Why do some gay men act feminine and lesbians act masculine?

[more_than_a_guy]

Of course I know it's not all, and I have no judgement. I do know that there are some straight people like this, but it's way more common in the gay community. I do want to know the psychology behind it though, because I have some gay friends and one lesbian friend, and all the men are masculine and the woman is feminine...

And please, don't be pc about it, there are masculine and feminine traits.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I'm actually curious more about the other way around, like homosexual men who retained very masculine interests/qualities and homosexual women who retained very feminine interests/qualities.

Since that seems to be deviating from the cultural bundle we call "masculinity/femininity" to work towards homosexuality and still only deviate in this one aspect. It seems more the probable to me that if we deviate in terms of the sexual orientation commonly associated with our gender that we might start to deviate in a variety of others.

I'd be curious to hear from homosexual men and women of both types: why certain ones deviate further while others retain the gender qualities but only deviate in terms of sexual orientation.

I suspect if I were homosexual that I would be the type to take on a lot of feminine traits. I'm a creative/artistic type so it's interesting to me to gender-bend this way and especially if I was homosexual and flirt with deviations from what society expects of me as a man; there's a certain comfort there to me to be feminine and submissive if I didn't have the ethical side of what I believe makes a heterosexual man a capable protector of his women and children. I'm entirely heterosexual though. Yet if I was freed from my heterosexual orientation and associated ethics, I suspect I'd be one of the ones really flirting with femininity.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

A lot of the pride I take in whatever masculinity I possess is associated with the ability to protect women and children, starting with my own family. So if I was homosexual and could just find a good strong man to protect me, then I would have no need for such masculine pride and I'd probably take comfort more in feminine and submissive ways over the dominant and masculine ways.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Now I'm also starting to wonder what types of men these homosexual men and women prefer. For example, if I was homosexual, I'm not the biggest and strongest guy and I'm generally reluctant to be a leader (only step up to the plate when I need to take care of people) so I might favor a more dominant partner than me: an "alpha male" type who is an eager leader and not a reluctant leader like me so that I can relax and let him take charge.

Maybe the ones that take on the opposite gender qualities are ones seeking partners with the same qualities, like a homosexual man who is very masculine might want a more submissive partner, while a homosexual man who is very feminine might want a more dominant partner.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

[*] Now I'm also starting to wonder what types of [partners] these homosexual men and women prefer.

[more_than_a_guy]

I don't think you are masculine because you need it, and if you are gay, you need it less. Not all people are submissive in default and are dominant only when needed. Also by the way gays can have children, that means they need to protect as well. I think if you are dominant, you are dominant. And if you're submissive, you are submissive, regardless of gender. Mostly, women tend to be more submissive and men are more dominant.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I suspect I'm a submissive or loner type normally if not for the ethics and values I hold. Like if a building catches on fire, I'm really hoping a fireman comes and saves the day. If not though and everyone else is panicking, I'll lead. I'm very reluctant to be a leader but I'll do it if I have to since I have a natural inclination to protect and take care of other people, but I'm the last one to eagerly volunteer for the position.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

For me leadership is a massive burden that way. I end up worrying about everyone's well-being, lose sleep at night, and ill-suited to lead large teams of people. So that's why I suspect if I was homosexual, I might even take on a more submissive and feminine nature about me and prefer an extremely dominant, natural-born leader type of man since he can take that burden of leadership off of me.

[FunkyMonkee]

This always puzzled me, too! I thought gay guys were interested in MEN! if you're into men, why would you ACT like a woman in order to attract another man who wants to be with a MAN?
And, if you're interested in other women, why would you act and look extremely butch to attract another woman who also looks and acts extremely butch? It sounds to me like they WANT a man but only if he's got a cunt and tits!

[Berethor]

Because they mini-trans, as they have an attraction opposite to what they should have.

[NathanDavis]

that's what you call... a personality

[msc545]

why do you care about this?

[laly520]

I wonder myself