Guys, girlfriend living with a male roommate? Would this be a problem to you?

Question

I have been living with this guy since 2014. We feel comfortable as a roommate so we decided to move in to another place together because the previous house owner was an asshole. My boyfriend just found out that I moved in with the 'same' roommate and he begins to feel suspicious asking why would we move together.

We used to have this girl roommate with us but she has moved to different city due to her work location. Now, he is asking me why didn't the 3 of us move in together rather than only the two of us. Do you think he has a reason to feel unpleasant?

mwin2030 · Accepted Answer

From my perspective this would be an issue for me, not because of any insecurities or self-esteem issues, and it doesn’t have anything to do with not potentially trusting my girlfriend enough, because if I didn’t trust her to begin with we wouldn’t be dating in the first place. Yet, all of that is moot for one simple reason---perception.

You ever heard of the concept that first impressions matter. When we meet someone and learn about them we’re already forming judgments in our minds about them and categorizing them into neat piles in our minds as to how we view them or couples together, or just people in general. It is the perception of what we see, hear, smell, and oft even how we understand that dictates how we’ll behave towards someone or how we’ll even interact with them.

Think about it. In general someone wearing holes in their jeans or torn up clothing---we start to think they are poor, don’t have a good fashion sense, or are just plain sloppy in their dress habits. It doesn’t dawn on us that they may just be dressing down because they like to do that during their ‘off’ hours. They could have a million dollars in the bank for all we know and have designer clothing, but this is how they wanted to dress today; still doesn’t remove those quick perception judgments all humans are guilty of doing at any points in their life when they’re in any given situation.

And because of these perception pitfalls, it would be for this reason, I’d have an issue with my girlfriend living with another guy, moving in with him from one place to another, while she was dating me, because it doesn’t matter whether or not I trust her not to be unfaithful to me, and know without a doubt that there’s nothing going on between them, but friendship.

Because in social circles, amongst our friends, co-workers... et cetera, if the living arrangement got out then rumor and gossip could get around, and such gossip and rumors could jeopardize promotions, your standing with your friends, your co-workers---all the above. It all comes down to the simple idea... just because you can do something, doesn’t always mean you should. That’s my bottom line.

serious · Accepted Answer

Well, I have always been single so the question doesn't apply to me. However to answer your question, logically speaking yes I would say your boyfriend has a reason to feel unpleasant. I mean any boyfriend would naturally feel insecure if he comes to know that his girlfriend is living with another guy.

Nothing may be going on with that guy, the girlfriend may not be doing anything wrong, but still the suspicion will be there, so looking at it from a boyfriend ( a guy's) point of view it's understandable for a boyfriend to feel insecure and suspicious about his girlfriend living with another guy.

Hence as a guy I would say your boyfriend fears/concerns are understandable.

Not only that, it doesn't have to be a guy only. Even if it was the other way round even a girlfriend would feel suspicious and insecure if her boyfriend was living with another girl, I am sure at least 95% of the girlfriends would feel suspicious and insecure if this happens. It's only natural.

musicbrain5 · Accepted Answer

It would be a problem for me if I knew my long term SO was living with an opposite sex roommate, then moved with them to another place instead of ditching the roomie and asking me to move in with him. I'd prefer that he not have female roomies at all. I can definitely understand your boyfriend's frustration and suspicion.

Maybe he thinks there's something going on between you and your roomie. Or maybe you're at a point in the relationship where it would be acceptable to move in together, but you didn't even ask him so he feels sort of rejected. I don't know.

katiesmuff · Accepted Answer

If when you say he is asking why didn't the 3 of us move in together, if it is you him an your friend he is talking about I can see his concern. I might ask the same question: Why didn't you offer your boyfriend a chance the move in with you?

Relentless_Hippie · Accepted Answer

Of course he has a reason, this is highly inappropriate. Also, you're nearing thirty. You should be at the point in your life where you live on your own, not with roommates.

Answerdude · Answer

I had the same problem with my girlfriend some years ago when I moved in with another girl. She was sure we were having sex, so I told her if that were true, she'd get jealous if she discovered us two having sex. My roommate wasn't home at the time and I told my girlfriend that we could have sex right on the kitchen floor and when my roommate came home, she would walk in and merely roll her eyes or something, but she wouldn't be jealous. So my girlfriend and I took our clothes off and started having sex on the kitchen floor. It was winter and just a bit drafty indoors, but we had sex for a half hour, an hour and more, but still my roommate didn't return home. Finally, when I could hardly even get or maintain an erection and her vagina was getting sore, my roommate walked in, saw us and asked why were we doing it on the floor instead of the warm bed. So, that worked for me. Maybe you could try that, too?

bizzz · Answer

Yes. In his eyes, or in any "caring boyfriends" eyes that's suspicious. I feel uncomfortable when my girlfriend is alone with other dudes. Because I know how guys are. If another girl was there, then that'd be different and I'd have no reason to be concerned

Cc1234 · Answer

I wouldn't exactly be thrilled about it. I mean I had a girlfriend who had A LOT of guy friends that she hung out with pretty regularly even when we were dating. I wasn't super excited about that even, so the idea of my SO living with another guy really doesn't appeal to me. Especially if you are at a stage in your relationship with your boyfriend that it would make sense to move in together, then yes I think he has a right to be upset.

kap_nss · Answer

It's a matter of trust. Your explanation of why you move together makes sense. Living with someone isn't easy. But in your boyfriend's eyes you live with another guy. You are doing with this guy what most people do with their wives/husbands. Which doesn't mean you'll get laid with the guy.
But it looks like your boyfriend isn't that sure about that.

SunDevil11 · Answer

It wouldn't be a problem for me because I trust my girlfriend and have faith in her. If he has had past relationships that have caused trust issues I can understand where he is coming from, but at the same time it's a little unreasonable if you guys have not been dating that long or have not discussed moving in together yet

TheWiseOldMan2 · Answer

Ok so you have a roommate that you moved in with from the previous house, your unsure if that was a good idea?
I would keep her around unless she is causing the cops to be called, be loud to late, being unfriendly, a hermit, other than that she would be a good roommate and you should keep her around.

You also said you have a roommate who moved away so he is upset that she isn't around?
Replace her!! Lol

sportyguy720 · Answer

Ok how aboutthis. Would you feel like shit if he moved in white a very hella sexy girl (that would be more sexy than you) and didn't tell you? I bet your would dump his ass in a heart beat huh? But what does it matter to you. You are having lowkey fun with that other guy, since you did technically say you and him feel comfortable around eachother. I heterogeneous you wear only your brain and panties at nitlghe around the house when that guy is there huh? I feel bad for your boyfriend. And don't say that crapy of "religious reasons" that's a bullshit lie. I know religious people who are living together (that are not married) and they are not being looked at badly, but yet your on with moving in with another guy? Ok, now I hope that devil pops out and gives you 2 horrible things. Pregnancy and a STD since you left your boyfriend out of the picture. And I hope he gets a more beautiful and more caring woman and a girlfriend

Saoirse_Nua · Answer

Strikes me as a tad insecure - I would just ask one question of my girlfriend, has there ever been or the possibility of feelings between her and her roommate - I would hope we have enough trust in each other to be honest with each other - IF she says no then fine - If yes different discussion needs to be had but the inference I got from your post, is that you and your roommate where only ever friends.

Blonde401 · Answer

He sounds insecure. If you guys aren't at the stage to move in together anyway, if you are, I can see why he'd be upset but otherwise he sounds a little insecure.

PiuBravoRagazzo · Answer

Well a bit lol
Depends on the roommate, if its some playboy jerk, yeah I would be a bit concerned. But if you have been living so long together I probably wouldn't care too much, I would just make sure to be there every night and make sure nothing goes down.

Why not move in with the bf? haven't been dating that long...

TadCurious · Answer

There was a Seinfeld episode about this. George tried really, really hard to accept the fact that the girl he was dating had a male roommate. But finally he just went ape shit.

Cosytoasty · Answer

I wouldn't have a "problem" as such, but how comes you didn't take the opportunity to move in with your bf?

Yumix · Answer

you have a bf?

abw121290 · Answer

I don't think he does. If he has been the roommate for more than 2 years I don't know what concern your boyfriend would actually have. It's a known thing

JellyBean333 · Answer

If it had been the other way round, would you not feel a bit uneasy or suspicious?

Kuraj · Answer

Weird as shit yo. But again, I wouldn't trust anyone who has an opposite sex roommate in the first place.

chnapo · Answer

It depends on both of you. I suggest for you to show him that he is the only one for you (if he is) and you are satisfied with him. Give him attention and never hide anything from your friendship with the roommate. If my girl did all these things, I would be much less jealous and I would accept male roommate for her. The fact you both moved simply looks suspicious eventhough it can be pure, if you want him to accept it, it will take some effort.

Streamhopper · Answer

Depends on the situation. Personally, I'd probably be ok with it if I knew it truly was platonic. But that's me.

SarahsSummer · Answer

I wonder why you didn't discuss moving with him before you movedeeling " and for that I casn understand his feeling "unpleasant"

madhatters4 · Answer

wouldn't bother me too much as long as i trusted my girlfriend

Flurr · Answer

No, unless you were dating him long enough and he asked you to move in with him but you choose your roommate instead. I lived with a friend of mine before and her boyfriend didn't mindl

1GuyOpinion · Answer

absolutely unacceptable for me because I wouldn't trust him.

IainG81 · Answer

I would not be happy if my girlfriend moved in with another man. That would make me suspicious I don't think he's being unreasonable.

jacquesvol · Answer

My wife had a (closeted) lesbian room mate during 4 years. No problem.

kelvinmed · Answer

He has no reason to because he is not paying your rent or you're not living with him. I sound like an asshole but he shouldn't be troubled like that.

Wingedz · Answer

Is very big problem if I have no idea who he is because I couldn't trust him.

jman46241 · Answer

This sounds like a twisted version of Three's Company.. Yes he has a reason! Why didn't you tell him beforehand?

saintvicious · Answer

can't really say I know anyone cool with their girlfriend just around other guys other than actual family

Primemutton · Answer

Not every man is seeking sex with every woman , if the trust isn't there then maybe the relationship isn't either. Having said that why didn't all 3 of you move?

Tony1974 · Answer

I'd be wary; you may have been with him and lied to me that you never were. I have seen this situation before and got burned badly.

dylansmith666 · Answer

Tbh I'd trust my girlfriend it would be the guy I wouldn't trust.

Anonymous · Answer

You really should have asked your boyfriend if he wanted to move in with you.

masterkamasutra · Answer

he is asshole, not trust on you, control u too much.

Anonymous · Answer

It's his own paranoia and maybe in his head you've given reason?

Anonymous · Answer

Do u have feelings for him?

Anonymous · Answer

No because if she cheats she cheats, I probably won't know about it because women are exceptional at hiding infidelity, but I would refuse to spend any time in her apartment.

mikemx55 · Answer

Wohhoa ! Major RED flag!!

oneadavice · Answer

If my boyfriend had a female roommate I wouldn't trust it, that'd be a deal breaker to me

ObviouslyOriginalMe · Answer

Why didn't you move in with your boyfriend?

scooogy · Answer

yeah, to me it would be a problem

bloodmountain1990 · Answer

Only if that person was an ex then it'd bother me.

AlwaysBelieving · Answer

I'd be fine with it with all that you've posted.

Jan1ssary_ · Answer

Yeah, very big problem for me.

Anonymous · Answer

I guess I wouldn't like the smell of it.

Marinepilot · Answer

This would be for me.

Bandit74 · Answer

I'd be suspicious.

Anonymous · Answer

Exactly why I don't want a girlfriend

Thrifty · Answer

NO. !!!

Guys, girlfriend living with a male roommate? Would this be a problem to you?

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Guys, would you have a problem with your girlfriend having a male roommate?

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Guys, would you have a problem with your girlfriend having a male roommate?

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