Why do men hate young women who prioritize their careers or education?

[Anonymous]

I never understood this. My father taught me to make sure my education, career, and goals came before any man or relationship. He always reminds me to stay on track and to not let boys distract me because I need to make sure that I can support myself and be successful without a man in my life. What does my dad (a man) tell me this but men get mad when a woman is making sure she is secure in her life first before prioritizing relationships and building a family?

I’ve always wanted to be a mother. It’s my life goal in fact. And that’s the reason why I am achieving a career and working so hard now at 20 so I can give my kids the best life and be able to support them with everything they want/need and more. So why is that an issue? Why do men get so bitter and angry about this topic?

Updates

1 y

To be clear, I am dating and have had boyfriends in college. Im not saying relationships are bad or that I won’t pursue them if the opportunity arises. They just aren’t my main focus and I won’t drop out of school or stop working for a relationship. That’s all. Said man will need to support me on my academic and career endeavors (as I will support them on theirs) so we can achieve our goals, eventually get married, and then start a family that we will be able to support and give the best lives.

[xJeremyx]

Boys do. Men do not.

Speaking from personal experience, I tend to be more needy (emotionally) than most guys. I need a good amount of time spent with my partner, I need to feel wanted, I need to feel that I am on her priority list. I do not want to be with a girl who sidelines me as her partner, because of her studies and career.

Before you start cursing at me, I agree, studies and career focus is important. Under no circumstance will I ever try to persuade my partner to drop out of school or to make alterations to her career for me. I will communicate my needs and feelings, and try my best to support her.

I will, however, make it clear that I still need her to play an active role in my life. Yes, I do need a good amount of attention from my partner and I am not afraid to admit it. If I realise that she is unable to commit as much as I want/need her to, we will try to adjust and compromise. In the worst case, I will amicably break it off if she is still unable to be on the same page as me. I will not hold her back from her dreams in life.

I think my desires in this case are not over the top. If I were to be in a relationship with a girl who is also studying (I am also studying), I would preferably find someone taking the same course/modules as me. That way, we can spend more time together (not in class ofc, I want to pay attention in class), by having study sessions, on top of our Tuesday lunch dates and Friday outings. I would also need frequent communication (not immediate responses to texts of course, I respect that she cannot be available 100% of the time), eg. video-conferencing to talk about our day and for studying at night, good morning texts, etc.

Right now my studies are my priority. And if I find a girlfriend, she should also have her studies as her priority. The one major change we would have to make is to balance out our studies and careers with our relationship. This is because active communication and involvement is really important to me in a relationship. I will be sure to have a heart-to-heart talk with my partner (if I even find one) about our needs. And of course I will make time for her just as much as I need her to make time for me.

I think a lot of guys have the misconception that if their girlfriend is focused on their studies or career, it means that they do not care about them. Those guys may feel sidelined, or uncared for. And a lot of girls feel that relationships cannot be a priority during their studies. I beg to differ. Your relationship and studies should both be priorities in very different senses. We gotta be flexible to adjust our priorities depending on the situation. Got a big final coming up? Less dinner dates and more study sessions. Boyfriend got injured in the football game? Go to the hospital to see him, you can carry on studying later.

There are many situations where we have to adjust our priorities. That does not mean we prioritise one person or thing over the other. It depends on the neccesities of the situation, and it is all about striking a healthy balance for both you and your partner. And many people do not realise that. And, communication is key!!! Communicate your needs and wants with each other. That way it may be easier to find common ground.

[xJeremyx]

And I am assuming you meant that getting into relationships is not your main focus, although you are willing to go along with it if one arises, and play your role as a good partner.

[RavVid]

I think you are overstating the case though it may feel like that for you.

I'd suggest men are simply liking what they like is all and it is natural for us to do so. So your question is really why men don't like women who prioritize scholastic/career achievements? Hate is too strong to reflect male positioning. Indifferent to would be more accurate. Like is the inverse s lets go with that.

Well then... a lot of men say here, they don't care about what a women earns. Women do seem to value more highly men who have high incomes and work status. On our side of the fence the reciprocal just does not apply.

Women also seem to value intelligence in men. I think that comes from our Northern Europe origins. If a man could not make a plan for winter and execute that plan then he and his family would have starved to death during winter. Cultures from high Northern climes test higher on IQ tests.

Women also seem to expect men to value how smart they are and any number of women will tell you how smart they are on first meeting - expecting us to be impressed. But just as with income, on our side of the fence the reciprocal just does not apply.

I don't really care about what education a girl has had though I do like being able to have intelligent conversations since I am academically inclined. But all I want is for a girl to be broadly interested in the world around her. Even though a girl has a Phd, she might not be interested in subjects outside of her field and would fail my test.

The net summary is that I think women assume attributes they find attractive in a man will be attractive to a man. And men are staying they don't care about those attributes.

Then there are those things men do consider important in mate selection and may be rejecting marriage/fatherhood but that does not directly impinge on your question.

[Asker]

Okay that’s all nice but as stated in my post my degree is not for the likes of men and I’m not pursuing an education for men. I’m pursuing an educating so I can get a well paying career that will give my future children the best opportunities and outcomes. That’s it. It’s for my kids. Not for a man.

[RavVid]

I am sure you are and sensibly so. No criticism of you for that whatsoever. But the question was "why do men hate young women..." and I think the answer is men don't care and are largely indifferent rather than hate. That's all.

[Jdjfjcjj]

And on the contrary men prefer youth ve experience

[Asker]

Okay that’s cool. I prefer white men with millions in their bank account. We all prefer stuff.

[Jdjfjcjj]

And those are your preferences to have. No one can criticize you for them

[RavVid]

And why wouldn't you? We all have a dream guy/girl in our desires though we seem to be getting more realistic and having low expectations now.

[RavVid]

@Jdjfjcjj Entirely so on both comments. Our preferences are our preferences. Male and female mate selection can be different other than the obvious physical attributes.

[Bethany22]

While your father wants what's best for you, other men want what's best for them. As long as you come up with a middle ground, like tell men that you're passionate about a certain career path that allows you to work from home whereby you can still act as a family woman, then that should be fine. It really is just the way you talk about your career that probably makes men defensive.

[Asker]

Why do they get so angry though? I don’t know what’s wrong with wanting to make sure your future kids are living stable lives. Shouldn’t that be their goal to? Or are most men just deadbeat dads who don’t care about the outcomes of their children? I want what’s best for my future family, not what’s best for men.

[Jdjfjcjj]

Exactly!! You disagreeing with our preferences. There's nothing to argue about here. You have your preferences and those are yours to have. We have ours and they are ours to have.

[MzAsh]

Selfish men want you to put them first, and they want you all to themselves when you’re closer to 18, not 27+. You should avoid that type of man at all costs.

[Jdjfjcjj]

Looking at your age, I suspect you are jaded. Same are many men. Both genders are screwing up.

[MzAsh]

I’ve listened to many men speak in this topic. The selfish ones feel entitled to access to women in their prime fertility years, and they resent the career driven women/climate that makes that difficult for them.

[Jdjfjcjj]

It's not that they resent career focused women. They resent the qualities that often come with, and are necessary to excel in careers.

If you can provide peace for your man, not feel like everything is a competition, you golden

[MzAsh]

Yeah, it’s true that a different energy is needed with her man than in her career and women need to be able to shift that energy when she arrives home. A man needs peace but she also shouldn’t allow him to get too comfortable to where he becomes complacent.

[Jdjfjcjj]

Yes, I've definitely been guilty of that one. After you get the girl, all that great stuff you did to get her starts slowly fading away.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

A selfless woman is much more attractive this is a fact.

[MzAsh]

There’s a time for selflessness and a time to put yourself first.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

That may be true for some people but you need to understand there people more compassionate and timid than you

[MzAsh]

I’d like to ask them how satisfied they are with their love lives. Being too selfless will get you walked on. Most people aren’t very trustworthy not to walk on those who will allow it.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

You say that yet traditional women were way less depressed than women today

[MzAsh]

Well yeah, because in spite of the fact that women are working more, they’re ALSO still doing the majority of the housework and child care? Yeah, I’d be depressed too but life is SO much better when you share these responsibilities with your husband in an egalitarian style relationship. At least, I know I’m much happier this way.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

So every woman is like you now?
Every woman wants an equal relationship? ofc not
Why can’t you women understand that a majority of you are lazy and would love to be housewives who don’t work.
This is a serious question why are you women so bothered by women who want to be feminine submissive subservient women to their men.

[MzAsh]

I’m not saying every woman is like me. I just know which women are the ones who come to me for advice when they’re not happy in their relationships.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

How can you give advice when you don’t even know what men want?

[MzAsh]

I know what GOOD men want. That’s why I’ve had one for the last 15 years.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

No you don’t you’ve just found someone willing to put up with you good or bad doesn’t matter a man is a man this may surprise you but most men want the same things from women

Dating should be simple for women but you all insist on ignoring how men are and what we really want

[MzAsh]

Dating can be simple as long as women know the difference between good, mature men and the riffraff.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

It’s the same animal genius good or bad

[PainusNdeeAnus]

As a matter of fact knowing the good from the bad matters significantly less than knowing what a man wants
This is why so many women are unmarried because even if they find a good man they only know how to seduce and women have the audacity to complain men just want sex yet that’s what all you women lead with

[MzAsh]

Men can be very different from each other. I've always liked men who are introverted, loyal, polite, cooperative, supportive, creative, emotionally stable, and non traditional. This doesn’t reflect the majority of mens behavior.

[MzAsh]

A woman needs to know what SHE wants first, then find a man that aligns with that. That’s how I did it.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

So you just took the easy way out and went for a docile man do you know that doesn’t reflect the majority of womens behavior
Also that doesn’t change the fact that he is a man I’m telling you personality good or bad doesn’t matter a man is a man and we generally want the same things from our women

[MzAsh]

The majority of women aren’t in a happy, long term relationship though. And the majority of men aren’t either.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

That doesn’t change the fact that women don’t know what men want that’s why MGTOW and Passport Boys are a thing now

[MzAsh]

Women know what most average men want. They just don’t see the incentive to be that.

[Asker]

MzAsh thank you for all your words of wisdom in these comments. I love listening to people with actual successful relationship experience talk and give advice because they know what they’re talking about and not just speaking about things they’ve never experienced. So I appreciate you.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Bologna sandwich. Most women think men just want sex and food

[PainusNdeeAnus]

And by the way I’m giving advice on men not relationships the best hunters know their prey

[MzAsh]

Thank you for saying so, Asker. 💙

[Asker]

Understandable. My father gives me advice on men and has been in a marriage with my mother for 24 years. Amazing man father and husband. I’m going to adhere to the advice of the people with the most successful experience :)

[Anonymous]

A few things. First, most men do not "get so bitter and angry about this topic". That's just nonsense. But a woman who is overly ambitious and focused on her career can be unattractive because it is usually an indication that her goals are at odds with those of most men. That is an important distinction. Finding you undesirable is not the same as being bitter and angry.

Second, in my experience many women use their career and ambitions as an excuse to explain why men don't like them, but the reality is that men don't like them because they are unlikeable. It's a scapegoat that unfortunately deflects their attention from the real issue, which is their personality and attitude.

Third, it has become rather the norm for today's women to put off marriage until after age 30, and at that age they are much less desirable to men. That is a fact that is very obvious to most men. Calling it out as an issue doesn't mean a man is "bitter and angry". It's just a fact.

[Asker]

Most men are also putting off marriage until their 30s or later and the average age gap between couples in the US is less than two years. That is a fact :)

[Opinion Owner]

Did you have a point that was relevant to your question and my response? Your comment doesn't address the issue most men have with women of a certain kind.

[Asker]

Fair. I guess I just don’t give a fuck anymore lol. Especially because most of the men the comments bitching have nothing going for themselves and aren’t in relationships themselves but have the audacity to tell women what they should and shouldn’t do.

I’m just going to listen to my dad who’s been married to my mom for 24 years, is a great husband and father, and who is a high value man. None of you guys are even close to being on that level so your opinions don’t even matter. It’s like broke people telling you how to eat at an expensive restaurant,

[Opinion Owner]

First of all, when you ask men their opinion on something, you can't accuse them of "telling women what they should and shouldn’t do" when they give it to you. Men want different things from women than women want from men, and being honest about what men value in women isn't telling them what you should and shouldn't do. It's just stating the facts of male human nature.

And second, you're making wild assumptions about the men whose opinions you don't like to hear. I don't know them any more than you do, but I know myself, and your opinion of me is quite different from that of people who actually know me. The only thing you know about me is my opinion of certain kinds of women. You don't know that most women actually consider me a high value man based on my appearance, height, education, income and personality. But that's another thing you don't want to hear from me so I'll keep it to myself.

[Asker]

I’ve asked men in the comments about themselves through comment or PM so I know a bit. Second of all no one suggested that men and women want the same things. You’re jumping to conclusions there.

[Opinion Owner]

Question for you: if you ask a question on a public forum like GAG, do you want people to give you their honest opinions, or tell you what you want to hear?

[Asker]

Give me your honest opinion which I appreciate everyone for doing. I just thought about it over the past 24 hours and I made my own conclusions that I don’t really care anymore. To be frank my number one life goal is to be a mom before anything else. There’s a 100% chance that will happen for me so why should I care what a group of men think? On another note, the men I’ve dated and I’m dating actually like how driven I am and how much I prioritize my future kids as my motivation for everything I do. That’s one of their favorite things about me because they are like me just from the male
perspective. They’re working hard for their future family. So I’ll be fine and I will keep taking the advice of my father because he’s a high value man with a resume to back up his wisdom and advice,

[Asker]

I asked for you thoughts, I appreciate those thoughts, and now I have my own conclusion based on those thoughts. We’ve all won in this situation,

[Opinion Owner]

That's cool. You should do what you believe is right for you. Just don't be angry when men don't agree with it.

[Asker]

Haven’t met one of value that was angry about it so guess that says a lot haha

[Opinion Owner]

Again, anger is not usually the issue. Conflicting values and life goals are, and the resulting lack of desirability to men. That's really all it is.

[Asker]

Oh yeah 100%. There’s tons of things men have or do that are undesirable to women. I’m just noticed how men with goals and ambitions never have a problem with my goals and ambitions which is great because those are the men I want anyways. Win win really.

[Opinion Owner]

Good, you've found like minded men. That's what matters, for you.

But you're wrong if you think men with goals and ambitions never have a problem with women who are overly ambitious and don't want to place family and children above their ambitions before they are old enough that having children becomes risky.

Ultimately, what men want in a woman and a relationship is the same as it has always been. Some men are ok with compromising, others aren't, especially high value men who know they don't have to settle.

Being average is not what most high value people strive for.

[Asker]

Well good thing I never said that I would be putting my ambitions above my family and children. Do you see that in my post? And yeah I totally get the getting old thing. I don’t want kids with an old guy because their sperm is less likely to cause pregnancy and more likely to create a child with mental disorders or autism. I get that.

Again my dating pool is full of people who are going to be doctors and lawyers and engineers and who have the same ambitions as I so I won :)

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said, that's cool because you seem to have made it work for you. But it doesn't change the reality that most men do not see it the way you seem to imply they do. There is a reason the vast majority of the highest earning men in the US are married to women non-career women. Why? because they can. Most men would too if they could.

[Asker]

Oh yeah for sure. I 100% agree. Guess we can blame the economy and the men who don’t want to do their traditional role of providing because they don’t want to be “taken advantage of” and “feminism” but want the traditional male perks of having a traditional submissive wife. Times have changed from the 1950s.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree, but we are talking here about what high value men want and expect, and any man who doesn't want to be a provider is by definition not a high value men. Considering men still out-earn women by a huge margin, I do not think this is a significant factor.

[Asker]

high value to me is not the same definition of high value to you. so that last comment is mute in my opinion.

[Opinion Owner]

I think the word you were looking for is moot. But you're right, I was talking about what most women consider to be a high value man.

Best of luck to you.

[Jdjfjcjj]

They put off marriage until then because they are not capable of providing women q stable life where the can provide, protect, afford kids, etc until later in life. All things women desire.

All the hard work men put in though cost them 10 years and they prefer to have a woman with less experience, less baggage, more eggs, more attractive, etc

[Jdjfjcjj]

I don't think men are telling women what to do. They are simply saying what they want in a woman and then get ridiculed for having a preference.

[Asker]

Yeah I totally get that. That’s how I feel about old guys as well. I’d date a younger guy before I’d take an old jaded guy with more baggage and who’s not as attractive as his younger counterparts. So it makes sense.

[xColinx]

Is a relationship any more of a distraction for a girl than it is a guy, when it comes to pursuing educational goals and career aspirations? Generally speaking, I'd think not.

I also think it's possible to *balance* life goals rather than try to follow overly rigid rules that say one can't happen alongside the other.

[Asker]

And I agree. While I’m prioritizing my career I have been in relationships and I’m openly dating. Wouldn’t mind finding a partner and getting married in a few years. BUT my career is my number one goal so I can provide my future family with the best circumstances. I would never drop out of school or stop my career goals for a man.

[xColinx]

Yeah that seems reasonable. Personally I think it's a good idea NOT to get married before finishing educational goals & having at least a plan for a stable career. So I think that's similar to where you're coming from.

If a relationship led to a scenario where a guy or girl felt pressured to drop outta school for their partner, to me that's a red flag of a much broader issue in teh relationship dynamics.

[Asker]

Very true

[Jdjfjcjj]

You wouldn't be stopping it for a man. You'd be asked to put it on hold since you are the one that carriers the baby. Duhhhhh

[Asker]

He can wait for me to finish my education and then we could have a child when we’re both in the place to have one

[Jdjfjcjj]

Not sure why they would *hate* them for the reasons you stated. Not that they should hate them for any choice they decide to make for themselves.

It's hard for women and men. With women, if you aren't picked up quick and have someone to support you, then you have to get an education and pursue a career. Those that were selected though, half of them will be divorced and not have any fall back plan, while they are raising child on their own. The women who got education then can't trust to put their well binging on someone so they prioritize their career which drives them away from what men are seeking. They can't really win.

Men have it tought to but question didn't ask, so I won't describe their troubles

[Jdjfjcjj]

Men are not offering the stability women need and women aren't offering the traditional feminine role men seek.

[Asker]

I somewhat disagree with this. Wanting to get an education or career does not mean you don’t have suitors that are trying to “pick you up”. As you mentioned, most women want to ensure that this will be stable in life without a partner just so they can have something to fall back on. You also have women like me who are women of color and who’s female ancestors did not have the option to do what we are doing which is taking advantage of our opportunities and doing what makes US happy. Not having a lifestyle forced upon us.

But yes I agree with everything else you mentioned. It’s not the 1950s anymore and I think many people within both sexes are having a hard time grasping that.

[Jdjfjcjj]

It’s not the 1950s anymore

Agree but that's where the disconnect is. Men still want the feminine woman of them and most women still expect the masculine man of then too.

Let me clarify though, just because a man values certain traits, doesn't mean he won't take what he can get. Do you think your girlfriends who state, they won't settle for a man under 6", has extreme fit, educated, wealthy, and on won't get with a man who doesn't check off each othese points?

[Asker]

For sure. Everyone settles to some degree.

[Avicenna]

My sister did exactly this, getting a doctorate and a medical degree and doing her residency before having kids. She had two husbands during this time who were studying the same things she was so there wasn’t any question of divergent goals. You’re at a time in life when people are in transition, so relationships are often relatively short. You don’t have to meet the guy you marry now. My advice to you would be to simply say your studies are your main priority right now but you are open to casual dating. That makes it clear right off the bat what you’re trying to accomplish in dating.

[Asker]

Accomplish in dating?

[HighValue]

1. Once you pass 30, most good high quality men will not be interested.

2. If you end up with college loan debt, it either means you will need to focus more on your career to pay it off for 10 + years (instead of focusing on your SO and kids), which means they will likely not get much time with you.

Women can easily be able to provide for themselves AND have a family early too. They can just focus on getting a good partner and having kids, and then doing online college when their kids are little while their SO is at work. Then by the time all of her kids are school age she would have her degree and be able to work. If they did that they could have a good man, have kids/a family, and still get to have the job they wanted. Their main problem is that t hey focus on things in the wrong order. They focus on career FIRST, get lots of debt and get older so the good men are not interested in them. They also have kids with learning disabilities due to having them too late.

[Asker]

This didn’t answer my question. Also the scenario you suggested sounds absolutely miserable, unrealistic, and really speaks to how out of touch men are with women’s wants, needs, and life in society.

[HighValue]

Men don't hate young women that prioritize those things, they just are NOT interested in those kinds of women. Not being interested and hating them is very different.

[Asker]

This whole comment was just out of touch and I guess it makes sense since you’re 41 and might not be as knowledgeable about the subject which fine.

If I may ask, are you married or do you have children?

[HighValue]

I need to leave the place where I live first because I am in liberal California so most of the people here are promiscuous, do drugs, have kids from multiple people, are dishonest, backstabbing, pushing trans agenda on kids, etc. I seriously dislike and definitely don't respect the kinds of people that are here. most of the women here have been trash immoral people from what I have seen for many years.
I work in education and so many of the women that I have worked with are promiscuous cheaters. I am disgusted by the ones that are married with kids and continually hit on me at work. Their morals are terrible. totally unfit as a partner.

[Asker]

Hm very interesting and unfortunate for you. I find it interesting how most of the men in these comments consider themselves quality men who deserve this and that but lots are old and unmarried/still single while being fairly open about what women should and shouldn’t be doing to attract men, despite these men being alone and having no relationship of quality of their own. It would be like me talking about how to raise a kid despite me not having any kids of my own I guess. It’s nice to see that imaginations are still wild no matter how old we get.

My dad on the other hand just turned 45. Amazing father to three children. Met my mom at 17. Married her at 21. I arrived when he was 25. He has been loyal and faithful to her for the past 24 years. Amazing husband to her who makes her feel like a queen everyday. Extremely hardworking and his hard work has helped him turn from a poor child to a middle to high class adult. Same for my mother who worked her ass off and both of them just purchased a half a million dollar home this summer in my beautiful home state California that I love to pieces, with the money they worked for and saved up together. My dad is an actual high value man through not only his words, but his actions and history show it. Men with similar characteristics as my father are the men I find most ideal for starting a relationship and family with. The ones who are hardworking and who are good men, but the ones who want the absolute best for their partner and want her to achieve her dreams. They motivate her to do so. The ones that if we have a daughter, they would teach her to aim for the sky and handle her business first before pursuing a family or relationship. Not to limit herself and stop her goals for men or to start a family when she herself is still a child that has not experienced the world. Men like my father. Actual high value men.

These comments have made me appreciate my father and my father’s advice more. I’m grateful for that.

[Asker]

So yes I will listen to my father, the man with the resume to back up his value instead of men who are old and still alone with no legacy left on this earth. I will continue my education. Graduate in 2024. Go back to school until 2026. Finish nursing school at 24. Enter my career and make more than $100k a year on my own all at 24 years of age. Save up my money and create funds for my future kids to have. Will get married to a man who can back up his words and works hard like my father and then have children. Sounds perfect to me😎

[Jdjfjcjj]

You ask a question and the. Proceed to argue with every response a man gives you. That is whay men don't want. You too argumentative. What's more, your whole question was stated in a manner that clearly showed your bias. "Why do men hate" who said they hate?

[Asker]

no one is arguing. im just saying that im going to listen to the man who actually had a good relationship and is a good father and is hard working. and that’s none of the men in these comments.

[Asker]

i don’t care about a 34 year old man on this site calling me too argumentative lol

[Cubus]

Probably because woman's fertility decreases with age. After you pass 30 there are more chances for the child to have disabilities and the pregnancy to be risky, so if women start thinking about children around 30 (and after it happens it may take some time - as not every time you have sex you get pregnant and some people have troubles with getting pregnant in overall) then from a biological point of view it's not beneficial for the child.

Second thing - I am not against mothers working, but if you focus on two things at the same time, then you may not put all your effort into neither of them. And bringing up together work and children is usually hard to compromise.

[Jdjfjcjj]

To be fair, 30 is still okay. Fertility is less of the issue as opposed to virginity, and femininity,

[Asker]

Male fertility decreases with age too so good point.

How do fathers work and help in a household then if work and children is hard to compromise?

[Cubus]

@Jdjfjcjj I never said you can;t get pregnant after 30. I only said that after 30 woman's fertility decreases.

[Cubus]

Male fertility also decreases, but to the lesser extend, and male stay fertile till death. I knew guys who became fathers in their 70s.

[Jdjfjcjj]

Your still thinking the issue is you working. It's not. You having a purpose in life you passionate about is wonderful. In regards to work, the only thing to consider is whether you could pause your career during later months of pregnancy and bonding leave.

You working isn't an issue and it has its benefits. Stay at home moms can get bored, feel they contribution isn't appreciated, and they are the #1 (job) for reported infidelity.

[Jdjfjcjj]

Often men want to be seen as the provider so promote their wife staying home. But then they get off work, exhausted and don't spend time communicating enough with wife. So she feels unheard, her needs are being met. And then husbands feel blindsided and can't understand how they wife could cheat when they were providing.

[Cubus]

@Jdjfjcjj I never said an issue is working. I said that the issue is compromising working and raising a child.

[Jdjfjcjj]

Was responding to Asker.

[Cubus]

@Jdjfjcjj The fact that wife works or not doesn;t affect that the man comes back exhausted from work

[FilmGuy93]

It's not the decision to prioritize your career, it's the amount of attitude and unpleasantness so many young women take out on men in the process of doing that.

IDGAF if you have a career, I really couldn't care less. I know you probably won't give me a dime, but whatever, I'm balling, IDC. What I don't like is constantly being told that I'm an asshole for having sexual preferences, emotional needs, wanting a connection, and generally having an opinion on the women around me.

Fuck. That.

[Asker]

Whew this comment had absolutely nothing to do with my post. Glad you got to vent though. Sounds like it was much needed.

[FilmGuy93]

Nah, I'm not a spiiteful person. I genuinely thought that I was addressing your question... I'm sorry if I didn't understand your point. Would you mind restating your point?

[Jdjfjcjj]

You are incredibly defensive. You asking for men's opinions and then crusify them because they're response doesn't align with your beliefs. If you happy doing what you doing, then continue doing it. A confident person wouldn't feel the need to ask such question and then defend their stance. Are you trying to convince us or yourself?

Would you rather men just give you a response you want to hear or do you want to learn how to get a man

[bamesjond0069]

"I’ve always wanted to be a mother. It’s my life goal in fact. And that’s the reason why I am achieving a career and working so hard now at 20 so I can give my kids the best life and be able to support them with everything they want/need and more." Error. Logically as a woman focusing on a career and education to give kids "the best life" is in fact how you likely will raise them in a broken home. You're literally repeating feminist talking points with no thought to if they are true.

[Asker]

i know they are true because i’ve seen them work. pursuing an education and career that will make me $100k a year then creating funds for my kids’ lives PRIOR to having children is not harmful.

[Asker]

their father will have the same goal so there will be no broken home to be have. that’s why my dating pool is full of future doctors, nurses, and lawyers because we have the same desires in mind and will finish school around the same age (24).

[Asker]

*had

[bamesjond0069]

It's definitely harmful and will cause relationship problems which are far more damaging to kids than if their parents can't buy them the latest toy.

[Asker]

me making sure me and my future husband are financially stable prior to having kids is not harmful. unlike you i don’t want my kids growing up in poverty and want them to live in the best conditions as possible. you don’t even have kids at 35 so your opinion isn’t really valuable in my opinion.

[Asker]

i’m going to listen to my father who has been married for 24 years and is a loyal, amazing, hardworking husband and father. i’m going to listen to the actual high value man and not the one posing as such,

[Asker]

it’s like a poor person telling someone how to eat at an expensive restaurant. who cares what poor people have to say about a topic they have never experienced? it’s pointless.

[bamesjond0069]

In regards to your question, most men think a woman behaving as you do is a bad bet for a stable family and thus they do not like or want anything to do with women like you (except casual sex if you're cute ofc).

[Asker]

i’ve already been proposed to before so guess you’re wrong🤪 like i said the men that i date are high achievers and want high achieving partners who can match them. and again i’m going to listen to the man with the years of experience of a quality relationship and family rather than the 35 year old who has none of that and has no idea what that’s like.

[Asker]

regarding your original comment, thanks for commenting?

[bamesjond0069]

"i’ve already been proposed to before" and you see this as evidence you're right but it's actually evidence you're wrong. A low quality man proposing to you shows you what men are available to you. If he wasn't low quality you would have accepted now wouldn't you?

[Asker]

who said he was low quality? you’re making pointless claims.

[bamesjond0069]

You. By definition if he's not good enough for you to say yes then he's not up to your standards. So it's evidence you can get men who don't meet your standards. Big whoop.

[Asker]

The only reason I said no was because I was too young. Imagine being 35 and that fucking stupid.

[bamesjond0069]

Oh so this was on the playground in elementary school? Lmfao. Yes that sure is too young. I can see you can't be out of middle school yet with the way you behave. Smh. Wait until maybe 18 would be good.

[Asker]

Yes I was proposed to at 18 dumbass

[Asker]

Again I’m not taking advice from some 35 year old loser who doesn’t even know what a quality relationship marriage or family looks like. Poor people can’t tell rich people how to live. They should just stay in their place.

[bamesjond0069]

18 isn't too young lmao. Clearly he wasn't up to your standards or you would have accepted. So low quality.

[Asker]

It was too young to me because I hadn’t experienced the world yet and was too childish to take a marriage seriously. I was a kid and still a kid.

[Asker]

You’re not even married nor are you a father so again your opinion doesn’t matter. Someone needs to drill that into your dumbass head. Must suck being 35 and fucking retarded.

[bamesjond0069]

Why would that matter? Must suck just being "fucking retarded". Lmao.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re a dumbass. Take your old ass on somewhere.

[bamesjond0069]

Why does being 35 make me an old ass and my opinion not matter? My opinion should matter more than most. I like many men my age, do not date women my age. My girlfriend is 20. Many professional women my age bark up my tree but I am not interested since I have a thriving business, a woman's money is irrelevant to me. What is relevant is a woman who will spend the most time with any kids I have. It's not that I "hate" career women, they just don't provide anything useful towards a family since I'm already a high income earner, additional money is a diminishing return on value for a family.

[Asker]

Lmao totally missed the point of what I said. You truly are a dumbass.

[bamesjond0069]

The point that you're just angry men don't say what you want them to say? How you post asking for people's opinions and then get mad when they tell you their opinion? I noticed.

[Asker]

I’m not angry because majority of you guys are losers who don’t even have the experience of a quality long term relationship. This is like my tenth time saying this. You’re too old to not process simple concepts.

[bamesjond0069]

The stereotype of an angry aggressive career woman? We are all familiar with that concept as you can see from many men's responses. Not the ideal personality we are into.

[Asker]

Again your opinions don’t matter because you’re old and have no idea what an actual relationship looks like. I’m going to listen to my father with 24 years of marriage under his belt. I’m done talking to your old ass. Take your meds.

[bamesjond0069]

Your dad's really old unless he nut in your mom when they were like 5. Ewww.

[Asker]

He’s ten years older than you with 24 years of marriage under his belt lmao. That’s a real man who understand the importance of family and love. You don’t have that. You’re dismissed grandpa.

[bamesjond0069]

I think the drugs will be your biggest issue in having a career and family. Drugs are bad kids. This is why.

[Asker]

Lol when the old man doesn’t have anything else to say so he says drugs when you’ve never taken drugs a day in your life. Some of you old fucks need to die off already.

[bamesjond0069]

The first step is admitting one has a problem.

[Asker]

Yeah you do

[MCheetah]

No, we do not. As we said before, we don't like masculine women who think they are "strong and independent." If you're so feminist and man-hating, then don't bother complaining about no men wanting you.

However, a woman having a career doesn't necessarily mean she'll be those things; it's just more likely she has no time for love or romance; so men won't be bothered with you if you won't make them a priority in your life.

[Asker]

Good thing I only date or want men who are also serious about their goals and ambitions as well :)

[Jdjfjcjj]

I'm a computer engineer making a qtr of a million dollars a year. I am very serious about my goals and ambitions and I'm telling you, the commenter mentioning men don't want masculine women is 100% spot on. Your career isn't the problem. It's your need to argue with everyone

[Asker]

Yep and I’ll continue to do so. Agin you’re a 34 year old man on this site. You’re not even a man I would consider dating because you’re so old. So your opinion about my argumentative attitude doesn’t matter to me because you don’t hold value to me.

[MCheetah]

@Asker
Literally no man serious enough about his career or goals, would ever want to be with you (or most women, for that matter). Not only are you too young (18-24), your attitude on here suggests you're naïve, delusional, and never had to work hard a day in your life, and expect to have a successful career and relationship, without realizing both require more work then I'm sure you're willing to put into either.

Not to mention, you started your question with a bad faith assumption, assuming men don't want you because "they just hate young women who prioritize their careers or education" and not for your crappy personality, childishness, or anything else I or other men said. Meaning, you just posted this to argue and aren't looking for actual insight.

Therefore, I can surmise you are too childish, bratty, entitled, and immature to ever meet such a man, let alone be successful in your own right. Or you're just a troll. But don't take my word for it, ask your 35 year old self in the next 11 to 17 years.

[Slightly smiling face emoji at the end.]

[Asker]

lmao you’re literally 35 and aren’t even in a successful relationship yourself. you have bigger issues to worry about.

[MCheetah]

@Asker
Thank you for not denying anything I said, therefore confirming it to be accurate. But yeah, I haven't been divorced and lost all my money in divorce court or have to pay alimony and I don't have any debt and I can do what I want without worrying about having to support other people I don't like or want to be around. You got me! Total burn! Oooh, that stung! 😄

I'm starting to think you're that 300 pound trailer trash girl on here with the yellow outfit; you talk just like her.

[Asker]

nah just no one wants to date you because they find you repulsive to be around and not worthy of their time. what a sad life.

[MCheetah]

'K..

[Miristheiss]

They do not.

But when they want a wife and kids they will most likely go for those who prioritize family and are traditional and feminine. While you sleep around until age 30 getting railed endlessly via casual sex and putting your job first your pick of men will be fewer.

[Asker]

Who said anything about sleeping around until 30? Are you in touch with reality or do you get off on being a clueless incel?

[Asker]

Lmao I’ll have to show my dad how retarded men today are. Even at 31😂

[Jdjfjcjj]

The exception doesn't make the rule. Stop making every comment about you.

[Miristheiss]

I'm married with 2 kids.
My wife has her master's degree and works but men and our kids are her priority in life.
Not her career.
Say hi to your dad for me.

[Asker]

your wife is a sad woman. pitiful.

[Miristheiss]

Nah, that's you.

[Summeroflove]

Most men don’t. Lol. If they want a woman they can find a woman whose wanting a relationship. Some men do. I don’t know why. Maybe they feel entitled to someone.

A healthy relationship shouldn’t get in the way of that anyways though.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah. I see what you mean. Makes sense. It’s your life.

[Summeroflove]

If something’s meant to be. It will be…. Point blank

[Gent207-2]

I appreciate the clarification at the end. As to the rest, I agree priorities need to be in order as long as the focus is ultimately on what you need to grow into the best possible version of yourself.

[BJP21]

Given your career and education, it also can be part of the whole life equation. Men can still be part of your life as long as they respect your career goals and educational goals. I was never mad at my former girlfriend for wanting something better than she had, I gave her her space.

[Asker]

That’s exactly what I want. I’m not saying I don’t want a relationship and that I’m not looking for one. I have dated in college and I’m currently dating. But my career is just my priority. I’m not dropping out or switching up my plans for a man.

[Asker]

And that seems to make a lot men upset

[BJP21]

Its because they are insecure or fear you may leave them.

[Asker]

I appreciate the honesty. I always found it funny how my own father is telling me to work hard to be secure in life and other men would say I should be focusing on men and kids.

[BJP21]

You can have the best of both worlds. Just make sure one isn't disrupting the other.

[Jdjfjcjj]

No. They aren't telling you to do anything. They are saying what they value most. Your father is giving you good advice. In reality, you could be a single mom with for kids from four different baby daddies, and there will still be some guy willing to commit. Nothing wrong with your choice but there are consequences to every choice. Some good, some bad. It would behoove you to give a fair and honest look at both

[Quigly]

If you have been dating men in college, you haven't been having a problem with men hating a college educated woman.

Your father is a man, he didn't hate you for going to college.

Where is the man in your life that hated you for going to college?

[Asker]

i see men online say bad things about educated women

[Quigly]

I see young men online criticizing the institution of college as fraudulent and corrupt.

They have proof.

[Asker]

that doesn’t really have anything to do with what we’re talking about but ok

[WhitneySnow]

Cause a lot of guys just wanna hook up and they can’t do that with you if you’re focused on school

[Berethor]

Because it hard to have it all, and you would likely need to choose between career and family.

[Asker]

You don’t have to

[Berethor]

You still young but your biological clock is ticking, look at what is happening in japan.

www.washingtonpost.com/.../

[Asker]

My biological clock is just fine. Birth rates are falling in Japan because women don’t want to have kids. Not because there’s anything wrong with their reproductive systems.

[Berethor]

Not wanting to have kids because of feminism and career, also getting too old for that.

[Asker]

And that’s perfectly fine. Not everyone wants kids.

[Berethor]

It's insane not fine, whole countries are dying out because of that, family is important.

[Asker]

Family is important for people who want one but not everyone wants a family. I see men all the time saying they don’t want kids either. You can’t force your beliefs on people.

[Berethor]

I can convince women to be less selfish and more traditional, feminism is ruining women.

[Asker]

Convince men to do the same thing while you’re at it

[Noahzaid]

Hate is a big word, But lets say intimidated because They are afraid to that they would get pushed out thus leading to a break up.

In their head it’s basically “ How long till she is going to leave me”☁️

[Asker]

Yeah I’ve come to the conclusion it’s mainly just insecurity. Appreciate the honesty.

[Noahzaid]

Honestly solves big problems and you’re welcome.

[Apple1996]

Because it's pointless to have a career if you want kids since you should be devoted to raising them not devoted to working. Women can't have it all

[Asker]

My mother does it perfectly

[Asker]

Also how does a woman do that when most men aren’t traditional and bitch and complain about not wanting to provide and wanting to go 50/50? We’re not in the 1950’s anymore.

[Apple1996]

Most moms don't since they have to put their kid in daycare to work. They are paying someone to raise their kid when that's really suppose to be them raising their kid.

[Apple1996]

I've met lots of traditional men. My husband included. He made me a stay at home mom at 18

[Asker]

My mom has a career and had three kids and she’s he best mother in the world. She inspired me to be a mom because she’s amazing.

And interesting. Happy you’re happy with your decision or what your husband made you do. Everyone has their own life path I guess lol.

[Apple1996]

Did she put you in childcare tho?

[Asker]

For a bit once I was when I was preschool age which I’m super grateful for. It allowed me to spend a lot of time with my grandmother after school, my favorite person ever, who ended up passing away when I was 8. I have a lot of memories with my grandmother and the times we spent that have made me the person I am today that I wouldn’t trade for the world. After that I was elementary school age.

My mother did quit her job momentarily to raise my younger siblings and then worked when they hit about 2 and they were watched by my other grandmother which they deeply appreciate. Regardless as I said I have the best mother in the world. She’s caring, loving, and will do anything for her children. Despite having a career she is and has always been extremely involved in our lives. She always makes sure we have everything we need and has always been at important life events. She is the perfect mother.

[Apple1996]

See that's the thing I don't think many guys want a daycare or other family members raising their kids. They want their wife spending the day raising/homeschooling the kids.
Its not okay to have kids then ditch then for 8-10 hours everyday with someone else

[Asker]

All the men in my family don’t seem to mind doing what’s best for the family. So yeah :)

[Asker]

Anyways like I said happy you chose your life path and you’re happy with it!

[Apple1996]

Most men don't care they just put up with what they are given. If they actually got to choose they'd most likely choose a traditional wife

[Asker]

And most women would choose a rich man

[Apple1996]

Only the bad ones would want a rich man. Best for men to avoid them

[Asker]

L. O. L

[Jamie05rhs]

@Apple1996 Sorry, but I'm with @Asker. I see absolutely nothing wrong with my kids going to daycare or being watched by relatives. Daycare is great for learning social skills.

[Apple1996]

@Jamie05rhs you should really look up all the deaths that happen at daycares. Most of them are overpacked and ignore the kids especially the little babies 😭
And kids lack social skills now regardless of daycare or not due to covid and the internet

[Apple1996]

Also lots of kids with working parents barely ever spend time with them. My husband maybe gets 2 hrs a night with our kids on a good day and even then that's right before bedtime during their witching hours. You can't raise kids if you are only seeing them 2 hrs a day

[Jamie05rhs]

@Apple1996 Yeah, that is true. Safety is definitely a concern.

2 hours a day isn't enough, in your opinion? I don't know. I think that's plenty of time.

[Apple1996]

@Jamie05rhs spending 2hrs a day with your kids is basically treating them like they're a hobby.
Kids need their parents 24/7 to teach them about life. Plus time is limited one day they are gonna be 18 and out of the house. Gotta spend as much time with them possible when they are a kid.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Apple1996 Weekends exist.

[Jamie05rhs]

But I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't be arguing with you about this. You're a good mother right now and I don't want to change you and turn you into a bad mother. Lol

[Apple1996]

@Jamie05rhs haha its fine. But some parents don't get off weekends and also kids like 7+ years usually have friends by then that they want to hang with on the weekends

[Jamie05rhs]

@Apple1996 Okay :)

[NerdInDenial]

Men, honestly, do not care. Just understand you will have to fight the urge to not raise your standards too high where you disqualify men who do not make as much as you or who do not have the same level of education.

[Asker]

I wouldn’t disqualify men over income because I’ll be making $100k a year so I’ll be reasonable

[NerdInDenial]

It's a urge you will have and your friends and family will urge you to disqualify men who do not.

[Asker]

It’s not an urge I have. As long as a man makes at least 75k a year I think that’s fine.

[NerdInDenial]

That requirement will bump up; we will see. Good Luck!

[DailyAsk]

Because we want them to be part of our lives, they think that men are in the way!

We are not, a career shouldn’t stop you from getting marriedz

[Asker]

no one said it has to

[DailyAsk]

I don’t know, your question gave me that impression, maybe thats the problem you don’t realize that you push them aside because they are some how distracting!

[Asker]

did you not read my updated comment? no one is pushing anyone aside. you’re just making assumptions instead of actually reading what i said therefor a conversation of substance can be had with you.

[DailyAsk]

I have read them, the idea that you are thinking that some how some way if you were put in that decision you would choose to leave the guy.
I’m not commenting on that but I’m commenting on the thinking that led you to ask such question.
Let problems arise when they do, don’t think of whats not happening today.

[Asker]

makes sense