Men, do you agree a good woman gives you a better life?

[lightbulb27]

I think so. Gotta be a good quality one... that generally means she holds values and likely the values are well aligned.

True

Not true

There are no good women

Other

[sawno]

Thats not even a question for me, with the right girl by my side everything else is better. She was the only reason I look back fondly on the lockdown season for example since she singlehandedly turned that from something that would have probably have made me wonder if its worth living in such a tyrannical society to one of the nicest memories of my life. Because when I remember that period I remember her stronger than the lockdowns. If she can carry it that hard any great partner can make all the other things life could throw at me worth defeating, and i'd always come home to a place of joy right by her side.

[Lliam]

100%. I owe much happiness to good women - my mother, sister, maternal grandmother, sweet girlfriends, especially Petra who I loved with all my heart and will never forget and, lastly, my wonderful wife, to whom I've been happily married for over 28 years and has given me more than I can say. She is my treasure.
They are all dear to me.

[lightbulb27]

was she very emotional, more right brain? Emotional swings? I see that and they can be intoxicating, but without skills to handle, painful. There's a reason it didn't work, right?
You've had quite the experiences and learned a lot.

[sawno]

"She is my treasure." in dutch we actually have a word for this. Its called Schatje. Its similar to honey but Schat literally means treasure, the tje makes it small treasure making it more suitable as a sweet word. But the more proper translation would be "my treasure". Its also what I call my girlfriend when I am in a relationship.

[lightbulb27]

@sawno
I find how people attract and bond... fascinating. It's happening at a deeper level and I've learned a little of it. there's a reason our brains shoot out drugs when we "see" or are in the presence of some but others do nothing or even repel. But those ties and bond may not be "easy" either. Certainly a woman that is good for us, may not give us the highs some can, but they give us much more and we are better. Treasure is right.

[lightbulb27]

Reminds me of what Jesus is recorded as saying about treasure..."... store it in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy". So true.

[Lliam]

@sawno. No, she didn't have mood swings at all. She was quite stoic. She was plucky, had grit, but also vulnerable, sweet and fun. But she was battling demons that were a result of her childhood and early life. The problem was, she was still trying to deal with them through therapy and doing a good job. But in some ways, there was an invisible wall between us because she couldn't bring herself to confide in me completely when it came to her past. As a consequence, I had a hard time understanding.

Her childhood trauma had made her hypersexual. But I don't thin she could fully trust men even though she loved me. She tried so hard but, in some respects, I failed her.

[lightbulb27]

So sad, maybe she was a really caring person that was abused. Some people are a beast to handle, no shame even being a mature adult and being above your skill level. I know people married with kids that deal with difficult if not impossible spouses... it ends up shredding them and the kids. The childhood wounds of shame, fear and more are a lot to deal with. Sorry for your loss.

[Lliam]

@lightbulb27. Thanks bro.
I've written about her here on GAG. I don't know if you know the story.

I met her when I was 36 and she was 30. She later confided that she had been sexually molested by her step father for over 10 years, beginning at a very young age. She never told anyone but had been ashamed of herself all through school.
She became an alcoholic as a teen.
She got married and had a son when she was 17. I guess that was her attempt to get away from her step father.
Her and her husband got divorced after a couple of years and she gave up custody of her son. I'm guessing that she was too messed up to retain custody. She moved to Los Angeles but retained a close relationship with her son and they visited each other during holidays.

Her abuse resulted in making her hypersexual. After her divorce, when she was still an alcoholic and an emotional mess, she may have engaged in some promiscuous behavior that made her loathe herself even more.

She eventually started therapy and became a recovering alcoholic. She was very bright, gained a good career and was determined to be a normal girl and survive.

I consider her a hero for not allowing her past to destroy her. I couldn't have admired, loved and cherished her more.

[lightbulb27]

oh man, that be awful, can you imagine her reality and confusion? Makes sense she'd be distorted and surprised not DID (Disasociated)... has to be outlet for that stress, lack of trust and control... that energy sent her spinning off course. You must have a caring side... for to be drawn to and have patience to love someone that broken (complex to handle), understand and endure. An X had friend that was abused same by her father and when she "went off", I'd never been so scared... hadn't seen rage and fright like that. Faith helped give something to grasp onto. She fried her husband emotionally. Kids can endure a lot, but it comes out in middle ages and gets re-processed... soul wants to be cleansed. There's clearly right/wrong. Powerful lesson, people need control of their space.
Even "minor" trauma events can distort... have seen with our own kid. We are sadly, a world of zombies. That helps me have compassion at times... must consider where someone came from.
Id wonder what was the sub conscious attraction to her? It's not just physical, but there is a hook. Is your wife well aware of how you feel and accepts the attachment?

[Lliam]

No, I can't imagine what Petra endured. It may have begun when she was as young as 3 years old. She said he stopped when she reached puberty.
I don't think he was violent.
I doubt if she even knew is was abnormal or wrong at first and may have even had daughterly feelings toward him until she got older.

It would have made some people schizophrenic. It made Petra hypersexual. I've read that that onset of sexual abuse prior to 7 years of age was significantly associated with hypersexuality.
But she also experienced shame, confusion and self loathing.
The counseling she received for several years before we met helped tremendously.

I can't imagine a man doing that to a precious little girl.

I didn't even find out about it until we had been together for a while. Before that, all I knew was that she was was gorgeous, my vision of the physical feminine ideal. And since she was hypersexual, orgasmic and skillful, I experienced sex that I had never imagined in all my years.

I also loved her intellect and personality. She was perfect. I was already in love with her by the time she trusted me enough to share. So it's not like I had to be extra open minded, patient or caring. I knew her for who she was, not for what she had been through.

[lightbulb27]

agree, would drive some nuts. maybe he was very manipulative. Just being forced to keep a secret in the house be bad enough. Sad but remarkable story, thank you for sharing.

[IslaTheWitch]

again... what does a good woman mean?

I think every man has his own definition... and it's the key to the best life... spend your life with the woman who is the best for you, and don't compare with others :D

[Joshydavid25]

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." -Proverbs 31:10..

[IslaTheWitch]

@Joshydavid25 is a virtuous woman a good woman? :D

[Joshydavid25]

@IslaTheWitch Yes, a virtuous woman as a very good woman.. The best woman you can find..

[IslaTheWitch]

@Joshydavid25 I think it can't be true... virtue is ONE OF MANY traits any person can have... but the rest of the traits come randomly...

so a virtuous person can be kind or jealous or mean or gossiping or whatever...

I don't agree that only one personality trait can define a person as good or bad...

[Joshydavid25]

@IslaTheWitch "virtue is ONE OF MANY traits any person can have... but the rest of the traits come randomly..."

I have to respectfully disagree.. Virtuous is basically a righteous, good, moral individual.. I think that that right there speaks for itself.. It's not a side attribute, it's an encompassing traits, that gives a general description of a person.. Which is why the Bible uses it.

[Joshydavid25]

@IslaTheWitch Trait**..

[IslaTheWitch]

I know many virtuous people... but they still have other traits... and some of them, in my opinion, aren't good partner material... but in the end, it's your life, and if you want to base your choices on one trait only - it's your decision and your consequences to deal with :D

[Joshydavid25]

@IslaTheWitch Then they're not virtuous.. Maybe they're just people who do good things.. You can't be a mean, or jealous virtuous person.. Althougheven as a virtuouspersonyou could experience those emotions.. LOL.. Calling somebody virtuous is equivalent to saying that they're a "lovely" person.. I'm sure you wouldn't say "Oh, well what are their other traits? Are they just lovely, they could be a cheater and lovely?"

[IslaTheWitch]

no, virtuous is nor a synonym of lovely... you can be virtuous and lovely or lovely but no virtuous or virtuous but not lovely...

and still you can be virtuous and opinionated or virtuous and a gossiper, virtuous and compulsive liar...

it's all possible

[Joshydavid25]

@IslaTheWitch Being virtuous means basically you have noble character, or good character.. A person of high moral strength.. Basically a stand up individual.. If a woman is a stand up individual more likely than not she is lovely woman.. A good woman..

Those things you describe (aside from being opinionated) are contrary to what somebody who is virtuous is.. Being a gossiper is not virtuous, being a compulsive liar is not virtuous.. So I disagree, it's not possible at all..

[OneViewpoint]

Of course a good woman gives a good man a better life. So how do I find a good woman? Kidding. Kidding.

[lightbulb27]

There should be a building where they all hang out. Like porsche dealership? 😂

[beefcakebradybatson]

D**N SKIPPY !!!(Happy wife, happy life, though the non-s*xist phrase should be "Happy spouse, happy house!!!")

[Anonymous]

This is 100% true.

[RedInnocent69]

There are good women?