I'm all for equal rights but are certain things going too far?

Question

I'm all for having equal rights but there are two things that for me would be going too far against the established norms. I'm not obligated to follow them anymore (thanks to us having more rights than in the past) but these are the things I still love out of respect:

- Let the man be the one proposing marriage. He is the gatekeeper towards commitment and it's more meaningful coming from him. Sure, we can propose at this point but it takes away the meaning and naturally, the number of women wanting marriage vs men wanting it too has always been higher even in the past. I don't mind women asking a man out on a date or to be her boyfriend but for a marriage proposal, nope.. let the man do it.

- Take his last name: Once again, he already did the step in offering lifetime commitment and going through that whole process so out of appreciation and respect, take his last name. I'm aware we're not obligated anymore but it's just out of respect. I still love that tradition. I've already seen the post about what if we ask a man to take our last name. Too much. That's going too far with the modern changes.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I'm a free thinker, rule breaker and supporter if equal rights. But some traditions are charming and some make a lot of sense.
So, while it's good to be able to break social norms if that works for you, there is nothing obligating you to ignore traditions. You have a choice.

I like certain traditions like the lady-gentleman thing and paying for dates.
My wife and I were both raised Catholic but we were non-religious by the time we met. But we had a full Catholic wedding in her home town for her family's benefit. Plus, she got to dress like a princess with all the pomp and ceremony.
It was lovely.
Then we went on a three week honeymoon and, when we got back to our home in Los Angeles, we had a second wedding for my family and our friends. It was presided over by a lady, lay minister without religious overtones. But my wife and I wore what we had at the first ceremony and the wedding was absolutely lovely.

We both take our marriage vows "to love and cherish, from this day forward, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part" very seriously. It's a solemn vow; a public pledge of honor.

And she took my name even though she has a career, thinks for herself, and is no lapdog. We love, adore and respect each other. We're best friends, trusted partners and lovers. Neither of us is the boss. We work things out.

But there are certain traditions we cherish as man-woman, husband and wife.

NaultD · Accepted Answer

I'm a radical freedom leftist but I strangely believe exactly the same thing from a different angle.

So just to avoid the hassle both biological and government systemic processes. There is a process and natural bottle neck to giving birth. So the father proposing and the mother taking the last name is a way to get everyone in the greater now combined families on the same page without missing a beat of a growing development.

It's more practical then anything traditional. Of course unwanted traditions can glob on to what we both agree on but that's beyond the point.

GOLDFISH_smile · Accepted Answer

Or how about we just... decide together... ask each other what we wanna do & figure out what works for us personally?

Not all men care so much about those things, and some even would like the woman to propose and take her last name. My husband took my last name, and tho I proposed it was more just a formality. We already decided to get married without any proposal because he brought up that discussion and made sure we were both on the same page.

To some people tradition is very important, like you, and ofc you shouldn't just give that up because you don't HAVE to do it anymore. If you want to, that's fine, and you should do it. There's no reason to pressure others who don't want to do it into still doing it either tho. We also don't have to anymore, and if we are with someone who also don't want to do things the traditional way, why should we do it the way OTHER PEOPLE want instead of how WE want? It is our relationship and it's a lot more respectful to both people to make the decision personally & together, than to just assume they want it a certain way or not give them any chance to discuss if they do care.

Potteplante · Accepted Answer

1. Women in the past wanted marriage more because that was her only purpose in life - to serve her husband and bear children. Without - you'd be nothing, nobody, no way of surviving on your own.

2. In my culture, women don't take the husbands last names - it is becoming a thing were couples create their own "family names" when getting married tho. I'll always be daughter of Ólafur and therefore my last name will always be daughter of Ólafur (Ólafsdóttir).

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I think if two people let the "rules" of society get between them, then they're already fucking up as a couple.

For me, I sort of scoff at the traditional religious shit as well as the feminists that want to pick and choose the good things they want while demanding the man be traditional as fuck (while they get to be free to do whatever) hippies.

Society is changing all over the place, so I'm not going to judge others, I'm just going to do what's best for me. Like I don't want more kids, so I'm going to get a vasectomy and bust my spermless nutt in various women until I die... Yeah, I'm married, but who knows about the future and shit right?

AviatorTom · Answer

You are a traditionalist, which is good. I've been married twice. I proposed both times. My first wife took my family name. My second wife did not, which I was okay with me... we were both older, she had adult children with her last name, and everyone knew her as that name.

slatyb · Answer

Taking his last name is a custom from the time when women were first the property of their father, then the property of their husband. You can do as you please but I consider it a tradition best forgotten. I've been married twice and never wanted them to change their name.

jshm2 · Answer

Don't be silly. No one is for equal rights - it's not in human nature. Politicians sell the "rights" bullshit as it makes them front and centre to be in charge.

It's politics - not religion - driving the changes now. It's a masquerade to divide, so the politicians can be the "saviour," but really does nothing but make profitable problems for others.

Dargil · Answer

For Western (mostly) White women, yes. They have become unworkable as wives and mothers. That is why the  real MGTOW  is recruiting a partner from the Orient or Latin America. Not a perfect solution but a vast improvement.

Anonymous · Answer

Well too bad its not going back to that. Most guys can see its bullshit how they get treated when act like that. It is not going back to that and I won't miss the women have to put in some effort now.

OddBeMe · Answer

Best thing about equality is that you can choose whats important for you. Not for other people.

Anonymous · Answer

Agree 100%. I know there are still some good women like you, I just wish there were more.

RavVid · Answer

On the last point it would probably convince me to withdraw the offer.

Twalli · Answer

My mom didn't take my dad's last name because it was a pain in thd ass to get the name on your profession degrees changed and she already got them before marrying him.

Graptemys79 · Answer

I generally agree with you.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Hard disagree.

I'm all for equal rights but are certain things going too far?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do you believe in equal rights?

I'm all for equal rights but are certain things going too far?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do you believe in equal rights?

We're glad to see you liked this post.