Coworker became distant after having sex! Need help?

I'm 24yo and there is a coworker of mine who is very hot (a 10 for sure) and she is 26, Russian and lives with her sister who is married to a much older guy and they have a kid.

I asked her out, after refusing she reschedule a week later, we hit it off pretty good, she enjoyed and so did I, she always mentioned that she is in a time at her life that she should be getting married and having children (more serious stuff). Her lasts boyfriends were all above 37, she was engaged one time and got dumped on Christmas she was devastated, (you will see why this matters later)... First date was great.

After that, I asked her out again many times, and she always made excuses, but always remained close.

On september it was her birthday I sent her flowers and a romantic letter, I asked her out that day and she accepted, I went for the kiss and BINGO.

After that we started talking and texting every night, romantic hot stuff, and dirty stuff.BUT she wouldn't go out with me for the next 2 months, always with excuses, very weird.

After many broken dates we went out again in november (no sex yet). The problem was that I was starting falling in love with her, she said she was too..

And on december, a week before christmas she said that she was thinking about us and she didn't want to get hurt or hurt me but there are many reasons this relationship would not go well, first she is older than me and she said she is looking for other things and second is that we work together so its better to stop now, she says she loves but its better to stay friends. She said "Life is not what we want but what we have to do" One day you will understand" She asked me to forgive her and stay her friend. I was devastated! It was horrible, and she saw it.

We kept talking everyday as usual, I tried to keep my cool, and on christmas out of the blue, she invited me to her house at night... she explained that she is confused, that she doesn't know if she wants a relationship with me, and then after a while she kissed me and we had sex . I slept over, I noticed she was confused (regret maybe), she mentioned that we could be together again in a couple of months for now. she asked me this in the morning: "Do you think two people can stay friends after seeing each other naked?" I said: "Let's see." And smiled.

After that day she said the same thing about being friends again and I ended up at her home and having sex again the next day

And then after Jan 1st,until today, she changed! She became cold, and distant, no messages, I asked what's going on, she said: "Don't be upset that I don't talk a lot lately, this year I am working a lot and decided to organized my life. You are my friend forever"

Im still crazy about her, sometimes she doesn't even answer my texts.

I stopped contacting her (about 2weeks).

Did she lose all the attraction that she had for me? Is that possible, so fast? Is there any chance I will sleep with her again?


Most Helpful Guy

  • "She loves to test people, but I don't know how to respond to this one, so weird. She goes hot and cold with me at work, more cold than hot. I overheard her saying to someone that she stopped smoking, drinking coffee, and some other stuff that she cannot say..." (me?!) - 2 minutes ago


    hmmm... sounds like she's trying to change who she is... that really sounds like a new years resolution now... lol

    Well what I would do is keep being there. Just don't go out of your way for her. Take it easy and she will eventually come to you when she feels comfortable about it. AND STOP EAVESDROPING! that stuff only makes you paranoid! Trust me, I've been there! lol

    (Is there a way to quote answer comments? I'm new at thisssss )

    • Im already paranoid. Its hell! heheh... Its a small company, so you can imagine what's been like.

      I don't want to push her, asking questions," what's going on? do you miss me?" and stuff... It would come out as needy I thing.

    • I sent her this today, no answer.. " I would like to talk to you,I know that you probably don't want to talk about this, but I think I deserve to know what's going on, I have noticed for a while now that you seem so cold and distant to me inside of work, and I don't understand, I am always a very open guy, and I value our friendship very much to leave things like this. You needed some space from me outside of work, I respected that. If it's something I'm doing, I would be happy to know. "

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Try summarizing this and

    THEN repost it. and THEN I'll probably give you advice. lol.


What Guys Said 2

  • New years resolution perhaps? lol

    No, let's see...

    She wants to keep you as a friend, that's cool, but what I don't understand is how she could turn 180 degrees the other way and totally avoid you like that? Maybe she is regretting what she did, but that's still not cool to keep you un-informed like that. The least she can do is tell you WHY she did that you know?

    I would ask her for a private talk, only you two, and really ask her what's going on and what she wants to do about it and how you two can be cool with each other again if that is a possibility.

    Who knows, she might be testing you a little? Just take it one step at a time. :)

    • She loves to test people, but I don't know how to respond to this one, so weird. She goes hot and cold with me at work, more cold than hot. I overheard her saying to someone that she stopped smoking, drinking coffee, and some other stuff that she cannot say.... (me?!)

    • Regret was the first thing that was on my mind, what's weird, that we had sex at 25th dec, the next 4 days at work were normal, we would tease each other and laugh remembering the night. It was after Jan 1st that everything changed. I can't be her Newyears resolution! heheh

  • maybe tell her that you would love to take her on a romantic dinner and just leave it at that...let her know that the sex can wait till you're in a relationship.


    just flat out tell her that she should let you spend the night sometime if that's all that you want.

    to me it sounds like she wants a committment