Am I a evil person?

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

[lightbulb27]

We all are... so yes.

Depends upon how you see things...

You can choose to do all the good you can... but we are flawed... e. g. I doubt any of us are perfectly loving all the time, perfectly true and honest.

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

i have a hard time showing love through my actions

[lightbulb27]

you werea little baby trained and conditioned in an environment. Something went wrong in that training with care givers so that you don't feel safe being vulnerable, open and there is some negative energies inside.
You own your "temple" to clean it up and make you the best human you can be.
There are ways to do that.
Some people choose evil. When I faced that choice, I chose the other direction to learn how to care about others. It took time and effort. I went to church for that, but the answers are inside, and practice/repetition.

You are the one that knows why you are like this rather than the greater loving person you can be.

Abuse, trauma and your personality in how you handled your environment is what creates the issues. I got started around your age, so you are just getting started... have a long ways to go should you choose.

Read spirtuality for dummies, go to church and hear what Christ did for you and learn. Study buddha if you want. But the solution is healing the trauma... and one way to do that is to accept unconditional love from Christ so you have something to give, then start doing that... giving/sharing.
it will feel good. you will have to work through the emotions. there's ways to do that.

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

Do I have to work in Church or can I represent my LORD in other fields, i would like to give politics a try If given the opportunity

[lightbulb27]

you don't have to do anything so no. They may ask for you to volunteer. I started by playing in the band, running sound board. You absorb what good you can, there are good ideas in it. Everyone there is or was a broken human, so you accept you are like others... working on yourself and encouraging them. That will feel good.
When your heart is healed then you want to do things, you want to give.
Politics to me would destroy me because it's all arguing, power and games. I don't like that and makes me ill. Some personalities do that well.
I know people that left high paying sales job to do full time missionary work, caring for displaces children and such. Many missionaries that give their life to such pursuits. not enough of them.
As you are inspired, you find your way.
You do need to take care of yourself emptionally, spirtually, financially, physically... and built outwards. lmk what questions you have.
It can be hard work... you will run into barricades and confusion and difficulty in life. that is life.

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

I have this impression that God wants me to be a doormat for the Church rather than for the World. So like as people are coming to Church they insult me and ask God for forgiveness as they enter the doors

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

also it seems more Christians lived life fully in the world yet I haven't experienced life at all, let alone to the fullness of

[lightbulb27]

Sounds like your self worth is low. you've received some emotional abuse in life? I had low self worth. Christ is the healing stuff you need when you accept it. e. g. unconditional love. You will have to grow in strength to deal with people, because some people are pig headed, opinionated. Don't get into politics in church... but they will try to force it on you.
You learn to be strong in yourself with God/Christ at your core.

Ultimately, that is what you need in work life, relationships, raising children, etc.. You'd benefit from learning about human emotional development so you can start to see where things went wrong and start to work on yourself. A counselor can help maybe when you have a clear issue, but there is a lot availble you can learn on your own, on this site, in books, videos.
"Seek and you shall find, knock and it will be opened as they say". Opening up creates new avenues.
do not make yourself a doormat, been there done that. work on self worth. practice in the mirror, write down your feelings/emotions and what they tie back to. heal those wounds with unconditional love from God.
That's a real solution. There may be others.

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

thank you for speaking with me

[lightbulb27]

Welcome.

[KITEinStorm]

How can we say something like that when we know nothing about you?

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

Being an excellent judge of character

[Anonymous]

Yes... Although... However... Then again...

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

Nice circle back 👌

[MemeSupreme]

why is gay in your username lol

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

Why not?

[katiesmuff]

Don't know but suppose it is possible!

[HelpfulWoman]

just a troll

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

Not true