Do you feel people understand you? Do you wish to be understood?

Question

Rangers · Accepted Answer

For most of my life, if you wanted to find someone with a bigger difference between now they're perceived and how they actually are than me, you'd have your work cutout for you.

My hard appearance from years and years of having to accept pain and aches as a constant and my outright absorption of pain at some situations.

Like in 7th grade when a huge kid tried to bully me and punch my gut, I didn't even flinch, I just smashed my fist into his gut and told him if he ever plans on hitting me again, it would be the last time.

I was just standing up for myself against a big mean with a tiny heart, but after this, especially the girls were afraid of me.

The reality is both my parents physically and verbally abused me throughout my childhood. My mother does love me now but she was too afraid of my dad to do anything other than join in on his insults and abuse.

My brother joined in the physical abuse, too, and every time I spoke, my dad and brother insulted me. And whenever I ask why people didn't even want to be seen walking with me, they ignored me.

I had to learn to take and give pain or just keep crying as my family hated and abused me to make themselves feel powerful.

One day, I wished that my fathers cancer would come back, as messed up as that is, I can't help but think of all the times he snapped and threatened to beat me at the dinner table if I asked how his day went again.

How it was by his order that my brother and mother abused me countless times and gaslight me, saying I made it up, and most of all, I think about how much happier my family would be if the man responsible for our misery was dead.

I hope this explained why I kept to myself for so long. And as for my dad's cancer, not gonna lie, I'm leaning really close to hoping that it DOES come back and take him, and when it does, I will not be at his deathbed but to tell him that he's the worst father I could've ever had, and how every day as a child, I prayed that he wouldn't survive the trip home from work

OneViewpoint · Accepted Answer

Do people understand me? No. Almost zero understand me at first. And most can't understand me even if I try to explain myself to them.

Why? I have an unusual background dating back to the day I was born. I'm also an introvert. I'm comfortable with silence. Most people are not. I enjoy sitting back and observing, collecting information, and analyzing. Some people will read that as shyness. But it can be really unnerving for some people, scary for others. I'm also fairly large and heavily muscled. That adds to the confusion between shy and scary. So what I get pretty consistently is that people decide I'm mysterious. And I don't do anything to counter that effect. So they are curious about me.

Do I wish to be understood? Not really. Not by 95% of the people I meet. It's almost like we are from different universes. I use the cold quiet aloof vibe to keep most people at a distance. Why? Because the questions come fast and furious once I answer the obligatory small talk questions like "Where ya from?" and "What do ya do?" People have some over the top reactions. I get tired of answering the same questions over and over again. Especially when it's clear the people I'm trying to answer aren't really capable of understanding what I'm talking about. Why bother at that point?

Also, I tend to shock people because when I do interact they find out I'm very direct and confrontational. I am that guy who will say anything to anyone in any situation. I have boundaries and standards and I enforce them. It's not my most endearing trait for a lot of people, LOL.

So most of the time I'm grateful if the cold quiet aloof vibe works to keep people from trying to interact with me. But I have to admit that it can backfire too. Sometimes that wall I put up only intensifies their curiosity and determination to get me into a conversation.

Anonymous · Answer

No. I mean, that is I don't really care if MOST the world even knows who I am. I only really care about the people I interact with. The people I love and respect. Yeah, I'd like them to understand me. But I also realize that life is short. And the lives you touch also touch hundreds of other lives. It would be narcissistic for me to think their lives should somehow revolve around mine. Or that they should somehow completely have me figured out. So really all I seek is effort and understanding. Mutual respect and time.

HawkPerception · Answer

I feel like the majority of people don't understand me well. Just my best friend, and my partners when I actually have a partner.

I'm not that difficult to get to know and I'm pretty easy going, but there's a lot that I have to say and share from my mind and most people have different views from me from what I've seen. It's hard for others to resonate with me to the extent I want them to

MontBlanc · Answer

Sometimes people understand parts of me, but not everything and that’s okay.

I do wish to be truly understood, because connection and empathy are powerful.

But I’ve learned that being understood fully isn’t always necessary to be valued or to have meaningful relationships.

What matters most is being authentic and surrounding yourself with people willing to see you as you are.

AnonCuriousGuy · Answer

In general yes as I say I'm a simple easy going person and so people understand me well.

In terms of my medical condition well that's the side people will never understand me and sometimes you get judged on that.
It's life though you just gotta take it as they come and be grateful on what you do have.

RandomGirl42 · Answer

I feel like I'm pretty simple to understand. Just no one seems to understand that but me.

And I believe everyone wants to be understood to some degree and that's why people spend so much time voicing their opinions on sites like this one.

And I'm not sure why I've started trying to answer your questions with some semblance of actual thought instead of my usual knee-jerk attempts at humor. Maybe I just wish to be understood.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

No, people don’t really understand me and yes of course i want to be understood. Humans are social creatures. Everyone with their full faculties wants to be accepted and true acceptance only happens when you’re fully understood. Everyone who carries a deep dark secret is lonely no matter how many close relatives and friends they have, because they are never truly accepted until they banish those demons.

sage2021 · Answer

I'm not sure to be honest. I make myself clear to people when I speak to them, but their brain has to process what I have said and who really knows what they think? 🤔

Some people who I thought wouldn't hurt me did end up hurting me - so ya never know what someone is thinking!

Katrina_5 · Answer

I think most people don't really wnt to be understand you, they just want to put you in a box that makes sense to them. It's easier for them.

I don't really wish to be understood anymore. It's a waste of energy. I'd rather be effective. If people understand my results, that's all that matters. How they feel about me personally is their problem, not mine.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

People don't understand me, people only understand me as far as I allowed them too, I place a barrier that only very few get to see, I have lost interest in wanting people to understand me, I just don't want people to cross me.

Still-alive · Answer

For the most part i think so. but online it can be a little tricky because you can't really hear the tone or the inflections of the words im saying so something can get lost in translation due to that.

So i try to add emoji's to my texts to people to hopefully get my overall tone across better. IRL i do feel like im understood better though

exitseven · Answer

not too many understand me. I am a complicated person who is masquerading as a much simpler man. It would be nice if more people understood me but it probably won't happen

ElenaSeluna · Answer

It’s not about everyone understanding me… it just means a lot when the people important to me understand me

Anonymous · Answer

@thegreenyogi sometimes 👀😋 I wonder what people think or are thinking each and every time they see me, hear me, or wonder about me 🧠 lol LOL

queenofcardio · Answer

I believe most people understand me. I can very open and I love to talk.

FreyaRed · Answer

People understand me, sometimes they do it too good.

Shiprex · Answer

Yes. I'm not in to expressive demonstrative language and get straight on it.

Alexandrubaschet08 · Answer

People don't understand me and yes i do, but nobady have the patience and the intelligence to do so.

Cidknee · Answer

Most people understand when I'm talking to them.  As for "understand", some do and that's what draws a friend closer.

WonderingManII · Answer

People don't seem to understand me. I wish I was understood.

msc545 · Answer

I understand people very well as I do it as a profession. They rarely understand me.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

It's really hard for dull-normals to get a cover boy handsome, Mensa-level brainy black man.

NathanDavis · Answer

do you understand me... or, not yet? (=

Sherloque95 · Answer

A lot of times I feel misunderstood for sure

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

No, and not really. Humans are trash, gave up on them a long time ago

Agape93 · Answer

Most don't, and I don't care

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

You are better off not worrying about it.

Zionne · Answer

i only need one person who understands me

Xawyx-2 · Answer

I think many people often misunderstand me.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I think that they understand me well enough

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

I don't care. I'm not a people person anyways.

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

Yes I do. Sometimes folks only hear what they want

AgentG111 · Answer

Partly.

123459876 · Answer

Keep them guessing

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