Avoid eye contact?

There's a guy who avoids eye contact with me. I kind of like him.

Its not like he is focusing his attention elsewhere, or that he isn't "maintaining" eye contact (because then I'd figure it was disinterest, dislike, what have you)... he just doesn't MAKE it at all.

Its almost more like he's "lowering the gaze" like Muslim women are to do to be "modest". But, no, he is no Muslim woman. He's a 20-something American male. He remains polite and nice... friendly even, he's just not looking me in the eye.

One time he did look me in the eye, and I ended up looking away... because I am shy. I don't know if that's his reason or not though. I have tried to make eye contact with him but I'm not really sure who looks away first - me or him.

There have been things which have made me question his attraction (touching my lower back, doing favors, being concerned or a little protective, quieter when there are more people around especially ones he knows, flashing his eyebrows, etc.)

But I'm wondering about the avoidance of eye contact... people seem to think its dislike. I at least know that he doesn't dislike me. He's never, ever rude to me. But beyond knowing what it DOESN'T mean, I have no idea. Thanks!


Most Helpful Guy

  • He likes you, it can be a sign of submissiveness to you, he thinks that you are beautiful, but he is afraid that you will notice it, because he doesn't know what you would think. So he tries to be polite and friendly to you, because that's the easiest way of confronting you.

    Or maybe he is shy overall, that looking into peoples eyes is a thing that needs trust and respect. Maybe he is scared of putting trust into someone or expose himself the way you do when looking into someones eyes, eye-to-eye.

    Either of these two things are kinda basic childish behaviours, things that needs to develop to some more social and open "expressions", even if he is 20y something.

    I know I were like this myself when I was younger, I was aware of it too and soon I trained it away.

    I would definately not say that he dislikes you, because then he would show it in a another way, probably ignore you. He likes you, but are somewhat shy in front of you.

    • I guess that's what confused me, because he doesn't seem that shy. He's not much of a conversationalist (compared to the other guys he works with that I know as well), but he normally doesn't seem nervous. There was a guy in yesterday who had a conversation with him... he seemed a bit awkward about actually talking to someone (he doesn't even really talk to his coworkers), but he was at least able to look him in the eye =/

What Guys Said 20

  • a guy who avoids eye contact with me. I kind of like him."

    -Because little kids tend to stare at people and their mothers tell them a hundred or a thousand times "don't stare like that, it's not polite!"

    -Because later girls tell them tens of times "Why do you stare at me? Do I have two noses?"

    -Or because he's more interested in your bra.

    -Or because he's not interested at all.



    • I know for myself that to have and maintain eye contact I have to do it consciently, it isn't an automatism. Yes, :-$ :-$

    • I understand how its not automatic with some people. Its not with me either, unless I'm comfortable with a person... then it is. That's the thing, I think... that's why I was asking. Because if you don't just do it automatically... either the person usually makes you uncomfortable or you don't know them well. And that's strange because we've known each other a while now and his coworkers are totally cool with me and have been for a while, and I wouldn't say they are super outgoing either.

  • Sounds like a lack of confidence to me. He obviously finds you very attractive. The more you make him feel comfortable and stare into his eyes as he talks, the more he'll make eye contact with you and feel comfortable with you.

    Be persistent and good luck!

    • I think that sounds like a good idea. I would have trouble just talking to him about it, but I've more recently been making more of a deliberate attempt to look him directly in the eye. He doesn't seem too bad about looking at me when we're further away, but if we're close...he avoids it. So I try.

  • It's normal, it could be striking for you to know that most males on earth avoid eye contact or at least half :P not in america maybe, but it's a social quality that you learn and experience, more like a communicating behavior... and since half of males are nerdy, others are shy, the rest simply don't know or never learned that eye contact is extremely important in social communication, you should know that's just normal about that guy. If you ended with him, chances are his shyness is going to go, and you might teach him how important eye contact is, too.

  • If maintaining eye contact doesn't come naturally then it will always be a problem. Even once you realise that you have to try to maintain eye contact it becomes a nightmare. You end up so focused on looking the person in the eye you miss what they are saying haha. It becomes more of a big deal than it was before lol.

    I read somewhere once that if its a problem for you then practice making eye contact with newsreaders on tv.. generally they will look directly at the camera so you can grow comfortable looking someone in the eye without them being able to see you.. if that makes sense :)

    • Most of the time it's not it's not "feeling uncomfortable" making eye contact, it's plain & simply not thinking about doing it consciently. Just an old habit acquired during kid's years that has to be lost during adolescence.

  • When I see an attractive woman, eye contact is near impossible for me to make. Its hard to explain why, but its like I'm almost ashamed and embarassed of being attracted to the woman. I know it can be taken as a sign of disinterest, but with men I wouldn't read into that so much. As 'myself' said, a lot of guys struggle with this

    • You don't need to explain. I do understand. I do it myself... I guess that's why I never really think that guys do it for the same reason. We're supposed to be SO different, right? So, yes... I get it... its kind of a relief knowing that maybe we have the same reasons for acting strangely, and maybe he's asking the same thing about me =P

  • He's intimidated, shy and also afraid. You need to say hi to him.

  • Shyness. Attraction. Me personally, I always avoid eye contact with a girl I like. I have a noticeable eye problem, which can only be seen in prolonged eye contact. So I avoid it, so the girl doesn't get creeped out before she gets to know me. But whatever the reason, the dude likes you. Keep at it, and he'll come around, I promise.

    • I hope so. It seems like he's coming around a bit more. The last few days he has been very friendly and attentive... like he's trying to be my friend. Its nice at least because it makes me feel a hell of a lot more comfortable with him.

  • if he likes you and stares what tends to happen to most guys is that our eyes fall down to a girls chest. it happens a lot and to some its just reaction or that's what they always do no matter what. IF he doesn't look at you or keep eye contact then he doesn't want to look at your chest and have you feel embarassed along with making him feel akward if he likes you

    • Haha, I understand. I actually don't get offended when that happens with most guys (well, ones who seem nice). I'm very prominent in that area and even as a girl I know that sometimes our eyes go there if its... "eye catching".

    • Yea my point exactly so he may be respecting you and not want to get you angry or anything. You can tell him that it doesn't really bother you but be hintful about it and don't just say you can look at my chest I won't mind. He sounds like a nice guy to so yea.

  • He thinks you are pretty, he likes you and wants to get to know you, he's shy and likes you, he is wondering how to talk to you, he's seeing if you like him, he's trying to psyche himself up to make a move, he's wondering if he has a chance, he's trying to get you to make a move (if he's shy), he thinks you have bad hair...could be a number of things. If he doesn't make a move then don't leave it to mystery, you'll regret it. Make a move

    • That's very true, I always remind myself of that. I've never made a move on a guy before and I'm a shy girl...my friends tell me that "any guy" would be flattered to have me like him, but I'm just afraid that maybe this guy has a girlfriend or he's married or engaged and think I'm stupid for not thinking of that... maybe he just doesn't like me and will think I'm a freak for misreading him. Its silliness... something I'll have to get over.

    • I understand completely because I'm also a shy person. I have regrets about things I've done (or not done) before and I'm still trying to figure it all out. It can be hard for a shy person to agree with the compliments, at least I do. But I say believe your friend's compliments and try a new approach to things starting with this guy.

  • If you are super shy then try to get his email address or Facebook. Then send him a message about going on a date. It will be easier to do than doing it face to face.

    I reckon this guy likes you a lot though and you would not be losing anything by going ot ask him face to face. He seems to be just as shy as you.

    Hope you get things sorted.

    • Thank you =) That's actually a really good idea. I have tried to find him on Facebook (I don't know his last name) through his boss.. I figured that they would be friends since they get along very well. And then there are other guys who he works with, but I they don't have Facebooks. I guess that just leaves it to having to talk to him more and be less shy in person... darn! ;)

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    • ... until I realized that he doesn't seem to be much of a conversationalist and so I figured he probably wanted to say something, he probably likes them too or at least thought it was funny that I liked them (most people wouldn't think I would), but didn't know what to say or didn't want to look stupid. I've never just ran away, but I think I know the feeling. I'm going to try to be more upfront... put my foot in to test the waters a bit. Once I just am more certain a guy likes me, I am bold. ;)

    • Good for you!! :)

  • my eyes feel like they're burning if I keep I contact for more than like half a second lol. don't know why, just does

  • He and I have something in common. I haven't overcome my shyness and nervousness when around or in contact with a girl. I just can't hold eye contact, because I am afraid I'll come off as that creepy guy who stares at women.

  • he prob likes you a lot and doesn't want to freak you out, he prob thinks if he does you prob think he's weird

  • i think he is shy ...

  • If he's a shy person then maybe he likes you...

  • he used to be like me. and be to shy. if he said anything. it was not with his attention in your eyes. just sya to him next time whoever it is. hey sweets, its okay look at me okay?

  • say you saw somehting in his eye, say a pattern or some nice colour. and hold his chin up and look right into them and instruct him to look at you

  • "He just doesn't MAKE it at all." -> Haha. Actually, most guys are like this.

    He is just a timid person. Period.

    This type of guy needs assurance from the girls that he won't be rejected.

    So.. smile at him.

    Greet him.

    Laugh with him.

    Joke around with him.

    That will give a great encouragement with him to approach you.. and possibly confess. Woohoo!

    Hope this helps.

    Yours sincerely,


    • Most guys are? See, I'm one of those girls who is supposedly "very pretty" (I model and act) but I am shy... besides players whose behavior I don't even consider... guys don't talk to me. Never did in high school and now in college there was one guy. He would ignore me sometimes, but his eye contact was intense. I guess that's why I was so gosh darn confused with this guy...I'm good at reading people and getting feelings but I like actual examples to justify and if there's only one other... =P

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    • Haha, I don't know! This boy is older than me and has tattoos all over his arms and doesn't talk much... he acts very "cool". I know he's nice but there's still a fear that he could possibly bite! I'm a pretty nervous wreck... I don't know about chatting about Valentine's day or anything, unless it came up... but I could definitely try to talk more to him. However, I won't see him again until Friday, probably. =(

    • I know the fear of being rejected is sometimes overwhelming.. even worse than the fear of death.

      But you won't know until you have tried, right? =)

      Okay, you can focus on what his response toward his friends when they're asking for his help.

      If he assists them without grumbling or such, then you are good to go.

      Most of the time, boys are just like girls.

      Both of us do not have any idea on how to response to others, but instead:

      - we are speechless

      - we run away

      - we throw faces away, etc.

  • you probably intimidate him and he thinks he doesn't have a chance with you.. so he tries to hide his feelings


What Girls Said 5

  • I believe that you have a stronger eye contact than him. One of my male cousins do not look at me when he talks to me. He never could. Ask him to play the game of staring into each others eyes.

  • Tell him it's okay to look into your eyes, joke about it. Have fun.

  • he probaly likes you because when a guy looks else where wen they have a hard time looking in ur eyes with out get lost

  • Well I haven't had much experience with guys but I would say that he is either shy or he likes you.

  • Some people don't like to do eye contract. But I thinks he likes you.