Why do guys that play video games pay more attention to them then their girlfriends?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a "gamer" so he says and I feel like he pays more attention to them then he does to me. When we aren't together he plays and that's fine but if we ever hsve a day where I'm not working and neither is he then he would rather play his video games than see me. don't get me wrong we do get to see each other but its never really during the day. Its usually at night. I don't mind if I'm working and don't get to see him for the day then that's fine. I just feel like he would rather play then see me. Then stupid me buys him a tablet for Christmas and even while in bed which is the only time I really get to spend with him he is usually playing games on that. I've said something to him about this and hr will put it down for a while but as soon as a game notification goes off or a text message goes off he picks it right back up. He does say he loves me and the time we spend together I just feel at times he doesn't really mean it. I don't know what to do about this or even if this is normal but could someone either tell me they have been there or a guy who is a gamer tell me why they are so important? I'm just getting frusterated like he doesn't want to spend time with ME anymore.

Updates

+1 y

I like playing video games too but since him and I don't live together I feel like he should want to see me and spend time with me. We have been together almost 2 years and this was never really a BIG problem before just one I could deal with from time to time which now seems to be all the time. I understand when you get home from work you want to play and that's fine but if you have time to spend with me thrn why should I see you using your electronics or ignoring me till night time?

Updates

+1 y

He will call me and text throughout the day if at work but at home if he is wrapped up in video games or his tablet forget it

Updates

+1 y

When I'm with him at home he pays attention to,me for the most part but While the sun is out or any time before 9 he won't even ask me to hangout or even say yes to any of my ideas then I findout he has been playing video games all day when he could have spent that time with me espically if I had the day off and so did he. If he had day off or just got out and I had to be at work then fine play all day because I don't have the oppertunity to cpme over.

[Mineymouse11]

See my boyfriend and I are both gamers and we have been together for a year and a half. Now we live together in an apartment and he plays his ps4 day in and day out when he gets off of work... he usually works about 50 hours a week too.. So that barely leaves time for anything really. Now I really didn't have a problem with it when we first started dating cause I get it too. I'm a gamer.. I play non stop for hours at a time. But lately it's been bugging me. I normally set down my laptop and do other things. But it's like I will get out of the shower with just a towel on... tmi I know... But if I even try and get in his way of the tv he would get so mad... even when I'm full on naked confront of him! I do it a lot too since in more comfortable that way but damn really? It's like Every time he ignores it... the other day he told me..."Well im gonna try and get Saturday night's off of work cause that's when our clan war for clash of clans is or our raid on WW2 is... really? like... not because you want to spend time with me or anything.. the only time he ever spends time and actually is with me.. not playing video games while I'm in the room.. is if we are sleeping or have to go somewhere... i feel you cause I love him to death but damn I wish he would pay more attention to me...

[Vterraza]

I am currently dealing with that issue, my boyfriend and I are currently in a long distant relationship and sometime I feel like his one priority after he goes to the gym, wrestling practice, school, e goes straight to the xbox. Don't get me wrong I love to play video games: killing zombies and playing NBA 2k 13 and junk but he takes two hours just to text be back. All of his friends stay up till one in the morning just to play video games and I get frustrated. I bet his friends girlfriends probably feel the same way as I do.

[Anonymous]

maybe it'd be best to work out a schedule where he gets 'down time' to play the game and not text for awhile (whatever time seems reasonable) then after that or before that is time for you guys to talk. It seems like he needs to not be so invested in the game. It sounds like it's a bit of an addiction for him. I was addicted to a message board once so I know exactly how he feels it's just a matter of setting aside time for other things and not feeling tied to doing that all the time at the detriment of other things.

[Asker]

See if I'm at work for the day he can play all he wants and he does. When he,gets home before I get out of work or before I come over he plays then when we both have a day off instead of us seeing each other before bed time he plays instead of choosing to hangout with me.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean this sounds like a deal breaker. It's like he squeaks in time with you in between gaming that's not really working is it? I'd be different if it was the other way around but it's clear gaming is his real priority.

[Asker]

Well he tells me that I use to play with him and I say that's because it wasn't all the time and it was also because you use to hangout with me and go do stuff or we use to just drive around till we found something to do and we had fun. Then he told me today before I left to come home and get ready for work...why am I arguing about this now while I'm trying to spend time with you and all you want to do is tell me I don't spend time with you.

[Opinion Owner]

eh he's just trying to turn it on you lol you are gonna have to decide if this guy is worth coming second to him wanting to play video games with his cat. that's what it comes down to...

[madhatters4]

well it does sound like he has a little bit of a pre-occupation with video games. You should just talk with him about it. Communication is key here and the only way to resolve it is to talk to each other... Also no offense but buying a guy you don't want to play video games a tablet is like buying a recovering drug addict a bag of cocaine and being surprised when he relapses.

Just talk to him. Tell him that when you both have days off you'd love to be able to do something special with him. Also maybe discuss boundaries (ex. no video gaming while he's in bed with you). But if you two really are good together you should be able to communicate your needs and be prepared to hear how he feels and what he has to say.

p.s... I often times feel self conscious playing video games around my girlfriend concerned she'll feel exactly what you're feeling.

[Asker]

I would rather he play them around me or with me because he is at least spending time with me. I feel when he,has time to spend with me and chooses video games instead of me I have ussues like he doesn't want to or like spending time with me. Pn top of that I have talked to him and he tells me that I'm complaining yet ruining the time we are spending together because of this issue insted og using the time we have right now.

[madhatters4]

you want him to play around you so at least he's around but it also makes you feel inconsequential when he does. you want it both ways but ultimately you want to feel significant in his life. I think your best bet is to draw some boundaries (ex certain amount of time he spends gaming when he's around you). make it clear that videos games can not be his pre-occupation...if that doesn't work you should consider if dating a gamer really works for you

[PhilaPenn]

@Question asker...he can't get away with that all the time. Part of being in a relationship is having to do stuff you don't want to do. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing because I just had this same damn conversation with my brother like 2 says ago. Men and women are different, just have compromise. That's gonna be every guy out there. Just if he likes you then he won't choose his video games and his friends all of the time. It'll be like 50-50.

[Asker]

Right but to him even if I came over just to sleep we are "spending" time together and it shouldn't matter what we are doing. I get that but he should want to do something other than video games and want to be out with me during the day because he says I never dress up and look nice except holidays and I said well if all I'm doing is coming over to sleep it shouldn't matter because you don't want to do anything with me during the day you just want to play video games all day then have me over.

[PhilaPenn]

I've wanted to ask women this question for a while...what do you guys really mean by "spend time". You just want us to be around you, like up under you ? Even if we're not doing anything in particular but watching TV. Or not talking about anything particularly important? Why do women haver a need for guys just to be a few feet from them all the time, even if nothing important is happening. I mean, I'm cool with watching "a" movie or sleeping in late on a Saturday. But, why do I have to be around you 8 or 9 hours at a time...when we're aren't really doing anything at all?

[Asker]

What I mean is if we are both not working for the day then come do something with me for the day then later when we go to your house you can play video games or even ask me to play but don't ignore me all day then have me come over to go to bed for the night just to finfout you were playing video games all day when you could have come and done something witj me

[PhilaPenn]

Lol. Okay, I feel you. I can see why you'd be pissed. But truthfully, I've been guilty of similar behavior. Sometimes, you have other stuff to do during the day or maybe you'd rather be out with your friends and you may not answer the phone until the evening. There are times when you'd maybe rather not spend the whole day with your girlfriend. I don't think that it means that you don't love her but every once in a while a guy needs a day off. But it is kinda messed up.

[Asker]

I get that but here is an example...yesterday when we woke I asked him if he wanted to come with me to get my paycheck then stop at a store then dinner. We woke up at like noon. He tells me well my cousin is stopping through then my friend eric. I'm thinking how did all that go down this morning already. Well I told him ill be going to get my check at 3. He tells me well call me after you are done so I can let you know where I'm at.

[Asker]

Phila after I called him he said 630 dinner? I said I'm not even near town. Then I said that's fine. After he gets in the car he starts are conversation with...while eric and I were playing starwars. I'm thinking really our day off and you wanted to play video games instead of seeing me? OK I could see if you had things that needed to get done like laundry or cleaning your rpom but video games over me?

[PhilaPenn]

I mean, I feel you. I can see how that sounds bad to a girl. But, I can also see how a guy could end up in that situation. Lol. I have to laugh because my brother and I have been in that same situation. Where, we'll be watching YouTube and someone's girls will wanna do something that involves going out somewhere you really don't wanna go. It sounds bad when you say it out loud but for real, guys usually don't want to go shopping with their girlfriend. It's boring. But he can't do that all

[Asker]

Its not even that he won't want to go do something with me but he will have an excuse about why he can't go do something with me and then I find out he played video games over chillin with me. Like he makes up stuff all the time and it wouldn't be a problem if the excuses didn't lead to vidio games for the hundredth time. I mean we could go do something he wants to do but if it doesn't involve video games he won't leave the house because he tells me we don't have to go do something to spend time togeth

[PhilaPenn]

Smh. He just really, really likes video games. Honestly, there are worse things. He could be lying something bigger. He's just in love with his games. I would say, talk with him and make a deal that he can play his games and kick it with his friends IF he promises to take you somewhere you want to go to do something that you want to do like once a week. That's fair. If he can't do that, then maybe he's not mature enough. But if you can't live with the video games at all then it might be over?

[Asker]

I don't mind the video games because I like playing here and there too but it doesn't consume my life. Plus when I do try to talk to him about it he says why would you try and fight when we ate spending time together and that's what I'm trying to do not fight ypu are just wasting the good time we have to spend together instead of being happy that we are together spending time

[PhilaPenn]

Basically, you are saying that you wouldn't mind not going out IF he wasn't playing video games. This is crazy. One of my favorite tennis players had his model girlfriend break-up with him because all he did was practice, play tournaments, and played playstation. Can't remember if it was Halo or Call of Duty. His name is Andy Murray, he's extremely famous and wealthy in the UK. But even HIS girlfriend got fed up with his game habit. I'm not into video games, so I don't get it.

[Asker]

See if it was part of his job or he was a perfessional then I would get it. But what the big picture is isn't the act of playing video games it the act of choosing them instead of choosing to spend time with your girlfriend. So I could see we hangout and go do something or stay in then I go home and he plays that's fine or I call him and he says he's playing video games we can do something later id be fine with that but just don't put me off till the last possible point in the day so its bed time.

[PhilaPenn]

Things could be better. But they could be worse too. Is this an absolute deal breaker? Ask yourself if its worth going back into the world of dating over this. If so, then you have your answer. If not, then I guess you have to learn to be cool with it. Like I said before, I'd try to tell him that you want one day a week where you guys go out somewhere or do something together. No video games or computers. I think that's fair. If he can't do that, then he's just not feeling you like that.

[Asker]

We have date night once a week but that's only if he feels like it or if he doesn't have to work in the am because his definition of going out is to a bar or club to get some drinks. Its not like we even go to the movies and dinner is rare. It just sucks because I thought I ment just as much to him if not more than his video games. Its not even a friend issue because he tells his friends that if he's not working he is spending time with me so they don't ask to chill unless I'm working for the night.

[Racez]

It's not that we pay more attention to videogames but rather, videogames gives us the temporary pleasure of having power, authority and might that are not really blessed to us in reality.

Video games also provides us with challenge and exhilirating experiences that are not present in reality.

And, playing video games also has its advantages because we can't have time to see other women thus preventing us from cheating with our girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

A boy that spends more time with his games than his girlfriend when she is around, is just that, a boy. A little growing up is typically necessary as I don't know any man that would pass up all that time with his girlfriend to be on a game. He could be doing other things, like ya know, kissing and having sex with you?

[Opinion Owner]

I love videogames. I'm actually quite good at them and enjoy playing a lot. But since my boyfriend and I don't live together, when he sees me, all his attention is on me. Doing things together. Going to eat, cuddling while watching TV, and occasionally video games together. If I'm not interested in an activity, he won't do it while I"m there because he wants to spend time with me.

[Asker]

im the same way I like playing too but then when I do get to see him its never early enough to do any of those things because he spent all day playing video games.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm reading through your comments, and I think you should seriously reconsider your relationship with him. You're clearly not a priority and I'd be so frustrated if I were you. If he wants more time with his friends and video games, then give it to him. He'll regret it when you're with a real man.

[Asker]

that's kind of what is ex did to him but they live together. when they weren't together it was in time to play video games but when they were both home together they were supposed to spend time together. his excuse was that he never had enough time to play because by the time you got home from college he would take the subway and so it only gave him a few minutes who plays or hang out with his friends. she pretty much told him oh well if you can't manage your time not my fault.

[Opinion Owner]

lol so this has been an ongoing problem in his relationships. I wouldn't waste any more of your time. He clearly didn't learn from his mistake before, so don't be the girl who put up with the crap he refuses to change. Video games are his real girlfriend. Leave him be and see how those keep him warm at night.

[Asker]

Well to make a joke when I'm not there keeping him warm he sleeps with his cat so...lol

[Opinion Owner]

Hahaha he can be the crazy old cat guy with his video games. Real winner!

[Mrspayne111]

Well I'm going thro the samething my soon to be husband just not an Xbox and he has been on it since he has it I tell him I want to have sex or just attention after he gets off it at 4 or 5 in the morning he tells me bez tiered but he was just wide awake playing the game yes don't vet me wrong I play with him but I do have needs as woman then he gets mad wen I get sad and depressed and talk about it and try to get a man view or opinion about it and makes me feel like shit and I was wrong and stuff he works nights so there's really us time he goes to work at 2pm and gets home at 1130pm yea I stay up til he gets in but he goes right for the game I even try to be sexy to give him hints that I want some and time was naked and he didn't even make a move I don't know what to do he was off sat. and sun. and he played the game until late morning now I feel like the game is more Important than me even tho I play I feel like I'm not good enough anymore and its my fault

[Anonymous]

Don't blame the games, it's only his fault. I would never ignore my girlfriend over a game. I play all the time but I don't need to play every minute. But maybe that's because she actually has interesting stuff to say from time to time, and we actually share some interests.

[Asker]

We do have interests. I use to play video ganes with him then he told me that sometimes it was more fun to play without the girlfriend and I was OK with that until he decided anytime unless its to come over and sleep. I ask him to come do stuff all the time but he says no and then when I message later in the day to find out if he wants to chill he says I'm playing video games (either alone or with a friend). When I do come at night he tells me about his day of gaming espically if he plays

[bDizzie]

Then don't date a gamer. I'm sure there are many guys who would date you that aren't into video games.

[Asker]

it's not that I don't like video games but what I don't like is when he chooses spending time with them instead of me.

[bDizzie]

Okay then find a mature guy with his priorities in order.

[Asker]

I mean I use to play with him all the time but that was when it,was give and take. Ill give some time playing with you and he would come spend time with me doing whatever. But now he,won't even ask because it turned into a more frequent thing and because he will never play any games I ask to play like he use to.

[martyfellow]

Games are predictable, cost very little to play, and won't dump you for another guy, ever.

Those are three ways they are easier to deal with than most girls, right?

[bruvleigh]

i play games, but I never play them with my girlfriend around (if she doesn't want to play herself lol)