Should I Be Concerned About My Boyfriend's Coworker?

Question

Im' a little upset with the wonderful relationship my boy has with his partner at work and I'd like to know whether you think its appropriate, a little sketchy, or completely acceptable. We'll call my boy Tom and we'll call his coworker Laura. So Tom and Laura work as retail managers. They work together almost on a daily basis, so they are on good terms, and occasionally text outside of work, usually about work-related issues. When I'm with Tom and he gets a text from Laura, his face lights up and he just seems excessively interested in the conversation. I wonder if he has the same reaction (or better) when he gets a text from me.I just shrugged this off, still thinking about it sometimes, but never mentioning anything to Tom. He speaks very highly of her and always has a story to tell me about a joke they exchanged, a laugh they shared, or awkward customer occurrences. Well yesterday was Tom's birthday. He had to work and so did I, so I can't do anything really special for him until the next time I see him. I called on my break and left him a short little message saying I love you and happy birthday. He worked with Laura today, and she surprised him by buying him a meal from TGI Friday's, candles in the box to blow out, a balloon, and some candy (including his favorite gummy bears) and bringing it to him at their store during his break. Now, she bought the candles at the dollar store and had to have a $5 minimum for the card she used, which is why she threw in a balloon and some extra candy. He told me about it on the phone tonight, and said that it was the highlight of his day (so much for my message...). I want to see this as just a very sweet gesture from a coworker who wanted to brighten his day.She does not seem like she is intentionally putting moves on him at any time, so its hard to believe she's doing anything to get his special attention. It just bothers me that her gift was so planned and thoughtful. She even bought his favorite candy! It just hurt my feelings that I didn't get a chance to do something special, and now anything I do (including my plan of baking him a cake and buying him gummy bears ) seems like an afterthought. it bothers me that she put so much effort into his gift, but part of me feels that she's just being nice. Please tell me your thoughts, girls and guys! Try and see it from all perspectives and let me know what your opinion of this entire situation is!

lovelyniki · Accepted Answer

You are the girlfriend and if your "Tom" wants to continue being your boyfriend, he needs to understands what boundaries are. Did you ever discuss the relationship he has with his co-worker? Does he ever sense your awkwardness when he receives a text? Usually when you are in love with a woman, the man should feel some sense of hurt/pain in their hearts when feeling guilty. In your story, your boyfriend doesn?t sound guilty of anything at all. Men are so clueless when it comes to these kind of gestures.

In a more serious matter, I would personally take him out for dinner, write him a love letter expressing your love for him when your relationship arose. And kindly bring conversation about his day at work, what was good/bad about it. Read his body language and take note of what he is saying, pay attention to what he is saying that's good about work, and really show interest even though he speaks about "Laura". Express that you are happy that he is enjoying work because of ____ such and such___. Then finish his statement with a.." is there anything I can do that can make your day better?" (Pay attention to his words, facial expressions and gestures; What men don't;t realize is they usually give away answers without even knowing.)

Follow your gut and bring up the fact that you are truly faithful to him. Loyal as can be. If no reply comes from him, that's when you are able to open the question..."Are you loyal to me? Do you love being with me?...etc"

Sometimes men also love the feeling of being wanted by women. May not particularly be just wanted by his woman, but by other women around him as well. An ego thing.

My advice, continue doing you and get answers from him without him even knowing. We woman are so talented and smart that we are so able to read between the lines. So put your already skills to the test and find your answer while you follow your heart.

*A question you need to ask yourself: Why does "Laura" know your mans favorite candy? Why are those topics are even being discussed with each other if they are only business partners?

best wishes to you Hun!

JassellaGarcia · Accepted Answer

Hey Girl :)

Firstly I want to congratulate you for not just jumping to silly conclusions.

Honestly I do think it's harmless now, but I encourage you to be more close and in your man's view. Meaning if she seems to be the one that's in your way, go the extra mile and get your man's attention back to you. Look I don't want to give your man a bad rep but if this continues it might eventuate to confusion in his feelings for you because another girl seems to be taking your place..

I suggest surprising him at work one day and take him to lunch or buy him a few gifts just here and there to ensure that he'll be thinking of what you do for him. If you're in a routine break it and go the extra mile to remind him that there is a reason why he's with you..

If it seems that even through the extra effort you put in there is no change, then you may have to bite the bullet and have a sit down chat with him (not getting too emotional) explain to him what's on your mind and take it from there :)

Good Luck

Coffinspire · Accepted Answer

This is how I was with my best guy friend. It sounds like (at this point) they are just really good friends. I'd watch it though because it's possible in the future that they do grow feelings, but right now I don't think that's the case. The candy thing really isn't a huge deal because he might have ate them at work or she may have asked him what he liked for his birthday. And the fact that he's telling you all about his day (which happens to involve her) really is a good sign that he's not deceiving you.

Brontosaurus · Accepted Answer

If Laura were a 60-year-old motherly/grandmotherly type and everything else remained the same, would you feel as uncomfortable about the stories and the birthday gesture? I'm going to guess probably not. The point being that any context or meaning you're assigning these things seems to be coming pretty much, if not entirely from your end. He is, after all, including *you* in that part of his life by sharing those things with you. Truly, plenty of girls can only wish their guy was as inclusive as Tom apparently is with you.

That said, to me this reads like the classic "I drove her home from the company Valentine's Day party. We were both a little tipsy and we ended up kissing on her front step" confession waiting to happen. The one where he's sorry and asks for forgiveness but admits there were feelings between them they had previously refused to acknowledge and that it wont' go any father and so on. That's the cynic in me talking, but it happens too often for anyone to try to promise you that nothing will ever happen between Tom and Laura.

As humans we hate the feeling of not being in control of the things that affect us, but it's important to recognize that getting kind of annoyed or jealous is a natural and healthy part of being in a relationship. It's how we let those things affect our relationships that truly matter. You can let them turn you cold and hostile toward Tom every time Laura comes up, or you can be happy that he had a happy birthday and doesn't hate everything about his job, while working to make the parts of his life that feature you a happy, special experience too.

stubbsy · Accepted Answer

What you need to try and get comfort from is, he comes home to you each day, its you he is telling how his day at work has been, and although your message was misplaced in transaction, you should see that his behavior is only normal if someone unexpectedly does something surprising, so really, I think they just have a good working relationship together, and allthough it does sometimes spill out of work hours, there's nothing in his behavior that makes me think that his eyes have wondered from you, and the fact that you have a problem with this, proves you care for him, and more so because you deal with it in the way you do, and this is trust, you obviously trust him to be able to express this situation in the way you did, so unless you have any real doubt something funny is happening, then continue to be who you are and keep showing him that you trust him, because he will recognise this trust and know, its because of the relationship you have, the reason you do trust him. Don't let something play any roll in causing a problem here, trust your instincts, you will know if your trust has been betrayed in any way,x

trey10 · Answer

If Tom were really being thoughtful, and perceptive, he wouldn't make a big deal about Laura and her texts, birthday gifts, or whatnot.  He could be straightforward about referring to her as a co-worker, but keep it at that.  Plus, I'd like to know if she's married or in a relationship?  If she is, it would be thoughtful on Tom's part to make sure to let you know that she is taken.  HIs having a good, professional, working relationship with a female co-worker is fine and nothing to hide.  But feelings being feelings, he could also go just a little out of his way to calm your concerns.

Dionysos · Answer

Gotta decide if you trust him first. Then evaluate the situation separately. If there's a good dynamic (team building folks make bank trying to produce them) at work, it's not weird for folks to be kind of like an extended family. The question is whether their relationship is just good between the two of them or if they have that rare gem, a really happy work place and they're just the ones in charge of it.

Given the odds, it seems likely that if she doesn't do the same for all the guys she works with, she might be into your guy. If she is, it goes back to the beginning. Do you trust him? Flattery works well on us dudes. We tend to like having women be nice to us so it makes us vulnerable, but we can in fact, say no. At least some of us can.

SuperCurious · Answer

The fact that he tells you all about her makes me feel like you have nothing to worry about :) it's when your guy is being sneaky or doesn't want to talk about girls in his life that should scare you. I think it sounds like she is just a nice friend, maybe a little outgoing and creative but like I said, as long as he is communicating with you, not trying to hide his texts etc. I think it is appropriate.

ssssh · Answer

You need to meet her. My boyfriend goes out of his way to invite me out to dinner with each of his female friends so I can get to know them and become friends with them too. Its also nice because you will be able to see that there is no chemistry between them and make a new friend along the way!

PhilaPenn · Answer

I used to be a retail manager. The hours are so long that the closest relationship you end up having is with the other people in your store. If it's Abercrombie or Hollister...their is a high probability that they could hook up. Sucks, but it is what it is. Sorry.

ziva123 · Answer

My boyfriend has the same concern for me and my coworker. Here's how I view our relationship (me and the coworker) :

He's like the little brother I never had. We have A LOT of fun, but I'd never in a million years consider doing anything with him, ever!

If you still feel concerned, invite her to dinner. Get to know her. And see how she interacts with your boyfriend :)

thegirlwithgreeneyes · Answer

I would keep an eye on it if I were you. Even though he is telling you about her (which is a good thing), it doesn't necessarily mean that nothing's going on. If it gets to the point where you really feel like either person is crossing the line, then you need to open up to him about your feelings. But until then, as another user pointed out, reacting to the very little that has happened might scare him away and could possibly lead to him hiding things from you.

Trendigirl17 · Answer

Okay, I think you should talk to him in person and confront him about his coworker, let him know that although h trust of his as his girlfriend, you are concerned that've any have some feelings for this coworker. Just talked him and see how he reacts. I think you can tell if he is lying or is being genuinely honest. Good luck

Anonymous · Answer

That sounds similar to me and one of my co-workers. We get along great and we look after each other / do nice things for each other and she has a boyfriend. She tells him whenever we are hanging out and I would never make a move on her.

Personally, I like to believe it is the same with your boyfriend and his co-worker, but I really can't make a judgement on the situation without knowing what everyone is thinking.

kasiecakes · Answer

If there was something going on, he would excessively be trying to hide thing from you about Laura, but he isnt. Trust your man and talk to him about what bothers you. I'm sure you can work it out through a bit of communication.

KJT6989 · Answer

I think she is putting the moves on him! If they already haven't done something! My friend her hubby was cheating on and it was the girl from work he talked about all the time! So I would ask some questions and fast!

harveykinkle · Answer

He's telling you about her so in my opinion that's a good thing.  Don't make it out to be bigger than it is.  I've had more relationships ruined by jealousy and accusations than cheating.

alamkhiam · Answer

well, sorry for the inconvenience you are facing right now. In your case, I feels that may be she is trying to let him pay an attention to her, on others he might be interested with her too.

and hhas ehe replied your text when greet him?

Anonymous · Answer

I tried to read this whole thing but this is best answer

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Simple answer no, it sounds like mutual admiration and nothing more. If her wanted to be with her he would and not you.

nobodycaresaboutyou · Answer

hes bangin her he tells you about her so you feel like you have nothing to worry about

heartsonfire · Answer

That would make me uncomfortable.

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