Why do some girls allow themselves to be treated like sex objects then complain when no guy respects them?

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand why certain women, not all obviously, allow themselves to be treated like sex objects or act slutty to gain popularity but then complain why no guys respect them or take them seriously.

For instance, there was a girl I saw last summer that I met off a dating site and she was pretty over the top with her sexuality. She sent me nudes before meeting me, not right off the bat but 2 months after we talked. It was still odd because I still hadn't met her. She would also discuss some of her sex stories like I was supposed to be impressed by it.

After she left me, a few months after I come across her profile on okcupid and she answered yes to the would you sleep on the first date public match question. She also posted nudes on reddit that I stumbled across too. This person obviously has no self respect and dignity but yet she would complain about how guys are assholes or just use her for sex, etc.

The thing is I'm not even one to slut shame, but it's like how do you think anyone will take you seriously when you act that way? Sure it might get guys to have sex with you, but after that they won't wanna get involved emotionally because theyll figure you'd cheat on them. Even if that's not your intention, it definitely comes off that way.

Just so I don't seem like I have double standards, it'd be like a guy sending perverted, creepy messages or always asking for sex to women and then wondering why no women wants him. I don't think it's OK for guys to act this way either.

Updates

+1 y

A major part I left out was this girl is insanely hypocritical. Before she even sent nudes or discussed sexual topics, she told me how she was glad I'm not all about sex and that I wasn't a perv or creep that sent nudes or dirty messages to her and then a few days later, she sends those pics and makes sex references. Very hypocritical.

Updates

+1 y

Another thing, so I don't sound sexist. If a guy had to post penis pictures online to convince women to like him or make it seem like all he has to offer is sex, I think we all know what would happen. Just saying.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Some would argue because women believe subconsciously, a man who is nice and respect them, would be friendzoned for being "nice guys"... Only because their brothers and fathers are the only nice guys, and they inherently push the nice respectful guy away, as a potential boyfriend...

Others may argue that because, a guy respects her, he is not a challenge, and she would want to see if the mean douche bag can have a nice side, so she endures the punishment, to bring that side out.

My argument is that she is a selfish cunt, that only cares for herself and what she can gain. A respectful guy respects himself enough to not be stupid and give her everything, but she is willing to endure punishment, if the guy gives her what she wants. much like my situation with my ex. she cheated on me, and left me for a cunt, that bought her a car, a week after they met eachother. so she was a selfish twit. Notwithstanding, I believe that all people are selfish, unscrupulous, and self serving. only caring for themselves, and what they can gain, from another, or any given situation.

[Asker]

I don't see why people complain about being friendzoned. From my experience, if anything I've found it a problem if a girl stops talking to you solely because you liked her more than a friend. I've had that happen a few times.

Yeah with these kinds of women, I've learned the hard way to not make yourself too available to them. I didn't realize it but if you seem agreeable or willing to adjust, women will think you have no life. Regarding the douche bag having a nice side, it seems like women

[Asker]

want and don't want nice guys at the same time, and I'm talking about genuinely nice, not the self-proclaimed type.

Yeah this girl was very selfish. I was a little naive at first, but she was trying to use me to get back at her ex that she eventually left me for. She was saying she didn't wanna run into her ex at this bar we went to and I just said yeah that'd be awkward and she's like no, id just tell him I'm with a cooler guy now. That's when it got fishy, but I overlooked it.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

First of all, that is your problem... Stop talking to GIRLS and tolk to WOMEN. to me, a girl, implies an immature little selfish twit with a vagina.

Secondly, all people are douche bags in their own special ways. you see, people are all about, "me, me, me...". If you want someone, you just have to appeal to their selfish nature. that is all.

[Asker]

Yes it was my problem. I am talking to different girls right now that seem more mature so far. It was just really hard for me to get over said girl in the question because we had a ton in common, she was very attractive and showed lots of interest. I also had a pretty long dry spell so to see someone like that come along was lifechanging at the time. Not that I'm putting her on a pedestal.

I agree though, this girl is very immature and selfish.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Girls aren't mature. Girl= not adult; haven't become a woman yet; does not know what she wants, due to a lack of maturity. As soon as you stop looking for girls, and start looking for women, the better off you are. I know, it is semantics, but, what you seek, you shall find. If you seek immaturity, you shall find it.

Also, the more attractive a "girl" is, the more self absorbed and selfish she is going to be. It is like that.

[Asker]

Totally agree with you. Which is why when I look for women, I play it by ear. You never know what can happen sometimes.

Let me put it this way, said girl in the question acted fine for the first 2 months of talking. Thought she was a "woman" at first and then once we actually met, she started acting like a "girl" and had this mentality of now I want you, now I don't. I didn't know what a rebound was while seeing her, but now when I talk to women, the warning signs are very obvious.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Yeah, my ex, is a 37 year old little girl. I have no time for hot-cold, indecisiveness. Make up your damn mind. And don't lead people on, with your lack of decisiveness. I hate to say, but that is one of the main reasons, I decided to be a lone wolf for life, with no female contact, other than being of acquaintance. I don't even want sex. Sex isn't important to me. I am nearly rid of the base desire for sex. I'm too old for the bullshit. LOL

[Asker]

I'm not opposed to sex. I do enjoy it, but I guess my sex drive isn't as high as usual. I just let it happen when it happens.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

My libido was something to envy. That, with the fact that I am well studied in tantra, kamasutra, and other time tested methods... Let's just say, I know how to make any woman have a squirting orgasm. However, it is not worth the bullshit.

[Asker]

Yeah. Honestly, I think people overhype sex way too much. I'm not saying that out of jealousy or attacking people that get laid a lot by any means, but some people act like the more sex you have as a male, the better you are as a person or there's something wrong with you if you're not getting laid regularly or if it's been awhile since you've had sex. Not everyone gets opportunities that often and it's just a silly metric to compare others to.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

@ Update:

Run... Run like hell! Bad sign. Give me a friend request, so that I can explain to you, why, over PM.

[kheserthorpe]

The problem is her act likely -sort of- works, she gets attention from men who'd otherwise overlook her. And occasionally she may luck out and it goes somewhere.

Anyway, its like asking why nice guys run around doing favors for girls who friendzone them then complain that women are bitches.

They don't understand how the other gender thinks, and feel like if they give, they'll get.

[Asker]

Yeah, it's like just because you're nice doesn't mean you're owed anything. Those guys aren't really nice guys, especially when they have to announce that they're nice. It seems like they're only nice until it doesn't work their way. That being said, I think there's a huge difference between being a self-proclaimed nice guy and then being genuinely nice. Sadly, lots of people tend to lump those two into the same category. It's like if you're genuinely nice, people still think you're a pushover.

[kheserthorpe]

I think most of them are genuinely nice to begin with. Jerks drop the 'nice guy game' by about age 15 since it doesn't work. The self described 'nice guys' are still trying to play the game the way their mothers told them too. "You're such a nice boy some girl will be lucky to have you' along with trying not to be a 'pig/jerk' like other men. They -want- to be nice, and have been lead to believe it will be appreciated. If its not, they feel they must try -harder- stacking fake nice on real.

[Asker]

Agreed. Like in an earlier comment, I think the media is partly to blame for it too. They say women want a loving, nice man, that will do anything for them, but that couldn't be anymore wrong. That being said, I've never had an issue with being friendzoned. If they don't like me as more than a friend but still respect me then I'm OK with it. If anything, I think it's more of a problem if a girl leads you on or avoids you simply because you like them and then it gets awkward when you see them.

[kheserthorpe]

Yup.

Realistically, family and society do a terrible job of teaching young people how to interact with the other gender. Mostly they just pass along what -they- were told, and most of that had little to do with reality, and was in fact 'tell them whatever will prevent premarital sex'.

[Asker]

A bit off topic, but speaking about preventing premarital sex, I was down in Kentucky for my last two years of school which is in the bible belt and they promote abstinence till marriage, yet they have the highest teen pregnancy rate. Somehow they don't see a correlation there.

[kheserthorpe]

Pretty well established. Beyond looking at state vs. state, did you know the teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. is four times the rate in Europe? Rates of sexual activity are the same. U.S. teens just don't use contraceptives as much. Which might have something to do with being told that 'no contraceptive is reliable' over and over.

[Asker]

Doesn't surprise me and Europeans are more open about their sexuality too.

[kheserthorpe]

Yeah. The U.S. is sort of an odd hypersexualized but in denial culture. I'm Canadian, we're almost as bad, probably on par with some parts of the U.S.

[Asker]

What part of Canada?

[kheserthorpe]

Near toronto

[Asker]

Nice, I've only been to stratsford in ontario, across the border from detroit. Ever been there?

[kheserthorpe]

I have, its a nice town to visit.

[Asker]

Indeed, it is. I wanna go back to Canada. I just need to get a passport. When I went, you didn't need one. This was pre 9-11.

[binarybabe001]

Some girls give sex for love and are many times disappointed to find out, that some men give love for sex. The reason why this girl is behaving in a promiscuous and desperate way and complaining about the way men use her is because, she has no sense of self worth or emotional independence and looks to men to fill the void of loneliness and insecurity. she's afraid to look at her own self demeaning actions because that would require her to admit that she has a low self esteem and what attempts she has made in the past toward acquiring a real loving relationship is not working. So, she takes the immature and passive aggressive approach by blaming all men. Sounds to me like she needs therapy or at the very least she should read, The Cinderella Complex by Colette Dowling. Then maybe she can take responsibility for her own life and create some happiness and independence.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

IMHO, I don't think any degree of reading will solve that problem. The real solution is to forget about external sources of egotism, and reach inward. The human is an egotistical creature, and can only strive if sense of self is appeased. Instead of building oneself up, by the whim and opinions of others, one should do so, by one's own achievement and one's own beliefs in their own abilities. OOnce that is achieved, then, there is no question of one's self worth.

[kheserthorpe]

Actually, if she was running in to men who give love for sex she'd be fine.

The problem is, she likely ignores those guys, because she can aim higher if she's accepting men who will just take the sex but aren't that interested in her, and get guys who would otherwise be out of her league.

[Asker]

Well I felt like I was giving love for sex with her and that got me nowhere. Only led to her blowing me off looking for other guys and contacting her ex that she complained a lot about to me.

As far as reading that book, as helpful as it may be, in general no one change unless they want to themselves or hit rock bottom. A bit off topic, but one of my former best friends got into hard drugs and eventually overdosed. He survived but didn't change his ways until after the OD. I told him not to

[Asker]

do it, but it was no use. He would act like I'm some know it all and that I was just preaching to the choir. Eventually I had to cut off contact with him because he was becoming toxic to my life.

[binarybabe001]

That sounds terrible but, good for you. At least you believed these people when they showed you who they really were by their actions and you rightfully excluded them from your life. I had some similar experiences with former friends in the past and did the same thing and I am much happier now.

[Asker]

Indeed, it was for the best but getting over it was tough. I won't deny that.

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

Not all girls are like that. I'm open with my sexuality and pretty keen for just casual sex. Mainly because at this time in my life I don't want anything serious and I'm busy with other stuff in my life, does that mean a man should respect me less? No. I hook up with guys I know and mainly have a friends with benefits so that I'm not jumping from guy to guy (Slept with only 2 guys). Do I go out dressing provocatively? - No. Do I chat up every guy? -No. Do I sleep with any guy that shows an interest? -No. So why shouldn't I get the same respect as other girls just because I haven't put a certain label on my relationship with a guy? That is all.

[Asker]

I know not all girls are like that. In fact she was the only girl I've been with that was like that. That's why I said some in the question.

[Asker]

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with you're doing. You at least seem to be classy about it and not seem like you need to use sex for attention or feel like you're only good for sex.

[Asker]

To make a better example. I smoke weed on a regular basis, but I don't brag about it, put it out there or define myself as a stoner. That's very childish and it doesn't make me who I am. Not to mention that there's lots of other people who smoke weed. I feel the same way with sex. Nothing wrong with having sex of course, but again it doesn't make you who you are and lots of other people do. I even find it annoying when other guys brag about sex or identify themselves by how much sex they get.

[Anonymous]

She may be oblivious to what kinds of signals she is sending. She reeks of desperation and sex seems to be the only thing she feels she has to offer. Chances are, she has some serious issues.

A better analogy is these guys who scream, "Chicks only want me for money" and then complain how he takes them out to $50+ meals and then don't fall for him. People like that attract the wrong element and are also usually attracted to the wrong element. Like I said, I think it boils down to a self worth thing.

[Asker]

Oh yeah she was very desperate. When she sent me the nudes, she was like you wanna see a pic so I can keep your focus on me. Honestly, most girls will get our attention by just saying hi and I'm not exaggerating, nor is it a bad thing.

The analogy with guys that have a lot of money is accurate. If you feel like you need to buy something for women to impress them, then that's a problem.

[Asker]

This girl came on insanely strong too. She would beg me to talk when I told her I was out with friends or going to bed and said I'd talk later. She was also like you wanna talk, I love hearing your voice. While she was in vegas before our date, she said she wanted to hang out with a tall, funny, cute, sweet guy then asked if I wanted to hang out with tall, funny, cute, sweet girl.

I guarantee you that if I did anything like that to a girl, it'd scare them off.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Girls get horny and sexual too. Some could just be having fun experiences. A better strategy for girls would be to separate guys they have fun for sexual objects, and guys they want to respect them. Don't be all slutty and easy with guys that you really like and want to date, and just keep some on the side for fun that no one knows about, then you can have the best of both worlds.

[Asker]

I know girls get horny and sexual too. I'm not judging her for that or for having a high sex drive. What really made me mad was she manipulated me into thinking she really wanted a relationship when she just really wanted sex and then left me for that. I'm not opposed to hookups or flings, but the problem was I was misled.

[Asker]

I also agree with that very last sentence. My thing with her was she would talk about her sex history openly as if I was supposed to be impressed by it and then ask about my sex stories before we met in person. It's like that's not of your fucking business anymore than your sex history is my business.

[Prof_Don]

Keeping your male play toys keys is essential because guys judge a female's personal character really harshly based on the overall quality of guy she sexually gives her body to.

If she gives her body sexually to guys who are low quality dudes overall, her rep is absolutely done for in terms of dating because we will be thinking "She fucked THAT guy? She has awful judgment and character. She's good enough to fuck but not as someone I can take seriously cause she fucks bums."

[Prof_Don]

I don't mean to come off as a complete dick...just letting you know guys think. Her choosing of who she allow to sexually use her body creates a "personal character resume", so to speak.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

That's why women have to be mindful of their reputations. There are "good girls" who have the good girl rep because they are careful about who knows about what they do. A lot of sluts IMO are stupid because they allow people to know about their behavior and then act surprised when they are judged for it like they don't know society. Undercover hoes have the best of both worlds. The image and social benefits of a good girl, but they get wild and have the fun they want like a ho would.

[Asker]

I think men have to be mindful about their reputations too. For example, I've never seriously dated anyone. I've had plenty of hookups and flings, but no actual girlfriend. It's not that I just play women and don't want anything serious, but it seems like the women interested in me only wanted that. I don't go around announcing I've never had a girlfriend or anything, but if asked about relationships I just say I've dated but nothing serious. It'd sound like I'm a player or virgin if I just said I never had a gf

[Asker]

I agree with your last comment pr3ttybr0wn. It's like the way society is, if you announce your slutty ways, it will change what people will think of you. It's just like talking about inexperienced or a virgin as well. Should people be judged for their sexual history or lack of? No, but the way society is, if you announce it or seem like you carry a burden by it, people will judge you for it. There was another girl I met at school who openly admitted she sleeps with numerous guys a day. Same deal

[cahdee]

It IS something to be proud of that a woman can do all of that stuff and not be so prideful as to think she’s too good to please her man. The problem is you weren’t her man. And those guys weren’t probably either. My wife loves when I tell my guy friends what she lets me do or what I did to her last night etc. She wants to be thought of as good in bed, who wouldn’t, but for her husband. Not some dude. She can’t even tell her girl friends because they judge her and try to get her not to do any of that stuff. People are hypocrites and assholes man

[Troian]

I did have sex on the first night, had one night stand. It doesn't mean I was expecting men to be assholes. I never intended to be a sex object. I wanted a fun experience and talked to a guy. Almost all of my experiences were with respect of the others, nice talks and nice sex. I always respected those guys, a few didn't and I never saw them again.

[kheserthorpe]

I think its a bigger issue in the u.s., not that everyone in the u.s. thinks that way, or nobody in Europe does, but there seem to be more more who were brought up thinking 'good girls don't sleep around but its fine for boys to' in the u.s. So they hook up with girls and immediately classify those girls as 'not dateable'.

[Troian]

You're probably right. I see many people on gag thinking that way. I have guy friends, they really don't think that way. They even prefer their girl to have at least a little experience so she never regrets it. I was not judge by my friends for sleeping around and some of them told me they wish they did before getting in a serious relationship.

[Asker]

I don't think having sex on the first night or a few one night stands alone makes someone slutty or a sex object. It's just this girl seems to do it on a regular basis and with strangers too, hence putting out nudes on a site for the whole world to see and openly mentioning that she likes to have sex on the first date and it only takes one date for her to have sex with anyone.

[Asker]

There's definitely special occasions and occurrences no doubt, but like I said it's her attitude and how she puts it out there.

[KBob93]

You kind of have to ride the train you choose, can't always have your cake & eat it too. When I was kind of a nymphomaniac for most of the year last year, I full-on accepted the slut stigma, although it did hurt. Because I wasn't going to pretend that I wasn't acting like that! However, now that it's a new year & I've calmed down, I don't accept that really anymore.

[Asker]

Well it's funny because this girl said that she was a sexual person, but not with anybody. She seemed to have double standards too or put on a front. When we first started talking on the phone, she was like I'm glad you're not one of those pervs that's all about sex. All these creeps have messaged me dirty messages and dick pics. She's said it's only up to the girl when sex should happen. The next few days, she brings up sex and this was before we met.

[Asker]

I don't know if a nymphomaniac is a slut automatically. I mean they can nymphos can be slutty, but isn't that just an addiction to sex?

[KBob93]

I don't believe that the girl has full and only say when sex should happen at the expense of the man. Men have needs too and a decent woman should be mindful of that.

[Asker]

Exactly. It goes both ways.

[confugirl]

Has she ever actually complained about no guy wanting her? I don't think you realize what her true intentions were. Maybe she does not want guys to take her seriously, maybe she only wants a fling. I'm confused here that you just assume she doesn't know what she's doing. But if she has complained, then I fully understand your frustration.

[Asker]

Yep she has complained and that's why I made this question.

[Asker]

Well if she just wanted a fling or no one to take her seriously, her saying you wanna talk, I love hearing your voice, asking to go to my house on the first date and scoping out my family pics, and begging me to talk when I'm busy tells me otherwise.

[confugirl]

That does sound weird. She seems to think that being as sexual as possible makes her sexy. Have you tried telling her this? She doesn't learn from her mistakes, apparently.

[Asker]

Nah I haven't told her and honestly I don't think it'd help if I did. You can't change a person unless they want to change themselves. That's just how it is. Yeah she doesn't learn from her mistakes either. She was playing head games too. She would show a lot of interest but when I would show interest back, it seemed like it made her back off.

[gostar]

society is just confusing. I mean all this media of naked women obviously have an influence on some girls. But at the same time, society looks down uppon those who are constantly sexually active. But I think the main factor is media.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

It is a social double standard brought about, by 2 factors... Male centered society, and the fact that females outnumber males 2.5:1. Males are socially expected to go and conquer, however, females are not supposed to be domineering, and must not be dominated. Neither gender is supposed to be dominated, however, it is implied, any time she had sex, she allows herself to be dominated. Any time, she has sex with many, she has many masters, and no dominator wants to fool with that.

[Asker]

Yeah I think the media is definitely to blame. They encourage sexuality in numerous ways and make it seem like there's something severely wrong with you if you're a virgin by a certain point or if you're not constantly having sex.

[Jsonason]

I think treating people with respect is something I can afford regardless of how many, who or even what they had sex with.

[Asker]

Same here. The thing is I overlooked stuff like that like her being very open and over the top about her sexuality, but it turned out I was being used as a rebound. Another thing I forgot to mention, which is very important, is women like this complain about how their ex treated them badly and once they end up with a nice guy as in genuinely nice and not self-proclaimed nice guy, they end up leaving him either for the ex they complained about or another abusive guy like what happened to me.

[Asker]

I genuinely liked this girl and had so much in common, but it was depressing because she left as quickly as she came and it seemed like she manipulated me emotionally for sex. I'm not against hookups or flings, but you shouldn't lead someone on like that if that's not what you're wanting. It almost made me feel like I'm not relationship material and made me feel like a manwhore. Nothing to brag about, trust me.

[MeMeCrushingOnEm]

Its either she isn't covering up, not moral, doesn't have respect for herself around men,throws herself on everyone person she see

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Strong possibility.

[Asker]

Yeah she definitely doesn't have any self respect, very selfish and uncaring. When I asked her for an explanation of why she hasn't contacted me after she flaked, she didn't respond. Karma will get to her. She's gonna regret it one day.

[Anonymous]

My guess would be because society teaches them that as women in this day and age they may act however the hell they want but at the same time, they want respect. Respect is earned. Not given. So they're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[Asker]

I see what you're saying, but my thing is them acting like sex objects almost makes it seem like they are inferior to men and allows men to be in control. I'm just saying women should be treated equally and I'm all for women's rights, but I think that doesn't help their cause. Like I said before though, I know not all women are like this. I mean the girl mentioned in the question was the only girl I've been with who's acted like that.

[klynn3816]

wants attention..good or bad.. and any kind of attention such as a sex object makes her feel some kind of good inside because she feels like someone "wants" her..she doesn't know her self worth because she probly doesn't love herself

[Asker]

That could be the case, who knows. If so that makes me feel a little guilty because I've said a bunch of nasty things about her, not to her face because she left me without any explanation and would ignore my texts and calls, not that I constantly texted/called her or anything but after seeing the stuff on her okcupid profile and the nudes on reddit, it did kinda sicken me that I had genuine feelings for a girl like her.

[klynn3816]

are the nude pics for anyone to see? (idk what OK cupid and reddit are).. if so..def looking for any kind of attn.. but you can't help who you have feelings for..obviously you two are in different places in your lives.. she sounds young minded and you are a little more grown..also talking bad about her is just going to worsen the situation..causing her to continue her behavior..bc its gna lower her self esteem even more..

[Asker]

OkCupid is a dating site and Reddit is like 4Chan, but way better and yes the pictures on reddit are for anyone to see. Yeah she's definitely looking for attention. Yeah for awhile, I was in denial but you gotta keep in mind I was very hurt too because I was just her rebound and she acted like nothing happened between us even though she initiated most of it.

Regarding maturity, this girl acts like she's super mature because she's had a ton of sex. Having sex doesn't make you better or worse.

[klynn3816]

well..ur better off without her.. because I'm guessing she's just hopping from one guy to another and no ones ever gna be good enough for her..not just you..and she has to love and respect herself before she can love and respect another..which is prob why she acted like nothing ever happened because she didn't respect your feelings..she'll look back one day and realize that she threw a lot of good guys away and she'll regret it now that her reputation is shot...or maybe not and maybe she is just a narcissist.

[Asker]

Yeah I'm better off without her, but it affected me more than I thought. Because she left without an explanation, it made me feel like there was something severely wrong with me, which led to a lot overanalyzing. My self esteem was just at it's lowest point. I was talking to other girls then and very self-conscious about a lot of stuff I did. I also lost interest in a lot stuff I was into for a period. It also made me hesitant if a girl said she was very into me because of her.

[Anonymous]

Couldn't disagree with you more. Thin skinned boys like you are the reason women have sexual dysfunctions.

[Asker]

thin skinned? how so? I did treat this girl right and overlooked red flags most guys would not.

[Anonymous]

That's not what girls are judged for in my book. So I'm guessing its because those people are craving for attention but never get the reaction they want.

[Asker]

I could see that, but it seems to a reoccurring thing.

[Marsupilami]

It annoys me when this happens!

[Asker]

Yeah and another thing that annoys me with my own gender is like how some guys want easy sex from a girl and then once the girl gives into sex quickly, he'll call her a slut. It's like wouldn't that make you a slut too because you willingly had sex with her that easy? It's total patriachy bs and it pisses me off.