflect a lot of hate towards people by hating situations instead. If I can't get along with someone no matter how hard I try, instead of hating them I hate the situation. "What a dumb situation this is! I hate it! So many misunderstandings got us to this place!" Like that. It prevents me from hating the person with whom I don't get along.
It might not be too uncommon here in Japan. We have a strong Buddhist influence in our culture which emphasizes accepting the things we can't change. It's similar to the dichotomy of control concept as found in Stoicism and also the Serenity Prayer in Christianity:
>> God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference [...]
A huge part of our culture emphasizes developing an understanding to know that difference, and from early childhood. We have common sayings like shouganai (しょうがない) stated repeatedly by people around us that emphasize this notion of accepting things we can't change.
So if we accept the things we can't change about ourselves, it's difficult to work towards self-loathing since the remaining things we can change are capable of being improved upon. Those remaining parts are like wet clay, capable of being molded and remolded. There's nothing to hate about wet clay whose shape we don't quite like as I see it, since we can just reach in there and start changing the shape.
that's the value of a deep culture, they've thought about all these things. in the west we don't think that deeply without religious focus, certainly not in schools. So when people attacked and beat you, you didn't hate them? You hated their behavior? That's very mature, I think that world view works well. Spiritually, I can do the same with trying to see the greater inside the person rather than their behavior, albeit, still defend myself to the death. Thus the concept of "evil spirits" that drive a person... which to me are largely "negative subconscious emotions".
Yes, I hate the behavior, I hate the situation. But I don't hold vengeful thoughts towards them because I can't know what it's like to be in their shoes. Forgiveness is key but some people seem to interpret forgiveness as taking abusive people back into our lives. I definitely don't encourage doing that too eagerly! Forgiveness to me is like an antidote to the poison we ingested in getting angry at others, like so: I can get angry -- I chose my UN because I have a bit of a fiery temper -- but I can't hold onto it. At the end of the day I don't know enough about the people who sought me harm to hold onto it.
Self-loathing is actually more tempting to me than hating other people because I do know what it's like to be in my shoes. At least some of my actions in life have been that of an impulsive buffoon. Yet I can't even really hold onto that feeling because I figure I can do better tomorrow.
very healthy view. I've had to learn forgiveness and still learning, it seems the way out is a greater perspective. The one I fear most though is forgiveness, so I learn from others (your) success.. it's some kind of letting go and letting what has been, be. These are all discovery and techniques to manage broken human relationships. I can relate to self deprecation and maybe loathing.
Cheers! I'm not sure if I'm a success case though. I've conquered malice, jealousy, vengeance -- a variety of negative impulses. Yet I'm an impulsive adrenaline junkie and a bit of a drunk. The combination of someone already inclined to be impulsive and unfiltered with a love of alcohol can make for the worst combination of repeated times waking up hungover and finding myself so idiotic for the most unfiltered things I said the night before. :-D
I have two main obstacles as I see it to becoming a better man. The first is my love of danger and recklessness as an adrenaline junkie, which my pride (vanity is also a problem) wants to conflate as "bravery" rather than stupidity (probably closer to what it actually is). The second is that stubborn love of drinking.
But I don't sink into self-loathing since -- however naively -- I think I can improve over time with these. It's a slow process but I'm getting better with each passing year. I'm hoping I will be free by the time I pass away if I have a good number of years left before I do.
I also have these internal conflicts where the wiser side of me (maybe not my best quality) finds the morality so deep, meaningful, and best-suited to optimize our chances of long-term success. But the other side which is inclined toward extreme boredom finds it rather dull, and wants to play, and doesn't mind if the world burns down around me in the pursuit of fun. That's the destructive side that I have to balance... when things like malice no longer motivate us, boredom can become our greatest temptation towards evil... to see chaos simply for the sheer amusement of it. That's my most chaotic side I'm trying to overcome.
Might you be a Buddhist rock star? 😜. I think the left side brain working well and the emotional part is artistic. The drinking is masking some emotions… or turning them loose. Some time on a mountain in retreat may be enlightening. Our content goes back several generations so you may be dealing with resolving ‘sins’ of the past. Integrating it all together is not easy. How about this… I’ll drink more this week and you quit drinking and we’ll see if we get any revelations 🤓
I accept your challenge! No drinking on Saturday and Sunday this week. I told my wife and she'll help keep me honest. I think people here will be able to tell if I succeed or not (I think it's pretty obvious when I'm drunk). But I don't want you to drink. Don't need that as part of the dare.
Your a good apple with a golden heart. We shall embark on this endeavor and see what is revealed. I’d suggest 3 days as takes that long to reset the system but don’t let me ruin your Friday 🙃. I will fast for 3 days morning to evening instead… sounds healthier. If that doesn’t do any good next time I’ll up the French pear alcohol… my fav.
Thank you sir! Write down what you experience and feel, observe the emotions, I'll do same. I see good that comes from it, not the least of which.. frees up $20-40 for greater purposes:)
It's not a hormonal thing for me, I just hate myself and most things about me. I know I have good qualities and that others like me, I just can't see what they do in me. All I can do from my end is just try to put on a smile and make others laugh to keep myself from getting into my own head and tearing myself down more.
Well I have dysmorphia and I see how people talk and act around me. When they don’t want me around. I mean, I can’t even say “hi, how are you?” To my family member without them yelling at me and looking at me with disgust. Now, my boyfriend is starting to act the same.
I don't hate myself. I never did. I have some insecurities, but I don't dwell on them or let them hold me back. I don't think that's helpful, realistic or healthy. I try to focus on the positive.
Being aware of my own flaws helped me to work on improvement.
for the most part i don't think so, but at the same time i do wish i was someone else at times. i mean, i'm still a teenager so i'll change as a person and my views will change as well, so i think it's too early for me to say for sure.
No, I don't hate myself. However, I do hate the way I look. How short I am; my weight; my complexion, my face, etc. And honestly, even accepting my personality took YEARS. In the 2000s, I didn't even accept my personality. Even that took a while to accept. Only thing I could vote for on this poll is "OTHER."
Oh yeah! I do hate myself I even unintentionally hurt myself like my nails go deep into my hand and break the skin, I hit myself in the head when I do something wrong, and I am not okay. ☺️
it makes a lot of sense then, it's how you were trained. you didn't ask for it, it is flawed training especially for certain personalties that are more sensitive. When you want to abandon that training, you can learn about trauma therapies and begin to heal and accept yourself better. But that will be a conscious choice you have to make and work on.
p. s. I'm sorry to hear you were so abused. so many adults don't know how to raise children properly and pass on what they got or worse. hopefully, you can break that pattern and establish a better one. wish you the best.
The grandmother was in on my dad’s side so the reason why he was treating me like that is that she taught him that. Also, she wanted to ruin my parent’s wedding because she did not like my mom at all so if she sees her she's going into her mode. She abused me because I’m their kid and she said I shouldn’t have ever existed.
If I acted not “manly” I would be gay and he would again disown me. It's this ridiculous toxic pattern from my country was taught meaning being religious, liking only white people, hating black people, gay = sin, etc.
My used to be best friend committed suicide because his parents said they would accept a gay child and should have aborted him in the first place so he can be with the devil.
I've only had good impressions of polish I met in USA, never heard anything bad other than poverty. But poland went through terrible times in wwii and wonder the consequence of all that. I wish you well.
Are you seeing ukrainians and how are they being treated?
ok good. bumblebees are one of my fav creatures... faithful to their mate, the male works tirelessly to defend them and rarely attacks intruder unless forced to. I had a nest in my mailbox for longtime.
Hmmm I wouldn’t say hate just an indifference for my existence I wouldn’t really care if I died because I didn’t really care to be born
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Cos everyone else hates me, and I hate everyone else, and I'm jus not a good person I'm angry 247 and so easily triggered. I act like a asshole to everyone
sorry to hear that. how is that possible? cells constantly work to stay alive, they are doing work... for the purpose of living. This is feelings, emotions due to abuse. hope you develop a sense of value and hope.
just an observation that a part of you is working hard to survive, and the other part is cursing it out:) Have a good day and healthy fulfilled life! bye for now.
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