Why do women hate unattractive men so much?

[Alonso14]

I understand that they don't want to sleep with them or have relationships with them because they are unattractive, the same as I don't want to with unattractive women. The thing is I never go out of my way to treat unattractive women badly. Women regularly mock unattractive men, or exploit them for their own financial gain.

Earlier I tried to explain to a girl I know how having no options feels and she actually got angry at me for feeling as if I deserve the same amount of dating options as a female. Am I not equal to women?

Its almost as if a large portion of men are now completely disposable to society and the rest of society would prefer if we all just disappeared leaving just women and the men they actually want. I have literally nothing to offer women, they just see me as a waste of resources.

Updates

+1 y

A lot of people seem to be misunderstanding or not reading the question, the opening line says quite clearly 'I understand that they don't want to sleep with them or have relationships with them because they are unattractive, the same as I don't want to with unattractive women.'


This question was more about how women treat unattractive men badly beyond not wanting anything to do with them in dating.

Updates

+1 y

Also to those saying men do exactly the same to women what are the commonplace and socially acceptable equivalent male behaviors of using a guy for free drinks/meals, marrying for his wealth/stability then denying sex, feigning interest for attention/validation and pretending to be interested using the guy as emotional support only to friend zone him?

[OpenClose]

It's generally been the case historically that women are treated as inferior and men treated as disposable. However, you don't hear much discussion about the latter. Why? Being a disposable pawn doesn't illicit much sympathy. Being viewed like a child does.

However, I haven't personally observed such a strong bias as you suggest. People are pretty vocal about women they find ugly, even when it's totally beside the point. When a guy gets up to speak, we listen to what he says. When a woman gets up to speak, the most talked-about part is that her blouse doesn't match her shoes, or she's looking a little flabby these days. (Usually by other women, nonetheless.)

But when it comes to mocking unattractive men or throwing them aside, I agree with what you say. And it's a social color, not just limited to women.

And if you think about it, when we say men are only after sex, it's interesting: He's not "getting" sex and she's not "giving" it. If it isn't a mutual feeling it shouldn't be happening at all. There's no "provider" and "receiver". Sexual innuendo aside.

But when it comes to men's role in traditional dating, this is the case. The two are PROVIDING their time and RECEIVING the time of their partner. But if they both pay for their own stuff, then the man is a cheap loser?

So since the guy has to pay in order to show romantic interest, it gives women a good opportunity to just receive and be on their way. Like the woman who went on dates for months because she wanted to save some extra cash by not paying for her own supper, and we call that "liberated women".

As for the girl you were talking about, I've known girls similar. "I, as a lady, deserve to be told I'm beautiful, and deserve to be treated like the princess I am. All women are princesses." Yet then you turn around, and she's criticizing every guy saying he isn't "man enough" to "earn" companionship. So love is something women deserve for existing, and it's something men have to fight for to "earn"? That's certainly the idea surrounding most of dating.

There's also the "compliment/harassment effect". If Brad Pitt gave a girl compliments on how they looked, it's a "compliment" and she giggles and rushes to tell her friends about "that guy who says such nice things.

Take the EXACT action, but replace the man with, say, link . Now it's insulting, objectifying, and offensive. She keeps a smile on her face, but secretly tries to get as far from this creep as possible, before talking to her friends about the humiliating situation. (Think I'm exaggerating? Google "elevatorgate".)

But, like men, women don't do this kind stuff exclusively to men. Just ask any girl. I've heard the word "slut" come from a man, like, once, but I hear it from women all the time. just read some of this: link

[OpenClose]

So oftentimes, it may be less based on gender bias, and more based on that particular woman dealing with regular emotional manipulation and gossip from their "friends".

[Alonso14]

This whole answer is great. I particularly liked..

'So love is something women deserve for existing, and it's something men have to fight for to "earn"?'

It completely describes how I feel about dating/love. You could go even further and say its not just love but attention, validation, sexual pleasure, pretty much anything involved in dating or relationships.

[Winteredrose5162]

I'm really interested in the "elevatorgate" scenario. I've been looking for the original text of the woman. I keep coming up with different things, one said she was propositioned for sex, another said she was complimented, and another said she was offered coffee. I'm confused about what it was. The only text I could find was the man's response which is completely inappropriate even if it wasn't to be taken literally. I think he could have handled it better.

[Winteredrose5162]

Do you have a link you can share? I'm not for or against the woman because I still haven't read the original text.I think she could have handled it better. I can kind of see it from her perspective. I once met a male idol and was soon being hit on and then propositioned for sex when all I wanted to talk about were the issues. It made me extremely sad and hurt. If I was a man then perhaps we could have had a real discussion like I had hoped for. Idk, my opinion is not concrete yet.

[OpenClose]

Well, I can give you the video I heard about it from. I think he posted a link to the original in the description.

link

[OpenClose]

Basically on a Dublin Elevator at 4AM, a guy said "Don't take this the wrong way, but I find you interesting, would you be interested in coming to my place for coffee?" She rejected. They went their separate ways, but then she created a video describing how sexualized it made her feel, and "Thank you for clearly showing your misogyny."

Most feminists took her side and said the man should be taken in for sexual harassment. When Richard Dawkins disagreed, she demanded a boycott of his books.

[OpenClose]

Saying how she had such high respect for him before discovering he was such a misogynist. PZ Myers got involved, and other big names. And the debate has raged on.

Why? Because a guy asked for coffee. Change the gender of any character, and the situation is forgettable. But it was a straight guy to a woman, and the whole Atheist and Feminist community got involved in this case of "sexual harassment".

[bettsyboy]

I'm a guy of average intelligence, I have been slapped, punched, had drinks thrown in my face and more, just for saying "Hi, I'm Michael, can I get you a drink/Mind if I sit here?"

Meanwhile, a mate of mine who I admit is a 9 or a 10, with a square jaw, abs and all, I've seen him walk up to those same girls, give them a pat on the ass and start suggesting going home to f**k and the girls are almost always receptive, and those who decline always do so politely, those same girls who threw drinks in my face and demanded I buy them another one just for saying "Hi"

[Dbdjdjcjc]

I'm sorry, but no. I'm calling b. s. There's no way it's happened more than once that someone treated you that way by saying "Hi my name is so and so."

B. s. This is the kind of shit guys say to convince others he actually tries to put himself out there. But, I'm wise to you. I'm almost positive you make no moves and resent yourself so much you'd lie about being rejected even.

[Winteredrose5162]

I used to be nice to all guys, ugly or good looking. I noticed over time that I was able to be friends with the good-looking ones because they didn't take my kindness as a come on. While the less than attractive guys would push and push for a relationship and then get mad for friend zoning them. All my attractive guy friends do not give a hoot about being friend zoned. So now I'm becoming more vigilant.

If the guy is acting a bit flirty or might seem like he wants more than friendship then I become cold (not mean, just indifferent) to him. If they guy doesn't give a hoot and is able to treat me like one of the guys then I become more friendly. In both cases, both knew I had a boyfriend.

The guys that tend to be flirty or push for more even at first meeting and knowing I have a boyfriend tend to not be good looking. The guys that are able to friend-zone me once finding out I have a boyfriend tend to be good looking.

To another person it might seem like I am just being indifferent to the less attractive ones and more friendly to the attractive ones, but that isn't the case.

p.s.

Perhaps some girls forget that not all less attractive guys are like this and just stereotype them. I still wait till I find out how their personality is.

p.s.s. You're not unattractive. You're good looking.

[why-makoto-kun]

This is a great answer.

[Alonso14]

As I've said to others this isn't about women reacting cold or indifferent to unattractive men, by all mean do that rather than lead them on. Its more about women who do the opposite.

As for the last part, if that was true I wouldn't be here asking this question.

[Winteredrose5162]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Additionally, some might find my actions mean where I find them indifferent.

[why-makoto-kun]

It makes me sad that QA thinks women don't find him attractive but when several real women compliment him, he doesn't accept it as true. Once you start believing us, QA, I think things will be better for you. :)

[Winteredrose5162]

I completely agree makoto, I think his problem is more of low-self esteem. There are so many that find him attractive!

[Alonso14]

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' is a true statement. 'Intelligence is in the mind of the possessor' is also a true statement. It doesn't help someone who is mentally retarded pass exams though. Similarly the first statement doesn't help me at all, its just an empty phrase that is used to console unattractive people.

I don't put much faith in what people say about me on the internet, whether its positive or negative, they aren't likely to give their real opinion.

[Winteredrose5162]

Just because both statements are true doesn't mean they relate in the same way. Beauty is far different. I'm obviously not the most beautiful woman in the world but for some reason my boyfriend, because he sees me through love, sees me as the most beautiful woman in the world and goes through hell and high water to do whatever he can for me. He would gladly be whipped to the extreme if I were to take advantage of his feelings. But I don't. I am not the most beautiful, but in his eyes I am.

[Winteredrose5162]

I used to think I was hideous in fact. I thought I was downright extremely unappealing. I still think I am average looking in general. But I know to at least one person I am beautiful. To me, that one person is all that matters. Why does it matter if all of society finds you attractive? If one special person found me attractive, then I'm happy. Why would so many people lie about how attractive you are? The chances that nearly 100% of us would be lying...is extremely unlikely.

[Alonso14]

Its different when you use your boyfriend as an example though. Do you think he thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world when he first looked at you? Sorry, but probably not.

I need to conform to societies expectations of attractiveness because if I don't I will never have options. No woman will actually desire me, they will only settle, because I am unattractive. This puts me in a far weaker position in the relationship as she doesn't really want me in the first place.

[Alonso14]

The chances of everyone lying are pretty high when you consider they are conditioned to be nice to strangers. They won't come here and insult me because it would make them feel guilty. If I was attractive I wouldn't have been bullied in school for being ugly. If I was attractive I wouldn't have had so little options with the opposite sex my whole life. If I was attractive I wouldn't even be here posting this.

[Winteredrose5162]

Lol! I was told on here that I was ugly. I don't think I'm ugly nowadays but that's what I've been told. Perhaps I am. Here I'll make myself unanon. I feel like I'm not the worst looking person here but I was still picked on for my looks recently. I was also bullied for being unattractive. My boyfriend liked me for 4 straight years since the moment we met and then we dated. He didn't date any other girl in that time period. I don't know if he thought of me the same then but it'd be nice to think that.

[Winteredrose5162]

I know a guy that is really really good looking. He did a bit of modeling actually. However, he has never had a girlfriend at the age of 23. Girls will start talking to him and then are turned off. He doesn't know how to talk to women. He has been sending me "hey" once a week for 3 straight years. This is our convo, "hey, hey, what's up? Me:doing blah blah, you? Him: nm" End of convo. I've tried to have a real conversation but it doesn't work with him. I'm not saying you're like this, but there

[Winteredrose5162]

numerous factors that make a person appealing or unappealing.

[Winteredrose5162]

and honestly, there may be a girl who is yearning for you right now but you can't see her either. There probably is. We all find you good looking. Statistically there are at least a handful of girls that find you good looking but you might not see them.

[Alonso14]

Well I can say for sure that that isn't a factor for me. Having experimented with making fake online dating profiles I can say for sure that I can get a lot of interest from women if they believe me to look like a male model. This is why I'm so adamant that my lack of options comes from my appearance. Why am I suddenly desirable and datable when I only change my appearance? I admit that online dating is probably much more about looks than anywhere else but I still think its very relevant.

[htarmort14]

I think you are being overdramatic. Will you could become cynical I guess. Anyways, society dictates our perception and you probably met women gold digger/user. There is always going to be jerks (men and women) in the world. Look, a wealthy man can accept a woman is using him for money because he is using her for sex/beauty. You pay for what you get. Sometime, the item is good condition and someone time the item is bad condition. A guy who choice to give free things, married attractive girl (knowing they are good digger), or willing to be in the friend zone CHOICE to do it. NOONE GRAB THEIR HAND AND MAKE THE GUY DO ANYTHING HE DOESN'T HAVE THE FREE WILL TO WALK AWAY. He had a choice and he took his chances knowingly. Do you sue or complain a casino for losing money? Someone did and the lady lost because she had a choice to put her name on the do not call list, say no to free limo rides, say no to hotel/casino and she still choice to lose all her money.

Don't blame people for the choice someone makes. It happens, you can choice to make the same mistake or question people disorder but it is what it is.

This is only my 2 cents.

[Alonso14]

Unattrtactive men have no options though. They take what they are given or get no one at all. Hardly a decent choice is it. You make it sound as if I could just choose to ignore the women who seek to use me and go for women who actually want me, there are no women who want me, understand?

[htarmort14]

There are a couple billion of people in the world. Once you give a chance to at least 1000 other people, then let me know if you don't find someone. Even this guy is married so I don't see it is the looks. More like attitude flaws. link

[Alonso14]

What does 'give a chance to 1000 other people' even mean? What are you suggesting I do?

So you don't think that their marriage has anything to do with him being a world famous motivational speaker and author? Whether she's there for the money, notoriety or because she admires his success doesn't change that if he was a regular guy she would have been unlikely to go for him. Maybe I'm just cynical but I bet he wouldn't have had an easy time getting married if he was just a regular guy.

[htarmort14]

I think it is unfortunated that you are cynical and don't have much self confident. It is confident vs money. Too bad it is more of your attitude. It is not my atttiude so I could care less. Oh well, your issue. Just wanted to help but I can't help someone who is too negative and sensitive.

[Alonso14]

I don't really give a sh*t about money. I just want to be attractive. I just want to know what you mean by 'give a chance to 1000 people'?

[htarmort14]

If someone reject you then move on to the next one. If you believe you are unattracitive that means you should give more people a chance because someone could see the attractive side of you and that means you might have to meet more than 1000 (just a number) before you find someone who understand you. I don't care if you don't care about money. However, money makes the world go around and we all know who has to pay taxes and the such. If you want to be attractive, you need to work on yourself.

[htarmort14]

You might need new clothes, skincare line, and whatever else but unfortunately for you, nobody online is going to come to your house and force to change. I really think it is your attitude that you need to work on because if you don't like yourself/look/etc then who do you expect will. Even if they believe you are attractive but you don't believe it, then it is YOUR ISSUE.

[Anonymous]

Well... The thing is, that kind of sounds like the truth, I mean, that they are treated that way. I don't know why, really... I mean, there are a lot of messages out there for women nowadays, saying, "Every body is beautiful," but there aren't ones like that for men.

Perhaps your friend snapped at you because she felt that you were insinuating that no one would want her? Maybe she feels insecure about dating and she felt that you were putting her down?

But then again, it could also be that a lot of men sound as though they feel they deserve women, not just deserve options, but I mean, that women HAVE to like them or else. I'm not sure why there are guys like this ("Will you go out with me? No? Well, you're ugly anyways!") but perhaps your friend equated your desire for options as the same issue, when it wasn't?

I hope this answer was on topic. I'm sorry I don't have a solution.

[Alonso14]

Completely agree with the first paragraph, women are told the men are just pigs and the problem isn't her, men are told they aren't doing xyz well enough to impress women, even when its clearly their genetics not matching women's expectations.

She was talking about how many options she has, I said I have none and wish I had some. She snapped and acted like I was being some over entitled male who thinks women should just appreciate his existence... kind of like how men appreciate women lol

[Alonso14]

I disagree that its wrong for men to feel they should have options though. Nobody should be left lonely. Humans have social needs. Its not fair to just cast some men out onto a scrapheap because they aren't good looking enough.

[Opinion Owner]

I feel like I agree and yet I'm not exactly sure whether you're agreeing or disagreeing with what I'm saying... What I meant was, there really are some over-entitled men who think that they are God's gift to women, and she seems to have confused your issue with being that kind of guy. It's just easier for people to call out unattractive men if they seem that way than attractive ones, since unattractive men can't fight back. Does that make sense?

[why-makoto-kun]

Both women and men who treat any group of people unjustly have deeper issues. They are not nice people. I would never be mean to someone just because he was unattractive. I might be "cool" and clearly show I have no sexual interest, but friendships are welcome.

"...using a guy for free drinks/meals, marrying for his wealth/stability then denying sex, feigning interest for attention/validation and pretending to be interested using the guy as emotional support only to friend zone him."

These are bad behaviors, but not every woman does them. I certainly do not respect them. However, the last one is tricky. If a girl just wants to be friends and share emotional problems with you, that does not make her "owe" you a date. If she didn't lead you on and was honest about her feelings, then she did nothing wrong.

[Alonso14]

I'm sure not every woman does them. Every woman who an unattractive man can get a chance with is likely doing one of them though, why else would she be spending any time with an unattractive guy? For guys like me every woman may as well be like that as they are the only ones we get to experience.

[leonard7e]

Thank you for sharing your opinion. I appreciate your courage to speak about it clearly. Often, I did not had that courage.

Speaking about rejection and its issues might fall into an empathy gap.

Google: Empathy Gaps for Social Pain

If someones leg is broken, no one would shout "Stop crying around and move on. There are others with broken leg, too!"

However, what happens if someone speaks about rejection issues?
Sometimes I suspect this 'empathy gap' might lead to double standarts.

[Anonymous]

A lot people are mean to unattractive people, for whatever reason. I haven't noticed one gender being worse than the other in this regard. I've seen men and women treat ME badly because of how I looked, and I've seen both degrading other people as well.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're unattractive at all. Don't let shallow idiots get to you, people can be cruel and it's no more complicated than that.

[Alonso14]

I might not be hideous but I'm not attractive. Women find 80% of men below average looking. I'm firmly within that 80%.

I agree that both genders can be mean. Society deems it fine for women to be harsh to ugly men though, its completely acceptable and commonplace.

[Opinion Owner]

No you're not.

And... this wouldn't be the first thing society got wrong, haha!

[whattothink]

I think you are wrong. Many men use overweight women as their easy hookup. Or to see how much they can milk them for since they think that the attention the men give to them is equal to what they use the women for. I know several this has happened too. All but one are quite lovely women. So it's the same for both genders in my opinion.

[harveykinkle]

Because it seems that almost every time I'm nice to someone who is hopelessly unattractive or undatable in some way that they mistake that kindness as wanting to date them.

Problem is that once they latch on to me it's impossibly difficult to get them off.

It is now easier to avoid them than go through that mess again!

[ming13]

I am one of those guys that women overlook, I can live with being friends with women, no hassle, but it gets very lonely when the majority see us as undatable. I am not one of those desperate who cling to any woman who is nice, I know it is never going anywhere so I don't make her uncomfortable, you just used to being single and alone. Not complaining, been single 12 years now so am comfortable with it but do miss the intimacy with a woman. But damn if I am going to ruin someone's life.

[Alonso14]

This wasn't about women who are cold or reject men though. You are quite right to reject unattractive men rather than lead them on. This was more about women who use unattractive men knowing they can get away with it as he has no options.

[harveykinkle]

People actually do that? Weird :(

[Janson]

"why do women hate unattractive men so much"

Probably for the same reasons men don't like unattractive women

[999freakshow]

Smartest answer I"ve read so far!

[why-makoto-kun]

Hahaha. Seriously. And it's not even hate. It's just "meh, I wouldn't date them." And different people have different definitions of attractiveness.

[Shyguy_1988]

Well, not everyone is like that. Goes by the quality of the persons personality. Someone who does not treat people who they find unattractive badly has a much more quality personality to me then someone who does treat them badly. Man or women, both are capable of doing it.

[Deathcabforcutie]

Thanks for not being biased. Guys on here think women are messengers of the devil I swear

[999freakshow]

Yes :D This site is getting very mysoginistic... It's good to see a rational man with a nice answer, one that's not hateful :)

[why-makoto-kun]

You girls are so right lol. This answer makes sense. :)

[Shyguy_1988]

Thank you!

[peace-love-couture]

You don't look ugly...

But a lot of guys do treat unattractive girls badly. I've seen it firsthand, with guys saying rude things to the girls faces.

[Alonso14]

I might not be hideous but I'm not attractive. Women find 80% of men below average looking. I'm firmly within that 80%.

Treat them badly like marry them for stability only to deny sex? Or how about pretend to be interested to get a free drink/meal? Use them for emotional support only to turn around and say they only want to be friends? Never seen a guy do anything like that personally.

[peace-love-couture]

No, make nasty comments to their face about how unattractive they are and then they and whoever else is around will laugh. Whether it's a jab at facial structure, teeth, hair, weight or skin conditions(like acne), I've seen it happen

[Alonso14]

I'm sure you have. I can remember hearing people of both genders being picked on for the way they look, albeit mostly by members of the same gender. However does society deem it to be okay for men to mock women in the street? Obviously not. Its seen as acceptable and normal for women to do the things I listed though.

[aMuse]

Who the hell are these guys? They must be drunk, or it must be backlash to getting a bitch wall, that's all I can think of. Not many guys rip on a girls looks for no reason. A lot of guys do however, make perverted comments about girls they see to their friends.

[peace-love-couture]

Nah, one instance I remember sticking up for the girl. She wasn't a bitch, but she went up to ask them something and they began mocking her. I stood up for her because they were being really mean(making fun of her for being chubby and her acne) and then they turned on me and said something about chipmunk cheeks lmao

[aMuse]

Was this like middle school or something?

[peace-love-couture]

No

My best friends graduated with the class of 2011 and I wanted to graduate early so I did. So I spent January-May 2012 at a community college doing dual credit(I still got to walk the stage though) and that's where it happened. I don't recall witnessing anything like this in hs because they'd get popped in the mouth

[aMuse]

Wow that's surprising. It's not all that common though.

[BoobMan]

Easy explaination, my man. You see, if a guy finds a girl unattractive, all he has to do is not ask her out and he's set. Women rarely ask guys out. On the other hand women--especially attractive women--are constantly bombarded by propositions from guys. One way to put guys off from asking is to be somewhat unpleasant. That doesn't mean the girl is a bitch--it's just that she's ACTING like one to reduce the constant barrage of propositions.

Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

It's not like we are throwing acid in their faces... Guys treat unattractive females like sh*t too. We end up just being another disposable toy to f***.

[Alonso14]

Throwing acid in their faces wouldn't make much difference, in fact if someone did that to me I'd probably get treated better by women :P

Being used for sex must be difficult but its better than not being used for sex. Its better than nobody in the world finding you attractive.

[Opinion Owner]

It would be a shame to lose a nice face like yours (>.>)

[Vandal]

The female entitlement mentality, coupled with western society going back to the tournament species, gynocentric herd breeding model, wherein about 20% of guys get around 80% of the girls.

[OpenClose]

New theories suggest this model might not even be natural for humans, but that it sprung up at the dawn of agriculture due to small numbers of people hoarding large amounts of wealth.

Look up "Sex at Dawn" by Christopher Ryan, or look him up on YouTube.

[Deathcabforcutie]

Huh that makes sense. Girls entitle themselves to a good mate. Guys entitle themselves to any girl they want. Like they deserve a girlfriend because they are a guy an exist in this world.

[Vandal]

In you experience, maybe.

[Vandal]

your*

[Deathcabforcutie]

Lets e honest this happens for both genders. And lets be honest with the fact that te majority of people aren't mean to unattractive people.

[Shyguy_1988]

Agreed, reason it seems that way on this site though is a lot of guys had bad experiences with girls on this site. I've had some too but I'm not going to blame people for them and be biter about it and generalize.

[Deathcabforcutie]

For real. It's strange that guys seem to be more bitter than girls on here.

[Alonso14]

Its not really strange when you consider that society deems it far more acceptable for women to use unattractive men than it is for men to do the same. That and females generally have far more options making them much less likely to be used.

[Deathcabforcutie]

HA because men never use unattractive women. They always go for the ones they're attractive to. Excuse me but don't complain about how women have it good until you've stepped into their shoes. I KNOW I don't understand a mans perspective you should realize you can't understand a woman's. complaining about it only is going to bother you more.

[Alonso14]

I never said men NEVER use unattractive women, my words were 'society deems it far more acceptable for women to use unattractive men than it is for men to do the same'.

And I might not be able to experience life as a woman but I still have the ability to observe them. I know guys my age who are kissless virgins but I don't know a single girl my age who has never had a boyfriend.

[Deathcabforcutie]

Are you being serious? Seriously. I can say being hit in the balls isn't so bad because I've observed it happening. Secondly, I was not aware women were obligated to please men and make them feel good about themselves. It's not our job to fill in your girlfriend vacancy. I think you're several years older than me but by this conversation you seem sort of immature and naive.

[Alonso14]

I'm sorry but humans have social and relationship needs and its necessary for society to make sure they are being met. Ever read the journals of the perpetrators of the columbine high school massacre? They repeatedly spoke about social isolation and lack of attention from women. Its in everyone's best interest that we come up with a way that peoples needs can be met.

Please don't resort to calling me names or I will just respond in kind.

[Deathcabforcutie]

It's not women's duty to make sure you are happy. It's your duty. That's why people are miserable because th want others to do their job

[Alonso14]

I didn't choose to look this way. Its not my fault women aren't attracted to me.

[Deathcabforcutie]

It is your fault for your behavior. You're not even unattractive but your attitude is. Think of it logically, you obviously don't respect women, so why do you even want a girlfriend, and furthermore, who would want to date you with such feelings?

[Alonso14]

My behavior isn't the issue though. Its not was causes the problem. What do you mean I don't respect women? Why because I want them to treat me better? Hows that disrespectful?

[Deathcabforcutie]

You're made because women don't cater to your whiney attitude and you see them as somehow obligated to like you because you assume you're worth it. I promise you it's your attitude. Like twenty other people have also said this. And if you still dot believe it, just try it out for yourself and see!

[Alonso14]

Whiney attitude? You don't even know me. You've never met me.

How do I assume I'm worth it? Why would I be saving for plastic surgery if I thought I was already worth it?

And finally if its my attitude why do my issues with women disappear when I create an online dating profile using pictures of a male model?

[Deathcabforcutie]

Psh you're whining because women don't like you. You assume it's their fault but haven't even considered it might be yours. Having a flaw doesn't make you a bad person you know. It makes you human! Gives you something to strive to better. I'm sorry you have distorted views on your image, because honestly you aren't unattractive. But I was referring to your personality. You have a selfish attitude (doesn't mean you're bad) and girls aren't attracted to that. You want a girl to fll for you? Sacrif

[Deathcabforcutie]

All you have for her and make sure she is one to do the same. I'm sorry the girl you were with wasn't that way but that doesn't mean she represents all women. And referring to your male model comment, I don't think that solved your problems at all, I don't think you're the type to want a shallow relationship which is based on appearances. I think you care about what matters deep down. But like you said, I don't know you

[bijinbijinbijin]

i don't hate them, I just can't f*** em, we can still be friends though.

Not every woman has the same view of what is attractive though so what one woman may like, another woman may not.

[bijinbijinbijin]

perhaps it is not the fact that a man is unattractive. the man may feel like he is being mistreated because he is just wimpy, low self esteem and he only lets a certain type of woman treat him terribly instead of just feeling good about himself, and not even associating himself with that negative rude type of woman. "You are the Company You Keep" if you wann feel good then hang around good people and accept nothing less. if you wan feel sh*tty, then only let the sh*tty people get to you.

[Alonso14]

So its the mans fault if he is mistreated?

Would you say a woman who is domestically abused or raped is to blame for what she experiences?

[bijinbijinbijin]

totally not the same thing and you missed my point. The people that you attract are a reflection of yourself. If you dislike the people you bring into you life, then change yourself.

[Alonso14]

I'm trying but plastic surgery is very expensive.

Changing from unattractive with no options to attractive with options is a lot harder than you are making it out to be.

[bijinbijinbijin]

no you are stil missing the point. I use to be someone with really low self esteem and I i had no friends and I felt like no one liked me but it really took some soul searching to realize that all I needed to do was change my outlook on life, stop carring what other people think and just cut people out of my life that were making me feel sad about myself. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. And it did take a couple of years but I did it and with no plastic surgery.

[bijinbijinbijin]

change the people you hang out with, change the type of women you are attracted to, change your everyday routines because they are causeing you to have low self esteem. That is what I mean by change. Its all about mindset. And I have seen many average looking guys with super hot girls because when you truly realize what you want out of a relationship, looks are only superficial.

[bijinbijinbijin]

Im sure you have heard the expression "Fake it untill you Make it". well if you trully belive deep down that you do not desrve to have good things like eveyone else (low self esteem) then pretend that you are just as deserving as everyone else. Fake it! you eventually get use to being that person that you want to be. for an example: if you think the type of guy that gets all the girls has to walk a certin way, Then You should walk that way too! it doesn't take plastic surgery to just walk

[Alonso14]

I'm attracted to women primarily based on how they look so why would women be any different? There is no proof that they aren't attracted by appearance.

The only time I see very attractive women with average men is when the guy is rich or famous. Chances are you are overrating the women and underrating the men, most women do this.

You are missing the fundamental problem I have, I don't have options. You are saying that I'm making the wrong choices in which women to pursue...

[Alonso14]

... when in reality I can only have the ones who show interest in me.

Changing my walk won't change this. They aren't rejecting me based on my walk. My face is the problem.

[bijinbijinbijin]

well then you are aslo superficial because I know for a fact that I need more in a man than his looks, I need a man who wants love and a relationship, and the man that I am gonna settle for is one who can accept me and all of my flaws, he is patient, and honest... I am also an independant self sufficent woman and I need a man who is the same... You clearly do not know what it is you want, that is why you are having trouble sorting things out. I know exactly what I want and I am friendly with ev

[bijinbijinbijin]

ery guy however if he is not what I want then I am not gonna think of him as a love interest

[Alonso14]

You on the subject of unattractive men..."i don't hate them, I just can't f*** em"

EVERYONE is superficial. If you do not care about the appearance of your potential partner you probably have some kind of mental deficiency. Whether its natural or built into us by society I'm not so sure but either way the preference for attractive people is there in everyone.

The problem isn't not knowing what I want, the problem is nobody wanting me. I know what I'd like, I just can't get it.

[bijinbijinbijin]

then let me refrase what I mean. My guy has to be somewhat f***able, sex is gonna be a part of my relationship so I have to be able to f***. But the thing is, its not all about appearnces, well not always for women. things that women find sexy in a man are not the same as what guys find sexy in a woman. A guy can have a bull dog face for me but there are other aspects of the guy that can turn me on, and I have been with a guy who my girl friends think are un attractive, but I found his confidenc

[bijinbijinbijin]

confidecnde to be sexy, his ability to take charge, he was a gentleman to me and always smiled at me, I thought of him as a manly man! he smelled fresh and his breath was fresh too, he dressed nice, he was a big guy which is what I like and he was very comfortable with talking to me and confident in his bedding skills wich totaly made up for his lack of face, and actually after a while I didn't even notice that he did not have the best looking face

[Alonso14]

While those things might well help they won't make up for a guy who is completely unattractive. They won't solve my problems. As you said the guy needs to be somewhat f***able, this is where I'm failing. Women do not think that about me because of my face. Plastic surgery is what will change that, not self esteem.

[bijinbijinbijin]

i just told you, it is probably not your face. I do not find sad guys, angry guys, guys with bad hygenine, unapproachable, disrespectful, bitter guys, guys who do drugs, insecure guys, or whiney guys to be attractive.

[bijinbijinbijin]

I can esaily overlook these types of guys, and also these type of guys piss me off because they have terrible negative peronalities and I just don't want to be around someone who is gonna push their negative energy onto me and try to make me feel sad, I do not have the time for that.

also a guy with a stomach that covers his penis may be a nice guy, but I can't f*** him, be we can definitley be friends sense he is pleasant to be around

[bijinbijinbijin]

you should learn how to just be a likeable person, pleasant to be around, enjoyable, sexy, confident, manly, fun! Stop worrying about how you look. most of the time the things you see in your appearence are totally different from how other people see your appearence anyway.

[bijinbijinbijin]

also being sexy is a mindset. you have to choose to be sexy, it has nothing to do with your face, however an attractive face can help boost your sexiness so you can help by making your face attractive by smiling more, naturally and confidently, and the way you can naturally and confidently smile more is to be comfortabl and trully happy with the person you are on the inside that way you can reflect your happiness on the outside.

[Alonso14]

So its just a coincidence that women like men like this link

You really think his sex appeal is nothing to do with his looks?

[bijinbijinbijin]

he is a movie star, not a regualr guy. Also, not every woman thinks Brad Pitt is sexy. He is just a fantasy to women and unrealistic. Just like how guys might think Kim Kardashian is sexy but do you really think a man is gonna want her as his wife? Do you think women should feel insecure about their boobs and butts because they think every man wants to be with Kim Kardashian and not a regualr woman. She is just a fantasy to guys.

[Alonso14]

I think a hell of a lot of men would want her, the same with women and Brad Pitt. Obviously that was an extreme example but women would rather have him than a regular good looking guy and they would rather have the regular good looking guy than an average guy and they would rather have the average guy than me, see the issue?

[bijinbijinbijin]

regular average everyday women can see themselves in rrelationships with reglaur average everyday men. Not Brad Pitt

[Alonso14]

Because they can't get Brad Pitt lol, not because they find the regular guy more attractive.

[bijinbijinbijin]

well I am telling you straight up, coming from a real woman, that only superficial women dislike a man because of his face, other women hate you because you are just a negative bitter insecure, not fun, and superficial person. If you care so much about looks then good luck to you in finding what you want, but looks are not everything. Tell me how many women that you know of are actually married to guys that look like Brad Pitt!

[bijinbijinbijin]

if plastic surgery is what will make you feel good about yourself then do it, but I find plastic surgery to be creepy. I gave you an honest answer but I feel like you are just deliberatly trying to oppose me

[Alonso14]

They aren't married to them because they cannot get them. Surely you realize that there are too many women on this planet for Brad Pitt to have all to himself, he can't keep all of them entertained alone. However they would still rather an average guy to me so that doesn't really help me. It will in 5 years time when women my age start thinking about settling down, then I get to provide financial stability to some girl who spent the past 10 years sleeping with guys better looking than me...

[Alonso14]

.. while ignoring guys like me. Then after a year or two she will stop wanting to have any kind of affection or intimacy with me. Lucky me.

[Alonso14]

I will feel much better about myself when other people are attracted to me, if that requires surgery then obviously that is the best option.

[bijinbijinbijin]

if that is the route you want, then go for it

[CasaNorba]

cause they are perfectionist and expect us to go beyond our human boundaries to change for them

[Anonymous]

this type of truth will only get you attacked brother. women will never admit to it and those men who just come here to kiss up to them will never stand with you.

[stevo1]

They're not all like that. And if you find one that is, trust me, you're better off avoiding them as a whole. But for the ones that do, they're doing more to hurt themselves than they are the guy.

[Racez]

It's because they want to appear beautiful in the society. So as to get attention, they also want an attractive men for themselves.

[aMuse]

I don't know, but I really dislike it when I see it happen. It makes me think a lot lower of those particular women.

[kenp1983]

Ugly people have always been discriminated against for as long as people have been around. Its time to rise up and demand our voices be heard! Who's with me?..."Crickets"...

[Alonso14]

I'm not so sure they have. In tribal societies the mortality rate for men would be much higher than women as they would have to fight off danger and hunt for food, this would cause there to be more women than men, causing men to have a greater value. Society being safe is partly to blame for the ugly mans plight lol.

[ForestCrush]

I know women like that. I decided to just stop talking to women. They can talk to all the brad Pitts out there for all I care.

[Alonso14]

I wish I had your discipline, I'm not able to just ignore them lol

[why-makoto-kun]

So, you're going to give up on finding one out of 3.5 billion people altogether because you perceived a few of them to expect Brad Pitt?

[ForestCrush]

It's their choice. You want to talk to The Brad Pitts, I won't stand in your way so you can "get what you deserve" I've noticed this for a long time and its the point of annoyance.

[hanony]

Honestly I believe it’s a way to feel more dominant. But honestly I really don’t know...

[999freakshow]

Yes, us women are quite the evil monsters aren't we, we're all bitches that use men however we please...

[Alonso14]

That's a nice tactic of twisting what I've said to allow you to avoid actually answering the question. Shame I'm not here to win points on the internet over strangers otherwise I might have been quite hurt.

[999freakshow]

Ah the old ''I"m not here to win points with strangers over the internet'' and the smartass attitude telling me about my own answer. Oh sorry that's my ''avoiding to actually answer''. It's a good thing I don't take irrational insults to women personally, otherwise I might have been quite hurt myself.

[Alonso14]

Where is the irrational insult?

[999freakshow]

''Women regularly mock unattractive men, or exploit them for their own financial gain.'' for one, not to mention the entire question for two.

[Alonso14]

So women don't pretend to be interested in order to get free drinks/meals, or to get a shoulder to cry on, or to get the stability they want from marriage? I just imagined this did I?

[Alonso14]

Although I'm sure asking 'Am I not equal to women?' was very insulting, how dare I question your supremacy!

[999freakshow]

And there's the outburst. You are exaggerating, over-dramatizing and yes you are imagining a bit. No, real women do not do that. Skanks do that. And did I bring up the equality card? No I don't think I did. Looks like somebody's just begging to argue on the subject, and it ain't me. However, I don't like to discuss matters like this with people who can't overlook their own emotions and perceive the real picture.

[Alonso14]

"You are exaggerating, over-dramatizing and yes you are imagining a bit."

Now look at your answer LOL

[Alonso14]

If you didn't come here looking for an argument why did you begin by mocking me with that answer?

You claimed my entire question was an insult, but you refuse to comment on that particular part, are you backtracking on that claim?

What gender are these skanks? Female. So yes women do that. Saying women don't do that is like claiming men don't commit rape. I never said EVERY woman does any of those things, women definitely do those things.

[BoobMan]

"We're all bitches that use men however we please. . ."

Hmmm. . . that actually sounds pretty fun! Where do I sign up? :P

That's how you answer that, QA. Trust me--the results you get will be SOOOO much better!

[Shyguy_1988]

But yes, I just call it like I see it, I've seen both male and female do it, actually around here it seems like unattractive females get treated worse. Bu in my opinion there is more unattractive males then females, maybe I'm a bit bi-est there XD. Anyway in response to your answer +1 for sarcasm. :D

[why-makoto-kun]

Haha really. I don't like this generalization of guys who aren't unattractive claiming they're unattractive and that all women hate on them for it.

[999freakshow]

I am looking at my answer sweet. I think it's a good answer that should have showed you how ridiculous you sound. You did say all women do that, you never specified, I did not come here looking for an argument, I just answered right after I read the question what I felt like answering and posted :) And yes your entire question is an insult, I stand by that statement of mine. As for the mocking part, the question was begging for it, anything so ridiculous deserves the sarcasm.

[Alonso14]

Did I say all women or did I not specify? You seem to be contradicting yourself here, its one or the other, it can't be both.

You think the question is ridiculous, you write an answer mocking me, then say you weren't looking for an argument. Its like saying "I think he's an arsehole so I punched him in the face, I wasn't trying to have a fight though". Obviously I was going to respond.

So you definitely think its an insult for me to ask if I'm equal to women, glad we've cleared that up.

[999freakshow]

I"m sorry are you even reading my comments? I haven't contradicted myself once, you're the one contradicting yourself and further more you're trying to twist the things I say into things I did not say or do. Again with the equality crap, did I start that? No I did not. Your question states ''Why do women hate unattractive men so much?'' It states that women are hateful monsters who mistreat poor unattractive men. Which is not true. It is ridiculous to say that, not to mention incredibly stupid.

[999freakshow]

Not to mention that just by asking this question you are begging for arguments with any woman who reads it. If you can't even see that, I don't know why I"m wasting my time here. I specifically explained about my answer, yet you keep singing the same old song, poor you, oh how I insulted you, oh I"m talking rubbish and contradicting myself, I make no sense at all. By the way, you did not specify anywhere in the question, you accused all of us.

[999freakshow]

If you wanted to ask if you're equal to women why didn't ask if you're equal to women? In stead you insult and whine. That's not gonna get you anywhere.

[Alonso14]

You said "You did say all women do that, you never specified", those are your exact words. That phrase doesn't even make sense. If I never specified whether it was all women then how did I say it was all women? QUOTE THE PART OF MY QUESTION WHERE I SAID ALL WOMEN. Its you that is twisting it not me.

[Alonso14]

You said "And yes your entire question is an insult", therefore I took that to mean the entire question, not just the title, considering that is what you said. If you want to change your mind about the entire question being an insult that is fine, if you don't then surely you are saying that the part of the question where I said "Am I not equal to women?" is insulting.

[Alonso14]

Its also quite funny that you say I'm begging for arguments by asking this, considering with some of the other women I simply discussed the question, the reason we are arguing is because you gave a stupid answer, mocking me rather than trying to talk me round to your point of view.

[999freakshow]

I"m not the type of person to try to manipulate people into agreeing with me and sharing my opinions. Who's insulting now? My answer is stupid huh? It's a simple sarcastic answer. And since we're on the subject, there is a difference between the question and the stuff you write below it. Whenever someone uses a noun without a specific determiner, that noun is considered a presenter of the whole group. You did not use a determiner, ergo it did mean all women, simple grammatical rules.

[999freakshow]

But wait, I don't want to appear contradictory. the part where you asked if you're equal to women was just an unnecessary rhetorical question if you ask me, the title IS insulting, the explanation is just plain out wrong theories of a clearly one-sided point of view filled with emotions which should not be there if you're so ''rational'' and not trying to start arguments. Also the reason we're arguing is because I had the balls to tell you what I"d bet my ass most of the women who read the

[999freakshow]

question were thinking.

[Alonso14]

The stuff below is part of the question, that should be evident to anyone with a brain.

You can present whatever grammatical rules you like, you do not know what I meant better than I do so I don't understand what you are trying to claim there. Its obvious from my responses to other answers that I wasn't referring to all women. This isn't an English exam, its a forum for discussion and giving advice.

[Alonso14]

If you don't want to offer any advice or discuss anything why the f*** are you here? Oh yeah to look for arguments like you are doing.

[999freakshow]

Umm no, I"m defending myself and you did challenge me, I simply answered your question. To me it is an English exam, I"m foreign. And if you didn't specify, it's your fault people are misunderstanding it, why are we supposed to read your mind, when you could have written it in the explanation? And who's got time to read all the comments from the other answers. But since we're on that subject, please fell free to browse through my answers and see if I"m looking for arguments, with one exception..

[999freakshow]

that's ''feel free''* sorry. Since you're such a ''peaceful'' guy, if you want, then fine I"ll stop commenting, my advice to you is: 'Lose the bitchy attitude and you'll have no problem with women. I don't want to further discuss things. However if you keep asking for it I will keep commenting.

[Alonso14]

Yes. My bitchy attitude is the problem. That's why when I create a dating profile using a male models pictures suddenly plenty of women are interested in me, even with my bitch attitude.

I can't even contemplate what I should say to someone who thinks that my dating prospects come entirely down to my attitude. Its completely delusional.

Also I think you'll find that anyone else who misunderstood it didn't then try to tell me what I meant, rather than accepting what I said I meant.

[999freakshow]

Yeah once people start making a deal out of it you say you didn't mean ''all women''. It is your bitchy attitude that's getting in your way. the model pictures will attract the type of woman who only cares for good looks. The fact that you did that, does not speak good for you pall. If you aim for women like that, you're bound to get shot down every single time. I can't even contemplate the stupidity of someone who thinks his ''dating prospects'' don't come down to his attitude!

[Alonso14]

Aim for women like that? I don't have the luxury of aiming for a particular type of women, that has already been established, I take what I'm given like all the other unattractive men.

It was an experiment to test whether my looks were holding me back and it was very successful. Surely I had the exact same attitude no matter who's pictures I used? Why did it suddenly not matter about my bad attitude? Looks are what are holding me back. That's why.

[999freakshow]

No it's the attitude 'looks are what's holding me back, women only care about looks'' that's holding you back. and an internet profile says absolutely nothing! You look normal to me, but your personality is butt ugly. If that's even the real you on your profile pic. My mistake your main problem is that you're looking at relationships from a ''looks are what matters''' point of view, which is the worst way to go

[Alonso14]

Yes its really me. Why would you doubt that? What proof do you expect me to provide?

You say I have an ugly personality but you don't even know me. How should I look for a relationship then? What physical things am I doing that communicate looks are what matters to women. I don't see how a girl could know I think looks are what matters to women unless I tell her.

[999freakshow]

Oh it shows :D I based my statement on what I"ve read on my answer so far.

You can't blame other people, it's the worst thing you can do. It is your fault, I"ve seen guys far worst looking that your pic who got girlfriends. You need to change sth in yourself, not blame others for your failure ! No one cares that some guy can't get a date. You can't get a relationship having such horrible prejudice towards women, you need to lose them before you act.

[Alonso14]

Sadly this is ignoring the truth. As I said before women liked my personality when they though I looked like a male model. Does that not tell you anything?

Furthermore you seem to be under the impression this is the exact sort of conversation I would have with a woman I just met in real life. The whole point of asking on an internet site where nobody knows me is because I realize talking about this is a bit taboo.

I don't blame others for my failure or myself, I didn't choose my face.

[Alonso14]

Unfortunately though from how you talked to me this entire time it has become apparent that you are exactly the sort of woman I was talking about in the original question. You make it out to be my fault, saying I have an 'ugly personality' when you do not even know me. You insult individuals who you do not know on the internet, what do you think that shows about you as a person? I'm done with this.

[Deathcabforcutie]

Yet ts acceptable for you to judge an entire gender? She is simply "observing" like you say youdo.

[Anonymous]

i don't hate tehm, maybe you just know women who are bitches.

[JustinX]

Because women are naturally born mean creatures

[Anonymous]

The exact opposite happens as well but alright.

[leonard7e]

Mh...
I guess its an on attractiveness. For both genders. Kind of feeling entitled to the attractives.
It happens to both directions, sure. But there is another big issue.

Google: Empathy gaps for social pain

There might be people who cannot empathy for others rejection pain. We need courage to speak about rejection and its issues.

I guess, we have to keep to reminder how rejections affects both sides.

[Anonymous]

women are more picky due to evolution

[Anonymous]

Same thing happens to women so get over it

[Alonso14]

Strong answering a month old question with an unnecessary and somewhat useless comment.

[Tw1nm3t3or]

I guess you add to the problem.