A female with 2 males roommates? Should I do it?

[jenni_ms]

I want everyone's opinion!

I've had female roommates before and it ended horribly. I can't seem to get along with most girls for a long period of time. I have nothing but guy friends so that's how this came up.

I've been asked to get an apartment with 2 of my guy friends. I was planning to move on my own anyway, but with the costs and buying all the furniture etc, I set my move out date for like a year away. They both want to get an apartment together but keep insisting that I join in and move up the date a few months. After thinking about it, it's not such a bad idea to me.

I know them very well (since high school), and have taken trips with them where I had to share hotel rooms and occasionally a bed with no incidents or any problems. I know their personalities too. We're ALWAYS together, and they say I'm like "one of the guys" and it would be safer than me living alone. They've already guaranteed me the master bedroom so I'll have my own bathroom and stressed that I'll have my privacy.

I brought up the fact that if they get into a relationship, it may be a problem for the girl when she finds out they live with a female (jealousy, thinking something is going on, etc) and the same for me if I get in a relationship. They brought up saying that we're all cousins and sticking to that lie lol (I don't know about that yet)

They are both attractive (I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO THEM) and they consider me to be too though they're not attracted to me.

My mom said she'd feel safer knowing I lived with these 2 in particular instead of living alone.

My question is,

To girls: would you do it? and if you were in the position of a female dating one of those guys, would it be a problem knowing that he has a female roommate?

To guys: what would you think of a girl you started dating if you found out she has 2 attractive male roommates?

To anyone: What are the pro's and con's you can think of in this situation and overall do you think I should do it?

Help me out!

I think you should move I with them!

Horrible idea, don't do it!

Unsure, need more info..

[ArtistBboy]

This is the list of questions that I would ask myself in your position:

1) Am I willing to sacrifice a friendship if our living situation turns hostile (e.g. Personal attacks like purposefully trying to piss off your future boyfriend / all the way to failure to pay their own portion)

2) Do you really "know" them? Some people pick their nose and wipe it on the couch / leave their dirty clothes all over the place.. or my personal pet peeve of "gunking" up anything container (toothpaste?) leaving it for other people to deal with... Some of these pet peeves will grow to be annoying, do you really want to police good friends? or are you aware of your own ability to let go of frustrating moments? (e.g. Do you know where to find your "man-cave"?)

3) What about their work ethic and responsibility? A few past roommates moved in w/o any rent required... All they were asked was to take care of their own stuff, like washing dishes and picking up their own clothes. That failed quickly and I ended up having to jump their case, which turned into my friend avoiding me and eventually moving out.

4) Are there pets / kids / spouses / family / etc in the mix CURRENTLY? People that would be at the house "often"..? Maybe some of your roommates like to have a Friday night poker-game whereas (hypothetically) you're the type of gal to enjoy peace and privacy. Maybe your alergic or someone else is? Maybe the pets might ruin the apartment..?

etc

The point is, moving in may not seem like a big deal - but I try to make it out to be one. The reason why is because it's your place to call home. Why move into a home just to realize it was a poor choice - forcing you to either deal or to move..?! Drives me nuts and it's happened to a lot of close friends. Take the time before saying "yes" to really get the full perspective and see if there is ANYTHING else that might have been skipped ... Once you've seen all aspects of the situation, and you're good with all of it, then I see no reason to say no. Friends make the best roommates for respect reasons, but the worst roommates if you ever have to kick one out. Everything will work out, even in the worst outcome. My old friends (roommates) are still friends, even after huge disagreements and disrespect. If anything, you can think of it as an opportunity to get closer to these friends. Showing them a new side of who you are that they previously may not have seen in full-view.

And regarding the BS about being cousins - screw the lies. We have enough of them in this world. All of you guys are grown adults. If they or you ever get a spouse that can't deal with jealousy, my advice is to walk the hell away - else your in for a long decade of whining. There are millions of people that are attractive / friendly in this world and your bound to talk to some of them at some time. Tell this "spouse" the truth - that you live with two of your best friends.

~ ArtistBBoy

[jenni_ms]

Thanks! You really took time to give me something to think about. Some of the problems above have already been addressed but I know we have to talk about some of the others beforehand (Like company being over all the time). I do know them well, one for 5 years, the other for 7 years. And have had to spend limited time sharing space/beds. So I already know the ways we each clash lol but thankfully I have until summer to decide so I won't be making any quick decisions :)

[JohnWhilkins]

I don't see any general con's... at all...sh*t, go figure!

Wouldn't bother me at all.

I mean if I were jealous of it then I'm an idiot regardless. You can't be jealous in a situation like that, it's just irrational.

Either you've got some weird fear of that he/she'll cheat, in which case he/she is either a person who hurts you intentionally by cheating on you (in which case you'd be better off without the freaking person early on then having to find out later)

or

you're afraid you'll be a sh*tty mate and they'll cheat cause they lack something from you (in which case you don't deserve the person in question and it would end up bad sooner or later.)

Even from the perspective of the girls I'd feel safer bringing them over having a female room-mate. Cause if she's herself jealous then I'd find out then and there and I could just stop dating her.

I liked this question.

/M

[Anonymous]

pro- you'll be safer and may b feel protected like you have two brothers but they might get too overprotective or you might become too motherly like if theyre slobs or something, and also if you need help lifting something or fixing computers theyll be nice to have around

con- having them bring girls over and hearing them have sex...might be awkward, that's a given with any roommate situation, catching them watch p*rn too, awkward, also the girls that come over might get petty with u, and feel uncomfortable that you're there.

con- I don't know sometimes there can be sexual tension when spending time with opp sex.

con- because of sexual tension, I feel like id always have to be ladylike and dress appropriately around the place, like you can't wear booty shorts and walk around ya know, also pooping and farting id be self conscious, also period/girl stuff laying around the place...

overall, knowing me, I wouldn't do it. I would find someone I'm really close to like best friends and get an apartment with them. most likely a girl. but that's just me.

[relationshipDNA]

We can pontificate about the pros and cons all day, but at the end, you just need to go with your instincts on this. You've known those guys for years and they seem to be aware of the issues that may arise and coming up with the cousin story seems to work.

I myself have never gotten along with a group of girls for an extended period of time. I think it has something to do with our menstral cycles ending up at the same time. Whatever the case, I'd suggest you set up some ground rules from the start and stick to them.

Be clear about expectations and if anything, try to meet up once a month to hash out issues, gripes and problems. Keeping an open line of communication between all 3 of you will help keep things from going sour.

If you can do that, go for it. It at least solves your short term issues, your mom feels good about it (mommy's intuition are usually spot on) and it sounds like you'd like to try it out, so try it out! Set rules and don't allow anything to get in the way of your friendship.

Good luck!

[ArtistBboy]

Sometimes instincts can really screw you. Either financially, or emotionally. Perhaps this is a situation that we should consider scrutinizing the details. The reason I say that, is that this is a pretty significant decision in my perspective - on one hand you have the fact that there are two of her best friends involved, including a financial involvement. When relationships are on the line, I rarely go with instincts, and financially I will never go based on instincts - else I'd be broke lol

[relationshipDNA]

I've had the opposite experience. Every single time I've gone against my initial instincts about something or even someone, I've ended up regretting my decision. I think there is definitely room for logic and reasoning, but there's also something to say about going to your gut. Without it, you'll be too afraid to take risks in life and without risk, there is hardly any real gain.

[lananoel]

Nooo! If these are my friends they need to stay that way. You are VERY pretty and I'm sure that someone will cross a line at some point. I wouldn't room in with male friends unless they were gay. lol. Now lying about being relatives just sounds like it will eventually backfire once a relationship one of you has gets serious. Seems a bit like a cover up to and I HIGHLY doubt it would go over well once the lover finds this out.

I can however lend some credit to your mother for keeping your safety in mind. It will definitely be safer for you to live with body guards... So I would try it. Don't be afraid to move out if things get interesting though... Good friends are hard to find.

[jenni_ms]

I'm prepared for anyone crossing the line, although I highly doubt it'll happen (the should know better after all these years!). But if it ever came up, I feel like it's something we could definitely get past. And thanks for the pretty comment, that made me smile :-D

[Betwyn]

I would do it..

but, if they think you are attractive, they are attracted to you.. don't kid yourself..

They may never act on it.. but living together.. better chance...

I'd date a guy with a female room mate.. if things go sideways, kick him to the curb...

My only warning.. it can and will, change the friendships you have...

Maybe for the better.. maybe for the worse..

[jenni_ms]

Thanks for your input! I do believe that at one point they were attracted to me, like waaayyy in the beginning of our friendship that's why I said that. But they're both actively trying to hook me up with another very close mutual friend so I don't think they would do that if they were interested themselves.

I hope it'll only change for the better but I see what you mean.. You've given me even more to think about lol but I have until summer to back out

Thanks again!

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Depends how trust worthy the guys are. And just cause you're not attracted to them doesn't mean it isn't the other way around lol.

I'd probably not be comfortable with a girl I was dating living with other guys, that seems meh, but it would really depend on things.

[jenni_ms]

They're verryy trust worthy, I don't feel like they would ever do anything to harm me or put me in harms way.. I would hope it isn't the other way around though lol, I have been told that no guy is friends with a girl unless he is or was attracted to her at some point so I don't know..

Why would you have a problem with it? That's what I don't think I understand. Would you think she was secretly doing something behind your back with one of them or something?

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Well I'd likely have a problem with it only cause I don't know the guys :P and when it comes to guys with girls? I don't trust em.

[NoOneListens21]

YOU! -___- hmph. lol.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

What? :|

[Anonymous]

I just want to say, there is no such thing as a girl who is "one of the guys". You are a woman, not a man, never will be. I don't care what they say to your face, a man will never look at a woman (especially a cute one) and see her asexually like he would another man. As a woman, you're going to be seen sexually by a straight man period. I don't care how much Fox Sports you watch and how many team jerseys you wear, you are not one of the guys.

For that reason, I couldn't feel comfortable living with 2 men. Maybe if he was gay, sure, but not a straight guy and especially not 2 of them. If we aren't dating why would i? Too much temptation, if not on my part then his.

[jenni_ms]

Yeah, I definitely don't consider myself as "one of the guys" lol I'm waayy to girlie anyway. I think what they meant by that was that I'm always included or I'm always around. They definitely treat me differently (protective!). I don't think there's any temptation involved, I KNOW not on my part and hopefully not on theirs.. But you've given me something to think about so thanks :)

[MikeK]

That first paragraph was excellent :)

[Anonymous]

yes I would, but only if I've known them for a long time and trust them. and since they have assured you that you will get your privacy, I think you're in a safe spot.

and if I was the girlfriend, no, I wouldn't mind it.

pro's: its safer than living alone, less drama, can have a shoulder to cry on (lol jk.)

cons: privacy (not as easy to run around the house in your underwear when getting ready :P (or is it just me that does that?) )

yes I reckon you should do it.

[jenni_ms]

Lol I definitely don't run around naked when getting ready. And as far as privacy, they said if ever I close my bedroom door, they'll take that as me saying "Leave me alone!" so they won't knock or bother me until my door is open again lol! I don't know if that's true but I have until summer to decide. Thanks for your input :-D

[WaywardVagabond]

I live with three guys and and two girls. I am not currently living in the states but it is super common here in the UK to have co-ed apartments. It wouldn't concern me at all if a gut lived with other girls. The guy I'm interested in lives with three girls and it's never been a problem.

[LJHam]

Having males roommates is fine. In college I was the only female in a house of 5. I too get along better with guys than girls. Even after college I lived for over a year with another male roommate. Their potential girlfriends shouldn't have a problem once they spend in your place and see there's nothing going on between you and the guys you room with.

[confusedgirl239]

If you really feel comfortable living with these guys then I think it's okay. I think it's a better alternative to living alone, although I do think it would be better to live with two girl roommates than two guys. It seems like you trust these two though and as long as all of you know where you stand in the event that any situation comes up, I think it's fine :)

[TheUglyOne]

This sounds like a good arrangement.

Personally I wouldn't have a problem, unless she tried to keep this knowledge concealed. If she is open about it in the early stages (not necessarily first date) then I'm confident enough in myself to be okay with it.

[ketfoen]

Go for it, living on your own is a big step, having 2 trusty male roommates sounds like a good help. If you do ever meet someone, explain to them the situation you live in first before they become your boyfriend and if he accepts it in the beginning and later has a problem with it, then he would need to ask you too move in with him or for ever hold your peace. :)

[sweet_18]

I think it sounds like a good idea. Only problem is that if you get a boyfriend, he's gonna have a problem with the fact that you live with two other guys.

[jenni_ms]

I thought this too but I don't see what the problem could be? I guess it's just a guy thing I don't know.. Thanks for your response :)

[ArtistBboy]

After meeting the guys, I think it would be based on my opinion of their interactions. If it was a lot of grab ass or even how the french "kiss" each other goodbye, I would be a little skeptical that this was a true friendship. Else, I really don't think I'd give a rats ass. And I definitely would understand, in this economy we're all lucky to be anywhere away from grandma's basement.

[finklelacesout]

I would do it. If it's two guys who are like brothers, great friends, or fake cousins lol. I would have no problem if my boyfriend lived with another girl. It's called trust, it's a necessity in a relationship. I have guy friends that I'm close too and their girlfriends usually are not threatened...Usually. Anyways the cons hmm lets see the only one would be sleeping with one of them, and I think we already got that out of the way. You're not attracted to them so hey do you. Even your mom will feel safe with you being with them.

[Shyscot]

I did it a uni. A girl stayed with me and3 other guys in a large flat. Was never a problem. I think if you asked the girl now she would say she enjoyed it. She got to relax and be herself with none of the problems you get when girls live together.

I can't say there were ever any issues.

[Anonymous]

i did it before and it worked out great, wasn't no problems with my guy or his girl.. they knew it was just us as best friends being roomies. the only problem we had was when me and my guy broke up and they had been friends just as long as we had, my ex still came around made things really weird and I finally moved out.

[miss67]

I have had many male roommates... its cool... I love it women are bjtchz and if you do date they will probly try and steal your dude lol... if he does date jus welcome here and give them there privacy and the livn room so she feels good and ask the same vise versa I thnk its better with dudes lol... I actually ended up together with one because we reallylreallylovd each other

[thisusername2]

I had two male roommates before and it was not different then when I had two female roommates. I would not have a problem dating a guy who had a female roommate. I am not paranoid.

[cvb19952]

Guys are way easier to live with that girls. way less drama, just don't start dating one of them!

[jenni_ms]

Yeah that's what most people's concern is for me.. I really don't think anything like that will ever come up, but I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed! lol :-)

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend lived with her best friend and her boyfriend and her boyfriend's other friend so there were two girls and two guys.

I was uncomfortable with it for awhile, but I got over it. I don't think its bad when there's a group thing going on. Now one guy and one girl living together and being "just friends" ha ha yea.. no. Unless one was a painfully obvious homosexual, I can't see how any significant other would be OK with that.

[takeitnow3]

I think you should do it and I think you want to.

You've known them for a while and you trust them.

Dont worry about if you or they start dating someone..that is a what if

[igotapoosy]

Go with your gut feeling! go for it if you want to, you can always move out if it doesn't work out for you.

[justme20]

guys are DISGUSTING! I wouldn't based on that but its your choice!

[musicbrain5]

Oh tell me about it, lol... I grew up with 4 brothers!

[justme20]

LOL I lived with a guy freshmen year in the dorms (rommates bf) and my god he was gross. I've gone to guys houses before and to parties and they are all messy

[musicbrain5]

We all shared one washroom too. They all shaved in there... Boys are gross.

[ArtistBboy]

If a guy were clean according to the standards set-forth by the word "clean"... Well, he'd just be weird. But an organized man is a rare find.

[justme20]

are you kidding me? My dad and my boyfriend are clean freaks! Men need to be clean and its not weird. You think a girl wants a messy, gross guy? No

[jenni_ms]

Honestly, one of them is cleaner/neater than me. A neat freak. So he might end up having a problem with me instead of the other way around lol!

[justme20]

wel that's good. I say go for it then. My boyfriend is OCD and freaks out about little messes I make lol.. good luck

[bigboi38]

If you feel comfortable and safe with them then I think its a great idea. If I was with a girl and found out she had roommates that were guys I wouldn't be upset. If you can't trust each other then there is no reason to get in that relationship.

[parkway]

All roommates are a pain.

Don't start out with a lie, being cousins that is weak. Sounds like you are lying.

[jenni_ms]

Yeah, that part was kinda funny. No one would believe that anyway we look nothing a like and plus that's only gonna set up for a future argument if I ever get serious with someone lol

[Blubb]

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't move in with them.

[Anonymous]

Well if you trust them enough and it help saves you money then why not but if you ever get a boyfriend let them know ahead of time that your living with 2 adult males and no I wouldn't get mad or jealous at a girl who was roommates with 2 guys I'm a liitle more secure than that it's all about trust.

[Deft_maiden]

Unless you want to turn in to their house maid. Lol

Bye the bathroom situation will be kinda yeesh

[Deft_maiden]

Btw*

[jenni_ms]

Well they're both pretty clean (almost more neat than me honestly) and they've already said I'll get the master bedroom so I can have my own bathroom

[Deft_maiden]

meh seeing is believing. And have you discussed the visitors of the opposite gender rules?

[jenni_ms]

Only a little but we're gonna get into more detail later. We don't plan to move until summer so I have a while to decide and talk with them about it

[Deft_maiden]

cool good luck :)

[Yeahhbro]

no they may get inside your bed sheets at night when you are sleeping.

[jenni_ms]

Lol! This gave me a good laugh :-D

[PricelessPearl]

I would never move in with guys.. just my preference.

[Anonymous]

Better than female roommates. Girls are utter slobs

[NickInVideo]

A female with 2 males roommates? Should I do it?

Hell yeah, that sounds like a great foursome.

[jenni_ms]

Lmao! Well actually that would only be a threesome lol

[laxbrosky]

yeah, its good, but I would get your own bathroom

[OpenArmsAlice]

I think it could be a fun adventure for you!

[MilaPohstro]

Do it, it will save you a lot of money.

[Junker]

You need female friends. A lot a good men out there want a girl that has more female friends than male friends.

[jenni_ms]

Well, I hope the man for me would care more about me being happy rather than having fake friends for show. I don't mind being single though, so no worries there :-D

[snowboarder720]

make sure you trust them is all.

[boomshakalaka]

do it and send the idea to FOX

[jenni_ms]

I guess it is kinda like "The New Girl" lol

but she didn't know them beforehand

[michael0314]

As long as you have your own bathroom, no prob

[Anonymous]

just make sure you get two brooms

[AaronK91]

If you're comfortable go ahead!