Why do Men hate career women/working moms yet oppose women valuing them by their money? How is this logical?

Question

Don't know if it's the world of the Internet but so many hypocritical and contradcting men out there who routinely bash feminism and complain about women having our own careers YET complain about women who are so called "gold diggers" or "value men by our wallet size". Where the hell is the logic? If you believe our place and identity is the home or oppose working mothers then you need to be a stable financial provider and be financially literate. And since the U. S. still doesn't have maternity leave , the responsibility is largely on the man to be financially secure and have the resources period to provide for the stay at home mother. Why is that so hard for so many guys to understand? I don't like to generalize groups of people but you can't deny the historical age old myth about women being "golddiggers". If you hate or criticize women having their own careers or women who choose to establish their own financial savings before kids, then take responsibility when you have a stay at home wife/mother. When we take a break with a kid or when we decide to feed your ego and be a long term stay at home wife/mother, then our future/safety is literally on your hands: --If you die prematurely --If you are killed --If you are fired or laid off --If your salary isn't enough --If you become disabled Etc These are the risks that by far greatly impacts a woman when she is relying on a man. So why the hell do so my guys make such a big deal when women have the nerve to expect and demand a financially secure or successful man? If we plan to be the mother of your children we have a right to be worried about your bank account, savings, career pathway, salary, etc. This is why so called "obsessed career women" take the time to establish themselves before children. Go read the countless stories about stay at home mothers who were on the brink of financial devastation because something bad happened and they did not establish a workable degree or savings PRIOR.

pnl86 · Accepted Answer

Without feeling like what you said is being "attacked," I just want to point one tiny economic truth out (which cuts right through the anchor that holds the rest of your points together).

Assume ONLY MEN participated in the labor force. If you're a landlord, or food producer, or automobile producer, or energy and gas company, you need to know that each household (i. e., consumer unit) has (average income per laborer) x (1 laborer per household) of total income. Less taxes, you need to determine how much "disposable income" each household has available to spend on your shit per year. Let's take rent as an example.

If each laborer makes $50,000.00 per year, that means each household makes $50,000 per year. Assume taxes equal 40% of total earnings (Fed., SALT, & Soc. Sec.). So, $30,000.00 of disposable income. Assume further that consumers do not allow their annual rent to exceed 33% of their budget (not by preference, but because they can't afford to). So, annual rent cannot exceed (even if the landlord wanted it to) $10,000 per year (i. e., $833.33 per month).

Now... assume "BOTH MEN AND WOMEN" participate in the labor force. Now, each consumer unit's budget equals [(average income per laborer) x (2 laborers per household) x (1 - effective tax rate)]. Long story short, now the average household has $60,000 in disposable income. That means (all else constant), if you're a landlord, that same apartment now goes for $1,666.67 per month.

As a man, if "average" is $50,000.00 per year, and "above average" is $75,000.00, then why can't a man earning $75,000.00 per year provide the kind of lifestyle and security a woman wants (if we take pre-female labor force participation social values into account)? Well, because "all prices in the market" reflect the assumption (and reality) that "BOTH" men "AND WOMEN" ... "CAN" participate in the labor market equally.

Now, if "WOMEN DON'T WANT TO," that's a different issue.

I don't know where you are getting this belief of men "HATING" women who are career women from. My wife is a CPA, who earns just as much as I do. If anything, in my experience as a man (you know, who is part of private male conversation where women are not around to judge), men "HATE" women who are financially "LAZY" and "WANT TO RELY ON" a man as their "CAREER CHOICE" or "FINANCIAL PLAN."

So, I don't think what you believe about male preferences is consistent with actual male preferences.

PlacentaSalad · Accepted Answer

The real problem isn't with women having jobs, it's with women choosing their job over family and also the women who work but then are not OK with the father being the one to stay at home himself while she works. Somebody has to take care of the kids, so if both parents are to work, one is probably just going to keep a part-time job if need be. (I've heard from many women that they didn't enjoy being the 'bread-winner.')

This means that a lot of women who do choose to spend all that time and money furthering their education might not be so open to having kids in the first place, as they aren't willing to give up their career to start a family. This is the problem most men who desire family have with career women, it's difficult to have kids while still maintaining an actual career at the same time. Would a woman who worked so hard to achieve that career be willing to give it up to raise kids? You say so, but it seems the opposite from what I read so often online. Many men want kids but they're finding out that most of the "career women" around them won't make for good mothers because they won't have the time to be such. As you may have read from others who answered this question, the career woman tends to be lonelier and much unhappier than the women who were not and who had kids earlier.

I personally don't believe that a woman would be obsessed with a career to establish herself for kids in the future. The thing about money is that you can never have enough of it, so that doesn't make sense. She's obsessed with her career because she doesn't want kids in the future, or if she does have them, she doesn't want to care for them.

Turquoise46 · Accepted Answer

First of all, the United States does have maternity leave. You can get 3 months of time off and you will not lose your job. It's just unpaid leave.

Secondly I don't know where this idea that men hate working women comes from. I do know that a lot of men prefer not to date single moms because we are very busy and overwhelmed, and they want a woman who is available to spend a lot time with them. That makes perfect sense.

The only guys I've ever gone out with since my divorce were single fathers who have kids at home, because the single guys or non-custodial dads who have tons of free time just aren't interested.

BuchitaBuchys · Accepted Answer

This is something that is baffling to me too. It's like, they want a woman who wants to stay at home to care for the kids and home, but then lord forbid she needs his money since uh, hello, she's devoting most (or all if she's a stay at home mom) in the house!
They bash women who want to work but then bash women who want to stay at home. You can't have it both ways.

Of course it's not all men, but too many men complain and contradict about this crap.

BellePepper · Accepted Answer

Because they want their cake and to eat it too. They want to say things like "oh look at how my superior material possessions" but they also want people to think THEY'RE the ones who was able to buy those material goods. Not their female partners.

They also need to protect their fragile male egos by not lowering themselves to care for their children or home. Obviously those are things wo- i mean MOTHERS should do. https://i.imgur.com/jBrsZiI.gif

pr3ttybr0wn · Accepted Answer

These dont sound like adult men who know what they want. You can't have one without the other. Do you want a stay at home mom/wife? Or do you want a career woman? personally i plan on working part time when i marry, then not working after i have children. i see too many women trying to be superwoman running themselves ragged and not taking care of themselves. not me.

thetundrawolf · Answer

I really feel badly for you. Why? Because while your argument makes logical sense, it completely leaves out the heart of the matter. God (I don't care if you believe in Him or not) created is to compliment each other. Despite how society portrays men, we are actually kind, caring, ultra- sensitive creatures deep down. We all are. Even the rough ones.

Society has lead us to believe that woman are the kind, caring, sensitive ones, and while this is true, it is conditional and based on how much she believes she is slighted, respected, and loved. Our need for femininity and feminine comfort is so ingrained in us that some men will even try taking it by force.

Now to the point. Men will deny this, and hate me for saying it, but we want to be loved. Not just physically and sexually, but truly, softly, gently, tenderly, with all of your heart, nothing held back.

If you are out making the benjamins, you are immersing yourself in a world that is going to, at the very least, harden you to it's harsh reality, and make you a colder person. When we get home you probably aren't going to be there. And when you get home you sure as hell aren't going to want to be tender with us. You're going to be exhausted.

So all of our lives we have been searching for someone to pour out our love into, and when you get home, it isn't you. Yeah, your bank account has money. But our heart of hearts, our truest self goes on deprived of your affection.

If you cannot accept this, please, do not ever seek a man. DO not ever promise a man your heart, not even with a look. Stay to yourself and die alone, because that is our reality. To do otherwise makes you a selfish and uncaring woman, and I pity the man who gives you his heart, because he sure won't get yours in return.

For those couples who must each work a job, I am sorry, but that does not invalidate anything I've said here. Attitude is everything. If your woman can come home with a softened heart, ready to work two jobs (One making money, the other making her husband content) then she is a prize jewel. Most women are not capable of it and do not want to be capable of it.

Anonymous · Answer

I come before you today to dispute all of the reasons people have for why it is good to have a wife who works.
1. “It is good to have a breadwinner wife you sap! More money for you!”
There isn’t more money for you. It is her money. Traditional men look at women as sacred possessions and take pride in providing for their women and children. Women, even good women, just don’t have this characteristic. Money she earns is her money and she isn’t going to be smart with it.
When we were living on my decent but smaller income, we actually had a savings. When she started making twice the money, I bowed out and let her deal with the finances. It was a complete mess for two years. No savings, spending $200 at the grocery store and coming home with nothing for dinner, leased car, and purchased but unworn clothes and more.
She had more respect for my money in the beginning then she did for our combined money later on. Go figure that out.
2. “You now have time to pursue more masculine past times such as hunting, fishing, or extreme body building.”
Unless you quit your job, there isn’t more time or money (see above) for masculine interests. It is actually the same amount of time you had before, except now you get to be the beta when you go home. If she has a career that requires lots of hours, you will find that you have to construct your life according to your wife’s job schedule—whether that’s planning the vacation, weekend trip, or what time the family is going to eat dinner.
3. “The challenges of being married to a ‘strong’ woman will push you to reach your untapped potential”
A woman who works 8-10 hours a day is a tired, worn out, and cranky woman every day of the week. Expect very few breaks from this reality. She just doesn’t have the stamina that you do as a man. When it is 7 p. m. and she hasn’t had time to cook, clean, work out, or anything, she is going to be in a bitchy, nagging mood. Not the best environment for self-improvement.
On one hand, you can just do all the housework. It only takes about an hour anyway. But then, she will lose respect for you faster than she already was from being the breadwinner. She doesn’t want the guy at home washing her panties, so kiss your sex life goodbye. Additionally, due to her likely Type-A personality, she will become threatened if you try to improve yourself any higher than your status as designated laundry bitch.

eruru · Answer

ouch...
someone must have really hurt you... please change the guys you hang out with cz they the ones with that mentality... it simply means you're with the wrong guy, stop denying it and blaming it on every other guy n find the right one... n you'll know cz if a man really loves n cares he'll support you in everything you do.

about career women i have no problem with that as long as you create time for your family cz let's face it we're all thankful to our mums you're here cz of her if she neglected you n focused on work you'd be different... again its OK to work have your own money but the moment it starts affecting the family it becomes an issue which we have to discuss both of us.

women valuing guys for how much money they have... well we make a big deal cz 70% of you will leave our ass once that money gone... which happens as you put it... people lose jobs... get fired... go bankrupt...

we're simply tryna see if you're in the 30% bracket we don't deny that its essential for you to find a guy who's financially stable... we're not stupid we know its crucial... if he's making a big deal out of it he's probably seeing you in the 70% n needs convincing.

so stop tryna act all "girl power" n show us you're in the 30% bracket... we'll gladly accept.

Pyrofox · Answer

Its more like the knowledge of knowing your doing a favor rather than feeling of need. It feels nice to help out someone but kinda feels like a chore if she seems unable to support herself.

The reason so many guys dont like feminism much in the current age is the use of "all men" are this and that. And the MASSIVE generalizations. And it kills the rate guys are going to try to date women if they all jump on the miss conceptualized way of defining what type of men they are looking for. Its like someone saying they have a sweet tooth yet they only eat a very little amount and only one type of sweet. Its a huge contradiction that just leaves men dumbfounded to try and translate. As if women weren't already confusing enough.(Yes, guys can be confusing too.)

Men really dont really care about the size of the wallet so much are you able to be self sufficient. There is a huge difference between leaning and laying on the other half. As I see it women might think more about maybe offering up to pay their half occasionally. As that opens up the avenue of guys having money to do other things. Such as save up to go on fancy trips or dates more often.

Tdieseler · Answer

"... since the U. S still doesn't have maternity leave"? are you kidding me?
look.. everything is good in moderation. You have some good points about the extremes... if you want a stay at home wife... be financially secure... but dont hate on a career driven woman... absolutely right.
BUT... every man is different and most are in the Middle of that... the man does his thing and the woman does her thing... and when kids come in, they BOTH contribute...
Yea, I've heard this bullshit on the internet as well but what i just said is how it should be... sad part... its usually the woman that has to give up her stuff for the kids... so the man BETTER be on point.

NerdInDenial · Answer

Generally, there is a lack of appreciation for men. More importantly, women are allowed to be the victim, for example poor single mothers. In every part of society, men are instructed to do this, buy women this, treat women like this, etc. However, there's no reciprocity. Men want to feel special too and be appreciated. Even the most hard core feminists agree that men should pay for dates all of the time. Most women want to have their cake and eat it too. Women, also, don't take the responsibility of choosing their men. If these men are losers or bad, who's fault is it that they became your partner?

chigurl33 · Answer

Men want career women... they just don't want women to let everything take the back burner for that career. And women tend to do that for reasons I can't just seem to out into words. It's like they've been told that having a career validates them, makes them strong, makes them equal and all around brings respect. The issue is that the respect and the validation doesn't reach the house. When I was eleven I didn't want my mother to throw me a big birthday party or buy me those fancy shoes, I just wanted her to call me and say happy birthday and she didn't. Guess who did: my dad.

I dont know if that was adequate but basically, women have great relationships with their friends, their colleagues, their bosses, investors, shareholders and forget to have relationships with their immediate family like the husband and kids.

amphet11 · Answer

If a man needs to be a money making prospect, provide financial security before you date or sleep with him then you are by very definition a whore/prostitute, and i challenge you to prove that wrong.

To the main question, men will far prefer a career women to a whore, the thing is women are intrinsically hypergamous, and if they earn as much or more than their male partner, chances are they will look elsewhere for a more successful mate as being hypergamous they believe they could get better, and believe their vagina needs to be payed for in some way. Men know this be it subconsciously or not, and thus will be wary of a women with a decent amount of money. A bit of a a catch 22 situation for men. Note that neither women nor men do this out of pure malevolence but rather as a biologically innate behavior that is not though deeply about.

zagor · Answer

Where do you live, Iran? Most guys I know are HAPPY to have a woman with a good job. Makes it a lot easier on us.

And no, it isn't unreasonable to expect a man to be financially responsible and earn a living. But a golddigger isn't someone who just wants a guy who can support a family, it is someone who expects a guy to support her ostentatious habits and buy her crap on Rodeo Drive.

iceburg-san · Answer

that's a broad generalization

but I think its actually the amount of women that BRAG about being working women and working moms.
I never hear guys post "I'm a single dad with two jobs" Cause that'd just be expected of a single dad
but then its a single mom, its brave and amazing
(don't get me wrong i love my mom, bless her <3)

So I think its mostly that they're sick of hearing it. not that "they want women out of the workplace"

And guys who complain about gold-diggers from my experience have usually dated someone like that. Which in my opinion, gives them the right to complain.

And guys make a big deal about it because being financially secure in this day and age is IMPOSSIBLE. Lower your standards lady.

Wwwyzzerdd · Answer

She has kids. She chose some other dude instead of him. Her previous bad decisions with a guy who wasn't fit to be a father now left her with a burden and resonsibilty as a single working mother. He doesn't have kids. She wants him to treat her kid, who he has NO genetic ties to, like his son. She wants him to ease her burden of single-motherhood. He sees other women that made better life choices and didn't shack up with a dumbass, get pregnant, then babydaddy left. That woman is more attractive than the single mother. Just have to deal with the consequences of that decision.

AleDeEurope · Answer

We don't hate them, stop crying.  Like I've always said, women who claim they're being rejected because they're career driven is like guys complaining they've were rejected for being nice.

Johnny_2x4 · Answer

I've found, through digital and social interactions, that most guys feel threatened by strong women. Yes, I know this has been echoed by feminists but it's true. Guys instinctively feel like they need to be the provider and working moms and women are seen as being man eaters etc. The good news though is that not all guys are like this, in fact it's the minority. Lots of guys appreciate strong, independent women because they are often not clingy cause they have been self sufficient before. These type of guys are often insecure about their own manhood and wouldn't make a good mate, anyway.

Djaaaay · Answer

Well... Finally the fire from a stand /up woman I agree with. It's about time to hear it for what it really is. Now that's what I'm talking about. I'm a married man who enjoys my children's mother to be all she can be , although want her to stay home to raise the children along with myself also. I'm financially retired since I was 18 . I bought her two big businesses to operate out of her own home office. Both of us run our business from two separate home offices. I would like her home instead , so I made this all possible for her to have a career and be financially secure to say the least as well as myself. So with this said , I do agree with this. Men , I'm in the position to have as I wish for her as well as myself and I'm not dismissing some of the less fortunate others that might not be in a position that I am.

Anonymous · Answer

I have been wondering this for so long. I have no idea what guys want anymore. I'm a doctor, so most guys literally become disinterested and think i won't be able to be a good mother or something. I get told all the time i am attractive and i get guys to ask me out and have been on many dates and then... after i mention my career... they slowly ghost... its never failed. I guess i will end up single after years of dating. I just feel mentally drained and tired from it all. A part of me wishes that a guy would just love me :'( and not see my white medical coat. You know guys i'm still a girl who wants to be loved under that white coat :'(

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think men would mind being valued from their money if women were hinest about it and acknowledged that's what they want, and they acknowledged their double standards when it comes to gender roles. Men are just sick of the double standards and hypocrisy that is rampant among women today. Women are ALL about equality when it comes to abolishing gender roles they don't like, but when it comes to gender roles that benefit them, they either deny them or try to justify them. THAT is what men hate.

Anonymous · Answer

Because not every man is the same?

Some men would like to have a stay at home wife and don't mind paying for her.
Some men would like to have a stay at home wife and do mind paying for her.
Some men would like to have a working wife and don't mind paying for her.
Some men would like to have a working wife and do mind paying for her.

Not all men are the same and you will get varying answers depending on what the man prefers. Men aren't a uniform collective. Also, I don't think most men are complaining about your scenario but about girls who have no intention of settling down but just want to date around for free stuff.

Personally I wouldn't mind being a stay at home dad and if that's going to be the case I'd be worried too if the mother of my children isn't financially stable.

Razzle-Bedazzle · Answer

Most guys I know prefer a women to be earning a wage , and contributing to the household.

The majority of women I know with kids, whether single or with their SO , actually go back to work after their maternity leave is over. I've never heard of any guys complaining about that. It's important for ALL women to pursue a career.

vishna · Answer

Someone would have to be incredibly dense to think like this, I'm not saying it isn't possible, I might know a guy or two like this, but I think most men are in the middle or on opposite sides (ex. they see issues with some women rating them by money but then it splits into they want a housewife or don't.)

martyfellow · Answer

There's no contradiction here. Few guys hate women who have to work to help support the family. That doesn't have anything to do with women judging us by our wallets.

Actually the really hip women these days don't care about wallets. They want a tax return.

Why do Men hate career women/working moms yet oppose women valuing them by their money? How is this logical?

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