Do you think mindset plays a part in virginity?

[Anonymous]

Or is a hymen enough to claim virginity, I've seen people do it online, I've even seen as crazy as pornstars claiming to be virgins because the intercourse they do is for work and not personal, I think we have reached a point in time where virginity must require a specific mindset as well, because technically according to society people that have oral and butt sex can be a virgin, aren't these still sexual intercourse

[Lliam]

When we reach puberty, we don't "lose" our childhood. When we have sex, we don't "lose" our virginity, we become adults.
I never placed any value on virginity. I don't think it is something to cherish.

Normal people are curious about sex once they reach puberty and most want a boyfriend/girlfriend. They want a relationship.

I had long-term, monogamous relationships with girlfriends from the time I was 16. None of them were virgins and all were on the pill. They were good girls with healthy morals and ethics. They wanted a boyfriend but they were picky. They weren't promiscuous. They dreamed of getting married and having children one day. And their dreams were eventually fulfilled.

In my early 30s, I finally started thinking about finding a life partner and settling down. I had a couple more relationships and then met my future wife when I was 40. She was 37. We had both lived full and fulfilling lives, including relationships, but neither of us had been married or had any kids. We got married two years later and have been happily married now for 30 years.

Since all of my partners were on the pill, I never used a condom. I estimate that I have came inside women well over 5,000 times with never a pregnancy scare. And since they nor I were promiscuous, none of us contracted any STDs.

By the way, I never asked a girlfriend about her "body count" and none ever asked mine. I assumed that normal, healthy women had been in relationships and experienced sex.

I don't understand the crazy red pill bullshit that has been popularized over the last 10 or 15 years on-line. It has whacked out a lot of guys. A lot of those guys are hypocritical women haters. There is also a lot of paranoia and bitterness.

Why should women be sexual ascetics until marriage? This isn't the 19th century. And if they do have sex but aren't ready to get pregnant, they are stupid to not protect themselves with contraception without relying simply on condoms.

How can a woman learn about relationships and gain wisdom and knowledge if she never has real world experiences?
Some guys want inexperienced women who are essentially children who can be dominated and controlled by a father figure. And some guys are really weird about sex.

I prefer an educated, experienced partner with brains who is loving, nurturing, loyal, ethical, feminine, and loves sex.

[BCRanger10]

Yes, but probably not in the way that you've presented it here.

I'm reminded of an article I read a number of years ago written by a woman who was raised Christian and to wait until she got married, which she did. She then claims she wished she hadn't waited, the reason being that she was taught to see her virginity as something that made her truly righteous and holy, that other girls at school would look up to her, and so forth. I'll link the article here...

I saved myself for marriage and wish I hadn’t

In some ways, this article actually confirmed me in my beliefs and in other ways, it reshaped how I thought of it and how I approached it with people.

The point I want to make is that yes, mindset is important, but it's more having the right mindset. Virginity in and of itself does not make one special, nor should someone see it as such. In a way, it ties in with the quote that says watch your thoughts because they become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become character, and character becomes destiny. You have to have the proper mindset about something if you want to grasp the true meaning of it, particularly virginity and sex.

[purplepoppy]

think only actual penis in vagina sex counts as loss of virginity. Other things are definitely a sexual experience, or "loss of innocence" but they don't technically count. Perhaps we shouldn't class ourselves as non-virgins until we've ticked several boxes

The question then becomes do these other things matter? I would say yes because they're still milestones for that person on their sexual journey. Perhaps what's really needed is a new set of words. Afterall up until the 14th century it just meant an unmarried woman.

So yes definitely a mindset, just not one we all agree on.

[pierre7i]

My first 'penis in vagina' experience in my late teens was beautiful but kind of incomplete -- she too was a virgin -- but I only managed to insert the 'head' and stopped because she said it hurt a little -- then sexual excitement lead to me ejcltng with the just the 'head' inside her ! It seemed like real sex, but she wondered at the time if she was still a virgin because all the 'hardness' didn't go inside her !

It's an especially enjoyable memory for me, and as we're still good friends, her too.
We sometimes laugh gently about it -- but nowadays she does mark it as us both giving our virginity to each other.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Lord this idea that a woman has to have her hymen in order to be a virgin and honestly that anyone who isn't a virgin themselves, is owed another person's virginity is outdated and immature. So in that aspect, I would say yes, it's a mindset, but in the way that the partner sees them.

Besides, there's almost no way to tell if a guy has had sex before. Why are women held to a different standard?

[Asker]

Who says they are? I think both should be accountable to the same standard but unfortunately virginity is only valued in women, a woman doesn't care about a mans virginity, if anything a lot of them are disgusted or unattracted to it, I dont think it's really about men holding women to a standard but the fact that women lack and fail to hold men to the same standard. Personally I believe a woman can lose her virginity with her hymen still intact, for example is she's having oral sex or anal, I think the experience in intercourse weither it involves a hymen or not is the same thing, which is more of their mindset and experience.

[Asker]

I appreciate your opinion tho, you make good points there, but I personally think women should hold men to the same standard, I dont think the solution is for men to drop it completely like women seem to have done, I don't know if that makes sense

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

We could also tear a hymen from doing non sexual activity too so the idea it has to be intact to be a virgin is outdated.

Let's also ask ourselves WHY a woman's virginity is more important and why a man's virginity isn't as important to us. I think women are more mature in this case. Men tend to infantilize women and men also have a desire to be conquerors. They have this absolutely warped notion that if they aren't the ones claiming a woman's virginity, that they are somehow inferior, but shame the woman for her behavior. They make up stupid lies about what it does to our bodies, our emotions and everything else they can think of to justify their own insecurities.

It's as simple as this. The mindset aspect is how the partner perceives it. If a man or woman has sexual intercourse whether it be PIV, anal, oral, or with the same sex, all is still sex. They are no longer a virgin, they just don't have the experience of the other acts they haven't tried yet. Saying otherwise is just silly. That would be like claiming they are still a virgin because they've only done missionary sex, but never done doggy style.

[Asker]

I don't know if maturity has anything to do with it, logically speaking if you were to get a car for the rest of your life, would you choose a used or brand new one, if you were given the option of a used or brand new tooth brush, which one would you go for, now let's take this to the biggest level when Im choosing a partner for the rest of my life, is it really immature to aim and focus on a woman that's the purest, mentally and physically? I don't see how that can be seen as immature, I'd genuinely like a breakdown on that cause even tho the idea of conquering land and fighting on a battlefield with swords and armor sound pretty cool I dont associate my natural urge to conquer with a woman's body but If I were to go and die on a battlefield and drown on my own blood I'd want it to be to protect a wife that has only been with me, what I truly find immature is when a woman bounces on a bunch of dicks without hesitation in their lifetime and then want to be crowned with the queen treatment at the end, I believe the same goes for men, no dirty dick deserves a pure woman and I think the king treatement is the same, a woman should have a man that hasn't been swinging it around town.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

That is maturity though. Someone who is more mature and secure knows that a woman or man who has been with someone else doesn't suddenly make them unclean or "used" up. Were you used up after trying something new like playing a sport or reading a book? Sounds silly, right? So why does sex suddenly have this barrier?

If you are a virgin and you wait for another virgin, fine, it's strange to me, but whatever floats your boat. If you've had sex though, then it's completely hypocritical to expect your forever partner to be one.

[Asker]

Well I'm not being hypocritical so maybe it's why we will always bash heads on this topic, and I never said they are used even tho technically by definition it's exactly what it means if someone else has already used their body for pleasure weither love was involved or not by technicality their body has been used, as for less worthy that is more of individual perspective, cause not being worthy of your interest can go for many things that isn't just sex, it can be for any preference you don't consider acceptable, generalizing worthlessness in general i agree is immature but being used up is a reality you can't run way from because the more you do it, the more you are used, mainly when love isn't involved, the reason that's hard to understand is cause there's many ways of being used, for example someone can use your hand to grab something, your hand was used, it doesn't necessarily mean worn out, or that your hand lost true worth, our bodies don't get worn out but they certainly are used during sex, it's the only way to have sex actually since sex is an act, it doesn't mean you are worn out or worthless, but to an individual that isn't looking for that in a person, you aren't worthy to them, just how my virginity might make me unworthy to a woman that wants an experienced men, that doesn't mean the woman is immature, it just means I'm not worthy to her, it also doesn't make me worthless, as for clean, the sense of clean, I think it's more of a spiritual sense, something not everyone will understand, when you have sex with someone, mostly someone you don't love, you stain your soul. I'm not going to get into that tho cause I'm aware you don't believe in any of that but clean can also refer to infections and diseases, stds only tell me that human bodies weren't meant to be put through so much wreckless sexual encounters. I think stds wouldn't exist if human bodies were made to fuck each other recklessly but just a observation.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Hymen isn't enough. It can't be.

The idea of tying hymen to virginity is an historical but persisting and clumsy way to obtain proof of sexual purity. I mean what other evidence people of the past could have used to prove that a girl never had sex before? It wasn't written on anyone's face, and no one could watch constantly any girl to ensure she had no sex. So the hymen looked like the key to solve that problem, I get that.

Until we realized that an absent or loosened hymen doesn't prove what it was supposed to prove.

So what's left to prove virginity? Just a self-reported notion. And as you say, that notion isn't even universally understood, because some people consider that virginity depends solely on penetrative vaginal sex. While it looks much more accurate to say that any sex act is sex.

[Asker]

Exactly, at the end of it all, mindset plays a major part in it all, at least in my opinion.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

At the end of it all, yes, absolutely.

[MrChinaski]

'Hymen isn't enough'. I heard that's the working title for the next Bond movie.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

lololol

Must be quite a bond then !

[MrChinaski]

They're looking to break through with a new market, I guess.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Expanding horizons certainly feels better.

[strateguy632]

i am old fashioned so for me seks is only if both use seks parts. oral for me is not seks so if only did blow job, i still consider her virgin. no intent to challenge legal aspects that oral counts and needs adult consent.

in elementary school first grade i learned about two places of female virginity as rabbi explained bible genesis. but now i reject that. if not use main door then for me still virgin.

[LazerBean]

I mean, experience definitely plays with mindset. But you're either a virgin or you're not lol I don't think anyone really sees lesbians as virgins. If someone's privates have gotten action with someone else's privates, they are not a virgin.

[strateguy632]

i think lesbians are still virgins.

[strateguy632]

it is hard to believe but part of my rabbi training was: to study the debate: if a strap-on broke virginity or does not count.

[LazerBean]

It definitely counts lol

[Dargil]

Virginity is not about a flap of skin. It is a state of mind.

[Asker]

Perfectly said with limited words 💯

[In_Trance]

That's the most retarded answer.

You're saying, your bride to be has had 10 guys run through her, but because of her state of mind, she's still a virgin?

[Dargil]

@In_Trance If I wasn't so nice I would not tell you that you are an ignorant fool.

[In_Trance]

Ignorant of what?
This is getting better by the minute

[jshm2]

LOL, these are usually the same fuckwits that say "I decide who is family".

Virginity is defined in law and faith. What these idiots think it is, is immaterial.

[RavVid]

A hymen is required to claim virginity as a female.

[exitseven]

It is probably more prevalent among women. With guys it moistly depends on if they can find a woman who will have sex with them.

[genericname85]

virginity just means you never had sex. that's all there is to it. doesn't matter what you think during it.

[MrChinaski]

What? Are we all 13 again? How is virginity even a thing?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It won't stop being a thing anytime soon, too many political and religious implications involved here

[MrChinaski]

@Maybe_Maybe_not Sure. Like eating pork.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Lol, and eating meat at all

[Anonymous]

I'm a virgin, but I don't have a hymen.