Studies show that children of single mothers fair fare worse in society. Why do single mothers raise less productive members of society?

[Vegasrunner]

[MzAsh]

Yes, studies do show that children from single mother households often face more challenges. But let’s break that down. Is it because single mothers are inherently bad at raising kids? No. It’s because raising a child is meant to be a two person job, and when men check out, whether physically or emotionally, the burden falls entirely on the mother.

Even in two parent households, a lot of men are still slacking when it comes to childcare and domestic responsibilities. Studies have shown that women, even when working full time, still take on the majority of household labor and childcare. That means a lot of men in the home are doing the bare minimum and coasting on their partner’s effort. And then society has the nerve to turn around and blame single moms when things don’t go smoothly?

This is exactly why men need to be physically present, by actively contributing to their home and their children’s well being. That means cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, driving the kids to school, attending doctor’s appointments, and being emotionally available, not just playing weekend dad or thinking a paycheck is enough, because there’s a difference between being a father, and a babysitter, and also a sponsor.

If we want to see kids doing better, fathers need to be fully engaged.

And before anyone gets defensive, if you’re already pulling your weight as a father and husband, great. But too many men aren’t. And that’s the real issue here.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh in my opinion single mother's aren't inherently bad at raising children, it's simply a validation of the consequences of women choosing to live in delusion. Single fathers do so much better because men must operate in reality. Much like your response highlights women struggle to take accountability, when you pass that trait along to the kids, they suffer. Another big reason is that society loves to tell women comforting lies, vs harsh realities a great example of this is HV man theory. Society tells women that there is a man out there that checks all the boxes you are looking for, and he's going to settle for you only. When in reality a big part of being a man is working really hard so your options of women aren't limited. That kind of message compounded over years is dangerous. Great example of this is strippers, single moms lies to little girl telling her no matter what she does men should accept her, she then takes the easiest route to fast money, taking her clothes off, she's get increments of attention from men that see her as an object, but can never get the men that she wants to actually committ to her. Friends and family including her mom tell her that it's somehow the man's fault for not committing to her. Meanwhile she continues to age out, while those same men are on to the next piece. Her only hope becomes convincing that good guy that she ignored, to accept her.

[Shiprex]

@MzAsh
Can't say this is accurate or at least there's mother's too who fail at the raising kids because they lack skills and motivation to be the dual parent roll model. Women too can be just as disengaged and hapless with child rearing.
It's correct that BOTH parents are best case scenario where both are engaged but it's often men who bail out didn't want kids in the first place and have no reproductive choice after conception. Loosing that agency is a fuker of a hit to take that all the misandrist BS about getting vasectomies and keep it in your pants etc. is just a deflection.
Being FORCED into something you had agency taken from you just breeds resentment. That the state will criminalise you for NOT taking responsibility while a mother who does the same and puts the kid up for adoption has zero repercussions is mental af.

A man can bring structure and order into a household that allows children to feel safer which will always be more difficult for a mother to do. Then there's the fearlessness men tend to have in greater abundance than women that can be taught to children that gives them self confidence and assurance that there will be someone there to pick them up WHEN they fail.
Men tend to learn and teach by actions not words which is a more common skillset of women to talk about things rather than do and show.

[MzAsh]

Vegas, if single fathers do so much better, great. Then do it. If men truly believe they’re superior at raising kids, then by all means, take over. Be the full-time, hands-on, emotionally present, caregiving parent. Not just the weekend visitor or the financial sponsor. Cook the meals. Help with the homework. Handle the tantrums. Show up at the parent teacher conferences. Take them to the doctor when they’re sick. Be the primary caregiver.

But let’s be real, most men won’t, because they still think the bulk of childcare is women’s work. They want the authority without the responsibility. And yet, they’re always the first to criticize women who are actually doing the damn job.

So here’s the deal. If you think you can do better, then prove it. If not then sit this one out and let the women raise kids they way they want. Because you don’t get to micromanage from the sidelines. That’s just not how this works.

[MzAsh]

Shiprex, Yes ideally both parents would be fully engaged, and yes, there are some women who aren’t great at raising kids either. But let’s not act like the bigger issue isn’t men bailing and leaving women with the full responsibility.

As for reproductive choice, nature made it so that women are the ones who physically carry and nurse the child, and with that comes more of the burden. So yeah, it’s just the biological reality that women also have more authority in deciding what happens post conception. If men want more control over whether they become fathers, their best bet is to be highly discerning about who they sleep with and take the proper precautions. Because once conception happens, the decision ultimately falls to the person who has to shoulder most of the burden.

If men bring structure and order, if that were universally true, then why aren’t more single fathers stepping up and taking over primary custody? If men really do parenting better, then why aren’t we seeing them actively doing it in droves? Structure, discipline, and confidence aren’t inherently male traits. They come from involvement, consistency, and actually being there for your kids.

So if the argument is that men can do it better, great. Then do it. Otherwise, criticizing from the sidelines while expecting women to carry the load is a weak position to stand on.

[Vegasrunner]

@MzAsh That's an interesting argument to make, for starters because no one is claiming that single father's don't already do this things. Secondly the reason that single fathers proably do better is because they do those things and provide financial stability and discipline. Finally the results say that's its females who need to improve to become better parents not men. The original question simple examines why women do so much worse, then mem do when put in equal situations.

[Shiprex]

@MzAsh
Why should women be able to force men into something against their will? There are procedures women can access that are denied to men so perhaps there should be legal recourse for men who are forced into parenthood against their will and through lying and sabotage by women seeking to baby trap men. Nature has been superseded by technology to allow post conception choice but society has withheld that choice from men for the benefit of women but held men responsible for that choice. That's not equality, that's privilege but at least you recognise that apparently which is something a lot of women seem to think is oppression. So that "choice" should NOT be given to one if it affects the other. If women lie or sabotage a man into becoming a parent there should be consequences that are more than just a pregnancy.
Men KNOW divorce is a privilege for women. They get into marriage in the full knowledge the outcome will always favour them as they benefit from the earnings from husbands if they decide to be home makers. The men who DO put int he effort to challenge the courts to get primary care of children know that THEY would have to fork out the money in an uphill challenge to PROVE that they are better carers and more able to provide for the children. Denying courts favour mothers is ridiculous, why spend thousands when you can't afford it AND end up in debt to be able to merely try with no guarantee they'd win AND the knowledge that they'd STILL be in hock for child and spousal support (a ridiculous notion that pays women for divorcing) thus even more difficult to afford.

[JessyJoy]

Most likely because when the children get older, especially past puberty, it is more difficult for the mother to keep their children in control compared to a father. A father is discipline, respectful leader in the family.

We all know this scenario: when a mother comes by, the children keep messing around. But when a father comes by, the children run back to their seats to show their behavior out of fear or respect.

[Shiprex]

@JessyJoy
I am with you there and I think it has a lot to do with how boys and girls differ when growing up. Fathers will provide structure and like you say discipline because that creates a framework that can't easily be formed by children themselves. Mothers can do this but not in all aspects of life like sport, play, problem solving , self reliance, and other things. Women will more likely thrive in the realm of nurturing, taking care of the self and the relationship dynamics.

[JessyJoy]

Most likely because when the children get older, especially past puberty, it is more difficult for the mother to keep their children in control compared to a father. A father is discipline, respectful leader in the family.

We all know this scenario: when a mother comes by, the children keep messing around. But when a father comes by, the children run back to their seats to show their behavior out of fear or respect.

[JessyJoy]

Thanks for MHO

[OneViewpoint]

This isn't exactly a mystery. Raising kids is a 24X7 job for 20+ years. It is far easier for a couple to share those responsibilities and that work than trying to do it alone. Two parents mean more money, more time available, more relief from constant demands, etc. Take one parent out of the equation and it can become overwhelming fast. And then you're fighting feelings of inadequacy for not giving your kids everything other kids have, regretting the decisions you've made, etc. Single parents need to be heroic on a daily basis.

[lightbulb27]

Kids need strong parents and some people after working, and all the other labors of life, don't have the strength to deal with the children. I see the battles little kids put on... gotta be a strong parent!

[Astarlessnightsky]

They also live more often in poverty, the number one cause for "not fairing too well in society"

[exitseven]

They are usually poor and live in democrat cities where the welfare benefit are the best. They have no positive make role models. They schools they attend are run by democrats and are total failures.

[Vegasrunner]

@exitseven None of that's true as Politics don't play a role in the upbringing. In fact many of those single mothers are poor rural white trash who vote Republican.

[exitseven]

Like JD Vance?

[Vegasrunner]

@exitseven I'm not as familiar w/ his background but considering he's the VP for the worst president in history that would track.

[exitseven]

He grew up in coal country , His mother was a drug addict. He joined the Marines at 18 , went to college, went to law school, worked in finance, wrote a best selling book, became Senator of Ohio and then VP for the best president in the last 100 years.

[Vegasrunner]

@exitseven And your belief is one succes story overrides 100's of failures?

[exitseven]

@Vegasrunner You make it sound like every white person that is poor is white trash. i resent that remark.

[Vegasrunner]

@exitseven Feel how you feel, the fact that you're randomly making up statements validates my point.

[DrPepper12]

You must be a special kinda stupid... God speed Vegas...

[Vegasrunner]

@DrPepper12 I can certainty understand the emotional outburst. I hope you get the help you need.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Those studies don't tell the whole picture so the statistics are skewed.

To start most children by far are raised by their mom compared to a single father.

2nd

[Vegasrunner]

@hispanic-cool-guy Even compares apples to apples children of single father's do a lot better.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

What percentage of single dads in comparison to single moms?

I bet it's around 80 to 20 so the comparison isn't a valid one since most single parents are moms.

And the app erased the rest of what I wrote.

[Vegasrunner]

@hispanic-cool-guy Good so you agree single moms are worse. The question asked why?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No. The more single moms by far percentage wise more room for bad kids to come from such single moms..

The thing is complicated. Not just one factor or 2

[Vegasrunner]

@hispanic-cool-guy Lol, I think I see your confusion, it's not just saying that more kids struggle w/ single moms, it's saying if you take the same kid and he is raised by a single mom, they will do worse than if raised by a single dad.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Single mom or single doesn't mean ish.

The quality of the parent is what matters and also that some kids no matter how good you raise or try to raise them they are just rotten people.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

* single dad

[Vegasrunner]

@hispanic-cool-guy If that's true why do you think when it's a single moms the kid is more likely to be a f**k up?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Define a f-up?

Secondly, as I originally posted, environment plays a big factor.

Single moms at least most of them come from poor backgrounds and live in poor neighborhoods which gives far more opportunity for their child to be caught up in bad influences.

Poor schools offer poor education opportunities which affects a child's opportunity in life.

Most single moms don't raise bad kids, you and others just focus on the negative in life but never the good.

[Vegasrunner]

@hispanic-cool-guy According to studies single fathers consistently seem to be the quality parent, now I'm attempting to acertain why.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Again, studies and statistics don't show the whole picture.

As I said single fathers aren't the norm (maybe 20% of them are single dads,) so many of them won't reflect they are "bad" parents by whoever definition that is because the percentage is low.

Using a basketball example.

Say John Cox shot 10 3's in one season and made 6 which is 60% shooting from 3 which is extremely good, that doesn't mean he is nowhere near as good a shooter as Stephen Curry who shoots about 10 3's in a game and over 300 3's in a season and makes about 40% of them.

[Vegasrunner]

@hispanic-cool-guy Lol, they never show the picture when it makes you feel bad. Them being the norm isn't relevant to the results. Using your basketball example they are saying both John Cox and Steph Curry take 10 shots apiece Cox makes 3 Curry makes 5. This us extrapolated over 100's of shots. Hope this helps.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Whatever you win. There are millions of single moms and their children turn out fine in this world but it's something you ignore to push your stupid narrative and just focus on the ones that turn out rotten.

[Vegasrunner]

@hispanic-cool-guy I think it's because you're attempting to reframe the question. When compared to single dad's children of single moms fair worse. I simply want to know why, in my opinion some of it stems from conversations like this.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Because children need a father and a mother to succeed.

[Vegasrunner]

@seeyounexttuesday Why do single fathers do so much better.

[seeyounexttuesday]

They don’t.

[Vegasrunner]

@seeyounexttuesday Compared to single mothers they do exponentially better.

[SmokinAces2000]

It’s more to do with a poverty thing rather than a woman being able to raise kids thing

[Anonymous]

It is hard for a single mother to provide everything her children need to grow up and be productive in society. Especially if it is a boy who needs a fatherly present in his life.

[Vegasrunner]

@anonymous Why do fathers have such a better success rate?