Driving anxiety causing major problems?

[Iquestioneverything]

I am hoping some of you can help me in figuring out how to manage what is going on with me.

Me and my Husband and children are going to be moving within two months. We purchased a bigger home that’s almost two hours away from where we live now. My issue is I have terrible driving anxiety and with directions and never drove more than 30 minutes from home in my life!

I have a new job coming with the move that will be an hour drive from home, and I am freaking out! I must take this job and there isn’t anything closer that fits my financial needs. Stores are around 20 minutes from where I live and I will be expected to shop and drive the kids around while my husband is at work.

I have tried talking to my husband and a therapist and tried medications and nothing helps my driving anxiety. I have never taken public transport either on my own I find it confusing and up until now never had a reason to. With driving I get lost easily even with a gps and feel like I am going to crash on highways and intersections and my heart races and I sweat badly. By the time I arrive at my destination; even only 10 minutes away I feel exhausted and drained.
Side streets I’m ok on but with this new area it’s full of busy highways and unfamiliar roads and traffic. I’m not mentally ready to do this but I don’t have a choice and if I mess this up and can’t work we could lose our home. We don’t have much time to travel there on weekends so I can practice the route to work and the stores it’s too far and we are always very busy with life now.

I don’t know what to do and I have nobody that understands my fear of driving.

[Levin]

Hmm, I don't understand what your therapist did, if they didn't help you. But I understand they use very difficult therapeutic models in the US context.

I think you're just going to have to be pragmatic here. By setting yourself small challenges and venturing further and further.

in my opinion, the direction of therapy should have been why you get so stressed out about this and why you have such negative associations with going out of your comfort zone. Also, there are a lot of catastrophising and worst case scenarios. It would seem in your mind this is almost life and death. This is not to trivialise how you are feeling by the way. I've always had driving anxiety. It's mostly gone these days though due to experience and a lot of work. Plus a fairly handy satnav system, which may go some crazy routes, but always gets me home. There are deeper patterns going on here from childhood, no doubt.

[Iquestioneverything]

What are the deeper patterns from childhood? Yes getting behind the wheel when it can cause death to myself or others terrifies me when I feel nervous doing so. Would you be a doctor operating if you don’t feel comfortable performing surgery, or fly a plane if you don’t understand how to do so? The answer then would be no.
I’m trying to find out why it bothers me so much and tips to help it. CBT did not help me.

[Levin]

CBT would likely not help you since it's quite a pragmatic and in the 'here and now' type therapy. I consider it more like a sticking plaster, or band aid as you no doubt refer to it. You would have been better off with Person Centred, in my opinion, but my understanding is they don't really use that modality much in the US, presuming you are from there. CBT is not really interested in the root cause or the stories from childhood.

I don't know what your patterns are from childhood without speaking to you. But the focus would be on what you said, ie that it terrifies you and you feel like it could cause death. Of course, it can cause death. Although a general drive is not likely to cause death.

[AngryCarl2]

The problem with anxiety issues is that people tend to avoid the anxiety-producing activity. Do you drive every day? You should do. If you do you should find your symptoms are somewhat alleviated. If you passed your driving test you are more than capable of driving in any conditions, so you can see that your anxiety is an irrational response to the minimal risks of everyday driving.

Don't just drive for work, do some leisure driving as well. Head out into the country for a picnic, get comfortable being in the car.

[Iquestioneverything]

I passed by driving test but the problem is that was local driving and someone was in the car with me to help me out if I made a mistake. Driving far away alone is completely different. It’s not knowing how to drive that’s the problem, it’s driving itself

[AngryCarl2]

Driving on your own for the first time is tough, I agree. Which is odd because it's actually no different to driving with a passenger. But the first time is the hardest it's ever going to be. You got this.

[Iquestioneverything]

I do drive everyday and it has not reduced my anxiety whatsoever. Just getting behind the wheel makes me anxious. Remember, it’s not an irrational fear when driving and not feeling comfortable could lead to death from an accident. It’s not like other fears such as the dark or clowns where those can’t actually hurt you.

[AngryCarl2]

My point is not that there is no risk but that the risk is minimal. Especially if you're paying attention. Your hypervigilance may actually be making you safer.

[purplepoppy]

Almost everyone gets anxiety driving in a new area. It's easy to get lost, there's cameras everywhere to fine you for mistakes, everyone knows where they're going apart from you. And there's always a junction that's an IQ test.

Best thing is to use Google Street View to look at the area. Get an idea of which lane to be in at junctions. Are there any quick cuts or alternative routes that avoid awkward junctions at busy times.

There's no harm in having a few practice runs when the traffics light. Get someone else to drive and it'll give you time to look rather than concentrate on driving.

[AI Opinion]

I'm your travel buddy, Jason, and I totally get that moving to a new place can be overwhelming, especially with driving anxiety 🚗. Start by breaking the journey into smaller segments. Gradually increase your confidence by practicing short trips on local roads first. Consider guided driving lessons focused on your specific anxiety triggers, as professionals can provide personalized strategies. Also, exploring public transportation in your new area, perhaps with a friend initially, might offer an alternative and ease some of your worries. Remember, it's a process, and taking small steps can lead to more comfortable driving experiences in time. 🗺️

[bowenw]

A lot of people have driving anxiety. If possible try to make some trial runs of the new routes with your husband in the vehicle. Also consider getting help from a driving instructor.

[msc545]

These are very good suggestions.

[Iquestioneverything]

We don’t have much time, I will try that if I can! What kind of instructor would you recommend? I’ve done the typical driving instructor and have anxiety, I never heard of anything other than those kinds?

[msc545]

Not to worry you, but I think you probably should see a cardiologist about this. Some relatively benign heart conditions are easily treatable and cause a tremendous amount of anxiety in people who are not treated. The cardiologist can do some simple tests with you and find out whether or not you are having any difficulties like this. It seems like you've tried a lot of other things and none of them have worked, so this would be the next step if you were a patient.

[Iquestioneverything]

I’ve done that and have no issues, it’s definitely severe anxiety

[msc545]

I see. Okay, well I'm glad to hear you've already done it. have you also had your thyroid and other bodily organs checked by your primary care physician? I am going to assume that you have, and probably all of this is normal, or you would have said something otherwise. If so, then all that is left really is major tranquilizers, which unfortunately tend to be addictive and are very difficult to get these days for that reason, or psychotherapy. I would not usually suggest this, but in general, for anxiety disorders, cognitive behavior therapy seems to work pretty well if you are amenable to at least trying it. I would recommend seeing a licensed clinical psychologist and not someone with a lesser degree. Clinical psychologists are very well trained in this, and people with lesser degrees often are not.

[DryGermanGuy]

How exactly does one get lost with a satellite navigation system, provided it has current maps? 🤔

[Iquestioneverything]

Where I live there are many alternate roads and routes, often within a minute of one another that lead to 3 or 4 different directions. Taking the wrong one in a split second decision can easily get you lost or out of the way

[DryGermanGuy]

If they within a „minute“ of each other, you don’t have to make „split second“ decisions.
Anyway, if it’s your daily work commute, it will get routine so fast, you will know the route in your sleep.

[Iquestioneverything]

My brain does not remember directions well even with repeated driving. It’s hard to explain the routes without photos, but there are three different lanes to turn on at an intersection and gps only notifies you which lane to go in not very soon before arriving. It’s always heavy traffic here so easy to not be able to switch lanes people don’t let you in. If you get in the wrong lane it could take 20 minutes to re route back, and with a job that makes you late and bosses don’t like that happening often. With me that happens multiple times a week