I saw my boyfriend dancing with my friend, did I overreact?

[Anonymous]

I was my boyfriend dancing with my friend at a club and even tho it wasn't "sexy" dancing my heart fell to my stomach and I didn't like it that they were dancing. Logically I don't think they would ever do anything but I couldn't help feeling jealous. After I saw them I totally shut down and gave them the silent treatment, I didn't know how to handle it. Did I overreact? How should have I handled it?

[salsachik]

If I were you I'd work on the "shutting down and ignoring" part of your reaction. It's not uncommon to be a little jealous, but yeah, that was not only over-reacting, but it was passive aggressive and borderline emotional blackmail. Guys hate that shit. Basically by ignoring him you said (without words) that if he doesn't behave in a manner you see fit (and you're not telling him before hand what that behavior is, therefore making him try to guess) that you will punish him by removing your affections / communication. It's a shitty game to play, and add that to the jealousy, the guy won't put up for long.

I'm in no way suggesting that it's easy to confront your jealous feelings much less talk about them with the guy. Light hearted (not mean spirited) humor can help. Next time something like that happens, just say "Hey, are two trying to make me jealous? 'cuz it's working" and laugh at it.

I diffuse jealousy situations with my guy by just saying "Yeah, that girl's hot, go get her number." or "Yeah, Scarlet Johanson is really hot, next time I see her I'll invite her over." and he usually realizes what he's done. It's way easier than saying "hey don't do that you're making me jealous."

[icecreamlover]

i think you should ignore it, and smile! don't feel threatened I know it sucks id be jealous too but you have to suck it up sometimes for a better effect then overreacting, because you would let the guy know that he doesn't define ur life and if he can dance with ur friends you can dance with his friends too if such an opportunity arises...just be strong

[pearl1979]

its pretty natural to feel jealous. I wouldn't worry about it. Um, I am assuming the three of you went together to the club? Perhaps you had to go to the bathroom and came back and saw them. A probably a good song came on. There is nothing wrong with dancing with a friend. Have you guys been dating long? The jealousy thing goes away after awhile.

[jacquesvol]

It's natural to feel slightly jealous for a short time (3 minutes or so) and them get over it.

jealousy is one of the most destructive forces and can not only in a couple but your life too: get over it asap.

[Asker]

Thks for your answer. It was a group of us that went to the club but a couple people (myself includ) left for about 1hr 1/2 when I came back I was trying to find by boyfriend in my crowd of friends and saw him on the dance floor. She had her arms around his neck and I thought they were dancing a bit too close. I agree that jealousy is not good. Do you have any advice on how I could have handled it better?

[jacquesvol]

When you go to a club with a dance floor, it's with the intention of dancing. Thus you should have danced too instead of getting a fit of jealousy because your boyfriend danced.

[njaroon]

I think you overreacted, particularly since it wasn't 'sexy'. There would have to be plenty of other signs for you to be concerned about you boyfriend and friend.

[jacquesvol]

Indeed, you overreacted. You should just have said yeah to the next guy who invited you to dance. Problem solved and buried forever.