Avoid eye contact?

There's a guy who avoids eye contact with me. I kind of like him.

Its not like he is focusing his attention elsewhere, or that he isn't "maintaining" eye contact (because then I'd figure it was disinterest, dislike, what have you)... he just doesn't MAKE it at all.

Its almost more like he's "lowering the gaze" like Muslim women are to do to be "modest". But, no, he is no Muslim woman. He's a 20-something American male. He remains polite and nice... friendly even, he's just not looking me in the eye.

One time he did look me in the eye, and I ended up looking away... because I am shy. I don't know if that's his reason or not though. I have tried to make eye contact with him but I'm not really sure who looks away first - me or him.

There have been things which have made me question his attraction (touching my lower back, doing favors, being concerned or a little protective, quieter when there are more people around especially ones he knows, flashing his eyebrows, etc.)

But I'm wondering about the avoidance of eye contact... people seem to think its dislike. I at least know that he doesn't dislike me. He's never, ever rude to me. But beyond knowing what it DOESN'T mean, I have no idea. Thanks!


Most Helpful Guy

  • He likes you, it can be a sign of submissiveness to you, he thinks that you are beautiful, but he is afraid that you will notice it, because he doesn't know what you would think. So he tries to be polite and friendly to you, because that's the easiest way of confronting you.

    Or maybe he is shy overall, that looking into peoples eyes is a thing that needs trust and respect. Maybe he is scared of putting trust into someone or expose himself the way you do when looking into someones eyes, eye-to-eye.

    Either of these two things are kinda basic childish behaviours, things that needs to develop to some more social and open "expressions", even if he is 20y something.

    I know I were like this myself when I was younger, I was aware of it too and soon I trained it away.

    I would definately not say that he dislikes you, because then he would show it in a another way, probably ignore you. He likes you, but are somewhat shy in front of you.

    • I guess that's what confused me, because he doesn't seem that shy. He's not much of a conversationalist (compared to the other guys he works with that I know as well), but he normally doesn't seem nervous. There was a guy in yesterday who had a conversation with him... he seemed a bit awkward about actually talking to someone (he doesn't even really talk to his coworkers), but he was at least able to look him in the eye =/

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What Guys Said 20

  • a guy who avoids eye contact with me. I kind of like him."

    -Because little kids tend to stare at people and their mothers tell them a hundred or a thousand times "don't stare like that, it's not polite!"

    -Because later girls tell them tens of times "Why do you stare at me? Do I have two noses?"

    -Or because he's more interested in your bra.

    -Or because he's not interested at all.



    • I know for myself that to have and maintain eye contact I have to do it consciently, it isn't an automatism. Yes, :-$ :-$

    • I understand how its not automatic with some people. Its not with me either, unless I'm comfortable with a person... then it is. That's the thing, I think... that's why I was asking. Because if you don't just do it automatically... either the person usually makes you uncomfortable or you don't know them well. And that's strange because we've known each other a while now and his coworkers are totally cool with me and have been for a while, and I wouldn't say they are super outgoing either.

  • Sounds like a lack of confidence to me. He obviously finds you very attractive. The more you make him feel comfortable and stare into his eyes as he talks, the more he'll make eye contact with you and feel comfortable with you.

    Be persistent and good luck!

    • I think that sounds like a good idea. I would have trouble just talking to him about it, but I've more recently been making more of a deliberate attempt to look him directly in the eye. He doesn't seem too bad about looking at me when we're further away, but if we're close...he avoids it. So I try.

  • It's normal, it could be striking for you to know that most males on earth avoid eye contact or at least half :P not in america maybe, but it's a social quality that you learn and experience, more like a communicating behavior... and since half of males are nerdy, others are shy, the rest simply don't know or never learned that eye contact is extremely important in social communication, you should know that's just normal about that guy. If you ended with him, chances are his shyness is going to go, and you might teach him how important eye contact is, too.

  • If maintaining eye contact doesn't come naturally then it will always be a problem. Even once you realise that you have to try to maintain eye contact it becomes a nightmare. You end up so focused on looking the person in the eye you miss what they are saying haha. It becomes more of a big deal than it was before lol.

    I read somewhere once that if its a problem for you then practice making eye contact with newsreaders on tv.. generally they will look directly at the camera so you can grow comfortable looking someone in the eye without them being able to see you.. if that makes sense :)

    • Most of the time it's not it's not "feeling uncomfortable" making eye contact, it's plain & simply not thinking about doing it consciently. Just an old habit acquired during kid's years that has to be lost during adolescence.

  • When I see an attractive woman, eye contact is near impossible for me to make. Its hard to explain why, but its like I'm almost ashamed and embarassed of being attracted to the woman. I know it can be taken as a sign of disinterest, but with men I wouldn't read into that so much. As 'myself' said, a lot of guys struggle with this

    • You don't need to explain. I do understand. I do it myself... I guess that's why I never really think that guys do it for the same reason. We're supposed to be SO different, right? So, yes... I get it... its kind of a relief knowing that maybe we have the same reasons for acting strangely, and maybe he's asking the same thing about me =P

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What Girls Said 5

  • I believe that you have a stronger eye contact than him. One of my male cousins do not look at me when he talks to me. He never could. Ask him to play the game of staring into each others eyes.

  • Tell him it's okay to look into your eyes, joke about it. Have fun.

  • he probaly likes you because when a guy looks else where wen they have a hard time looking in ur eyes with out get lost

  • Well I haven't had much experience with guys but I would say that he is either shy or he likes you.

  • Some people don't like to do eye contract. But I thinks he likes you.