What's your thoughts on the concept of "the hoe stage"?

[Anonymous]

I personally find it baffling why so many would assume that their past is something that can be ignore and swept under the rug as if there's no consequences for hedonistic behaviour & mindless self-indulgence

[CoffeeBeanBlack]

A "ho stage" is just about sexual freedom. Men have them too. I'd say that I'm in one now but its not true, I'm not super interested in partnering in anyway but I dont look down on it. Sex is a way of discovering or exploring the self, likes, dislikes, uncovering trauma, etc. Where do your sexual morals come from? Are they innate? Self taught? The result of a low libido? The result of being tired? Are you reaosnably cautious or extra caucious? Does your spiritual or religious belief system play a part? Have you had a ho phase?

[DaveJord]

Well the concept that people can do what they want and nobody has the right to judge them is ridiculous. Obviously a person past behaviors is a good indication of who they are, and might be into the future. Now everyone has the right to judge you anyway they want. You can't shame someone for having personal values and beliefs, but those values and beliefs do not make anyone one right or wrong. But everyone is entitled to their opinion, it a matter if their opinions matter to you or not.

[Anonymous]

A person’s past is not always their present. A lot of people (men and women alike) go through a period when they’re young and immature and they have casual sex. It’s called being human. I’ve never understood why that’s considered bad. What are we? Puritans? I don’t think I’d want to settle down with someone who is sexually repressed and hasn’t lived a little. Besides, you can never really know anyones past with any degree of certainty. Judge them by their present.

[Truthatanycost]

'I don’t think I’d want to settle down with someone who is sexually repressed and hasn’t lived a little.'

You won't need to because the vast majority of men have slept around just as much...

[bademoxy]

@Truthatanycost not true for millenials. most the girls will each have had over a dozen sex partners before they marry (if they ever do) while most the guys may not have had a half dozen, if any, before then. I'm so glad I'm not in their age group, wasting my resources chasing worn out poon.

[Truthatanycost]

@bademoxy That's true. But like you say, not our problem. I walked away long ago due to all of the promiscuity...

[Anonymous]

The hoe stage? What is that? When a women feels like a garden tool?

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Yeah like when they feel like doing nothing but marking the earth with their teeth.

[Opinion Owner]

@fyrdracadocincel
What the hell is that suppose to mean?

[WhiteSteve]

I don’t know, man, I had a ho stage myself and I like to think I turned out alright, managed to settle down with one gal and all that.

[bamesjond0069]

So men and women are not different?

[WhiteSteve]

@bamesjond0069 In regards to what? Obviously, there are a myriad of differences between men and women, haha. I just don’t view promiscuity as different between us. I also don’t necessarily view that as negative, or positive…. it’s just kind of neutral. There can be all kinds of reasoning behind the behavior, that can potentially be a result of something troubling, but I wouldn’t necessarily just assume. Maybe you do have some sort of emotional issue you’re burying under it. Maybe you just like to have fun, lmao. I don’t view it as an indicator for relationship fitness. I know formerly promiscuous people who have settled down into very normal monogamous relationships and marriages; I know people without that previous long record of sexual experience who still act like lunatics in their relationships. I don’t know…. I’m not really into prescribed lifestyles, you know? Do you, don’t worry about what “society” says, because if you actually stop and look around, after you’ve cut down the political and cultural weeds that make us different, you’ll find most people are the same, in that they are idiots, so why are we following their leads or bending to their social pressures?

[WhiteSteve]

@bamesjond0069 It’s just a tough expectation to hold for people, because it normally takes trial-and-error to find your mate, and usually even in the process of dating, even if you don’t have one-nighters, you have to “kiss a few frogs” as they say, and at least in my experience, you might not sleep together IMMEDIATELY, but I’ve played some kind of shy, seemingly naïve gals kind of slow, and by the time I finally go for it, they were like “dude, what took you so long? I was starting to think you didn’t like me.” I think the “winning over” process might be close to complete by the time your first date is over, maybe even upon acceptance of said date. I didn’t meet most of these women just off the street, I guess, we had some kind of prior rapport, usually, even if built over a few days or weeks…. but things moved quickly. For whatever reason, these girls identified me as a guy they wanted to at least sleep with and maybe date, they sent the appropriate signals and hints to entice me to ask them out or make a move on them, and it went from there.

I remember the first girl I was seeing after getting out of my four year relationship that had carried into college from high school…. I invited her over after we got out of work to “hit the bong”, and she came over like three times before I did anything. And I think she wasn’t even huge into weed, she was just making herself available to me. When I finally kissed her, which wasn’t til she was leaving the third time (and she still went home, lmao, I didn’t smash til next time), she made some kind of remark alluding to the whole thing I said before, she was confused because she thought I liked her but then in crunch time I wasn’t doing anything.

[WhiteSteve]

@bamesjond0069 I had another girl I was always flirting with at another job come over after her last shift before she was going to study abroad for 6 months. Same M. O., very shy, and she came over to smoke weed. It was actually supposed to be BEFORE work, with another friend of ours, but she bailed on that, and I think it was so she could be alone with me late night. I was playing her cool again, just hanging out, then it’s like 3:30 AM (we worked at a bar, we got out late) and I’m not making any move on her, wondering if I should, and how, and then she just goes “it’s getting late…”, and I thought that was her about to leave, and I’m like “FUCK, took too long”, but to my surprise, she then just kicked off her boots like “I ain’t going anywhere…”, and things went a lot quicker from there lmao.

Long answer, I apologize, but I’m just saying I think women are a lot more DTF than we give them credit for, but we kind of sink ourselves with this double-standard where we shame women for sex but applaud dudes for it…. and that just doesn’t make a whole lot sense to me. We’re all going to have histories unless we live in a convent or monastery, or occasionally you get lucky and meet the right person very young and can confine it to just one sexual partner. Honestly, I think us guys are largely just jealous of how easy it is for women vs how many flaming hoops we need to jump through to get laid😂 But we control the market “demand”, that’s on us for being overly thirsty, lmao. Nobody likes to think about their partner banging somebody else, but it happens, we just have to accept that and just worry about remaining the “most recent”, haha.

[bamesjond0069]

"I think women are a lot more DTF than we give them credit for"... correction... than YOU give them credit for. Thanks for sharing your perspective it makes it clear where you're coming from. here's mine: i go out on dates pretty regular both girls i meet around town and from online. Some older some younger. Some careers some live with parents. But they all have one thing in common, they all will have sex with me asap first or second date. So when i compare my options... they all basically are the same. A cute friendly girl who had sex with me. Why should i bother being in a relationship with her and closing off other opportunities when i know there are lots of cute friendly girls who will have sex with me? It just doesn't make sense. So now i look at it as who is more special than the pack? Who stands out as above and beyond? Well the girls who dont sleep around sure move to the top of the list. I think maybe you think you dont care but say there are two EXACTLY equal women in every way. One has had one ltr and the other has slept with 30 men. Which would you choose? I doubt you would choose the one with 30 men. there's a million reasons not to choose her. Your arguments saying maybe its from mental issues but maybe not... well why take a chance? A girl who didn't sleep around clearly does not have the specific kind of mental issues that cause one to sleep around. Why take a chance when you have two options before you?

[bamesjond0069]

Sorry last thing is there is data that shows less sex partners for women clearly is relational to divorce rates. So if you're a data guy that should be enough to show the importance.

[WhiteSteve]

@bamesjond0069 Yeah, I hear you. To be fair, I don’t have any experience in the era of online dating, maybe the dynamic has changed some. Is it possible our expectations have just changed? Like I wonder if women feel more pressure to have sex quickly in order to not lose a guy’s interest? Particularly when he’s one swipe away from an alternative? That would be an interesting study. I feel like the old school method of meeting people created less of a sense of sexual urgency, haha, like “I’ll make him wait a couple more weeks, what are the odds he meets someone else who’s a match in that time period?” And now we’re just ordering or being ordered off of a veritable menu😂

So I hear what you’re saying, that’s your prerogative, I guess to me, I don’t have any kind of view of sex where it’s a “tainting” experience, like your value doesn’t drop with every additional partner. And I understand you may mean it as a hypothetical scenario, but I maybe see it a little more nuanced than just 1-to-1 “she’s cute and friendly and so is the other one.” The threat of choosing the “wrong” woman doesn’t spook me that much, with just dating. It’s all at-will, if something changes and I don’t like you as much, you’re out. I’m also big on sexual compatibility, and obviously there’s only one way to find out, so I don’t see a ton of sense in waiting a considerably long time. I’d kind of prefer to know we aren’t a sexual match before getting attached in some other way. Doesn’t have to be the first day, but if we’ve been dating a couple months and I still haven’t been fully introduced to that side of her (and same for her with me), I still don’t have the full picture of her as potential partner.

[WhiteSteve]

@bamesjond0069 Ex: I was just casually seeing this girl, just a sexual thing, but I mean, she was a cool chick, maybe we could’ve given it a go for more. But if done in the wrong sequence, I might’ve been stuck in something neither of us really wanted, now with feelings involved. She was a fun time, but was into a little more of that 50 Shades Of Grey experience. I don’t mind some rough stuff, but the whole shit where I’m strangling her or slapping her in the face, lmao…that’s just not my game. So in something long term, either I’m going to be sexually dissatisfied, or she’ll be, because I either won’t want to do that with the vigor she’s looking for, or I’ll do it but it’s not a genuine turn-on for me. Maybe it’s better that the two of us find someone else to fuck for the long haul, haha, our “meet at Hip Hop night at Atlantis and then hook up on Thursdays” thing just had a shelf life. It wasn’t terrible sex or anything, but it just wasn’t what I’d want for 50 years, haha.

I guess where we’re maybe not in accord, in some sense, and correct me if I’m wrong, is that sex is somewhat binary for you? Like the cute friendly girl who only had sex with one other dude vs the gal with 30 partners, the sex was the same? Or maybe I’m misunderstanding and that’s part of your hypothetical circumstances. Only other issue is that I have no idea what other people’s sexual histories are, there’s no CarFax for humans, lmao, so the girl with 1 or 5 or 10 or 30 or 100 former partners, I likely wouldn’t even know that information unless it was volunteered to me by her.

[bamesjond0069]

in my opinion the less sex a woman has had before the better she is in bed. It works like a leather glove. A virgin glove takes a little use but breaks in perfectly with your hand. A well worn glove by a man with a different shaped hand will never fit you perfectly.

In regards to the rough sex. Women enjoy freaky rough nasty stuff. However as above. They only learn to enjoy what they know about. So if someone fucks a girl rough she will always crave it. Then you come along and now are unable to satisfy her. However same woman who never got to try that stuff would have been satisfied plenty with you.

I have a lot of unique experiences working in porn and stuff like that. in my opinion the only way to be sexually compatible is to up the ante on any past sexual experiences. So if she likes to be choked a little... now you must engage her to be choked a lot and spit on. If you do not exceed her current level of enjoyment she will not be fulfilled or not think of you as good in bed if its just the same as past guys.

Lastly. Sure for casual dating it doesn't matter. However generally people date to find long term relationships. None of my advice in this post is about hookups or summer flings or stuff like that.

[Levin]

Not to be an arsehole, but I suppose realistically, your opinion is irrelevant on the matter. Women mostly have the power in terms of dating dynamics. Or at least, so it seems superficially.

[bademoxy]

dudes cannot lose if they refuse to play a game rigged against them.

[Levin]

@bademoxy Very true.

[Anonymous]

It depends on both genders. Both can have a hoe stage. Hoeing around isn't the problem, the problem is both men and women want someone who didn't hoe around after their fun time is over. Hoes are compatible with each other and they should date each other. People with no hoeing phrases will judge hoes and will consider the past as problematic, whereas hoes will see the clean past of other people as attractive.
So the past plays a role...

[HighValue]

People's past matters and is unchangeable. When they make bad decisions, they can only blame themselves when they can't get a good partner later in life due to the choices they made in their past.

[exitseven]

Billy Joel wrote "You pay for your satisfaction somewhere along the line."

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Dumbass just accept that you can't take advantage of naivete, Jesus Christ. 😒

[Asker]

okay, in what way?

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Sexually

[Asker]

okay? in what way am I trying to take advantage and of whom?

[KrakenAttackin]

Women are convinced the party train will never stop. The good news is the the Wall is undefeated.

[JohnK123]

They should all go back to school because knowledge lasts longer than looks

[dolemite89]

i think tinder and social media have literally driven women insane 😂

[RedpRms]

Women to spin as a plate and not get into a long term relationship with.

[bamesjond0069]

They aren't worth dating but luckily they are easy to screw.

[Lliam]

Who cares about your opinion? Grow up.

[888theGreat]

did she pull her top down?